21

Bella stayed wrapped in Charlotte's embrace until she started to hear everyone moving around upstairs. Giving her a look, Bella scrambled upstairs and into her bedroom, closing her door just as she heard Carlisle's door open across the hall. She placed her hands on the door at the same time she heard him knock, knowing it was him.

"I'm sorry, B," he said, and she could almost picture him leaning against the door. "If . . . if you want to be with him, I'll . . . I'll try to understand, okay?"

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but the words just didn't want to come out. Not the words she wanted to say, at least. She wanted to curse him, yet at the same time, she wanted to beg him to let Edward take care of her. But it wasn't fair, was it? Carlisle had stuck by her side through the worst moments of her life, yet at the same time, he pushed her a way when the aftermath became too much, too hard. He fell in love, started fresh with Esme, but her? Well, she stood frozen in time with nothing in her life to bring her joy. Until Edward. Edward brought her joy, and she deserved joy in her life, didn't she?

"I love you, B," Carlisle said. "I'll always love you, even if . . . even if you don't love me anymore."

Tears filled her eyes as she heard him push away from the door and hurry downstairs. Her knees gave out on her and she crumbled to the floor. She would always love Carlisle, always need him. He was her daughter's father, and nothing would ever change that, but she was tired of being alone, of being left behind because fear and anger held her down.

Bella scrambled off the floor and hurried over to the window, watching as Edward walked out of the house with Ben. They spoke for a minute before Ben headed back inside and Edward walked over to his truck. He tossed his bag inside before he looked over at the house, his eyes locking on hers. She brought her hand up, placing her fingers on the cool window. He mimicked her motion, smiling wider than a man had ever smiled at her. She was about to turn and hurry downstairs, beg him to take her back to the big blue house on Manhattan Road, but then she saw Carlisle hurry out of the house and cross the street, stopping at the house two doors down. Edward's eyes flickered from her to him.

Bella turned and hurried out of the room, downstairs, and onto the porch, but Esme grabbed her arm, keeping her from rushing over. She looked at Esme with horror, but she simply shook her head and said, "Trust him."

"I can't," Bella whimpered. "Not anymore."

"You can," Esme whispered, sliding her arm around her. "He's making an effort, B. He's making an effort here."

"Why? Why now?"

Esme laid her head on Bella's shoulder. "Because he lost you, and it made him realize what a jackass he was being. He loves you, B. He loves you, and only wants you to be happy, and Edward . . . Well, we can all see that Edward makes you happy."

"Essie," Bella whimpered.

They watched as Edward folded his arms in front of him, listening to Carlisle, who spoke with his hands as much as his mouth. He'd always been so animated when he was worked up, when someone was important to him. More than a few times, Bella had wrapped her arms around him, stopping him from going across the street to kill her father, to stop her father. But she couldn't lose him, not the only person who had ever been there for her. Carlisle had been her person her entire life.

Bella was about to rip herself out of Esme's arms when Edward smiled, and stretched his hand out to Carlisle, who looked back at Bella before he took it. He pulled himself away and hurried back across the street, stopping at the bottom of the steps. He opened his mouth, but closed it and shook his head, tears sprinkling down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, B," he whimpered. "I hurt you, and . . . I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for being just one more man in your life whose hurt you."

"You are?" she asked, and he nodded, looking over his shoulder at Edward, who was leaning against the side of his truck.

"He, um, he's a good man." Carlisle looked back at her. "And you deserve a good man, one . . . one who cares about you."

"He does," she admitted, pulling out of Esme's arms and walking down the front steps, stopping in front of him. She placed her hands on his chest. "I love you, Carlisle, and I will always love you, but I can't . . . no, I won't give him up, just because it's hard for you to see me happy. I deserve a chance to be happy. He's . . . he's my Esme," she whimpered, her eyes filling with tears. "Edward is my Esme."

"I know," he wept, leaning forward and kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry, B. I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

Carlisle released her, walking up the steps, taking Esme into his arms. They gave her another look before they turned and walked into the house. Bella bit the inside of her lip before she turned, looking back at Edward, who was still watching her. The intensity in his eyes had her trembling as she wrapped her arms around herself and walked over to him. His smile grew and he reached for her hips, pulling her body flush against his, causing her to moan.

"You keep making noises like that, sweetheart, and I won't be able to stop myself from taking you home with me."

Bella laughed, placing her hands on his chest. "Very tempting."

Edward leaned his forehead against hers. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "What'd he say to you?"

"He, um, apologized for coming to the house that morning, for putting me in an uncomfortable position with my brothers, not that he really had anything to do with that, you know?"

She hummed.

"And he said all he wants is for you to be happy, and if I make you happy, then that's all that matters, that you're important to him."

Bella sighed. "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"You didn't ask to be put in the middle of my fucked life," she groused. "I'm sorry. I'm just sorry."

