Before talking to anybody about anything, Orochimaru wanted to make damn sure he knew what he was saying. "Puppy, we need a script," he said, pressing on Kakashi's shoulder to make him sit down. He sat on the opposite side, placed a paper on the table and put a pen next to it. He rested his chin on his fingers and leaned forward. "I shall put my thoughts in order first. Then you tell me if I've left anything out.

"What your students need to know is this: We've discovered that demons have aura-based powers just like angels do. Demons have a long-range sensory aura and a short-range aura that affects the outside world. It is so short that it only affects what they touch. We have reason to speculate that these auras may in fact be all there is; demons may not have a physical existence. This would explain why no physical attack can hurt them. Only a similar aura-based power can affect them. We also hypothesize that the touch of an angel hurts a demon because angels have the reverse situation: a long-range working aura and a short-range sensory aura. Demons instinctively fear exposure and recoil from being seen. Since demons can affect the physical world but are not part of it, the ideal way to fight them would be through a nonphysical way. Genjutsu might work on them. Psychic powers. Things like that. You, Puppy, are of course available for testing." Kakashi nodded.

"Then, in a separate part of the discussion," Orochimaru continued, "I shall describe what happened when you tried to find out exactly how many demons there are. What this event means is up to our audience. They may conclude nothing more than that there is a limit to certain demonic powers. They may conclude something else, something we have no way of predicting. Regardless, we must tell them of this incident. I have a feeling it could prove very important."

Kakashi scratched his chin. "Our previous discussions with them have focused on the psychology of demons. They'll want to know what this means regarding that. Let me think…" He tried to get his thoughts in order. He hadn't had enough time to process everything; he was still freaking out inside. "Demons are nonphysical, but for some strange reason are compelled to experience what it is like to have a body. We oscillate between these two states. This oscillation is uncomfortable and tends to drive them insane, especially when they blur the lines by using powers that defy physicality while in a body. Demons tend not to see the physical world as being real, but are trapped by it anyway, so they destroy it in an effort to find some relief." Kakashi tilted his head. "It sounds like the real problem here is the instinct to assume a body. Why have that instinct when you are a spirit? It makes no sense."

"I don't think that's the problem," Orochimaru retorted. "Everybody is a spirit embodied. Everybody else is just much more successful at it. Why are demons so unsuccessful at living in bodies?"

"Maybe it's because we're so aware of it, and we have the power not to be trapped in a body. It's easy to accept a body when you have no choice. But we do have a choice."

"Excessive self awareness."

"Yeah, you could say that."

"Bullshit."

Kakashi blinked. "What?"

"I said, bullshit. That's not it. Just because you are neurotic about making the wrong choice doesn't mean every demon is. What's the real reason? The reason demons that aren't you have for going insane?"

"How am I supposed to tell you that? I only know what my reasons are. I can't tell you what other demons think. My information gathering ability doesn't include that."

Orochimaru picked up the pen and began to write. "Demons are spiritual beings that remain spiritual even when they are supposed to be embodied. This failure to properly assimilate into the physical world frustrates them intensely and drives them to attack the physical world. They are best fought via spiritual means: genjutsu, psychic powers, etc. The cause of their failure: unknown."

Kakashi sighed. "How succinct. I could never come up with that. So then… What do I do if my students address me?"

"As I said, they probably won't. But if they do, just reply to them as if nothing was wrong. That was your original plan, yes?"

"Oh. That's right. It was."

"We're alright, Puppy. There's nothing to worry about."

.

The next day, in accordance with Tsunade's plans, they walked along the main road up to the village gate. Tomoda, as usual, remained at home with a dark clone. A chunin met them at the gate and escorted them in. Kakashi took that as a good sign. Tsunade must have solidified her authority and brought everyone else into agreement in order for them to enter so easily. The chunin led them to Training Ground 3, where Tsunade waited along with Shikamaru, Kakashi's former students, Kurenai and Guy. Oh fuck. I forgot about Guy. If Guy tried to give his usual enthusiastic greeting, Kakashi guessed that he would keel over dead from mortification. They definitely know. Thank goodness canines don't sweat.

"Kurenai," Orochimaru greeted with a smile. "How serendipitous."

Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Is genjutsu more useful against demons than previously believed?"

"It may well be." Orochimaru obviously wanted to add a snide remark about muscle power, but refrained. He's trying not to draw Guy's attention. How nice of him. It won't make anything easier, but it's thoughtful.

Guy walked right up to Kakashi. He peered closely. "Hmm. I can't decide just from the way he walks. But as soon as this wolf opens its mouth, I will surely know if it is my old rival!"

Kakashi was saved from immediate death by his other self. He didn't have to think about it; his throat just spontaneously tightened in ways that felt familiar. He giggled. "Hee hee! Don't be too sure of yourself! We have looooots of tricks up our sleeves." He flashed forward, making Guy jump. "Made you jump!"

"You will have to wait to hear Puppy speak," Orochimaru said with a devious grin. "In the meantime, allow me to introduce Yukidama."

"You look like fun," Kakashi told Guy. Whew! This is much easier than I thought it would be!

"What the hell is going on here?" Kurenai asked. "From a psychological perspective, I mean."

"Puppy recently discovered that he split his soul in two parts some time ago. There is a limit to how tightly demons can compress themselves; not all of him could fit in his body. The other part was sent away and has been living a separate existence. As his body has grown, he has gradually absorbed memories and personality from that other self. He can adopt it at will."

"I don't worry about anything this way," Kakashi said. "The world is my playground." He laughed at Sasuke's narrowed eyes.

"Yukidama is mischievous, but friendly. Now then. Shall we get down to business?"

"By all means," Tsunade said. "I brought you here to a training ground for practical testing. Let's see what your demon friend can handle."

"Genjutsu! Genjutsu!" Kakashi called, his tail wagging forcefully.

"Very well." Kurenai stepped forward. Kakashi watched her eagerly. Rose petals appeared from nowhere and swirled around her, hiding her from view. The ground changed from grass to bare dirt, and Kakashi found himself standing in a forest turned pink by sunset. He looked around, amazed by the detail. Amazed? Has my other part not seen genjutsu before?

A monster lurked among the trees. Kakashi watched it. It watched him back. Despite the rosy glow, it was shrouded in darkness. It might have been made of darkness: another demon. It turned and lunged. Kakashi forced himself to stand still. He felt its claws sink into his flesh, felt the shock of physical pain. He screamed.

The genjutsu evaporated. "It works," Kurenai announced with a smile.

"Huh," Sakura said. "I thought it wouldn't, since it uses chakra."

"The chakra is not used to touch him."

Orochimaru held up a hand. "Kurenai, would you put him under an all-encompassing genjutsu again? Puppy, use your demonic senses instead of your regular ones. Are they fooled by the genjutsu?"

Kakashi sat down while she recreated the rosy forest. When it surrounded him again, he closed his eyes and felt around. He lifted off the ground, gave up his wolf form and flowed around as an uncovered stream of liquid darkness. When he returned to wolf form and Kurenai lifted the illusion, he reported, "I could feel the trees around me in the genjutsu. But they had a strange texture. No; everything had a bizarre texture. The air, the trees, reality itself felt like waxed paper. I don't know if I could have torn it. I can sense that a genjutsu isn't real, but it still affects me."

"Your sensory aura wasn't fooled by the genjutsu, but it was contained?" Orochimaru's eyes sparkled. "Kurenai, use the genjutsu again. This time, compress it."

"Nope," Kakashi said, leaping away. He left a dark clone behind. "Do not do that to my main body. Only my clone."

"Kakashi, it is you!" Guy exclaimed.

"Shut the fuck up, Guy," Orochimaru said with a hiss. "We're in the middle of experimenting. Kurenai, use genjutsu on the clone."

Kurenai looked to Tsunade. Tsunade nodded. The clone was put under genjutsu. Initially, the clone took the form of a regular-sized white wolf. After a little while, it began to shiver. It whined. It shook, and the wolf form broke up, revealing a loosely wolf-shaped blob of light-absorbing material. As Kurenai continued to compress the genjutsu, the darkness shivered. Its appearance turned flaky. Its color changed to gray, then bright red, then yellow. Then it disappeared. "It's not gone," Kurenai reported. "Only turned invisible."

"Wait. Maintain current levels of compression." Orochimaru walked forward. He hesitated. "Time to test your hypothesis, Puppy." And he kept walking. He passed right through the invisible demon. He shivered. "Ugh. I felt that on my soul. A sort of…grinding. I would have been harmed if I stayed there."

"You broke the genjutsu," Kurenai said. Behind him, the air rippled. It assumed the appearance of…milk? Yes, the color of milk, but the solidity of warm cheese and the visible texture of glass. Those were its initial qualities. They soon changed, then changed again. Its inability to disguise itself shouted to the world that it was damaged.

"What the hell?" Naruto blinked. "Did the genjutsu hurt it?"

"Yes," Orochimaru said. "Ugh." He put a hand on his upper abdomen. "I do not recommend doing that more than once. Anyway. With the help of our angel friend, we determined that demons are entirely spiritual beings. They don't actually have a physical existence. The darkness that you see is a manifestation of their power to influence reality, altering light itself. Living illusions, in other words. So spiritual attacks, like genjutsus or psychic powers, can affect them."

He was starting to look a little…off. Kakashi came up and sat down behind him. Orochimaru sat against his side gratefully. "Not only that, but the reason why they can't compress themselves too much is that their power to influence reality can turn on itself. They can screw with their own soul. Hence the damage you see."

"Are you alright?" Tsunade asked, sounding worried. She quickly huffed and looked away, trying to seem professional, but they'd all heard it.

Orochimaru chuckled. "I thought you'd long since stopped caring for me. And no. I was incorrect. I was harmed from a quick walkthrough, but in ways that take time to manifest."

"You look like you walked through a shredder and your outer layer of clothes got torn up," Kakashi said, horrified. I've never seen a soul in this condition! Is it survivable? Please let it be survivable. I'll bring Purple here if I need to.

"Fuck it. Angel time," Orochimaru agreed. Kakashi immediately sent a frame to his dog clone. Its main message was, Urgency! While waiting for a return frame, he frantically licked the side of Orochimaru's face.

"You're going to summon your angel friend?" Shikamaru asked. "It's that serious? If compressing a demon makes them so dangerous, it might be more trouble than it's worth."

"Shikamaru, look at it," Kurenai said, panting for breath. The dark clone was only now regaining its dark appearance. It struggled to move. "This is the only thing we have found so far that can realistically hurt a demon. I have the power to protect my child. That can never be more trouble than it is worth." Her eyes blazed with such fierce protectiveness that Shikamaru couldn't meet them. He mumbled an apology.

Kakashi continued to lick Orochimaru's cheek over and over, despairing that a reply would ever come. Purple! I need you! He had eyes only for his mate, whose breathing grew harder. He could feel and see Orochimaru fighting. The snake used every soul-manipulating technique he had ever learned to hold himself together. But it was still so shredded. Help!

"Kakashi?" Guy tried to call. When he got no reply, he tried again. "Kakashi?"

Kakashi did not reply because he did not hear it. The sound of his name was meaningless. He paused to take a clearer look at Orochimaru's soul, the better to copy what he saw there. Now he experienced the same struggle. If the worst happened, they would die together. I did this to him. But there was no time for guilt. He buried his muzzle in Orochimaru's cheek and whined.

"Is that really him?" Naruto asked.

For the first time ever, Guy sounded unsure. "I thought so earlier. But now, I don't know. I don't recognize this."

Kakashi received a return frame, and also a line. He opened the tunnel immediately. When it collapsed, he rushed back down to the ordinary level of reality and cried out in joy to find Purple standing there. Orochimaru lay flat on the ground. His eyelids fluttered and his face was flushed. His breathing came fast and shallow. "A soul wound," Kakashi said. "Help him!" Purple immediately knelt down and reached out with glowing fingers.

Only when the angel was busy at work did Kakashi finally turn to look at his students. He expected to be flooded with insecurity and fear, but he was not. He looked at them, and they looked back at him. He shrugged. "How've you been?"

"Are you kidding me?" Naruto asked.

"Mah, no need to sound that way. We're still friends, aren't we?"

Sakura gasped. Sasuke clenched his fists. "You -"

"Have been trapped in a living hell for the vast majority of my life," Kakashi interrupted. "Save your blame. I don't have time for it now." He looked back at Orochimaru. The snake was so strong! Between his own fighting and Purple's healing, he was recovering faster than anyone would have believed. Kakashi sat at his other side, brushing fur against skin.

"I don't understand," Sakura murmured. Her shoulders slumped. The confident battle-tested kunoichi was replaced by the little girl she had been long ago.

Kakashi closed his eyes. Why can't everything be okay? Why do they have to sound so hurt? His initial bravado was fading quickly. Insecurity crept in. Fear. Pain. Yes; he had caused them pain. He had left them with no answers, no explanation, no warning. Why? Because he feared the outcome of trying to explain. Because he knew he couldn't do it. From fear, he'd torn apart their lives just as they were trying to rebuild. So many people that they knew and had on some level taken for granted - Jiraiya, Shikaku, Neji - disappeared never to be seen again. Then, just as they dared to relax and celebrate a new life, he had to go and join the missing. How much grieving had they already done for him? How much was he now throwing back into their faces?

"I feel better," Orochimaru reported. "Thank you, Purple."

Purple took his glowing hands away. He beamed. "Much thanks in reverse!"

Orochimaru sat up. "Time for introductions. Everyone, this is our angel friend, Purple Sorrows. Purple, these people are all ninjas. Don't worry. They are friendly ones."

Purple stood up, placed his hands over his heart and held them out. "Hello!"

"So you're an angel, huh?" Guy peered closely at Purple. "You look just like an ordinary man. I expected wings, or at least a halo."

Purple narrowed his eyes in concentration. Light emerged from his back and shaped itself roughly into feathered wings. "As so?"

Guy reached out to touch one of the wings. At the feel of it, his eyes went wide. Purple grinned. "You are softlike." Translation: gentle. Not something that an ordinary person who had only just met him would suspect Guy of being.

"Ah… Uh…" Guy took his hand back. He struggled for words - another lifetime first. "You are clearly not an ordinary man."

"Purple, meet Tsunade," Orochimaru suggested. "She is the leader of these ninjas and an old friend of mine." Purple was very happy to meet her. He brought an easy smile to Tsunade's stern face in less than a minute. Kakashi welcomed the distraction. He needed time to wrestle with guilty feelings that he had never allowed himself to think about or truly face before.

As Purple made rounds, talking to everyone individually, Kakashi decided on his next course of action. He would not reveal his true body. It was unnecessary and there could be other people watching. But he would, at last, muster the strength to be honest. Exposure was a demon's worst fear. He was supposed to be different from every other demon, right? So while Shikamaru and Purple got into a vigorous discussion of Purple's home culture, which attracted a great deal of interest for its implications, Kakashi stealthily made his way to Naruto's side. He touched Naruto's shoulder with his nose. The boy turned. They faced each other. Kakashi couldn't look at him at first, but eventually mustered the courage to look at his face.

Naruto looked unusually serious. Maybe that was usual for him now; Kakashi had no way of knowing. Because he hadn't been around. The young man - no longer a boy - seemed both sad and disappointed. He shrugged. "I don't know what to say."

Kakashi licked his forehead. "Neither do I."

Naruto looked down at the ground. "I thought…" Kakashi waited for him to finish the thought. But he didn't.

"I'm sorry I didn't say anything," Kakashi murmured. "You, with a tailed beast inside you, might have understood."

"Understood what?"

The answer to that seemed so obvious in his head. But when Kakashi opened his mouth and tried to say it aloud, he couldn't. All he could do was mumble, "How afraid I was." What a sorry excuse that was when spoken aloud.

Sorry excuse or not, Naruto seemed to understand. The old wartime heroism, the Will of Fire that had convinced all the world he was its savior, re-entered his face. Naruto gave Kakashi a hug. "I understand."

Kakashi closed his eyes, but still sensed everyone else staring at them. The training grounds were dead silent. He leaned into the hug and let it last for as long as it could. When Naruto eventually released him, he opened his eyes and looked at Purple. "These three young people are my former students. I taught them much of what they know about being ninjas." He faced Sasuke and Sakura. "I'm sorry I said nothing before I left."

"The note you left was such utter bullshit," Sasuke snapped.

"What note?" Kakashi thought hard. "Oh, that's right. I left a note. Ah… What did it say?"

Sasuke laughed quietly. Sakura got a flat, this is so lame look on her face. "You're joking, right?"

"No, I'm not. I've legitimately forgotten." What would I have said in a goodbye note? What state of mind was I in back then? His heart skipped a beat. "...But I imagine it was the most cringy and embarrassing drivel in the whole world. Hey, I - I am not a poet." If I wrote that letter mid anxiety attack, which I probably did, then I hope they burned it. Burned it and buried the ashes. They probably didn't. It would have been evidence, which means everyone who ever knew me has read it. Oh dear gods.

"The most likely explanation was that you'd killed yourself." Sasuke said this matter of factly. No emotion could be heard in his voice.

Kakashi's legs gave out. He sat and tried to remember how to breathe. He'd never even considered that possibility. That was far, far worse than embarrassment. His blood felt like ice. Oh God, what have I done? He was approaching the verge of keeling over dead, and no alternate personality could save him now.

Goy approached. Before he could say anything, Orochimaru stormed past him. "Shut up," he hissed before anyone could say anything. "Puppy, on a scale of one to about to burst into tears, how close are you to a nervous breakdown?"

"I'm not on that scale at all." Kakashi could barely force the words out. With so many eyes on him, he physically couldn't cry. He got to his feet, turned and walked away. Naruto tried to reach out. Kakashi proceeded as if he had not heard. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be around them. I should give them space. That's what they need.

Behind him, Guy muttered, "I recognize that. That's the moody Kakashi I grew up with."

"No. Not moody," Orochimaru said. He followed Kakashi into the woods.

They walked for quite a while. Orochimaru stayed silent. As they reached a fence and turned back, he said, "You have to return to send Purple home." Kakashi said nothing in reply. I cannot face them any more.

He returned to send Purple home. Orochimaru explained this. The angel shook his head. "The time is not now." Purple took Kakashi's head in his hands and closely examined him. "Is the false world here?"

Kakashi could feel everything. It was all too real. He shook his head.

"Ah. Strength is too low." Purple straightened and squared his shoulders. "Enough?"

Kakashi felt something loosen inside. As he looked at the angel, strength flooded him. He activated his demon eyes. He still couldn't perceive the angel's aura. If I am entirely spiritual in nature, then why do I have no spiritual powers? That doesn't make any sense. He went back to his normal eyes and nuzzled Purple's forehead. Purple laughed.

The dark clone reunited with him. Kakashi yelped in horror. He remembered himself being crushed, squeezed, torn apart, his very consciousness going up in smoke... If it had gone any further, what might have happened? He gasped for breath. He desperately did not want to find out. But maybe I already have.

"Is everything alright?" Guy asked.

He sounded unconfident. For Guy to spend so much time unconfident in himself was unhealthy. Kakashi forced his legs to stop wobbling so he could reassure his old friend. He nodded. "I'm fine. I just felt everything that my clone felt, that's all. Just a little bit of soul-rending possibly-memory-destroying agony. Haha."

Orochimaru began to pace back and forth. "Who would think to use genjutsu on a demon? Who could possibly muster the focus to imagine creative solutions when certain death stares them in the face? Genjutsu techniques themselves require amazing levels of concentration. It would not be surprising if nobody ever tried this until now. Or until 30-something years ago. Possibly more, depending on how long it -" He stopped. He stood very still, not moving even one finger. His stillness and his silence were both as loud as a shout. Everyone looked at him. Eventually, he turned to look at Kakashi. "What evidence do we have that you are not a new demon?"

Kakashi blinked. "...I'm sorry, what?"

"Your information-gathering ability, which we still do not understand the mechanism of, tells you that demons have names and that you should have a name. We've been operating on the assumption that you had your name removed at some point. But although we don't understand how it works, we know now that your sensory abilities can be fooled. What if your belief that you should have a name is just your own desire to fit in?"

"..."

"Puppy, try to find out what your name is supposed to be."

"Ah..."

Orochimaru grinned, a sly, predatory grin like he had just caught prey in an inescapable trap. "When I asked you to use your information-gathering ability, we observed that using it too much caused the same sort of damage as crushing you in a genjutsu caused just now. If your belief that you should have a name is a piece of knowledge gained through those means, focusing on it should hurt you. Give it a try."

Kakashi closed his eyes. It was horrible that canines couldn't sweat. What was my name? He tried to find out. He reached out just the same way as he normally did, trying to grasp the knowledge of what his name should be. He reached as far as he could, and -

Nothing happened.

Orochimaru's yellow eyes glittered. "It's not true information. Your belief that you should have a name may be false. Perhaps you aren't supposed to. Perhaps you were created without one -"

"Just a few decades ago," Kakashi finished. He sat down heavily. This contradicts everything I ever thought about myself. How could I be newly created? Demons don't get newly created. Unless -

Orochimaru clapped his hands. "I think we just discovered a way to kill a demon permanently."