Hi, so here is another Chicago PD story and I am so excited to bring you thins one, this one takes me to a world post Erin, to Season 5 and this is a new thing for me so I hope that you enjoy. Also this delves a little into the Al/Adam relationship that I have enjoyed so much and like the Jay/Hank relationship is often ignored.

This story takes place around the break that happened in Season 5 when Adam's duel role was discovered, I can confirm that Hank and Al are not the enemies in this story. I think we all know who the enemy in Season 5 was.

This story does deal with upsetting themes including murder, rape and child abuse and PTSD flashbacks. If this TRIGGERS YOU THEN PLEASE STOP NOW!.

Pairings are as follows, Kim/Adam, Hailey/Jay, Will/Conner (briefly) and Al/Meredith.

Just to confirm that Lexie is dead in this story as well.

Disclaimer-Nothing here but Vicky is mine.

This story is AU as well but does stretch over Season 5 and Season 5 alone.

Please Read and Review and I will update as soon as I can.

And on a side note, I like so many other Fanfiction Authors no longer receive notifications via email about reviews/PMs etc. So if you do send any it might be a while, if ever before I get back to you. Please keep that in mind for it is not intentional-If anyone has a fix please let me know.

I have also stopped taking any kind of personal messages, any questions please leave them in a review and I will get back to them in the next chapter note. This chapter should be about twenty-twenty five chapters.

AND TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER AND DISCUSSION OF RAPE. PLEASE KEEP THAT IN MIND.

Also I don't hate Bob Ruzek I am just indifferent to him. And there is so much uncovered layers to the Voight/Al/Bob Ruzek thing that the writers prodded and poked at and then killed of Al so never really got too. But in this story he just doesn't know what to do or how to support his son, which is good because Al wants to support him.

The Spirit That I Have Seen

Chapter 12-Black Eyes And Broken Hearts

Adam prepares to go home. Well...to Al's first. He just has an awkward run in with his Dad beforehand. Al and Meredith talk through somethings.

He was going home…well…to Al's but he supposed beggars couldn't be choosers so for all intents and purposes he was going home.

There were still things that he had to discuss he knew, things that he would have to talk about but he knew that he and Vicky were going home and that was all that mattered.

Meredith had told Vicky that she had her own bedroom. Adam had not seen the inside of that house and he didn't know where Vicky would be staying but he had to hope against hope that Lexie's room was not being ripped apart. He didn't know what he would do if that was the case. Even now he felt bad for being this much of a bother.

That was what he was thinking about. That was the only thing that he was thinking about. He did not know what to do if he thought about anything else that had happened to him since this thing had began. Since Al had told him about the nightmare that was what had happened to him.

He was trying not to focus on that. God knows that Adam might have to focus on that but right now he couldn't…right now it was all that he could do to get his jeans on (because he was not having Al help him with that). Meredith had brought some leggings and a nice purple jumper for Vicky and Vicky had been thrilled determined to show off her new clothes down to her brown boots and Adam had smiled at her but then Meredith had put an end to that which was good because Will was wincing, no doubt at the thought of an excited six year old around all those wires.

Meredith had then taken her to Al's to get her settled and leaving Al to help Adam get dressed. He was getting…better he supposed, the pain in his ribs had dulled down to nothing, Will claimed he was healing post surgery nicely, he had a PT session set up for his knee. He was doing everything that a cop who had been injured on the job should do. The only thing…the only thing that he was avoiding was booking in any kind of therapy session. He was guessing it was going to be mandated for him to get back on the job but Adam so far had done a wonderful job of trying to avoid when that day would come. Actually so far he thought he had done a rather wonderful job of not thinking all that much about what had happened to him.

He knew Al was gagging to ask again but he was too raw, too exposed, too much a nervous wreck for any good to come out of it and to be fair to Al he probably knew that too. So he had said nothing and when Adam (now finally allowed the sweet bliss of coffee) had been about to get dressed Al had gone for coffee allowing him his privacy which was good because he did not think he could stand to be exposed.

And then just when he had one foot in front of the other (or at the very least when he had his jeans on) the door opened and in walked his father.

The only saving grace in this entire mess was that he still had his jeans on.

For a second his Dad stared at him and Adam stared back completely speechless. Six months missing, four in hospital and now the man had shown up? Okay maybe that was harsh. His Dad…well…he wasn't sure what the excuse was but he had to have been busy…right?

"Hey Dad" he said when it was clear his father was not going to speak. His Dad looked him up and down and Adam wondered just how much he knew, if he could see the damage in him, what had happened, what he could and could not remember.

"Hey son"

"You came?"

"Took me a while but yeah. Didn't know if I could get here in time. Doctor's told me you were heading home with Al"

"Yeah well…they didn't want me to go home alone and Al offered."

His Dad let out a humourless smirk. "Course he did" he said and Adam resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't know the story of what had happened between Al and Voight and his Dad and Trudy but he suspected that it was not good and the bitterness was obvious on each and every side. It didn't matter what Al had said about his Dad wanted to work a beat and Adam was beginning to suspect that his Dad wanting to do it so he could be home in time for tea was not fully the right reasons behind it.

Instead he swallowed.

"Yeah well…they've been great so…"

"You think it's wise son, Al doesn't have a good record when it comes to keeping children safe, his own or other people's"

"Dad!"

Bob Ruzek looked at his son and shrugged. Adam was suddenly so, so tired. It was always tiring being round his Dad when he was like this, he thought to himself, actually it was tiring to be around his Dad even when he was not being like this. His Dad was exhausting full stop and that was before you got to the rest of his family that he noted had not bothered to show up.

"You spoke to Mom?" he asked trying to go for a change of subject before Al walked back in and World War Three started.

"No I never speak to your mother you know that. I didn't speak to her throughout this entire thing I'm not gonna start to speak to her now. Spoke to your sister she'll make sure you Mom knows. Last I heard there was a load of drunk ass boy toys on her cruise so my guess is she will be dragged off that ship clinging to it with both hands."

Adam had to concede the point there even though he was not going to give his father the satisfaction.

"So I suppose your sticking with Al then?"

"Guess so"

"None of your other team offer?"

"No" Adam said but before he could point out the fact that he had not asked (and Kevin would give him his spare room in a heartbeat if so offered) his Dad had snorted.

"So fucking Voight" he said finally. "All about his team and yet underneath—I bet they don't give a damn—"

"Dad"

"Son come home with me"

"Dad you live in Florida. They told me"

"Yes, come home with me, nobody knows you there, nobody knows what happened, you can get on the job there and start new. Nobody needs to know what has happened—" here he gestured up and down as if Adam was wearing the big letter of shame and he resisted the urge to smack his head on the hospital bed feeling so very, very tired. His Dad brought that out in him he knew. He was utterly exhausted by it all.

"Dad. I am fine here, honestly."

"Adam you shouldn't blame yourself—"

"Dad I don't!"

Perhaps his Dad could sense the tone in his voice because his own dropped by several paces and he nodded.

"Fine son, fine, okay, but Voight and Al, they allowed this to happen right? They allowed this to happen to you, they put you in that situation and I was there Adam neither one of them worked very hard to find you—"

"Dad please stop" he said because he didn't want to hear that, he and Al had been good recently and a lot of it was because Adam had worked very hard on not thinking about his own issues when it came to the two of them. He didn't need to hear this now, not when his brain was half scrambled egg and he needed to trust right now. He didn't have it in him to be alert all the time.

His Dad sighed.

"I take it there is nothing I can do to stop you?"

"Probably not. How long are you—"

"Not long, I have to go back to Florida for business"

Adam sighed dragging his eyes upwards to face his father. He told himself sternly that he should not be surprised and he should not be bothered but he was and he couldn't help himself.

"So why did you come here?"

"I…I had to see for my own eyes that you were okay" his Dad said slowly with each word in mind.

"And now you have"

"Now I have. I can't save you from yourself Adam, when those two ruin you beyond repair and you finally realise it call me. But if you haven't realised it by now then I don't see how you're going to. But you call me if that miracle occurs okay?"

And then he was gone.

It took Adam a second to realise that he hadn't touched him. Not once.

It was like he was dirty or contaminated. His own father hadn't touched him once.

He leaned back on the bed and didn't think he wanted to move.

"Meredith? Vicky okay?"

"She's fine, I was wondering if you were making it back to dinner and or if anyone else was coming with you? I didn't know if there were plans in place with Adam or what not? But I am about to start cooking so if you have a headcount that would be great"

Christ when was the last time that Meredith had sounded so normal?

"Eh…make it for five, I'll see if Kevin wants to stop by" he said finally.

"Okay. I'm teaching Vicky how to make spaghetti and meatballs so please if you are not home on time tell me?"

How many times when Lexie had been little had he come home to find her and Meredith making pasta together?

"Sure"

He paused then as the elevator doors swung open and out stormed Bob Ruzek. He noticed Al and Al watched him as he stormed out of the ED looking furious.

"Shit"

"Al?"

"Bob Ruzek's just left"

It was the depth of how much Meredith understood the hatred of this man that she said immediately.

"You want me to call Hank?"

Al considered what that would mean and winced.

"Nah, I'll head up there myself and then bring him home. Hopefully Bob's kept the trainwreck to a minimum"

He hung up the phone and then went to Adam's room. Adam was already dressed but lying on the bed staring at the ceiling.

Oh god.

"I just saw him, what happened?"

"Nothing" Adam said staring at the ceiling. "Nothing happened I just…he came to see if he was okay and now he's going back to Florida"

For a second Al couldn't understand, he really could not because how after your kid—

"Al don't please—"

"Don't what?"

Adam snorted. "I can hear you thinking from over here" he said staring at the ceiling. "And I don't want to think about my father right now, I just want…I don't know but I don't want to think. I want to do something that doesn't require a lot of thinking."

Al stared at him and for the life of him he couldn't understand Bob Ruzek. He didn't want to leave the kids side and while wishing didn't make it so, Al knew he was not the kids father. And what was worse was Adam was taking it so easily, as if this was better than what he had expected from any of his parents.

"You want to come back to the house and make pasta?"

"You make pasta?"

"Meredith does, she's teaching Vicky. And failing that there has got to be some kind of sporting event on tonight"

"Vicky's okay?"

"Sounds it. Kids bounce back from this Adam and Meredith…Meredith's good with kids who have been through things like this, when Voight's wife was sick she looked after Justin and Erin…hell she kept us all going. Believe me she's good with this"

Adam nodded and then…

"Al"

"Yeah?"

"I…can…this is gonna sound really fucking strange but…can you…can you hug me please?"

Al raised his eyebrow but before Adam could stutter anything else out he had hauled the boy up off the bed and wrapped his arms around him and Adam all but melted into the touch burrowing his head into Al's shoulder and shuddering a little.

"What did he say Adam?"

"Nothing" Adam said perhaps sensing by the tone of his voice that Al was not going to take no for an answer. "That's the…he just…he didn't touch me Al. He didn't want to touch me. It's like…I don't know…like I was so dirty—"

"Oh no, Adam, no" he said finally as the kid burrowed his head down again eyes squeezing shut.

He was going to find Bob Ruzek and annihilate him off the face of the fucking planet.

"Adam no, you know…you know that you are not dirty or damaged, you know that don't you?"

"I know it, Al I know it, I know that we tell victims the same but still I…I can't help but feel like I am…I don't know…whoever did this took something from me and Al, what if he…what if he broke me?"

Al framed the face of the boy (and Jesus he was still a boy wasn't he?) and he forced Adam to look at him.

"Adam listen to me and listen to me good because if there is one thing that I need you to listen to it's this, I need you to understand this okay? And until you do we are not gonna leave this room, which sucks cause my wife cooks real good you know?"

Adam nodded and Al nodded too desperately hoping his boy (and he wasn't but after the shit show that was Bob Ruzek he supposed that he could afford to be a bit liberal) understood that whatever he had done or whatever had happened had been just perfect. Because it had enabled him to survive and that was all Al had needed him to do.

"What if…what if we don't get this guy?"

"We will. Adam you've done brilliantly, please let us take it from here okay?"

Adam looked at him again and then nodded once.

"Come on, let me take you home okay?"

"I'm a mess"

"Yeah well…we'll get some coffee on the way. God knows that usually helps"

"I haven't had coffee in six months"

"Then you must be gagging for it then"

He wasn't sure if that was the right word but he thought that it cracked a laugh out of Adam and that was all that was needed right about now.

"Come on son, let's get you home okay. And we can just…sit and be…let the girls cook okay?"

"K…Al?"

"Yeah kid?"

"Thanks"

Al smiled though he felt dangerous close to the edge of…well…the edge.

"Your welcome son"

"Sounds nice when you say that" Adam said as if it was a passing thought and then he stopped body going stiff as if he had put one foot wrong and Al clapped him a bit tighter on the shoulder that was less bruised than the other one.

"Then I guess I'll just have to keep saying it then" he said and Adam shot him a rueful smile that pulled on his split lip and together Adam walking gingerly because of his knee (which did not like walking it seemed) they left the hospital room to go home, together.

And there you go, see you soon for the next chapter.

Next Chapter-Adam spends his first night at Al's and starts getting strange flashbacks, Vicky has nightmares too, Intelligence try and follow the money.