Edward laughed. "I want to be in the middle of your so-called, fucked up life." He brought his hand up to her cheek. "I'm willing to fight for you, Bella. I am, but only if you're sure you want me to fight for you."

"I am sure," she said, quietly. "You just shouldn't have to."

"Maybe not." Edward pressed his lips against hers. "But I will."

Bella inhaled a deep breath. "You're making it very difficult for me to not to go home with you."

Edward laughed, dropping his hand from her cheek. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not."

"Of course you're not," she scoffed, taking a step backward. "Go, before I lose all sense of control."

"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up. "We still good for dessert tonight?"

Bella smiled and nodded.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he said before leaning in and pressing his lips against hers once, twice, a third time. He blew out a deep breath. "I'd better go."

She laughed and took a few steps backward. "Get some rest, okay?"

"I will," he said, opening the door to his truck. "If you need me, you'll call, right?"

Bella nodded. "I promise."

Edward narrowed his eyes, but climbed into his truck, leaving her standing in the middle of the road. Bella wrapped her arms around herself as she turned and walked back to Carlisle's house, up the front steps, and inside, where she found Esme and Carlisle sitting on the stairs, their arms wrapped around each other.

"Did you mean it?" she asked. "What you said to him, did you mean it?"

"I did," he admitted, frowning. "I . . . I never meant to hurt you."

"You keep saying that," she murmured, wrapping her arm around her torso and placing her hand in the middle of her chest. "But you keep hurting me."

"I know." Carlisle stood up and walked over to her, stopping when she flinched away from him. "I don't want you to be scared of me, B."

"I don't want to be scared, but I am, because the Carlisle that insisted on coming back with me, the one who hid me in a closet when . . . when it got bad isn't the same Carlisle who got mad when he found out another man kissed me."

Carlisle took a step backward, sighing. "I know. I wasn't . . . I wasn't being fair."

"No, you weren't," she admitted, hesitating before she walked up to him, fighting his shirt in her hands. "You . . . you're the only person who understands what I went through inside that house, Carlisle. What I really went through, and I need you. I need you so much, but I need him more. I need him because he . . . he makes me feel beautiful and wanted," she cried, causing him to cover her hands with his. "You have to let me need him. Please, let me need him."

"Just . . . just don't push me away, okay? Please?" he wept. "Please, B?"

"I'll try not to." Bella leaned her forehead against his chest. "I, um, I love you, Carlisle. I'll always love you."

Bella pulled away from him, wrapping her arms around herself, she walked past Carlisle and Esme, upstairs and into her bedroom. She closed the door behind her, sliding to the floor and cried.

Again.

—You—

Though she was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, Bella found herself unable to sleep. She'd planned on napping for a few hours before heading down to Clearwater's Funeral Home to make the arrangements for her father's funeral, but she hadn't been able to sleep. Instead, she cried. For her father, for the hate that he spewed at her for the majority of her life. She cried for her daughter, who would never know how much she was loved, needed, wanted.

Eventually the tears dried up and she pulled herself off the floor, took a shower, changed into a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She brushed her hair and her teeth, tried to make herself look like she wasn't falling apart. When she walked into the kitchen, she was surprised to find Alice and Jasper sitting with Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme. The six of them inside the kitchen together was just another reminder of how alone she'd been.

"Mom left you a plate in the oven," Rosalie said, shifting her eyes to Carlisle before looking back at her. "She made your favorite muffins."

"Thanks." Bella walked over and opened the oven, using an oven mitt to take out the plate, placing it on the table. She picked up one of the muffins and peeled the wrapper off, before taking a small bit off the top. "I, um," she whispered, turning and looking at them. "I want to apologize for . . . for leaving. Ten years ago, I mean."

"B," Jasper started to stand, but Alice grabbed his hand, shaking her head.

"I left . . . We left you to clean up our mess," she whimpered, gesturing to Carlisle. "We should have thought about what we were leaving behind. Who we were leaving behind," she cried, moving away when Jasper stood quickly and reached for her. "Please don't touch me. I need . . . I need to say this."

"Okay," he said, putting his hands up and moving backward, sitting next to Alice again, who wrapped her arms around him. She threw Bella a compassionate glance, before laying her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she wept. "I didn't think about how you were going to have to deal with him."

"We don't blame you, B," Rosalie said. "We were there every day, remember? You and Carlisle," she murmured, glancing at her brother, "had to leave. He would have . . . He would have finished what he started."

"Yeah," Bella whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "Like I said, I'm sorry, so . . ."

Bella tossed her uneaten muffin in the trash before she hurried out of the kitchen, through the living room, and outside, inhaling a sharp breath. She had just reached for her car's door handle, when a hand came out, grabbing her arm. Bella inhaled a sharp breath before she turned, groaning when she found Sam Uley standing behind her.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews!