Jeanette Washington had her back turned to the camera while she patiently watched a miniature oven cook something. Once she heard it chime, she eagerly pulled out the contents to reveal a green bush that fit between her fingers.
"Oh hello there!" Jeanette greeted. "I was just trying out some recipes from the Healthy Alternative Vegan Order of Cooking as suggested by one of our contestants."
Jeanette swallowed the green puff,
"Hm…3/5," she determined. "It could use a little flavor, but I didn't hate it. What you can count on though is that Total Drama Cruise will only be providing 5/5 episodes that you can't hate! Let's take last episode for instance. The players arrived in New York City where they had to perform a theatrical scene. The Reef Ravagers had a hard time agreeing on a theme, and things fell apart due to an overabundance of slime effects. The Sunshine Sailors did…uh, something else, I wasn't really paying attention since I was still thinking about my dry cleaning fees I'd have to pay, but since they weren't a total disaster, they were crowned the winners."
Jeanette began to pace around her kitchen now while continuing to recap.
"Tiffany wanted to see Jake sent out for costing them the challenge, though Eli felt it might be easier to get it on Lucas," Jeanette explained. "Though there were other plans at work and it appeared as though the other four might be voting out Tiffany…until Goldie, Lucas, and Jake decided to prank Madeline by sending her out. Oh the drama! Don't you love to see it?"
Jeanette reached the sink and poured herself a glass of water.
"Oh and all of the players off the boat have been racing to get back on," Jeanette added ."We'll be seeing how that all unfolds today, so stay tuned for another exciting episode of Total..Drama..Cruise!'
Theme Song Plays…
{Reef Ravagers}
Crow's Nest:
Goldie-Last round, Lucas surprised me by being a devilish little imp and suggesting we take out Madeline then and there. Ooh such a bold, needlessly vicious betrayal? How could I ever pass it up! This is what H.A.V.O.C. is all about! We don't follow anyone's rules but the beat of chaos. You think we wouldn't have gotten chocolate-free chocolate chips if not for a little madness in the world? Please.
Goldie came up from behind Lucas and scooped him up in her arm.
"There's my new favorite guy!" Goldie exclaimed.
"P-please…don't pick me up," Lucas moaned. "I might get vertigo."
Goldie put Lucas back down, though kept her arms wrapped around him.
"I'm glad I had you stumble into my life," Goldie said. "That blindside on Madeline was just…"
Goldie simply gave an expression of divine satisfaction.
"No one saw that coming, and I'll be honest, I didn't even see that coming from you," Goldie exclaimed. "But no, you proved that you've got what it takes to be a devious little tornado."
"Don't mention tornados please. Just the thought of spinning makes me si-HIC!" Lucas blubbered as his face started to change color. "But uh…yeah. Madeline was um…sorta really lame…right?"
"SO right!" Goldie cheered. "I mean all this nonsense about keeping the numbers on our side? Let me tell you a little secret: Numbers aren't real, and even if they were, they wouldn't be on your side. You ever heard of Calculus? Now THAT'S what pure evil looks like."
"Th-thanks?" Lucas said.
Jake emerged from his room and tried to slide his way in between the two, without much luck. He pretended not to be bothered by this and simply walked behind them.
"Hey hey hey guys!" Jake greeted.
"Ooh Jake, we were just laughing about Lucas's hilarious blindside scheme," Goldie remarked.
"Well, technically it was OUR scheme," Jake pointed out. "We all voted so-"
"She was shaken to her core! Ooh she really thought she had everything figured out, and then Luacs said 'think again!'" Goldie bellowed with laughter.
"I see that too…in my head," Jake stammered.
"This guy, I'm telling you, he's got potential," Goldie said while pointing to Lucas. "Next Big Bad walking."
"And…and me?" Jake said softly as the two kept walking ahead of him. "I have potential too…right?"
Crow's Nest:
Lucas-Don't get me wrong, COUGH COUGH, I felt bad about doing Madeline dirty. But uh…I've felt bad all my life…tingling in my throat, aching in my heart…it's all familiar, I can ignore it. ACHOO! What I couldn't ignore was that sooner or later Goldie and Jake were definitely gonna make a move on Madeline, and they might not have included me in that…unless SNIFF unless I took the first step and was the one to propose it.
Jake-Blindsiding Madeline was AWESOME but uh why is Lucas getting all the credit for it? Sure I mean he's the one who suggested the idea and put it out there, but that's not everything! Does he have 'Verified Prankmaster' nametags being shipped to his address with an estimated time of arrival between October, and 2028? I think not!
(Sunshine Sailors)
Cornell hummed an obnoxious, tuneless diddy as he confidently made his way along the deck. He noted Shalea focused on her tablet, sitting in a corner. He strolled by, waiting for her to notice. He strolled backwards, hoping she would look up and say something this time. Shalea gave the slightest acknowledgement by raising her eyes, said nothing, then returned to her research.
Cornell conceded that she wouldn't speak first and instead remarked, "You know, I just had a thought-"
"I'm sure you did, but the vast majority of all thoughts that run through the human mind are nothing but incoherent gibberish or self evident observations," Shalea replied. "Neither of which benefit anyone by being spoken aloud."
"Ah, but you're forgetting about the 0.01% of thoughts that are in fact shocking revelations!" Cornell said. "Though that number refers to the average human being, and I am far from average. In fact, I am one of the greats. The Greatest Detective on the Planet, no less!"
"I didn't forget it, I just find it incredibly unlikely that you'd be capable of providing a revelation that would surprise me," Shalea replied dryly. "So unlikely that I'm not going to entertain the notion."
"Hm, well that might be a mistake for you," Cornell remarked. "After all, this game can be quite unpredictable to those who lack the ability to predict. Your own position could crumble beneath your feet if you're not careful."
"I am just the correct amount of confident," Shalea stated. "Especially considering that this round is surely-"
"THE MERGE!" Cornell screamed in her face. "AHA! I said it first! It was my discovery, not yours!"
"As I expected, your little discovery was something I was already well aware of," Shalea remarked.
"It all began when I considered the size of the cast," Cornell explained. "You see-"
"I really don't need you to mansplain 'stating the obvious' to me," Shalea scoffed. "Maybe you should spend less time looking for someone to validate your self-proclaimed superior intellect, and more time putting it to work in planning on how you're going to pull yourself up out of the precarious position you find yourself in when we do away with the teams."
"Precarious? Ha don't make me laugh! My position is airtight and rocksteady!" Cornell declared.
"Is that so? Since as far as I can tell, you've given Molly every reason to jump ship," Shalea pointed out. "Not to mention, a clever girl such as myself could surely see some logic in breaking away from this little boys' club."
"Eh? Bit of a bold statement, don't you think?" Cornell challenged.
"Is it? I thought I was just stating what you already knew," said Shalea, standing up to meet Cornell at eye level. "Since you're such a keen-eyed detective after all."
"Naturally, I was well aware of the situation," Cornell retorted puffing out his chest. "But it's all the same a bold move to telegraph your intentions so openly."
"Unless of course I'm bluffing," Shalea replied.
"What would be the point of a bluff like that?" Cornell scoffed.
"You figure it out, genius!" Shalea challenged.
From around the corner and open a level, Aaron watched the two with glowering disdain. Julius stood behind him, his face also resting in a disdainful sneer, but a familiar one in his afflicted state.
"Man, we just dealt with Molly and Autumn, now these two had better not be getting into a Hatemance," Aaron scoffed. "My stomach can only take so many tired out cliches."
"Indeed!" stated Julius darkly. "The only union that matters is that between the lowly worms that writhe on this earth pledging fealty to Xeraxona. All else shall be torn apart, limb from limb. Also…what is this 'Hatemance' you speak of?"
"You know, when two people hate each other and fight nonstop and then suddenly the passion turns to making out," Aaron explained.
"WHAT!? Preposterous! How dare they besmirch the name of hate!?" Julius bellowed furiously. "Hate is hate! It is what fuels us to destroy, to burn, to kill! Not to physically satisfy one another!"
"Thank you, finally somebody said it," Aaron remarked.
Crow's Nest:
Cornell-Dear audience, I'm sure YOU have the courtesy to be awed and amazed at my deduction skills predicting the merge before Jeanette needs to say a thing. With ten of us remaining, this is truly the halfway mark and I doubt production would overlook such symmetry. Of course I have a plan for securing my victory, but why spoil that so soon for you? Watch, and continue to be shocked and wowed!
Shalea-Truth be told, I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. Only a fool pretends to understand every possible outcome of every variable. Perhaps if I had the time to run a proper simulation based on a formulated algorithm…but alas, I don't have all the proper data for that just yet. Instead though, I just want to make these boys feel a little uneasy. I want them feeling like they need to win me over, not throw me away.
Aaron-(gritting his teeth) I absolutely hate every 'reality TV romance,' it's so fake and pretentious. Oh you found your soulmate on one of the most predatory forms of produced media ever? Give me a break. I see what Shalea and Cornell are going for with this whole 'fight till we kiss' thing. They better not kiss, or else I'll have to break them apart just like I did with the last couple.
(Sunshine Sailors)
Tiffany rested along a porthole, glancing out at the waves as they washed along the side of the boat. She drummed her fingers on the rim absentmindedly. Eli paced slowly behind her.
"Well, I have no clue what happened there," Eli remarked.
"I guess the crazies decided to outcrazy themselves," Tiffany remarked. "Now let's just hope we can make the most of this and get out of here alive."
"I'm grateful that it happened, but I can't help but feel a little dumb now," Eli sighed. "I really thought I had everything under control. Madeline and I may not have always voted together…in fact it was more common that we didn't…but I didn't see her shutting me down completely like that. And the others? You warned me that they weren't to be trusted…"
"Hey, it's not your fault," Tiffany assured. "This is just the hand we've been dealt."
"Thanks for saying that, but it is my fault in a way," Eli sighed again. "My style has always been carefree, just winging it on the tightrope and hoping things work out. I really thought if I just put on a smile, then things would turn out the way I wanted. And I mean, that's fine for me. If I went out that way then zero regrets…but it's not just about me anymore. If you had left…"
"It still wouldn't have been your fault," Tiffany said, clutching Eli's hand in hers and looking into his eyes. "Look, we're dealing with a lot of things we can't control. Goldie and Jake have proven time after time that they're gonna do what they want, and other people seem willing to just let that happen. I'm not sure if we could have had any hand in how that round played out. Besides, I wouldn't want you to drop your confident swagger…it's kinda cute."
Tiffany blushed a little as she squeezed in close to Eli and placed a gentle kiss on the left side of his face.
"Well, that certainly is giving my ego a kick in the right direction," Eli replied with a bit of a blush of his own. "But I promise to not let it go to my head either. We've clearly got our work cut out for us, and I intend to make sure we don't fall back into that pit."
Crow's Nest:
Eli-I've had my ups and down throughout this game and it's never really bothered me too much. Last round was different. It wasn't me who was gonna be in trouble, it was Tiffany, and I realized that that somehow sucked even worse. I can live with making a mistake for myself, and honestly I'm not even gonna lose too much sleep over most people that get caught in the crossfire…but something's different about her. I really, really care about her.
Tiffany-Last round was a bit disheartening, but getting down over it isn't going to help me now. I mean, take a look at how many songs out there are about picking yourself up and getting back to it when you're down. I just have to channel that fire and make sure this isn't the end of me!
(Sunshine Sailors)
Cornell dragged Molly to a group cluster where Shalea, Aaron, and Julius were already fathered.
"Team meeting!" Cornell exclaimed, "It is time to discuss the future ahead of us!"
"Ugh, do I really have to be here?" Molly groaned. "I'm already stuck with you guys, do I have to spend my time suffering as well?"
"Yes!" Julius boomed. "Every second of every hour should be spent in shere suffering! Your pain shall become so great, so constant, that it becomes as recognizable as your own feeble heartbeat!"
"Dude, it was a rhetorical question," Molly remarked. "No need to answer."
"BAAH!" spat Julius. "Rhetorical is just another word for a challenge. A question not meant to be answered? I stomp all over this assertion and answer it all the same! None shall be spared in the conquest of Xeraxona's rule."
"Well okay then," Molly remarked.
"AHEM!" Cornell coughed loudly. "If you don't mind…yes, it IS vital that all of us come together for a little discussion. You see, some of us have done a little sleuthing, a little thinking, and come up with a probable conclusion. It's not important who came up with the idea first, though chances are-"
"We're merging," Shalea stated plainly.
Cornell shot her an annoyed look, then returned his focus to the rest.
"Yes, it seems quite likely that we are headed to a merge," Cornell declared.
"Okay, thanks for the update," Molly said as she began to leave.
"We're not done here!" Cornell insisted. "Now look, I know we may have had our differences as a team. And let's be real, do any of us even like each other here?"
"No," stated Shalea.
"Nope," said Molly.
"God no," seethed Aaron.
"The very thought of having the slightest shred of affection for any of you pathetic gnats is enough to fill me with the urge to excrete every organ from this flesh prison," declared Julius.
"Yes, yes, exactly," Cornell said. "But why should we let that stop us from sticking together? If we fall apart and let the other team walk all over us, then that's exactly what is going to happen! The numbers are even split, five-five. For all we know, the other team is standing strong and united and they WILL ground us to dust if we show the slightest weak link."
The group was silent for a moment, before Molly asked, "Okay, can we go NOW?"
"Fine, fine, be on your merry way," Cornell dismissed.
"Whatever way I go, I assure you it will be far from merry!" barked Julius.
"Then just go," Cornell sighed.
"I think that went well," Shalea remarked as the group dispersed.
"It didn't end in bloodshed, so that's a victory as far as I'm concerned," replied Cornell.
Crow's Nest:
Molly-So lately there's been an effort to promote 'unity' on our team, but I say too little too late. This group has been a mess ever since we swapped and things got thrown around, and these last few days it's been clear I'm hanging on my a shred. I don't care if the other team is holding strong, I'd still rather see them succeed then enable these jerks.
Julius-Well I think our team is sort of alright. For whatever that's worth.
(Later)
"Hello, hello, helloooo!" Jeanette sang as the group arrived at a beach that led straight into a majestic pine forest. "We have arrived at the coast of Maine for our next round. I hope your legs are well rested, since we've got some hiking to do!"
"Hiking? Awwnnn," moaned Lucas as he sagged his arms. "Last time I went hiking my toenails turned dark green."
"That is so lovely and I absolutely did not need to hear it!" Jeanette chimed brightly. "Now get a move on! The sun won't be up all day!"
The group disembarked and began to trick through the thick forest.
"Ooh I hope we see a bear!" Jake exclaimed. "But you know…not close enough that it could eat me. I hope to see a bear…from a far enough distance to watch it eat someone else, haha!"
"Don't be wishing for such cruelty, Turnip," Goldie remarked. "Most of these sad sacks would be utterly disastrous for a bear's palette."
The group of ten arrived at a cabin atop a small hill.
"Be on the alert for any nasty traps," Cornell cautioned.
Eli nodded as he gently turned the doorknob and slowly pried the door open. The group was shocked to see that waiting for them inside were tables packed with food before a large screen TV.
"Uh…hm?" Eli remarked.
"Congratulations!" Jeanette exclaimed as she approached from behind the group. "The ten of you have made it to the-"
"MERGE!" Cornell cheered.
"How delightfully astute of you!" Jeanette said cheerfully, before leaning in and whispering menacingly in Cornell's ear, "And if you ever try to steal my moment again your skull will end up on display as a cautionary tale of what can happen to careless kids in the woods."
Jeanette turned back to the rest of the cast and gestured for them to take a seat.
"For your achievement, you've earned a break today. Please rest up and help yourselves to some delicious food!" Jeanette offered.
"Yeah this is great and all, but why exactly did you have to drag us out to the middle of the woods for this announcement?" Aaron asked.
"I'm glad you asked!" Jeanette exclaimed as the TV flickered alive. "Just because you're not having to work today, there still will be a challenge! It just won't be you guys competing in it."
The screen showed another coast of the forest. A submarine emerged from the water and Atlantica stepped off. A flying machine descended from the sky, and Rose arrived. She was still charred and sooty, her hair a tattered black mess.
"What happened to you?" Atlantica gasped.
"Don't ask," Rose replied.
A giant blueberry floated ashore and then spat out each of Patty, Autumn, and Miller.
"YAHOOZA!" Autumn cheered as he shook off the blue juice dripping from him.
"Thank you, Chuckles, now…be free," Patty exclaimed with a tear in her eye.
The blueberry gave a signature laugh before bounding through the trees and out of sight.
"It's always so hard to let them go," sniffled Patty.
"Well, took you all long enough to get here," Madeline remarked as she emerged from the woods.
Madeline then noticed Rose among the new arrivals. The two made eye contact and seemed to share some mutual surprise at seeing the other. Neither made any motion to approach the other though.
"Yes, remember when I said that no one would ever return to this game? Well that was a lie," Jeanette said. "A double lie in fact, because two of these players will be earning themselves the chance to reenter the game. The ten of you can sit back and watch the challenge for the chance to return between these six-wait a minute, six? There was supposed to be more than that. Where are the others?"
(Dylan)
Dylan stood behind the bakery counter, delicately filling a bag with pastries one at a time, all while keeping his gaze unflinchingly fixed on a woman with two small children in each of her arms.
"Sir, I have to say these pastries are the only thing that get my babies to stop crying," the woman said. "What is your secret?"
"What is my secret?" Dylan echoed back in a dreary, hollow voice. "I've asked myself that same question. Every night it haunts me, so much so that I'm left too frightened to sleep. What dark, perverse secrets slither through the Eldritch makings of this twisted mind? What was so disturbed that I'd sooner forget it all than dare to face its conception? Madame, I beg of you, do not ask questions that would beget the collapse of your blissful reality as it is perceived."
"Okay kids, time to go!" the woman said hastily as she backed out the door with her pastries.
(Bruce)
"This is Josh, coming at you live!" exclaimed the talk show host from his office. "Following up on our previous story, reports are coming in by the minute for any future sightings of the mysterious winged woman."
Josh turned to Bruce who stood in the corner with a series of cue cards.
"9:12…no sightings," Bruce reported before a silent pause. "9:13…no sightings. 9:14…still no sightings."
"The nation is waiting with baited breath as we ponder the question, just who was this flying woman!" Josh continued. "An angel descended from the heavens, or the next stage of human evolution? We don't know, but you can bet, when answers arrive, you'll hear it here first!"
Finishing his report, Josh got up and walked over to Bruce.
"Alright, how are our ratings?" Josh asked.
"Uh…fantastic!" Bruce exclaimed. "We were viewed by 0.0 million households."
"How is that fantastic?" Josh demanded.
"Because, since the area is uninhabited, that means we were viewed by 100% of the local population! YAAY!" Bruce cheered.
"I like the way you think," Josh said with a steady nod.
(Hannah)
Hannah stood proudly at a press conference while several reporters and paparazzi clamored to see her.
"Yes, it was quite frightening. It wasn't my first time being the object of a man's desire, but it was the first time he wanted to sacrifice me to his God," Hannah recapped. "But I persevered! I am a survivor! And you can read all about it in my autobiography that I had ghostwritten just yesterday!"
"Hannah, Hannah, over here!" exclaimed one reporter. "The people want to know, how did you survive all of that and still look so stylish? Girls everywhere are racing to copy your look!"
"Well, first of all, thank you," Hannah said with faux modesty. "And truthfully, it all comes down to priorities. Yes, I was fighting for my life out there, but I've always held the belief that life isn't worth living if you don't have the confidence to pull off whatever you may be wearing."
Several reporters murmured in approvement and took notes.
"Hannah, Brandersen River here!" exclaimed the washed up actor as he barged his way to the front of the crowd. "When your book is inevitably adapted for the big screen, have you given any consideration towards who would portray the wicked, yet roguishly handsome cultist who held you prisoner? And if not, might I toss my own hand into the ring?"
(Katherine)
"If you don't get that camera out of my face right now, it's going THROUGH your face!"
Crow's Nest:
Madeline-Ugh, of course Rose wouldn't just give up easily enough. Now I HAVE to make sure I beat her at this challenge. Outlasting her in this game was one of the few things I had over her, and I can't lose that now.
Rose-If I'm being totally honest, I was a little surprised I didn't run into Madeline sooner. I suppose you might even say that I'm impressed that it took so long for her poor decision making skills to be the end of her.
"Congratulations to the six of you!" Jeanette's voice announced over a loudspeaker. "You were able to keep up and make it to this final junction where your fates will be decided. Two of you will return to board the cruise and take on the game once more. The rest of you will be sent packing for real."
"Boom DA DOON!" Autumn cheered victoriously.
"Don't celebrate just yet, you've still got a challenge ahead of you," Jeanette cautioned. "Throughout these woods you will find several traps set up for you. And some equipment to make your own traps. If you should wind up caged, netted, or otherwise incapacitated, then you will be eliminated from the challenge and have no shot to return. The last two standing will be our very special winners and earn themselves a ticket back to the boat. Ready? Get to it!"
"Ok guys, I think we should stick together," Miller remarked. "Like flour, salt, and baking soda, we shall come together to make a mighty loaf!"
Miller glanced to the side to see that Patty was already charging into the woods on her own.
"YEEEHAW! Sorry, sprouts, but it's every man, woman, and beast for themselves out in the wild!" Patty exclaimed.
"Welp. You heardz her!" Autumn said before charging after her. "YEEEHIBIBIBIHAW!"
"Well fine then, like the mighty tube of store-bought cookie dough, I shall function on my own!" Miller decreed.
Crow's Nest:
Patty-Play time is over, folks, and in case you ain't picked up on my motto yet, it goes something like Patty first, everyone else…various other placements that come after first. Okay, I ain't quite got the motto ironed out yet, but that's the gist of it!
Miller-I sort of thought that after surviving the candyshop from Hell, the three of us would be a little more bonded, but I guess that was just me.
Patty crept through the woods, taking exaggerated steps and keeping her body down low. She pointed at the camera and beckoned for them to come in close.
"I've got plenty of experience with tracking down animals. Any time a silly little fella wanders off the farm, it's up to reliable ol' Patty to track'em down and drag'em back to where they belong! Can't be too different here, matter of fact, some of the goats back home are probably a touch smarter than my competition out here," Patty whispered. "The key is to keep quiet. If they don't know you're coming, then that's how you get the drop on them!"
As Patty crouched in wait, a deer came up from behind her and began to chew on her hat.
"AHA!" Patty exclaimed as she spun around and wrapped both her hands around the animal's neck. "Today's your lucky day, I got bigger prey to catch. But no one touches the hat!"
Patty pulled her hat back from the animal which immediately leapt away once released. The deer sprinted through the forest and bounced right past Madeline. Behind Madeline, Rose was trying to catch up to her cousin.
"Hello, Madeline!" Rose called. "Are you not even going to acknowledge me?"
Madeline stopped and turned around purposefully.
"Hi," she said icily. "You look awful."
"Yes, well, I had to deal with some unfortunate encounters to get here," Rose remarked.
"Nothing you couldn't handle, I'm sure," Madeline said with a slight sneer in her voice.
"Exactly! And now that we're back together, surely you'd want my skill on your side," Rose exclaimed.
"Oh is that what I would surely want? Because you know me so well?" Madeline scoffed.
"I understand right now you're frustrated, I felt the same way after my completely illogical elimination," Rose said. "But I made it here now, and I can help you. Now that you've gotten the chance to see just how difficult this game can be for someone like you, I hope you can put a little more trust in me. If we both get back in, surely we could be able to actually work together and make a difference."
"Someone like me?" Madeline repeated. "You really think I'm just some useless fool running amok don't you?"
"Oh no no, I'm sure you did the best you could," Rose assured. "But clearly without me it was just a matter of time before you'd make some faux-pas and wind up here."
"That's not what happened!" Madeline stewed. "My elimination…well it was complete nonsense!"
"Hm, you're not even able to figure out what you did wrong? Not to worry, I'll have a chat with your team and get to the bottom of it," Rose promised.
"Just stop, just leave me alone!" Madeline said as she turned away.
"You're upset," Rose deduced. "I understand. You know, I've had to do a bit of learning about myself these last few days-"
"Oh great, you always loved to study," Madeline scoffed. "Only a matter of time before you found a way to apply that to your favorite subject: Yourself."
"Madeline, I don't know what you're trying to say here, but I am trying to offer my help," Rose sighed.
"I. Don't. Want. It," Madeline seethed. "Is that clear enough for you?"
"Fine…fine," Rose sighed as she turned away. "Good luck on your own then. Don't say I didn't try."
Crow's Nest:
Rose-I thought that Madeline would be happy to see me. I know we haven't always gotten along, we've had a bit of a competitive history you could say. But I'm trying to help her now, why is she lashing out at me?
Madeline-Of course the second I'm stuck with Rose again she starts treating me like some helpless child who should be grateful for the chance to verbally tear me apart. No thank you.
Miller crouched into some bushes and carefully crawled along the ground. He peeked his head out and examined his surroundings. He didn't see any of his opponents in the area.
"Alright, time to make a plan," Miller said to himself. "Even the simplest of delicacies start with a recipe."
Miller made his way out of the bushes and studied what he had to work with.
"If I can just find some supplies then I might be able to set the perfect trap here," Miller concluded. "But where would those be hidden?"
Miller stepped out a little further and instantly found the ground beneath him vanishing. He slid straight into a gaping pit that had been hidden from view. He let out a frightened yelp and dug his fingers into the dirt. He can already feel it starting to slip out of his grip though, and he knew that the second he let go he would plummet down with no escape. He clenched his teeth and struggled to try to scurry himself back up, but to no luck.
Miller heard footsteps approaching, followed by Atlantica cheerily remarking, "Well, well, what have we here? And what's your name, young man?"
"Er…Miller," the baker answered as he glanced up. "We actually met before. We were on the same team…remember?"
Miller scrambled downwards a few inches and continued to press himself against the dirt tunnel as firmly.
"Of course, I remember all my constituents," Atlantica replied. "And it seems like you've gotten yourself into a little bit of a predicament. Naturally, it's only right for me to help out when I see someone in need."
"You're going to…pull me out?" Miller asked.
"If…you're willing to make a deal!" Atlantica exclaimed.
"Is now uh…really the time for that?" Miller asked as he slid further down.
"I think it's the perfect opportunity!" Atlantica said. "And I'm all for seizing opportunities when they come my way. After all, you know exactly what you want right now. And what I want…is for you to agree to an alliance with me."
"Sure fine whatever you say!" Miller yelped as more dirt began to crumble against his palms.
"Wonderful! Shall we shake on it?" Atlantica asked.
Miller let go with one hand, and began to tumble downwards. He managed to clasp Atlantica's extended arm though and she pulled him up.
"I think this is the start of a wonderful partnership," Atlantica exclaimed.
In another part of the forest, Autumn was hanging from a tree branch, humming to himself.
"Whatta do, whatta do?" he mumbled in thought.
The boy dropped to the ground, and then his ears perked up to a sudden sound. Autumn dropped his body low in time to avoid a log swinging his way.
"Ha HA! Not so, trappi lap!" Autumn cheered.
He then quickly backflipped out of the way of three spears launched between trees.
"HA ha! Not so, trapper flappers!" Autumn taunted while performing a unique dance move.
Autumn leapt back up to grab another tree branch just as the ground beneath him began to sink.
"HA ha ha HA ha ha!" Autumn laughed. "Not so, trapperino ripperiffic!"
Autumn then spotted, hidden inside a hollow cache of a tree, a small wooden grate. He grinned and eagerly pulled it out.
"YAhooo to da MOO!" Autumn cheered as he discovered a set of nets inside the crate.
Crow's Nest:
Atlantica-I may have had my entire empire turn on me, but that's not the end of my story. I won't let it be! I'm prepared to build everything up again from scratch, starting with this new alliance!
Autumn-Hell YEPPERS to diz guy! I am getting gotting GOING back to the snack to the flapjack BACK to the game to saveero the DAYZ!
(Viewing Cabin)
Jake shuffled his way down the couch until he was pressed right up against Aaron. Jake beamed and raised his eyebrows. Aaron responded by giving an annoyed sneer.
"Hey hey, looks like the boys are back together!" Jake exclaimed. "Split up and we still ruled our teams. You should have seen the way I was ruling that team while you were gone. I was like the Godfather putting out hits on everyone. I point that way, this way, you're gone, you're outta here! Baddabing baddaboom!"
"I'm sorry," Aaron grunted.
"Huh? What are you sorry about?" Jake asked.
"It would seem as though unconsciously I may have presented some form of body language that indicated I wanted you invading my personal space and jammering into my ear," Aaron stated. "And I apologize for giving you that impression."
"Classic Aaron!" Jake exclaimed. "Good one, bro!"
"Do you see anyone laughing?" Aaron grunted firmly.
Jake just awkwardly chuckled before shuffling back to put a little more space between the two. Meanwhile, Eli made his way to the back of the room where Molly had roosted in the corner.
"Hey, you doing alright?" Eli asked.
"Relatively speaking," Molly remarked.
"Sorry to see Autumn didn't make it here," Eli said. "I was really looking forward to getting back together with our freak brigade. What happened?"
"What happened is that my team was filled with a bunch of miserable pricks," Molly seethed. "I've been counting the days till I can get out of there. Shocked I even got so lucky."
"That's too bad," Eli sighed. "Though there's no shortage of jerks on the Reef Ravagers too."
"Of course," Molly remarked. "Isn't that just how it goes, surrounded by people who suck."
"It's not all bad!" Eli insisted. "I actually met someone sweet…and sweet on me."
Eli proudly pointed to Tiffany who was sampling a platter of green fruits.
"Trust me, you'll love her too!" Eli promised.
"You greatly overestimated my ability to love," Molly stated.
"Ok fine, but I know the three of us can work together and turn the tables on everyone who thought they could keep us down," Eli said with determination.
"I truly wish I could live in a world where your version of math worked," Molly said. "Three people against seven? It's still not looking good."
"Those seven aren't necessarily united though, and believe me, from what I've seen so far, it'll only take a spark for them to start hating one another," Eli schemed. "And besides, maybe Autumn will be one to return."
"I refuse to hope for that," Molly sighed. "That's just opening myself up to be hurt all over again."
Crow's Nest:
Jake-Hanging out with Goldie has been fine, but it's time for the original bad boys to get back together! I'm sure Aaron has been missing all the chances to react to my shenanigans with disdain. Just bro things!
Eli-This merge could not have come at a better time for me, things were looking grim for a bit. I wish I could be reuniting with Autumn too, but unlike Molly I'm not afraid to hope for him to rejoin us. We had a good thing going, and it's time to get that off the ground again!
(Forest)
Madeline traversed deeper into the forest. She craned her neck with each step to study her surroundings. So far, all she had seen were thick shrubs sprouting up between the towering trees. Mid-step she paused as her ears sensed the slightest sound.
"KAUIKABOOEE!" Autumn exclaimed as he swung from a tree branch, dragging a draping net in tow.
Madeline dived out of the way and awkwardly tumbled into a patch of brambles. She was able to avoid the net though which only scooped up a small pile of loose rocks.
"Curseeroo!" Autumn pouted while dropping down to the ground.
"Going to take more than that to stop me!" Madeline taunted,
"Hm, more like…THISSUMS!?" Autumn cackled as he revealed a hidden rope which he tugged.
Suddenly a net sprung up from the ground behind Madeline. She let out a frightened squeak before dropping as low as she could. The net swung straight over her and then fell to the ground, knotting up in itself.
"Cursertoo extoo!" Autumn pouted again.
Madeline weaved her way through the tangled thorns as she attempted to escape.
"Not so fasteriff, Skiff!" Autumn called. "Nets galoorrrmf!"
The ground suddenly sloped before Madeline could even see where she was headed. She slipped and tumbled down a rocky dip. She cautiously pulled herself back up and dusted off some of the dirt that had clung to her shirt. Before she could even catch her breath, however, something launched right past her face. She gasped silently as a spear with a three-pronged end collided with a tree.
"That…looked like it would have been painful," Madeline noted.
"YAHOOWEEE!" Autumn cheered as he leapt after Madeline, tossing another net forward.
The net was struck by two spears of the same style, pinning it against a different tree.
"Uh…huh?" remarked Autumn.
"Keep up the good work, kids, I do love seeing what you come up with!" Jeanette's voice announced. "But never forget that you're still rats in MY maze!"
Suddenly a barrage of spears shot out from all directions.
"Ho! HEYA! Whoahoho!" Autumn exclaimed as he twisted his body into all sorts of shapes to avoid being struck.
Madeline just tried to make herself as small as possible as she hopped from side to side, dodging the rapidly firing projectiles all around her. The two both ended up on opposite ends, neither one struck down by the surprise attack.
"I'll getteroo yoouzz! Next timm!" Autumn called after Madeline as she fled the scene.
In another patch of the woods, Atlantica and Miller prowled together.
"Okay, now that we're aligned," Miller said, "what exactly do you need me to do?"
"Not to worry, I have an intricate plan already in the works," Atlantica promised. "Step one, we trap the other four and make sure they are taken out of the running!"
"Mhm, sounds like a logical start," Miller said with a nod.
"And then that's about it for now, but the rest will come to me soon," Atlantica said.
Atlantica suddenly halted in her steps and held Miller in place as well.
"Aha. would you look at that?" Atlantica gasped as she pointed to a crate that was nestled atop a small knoll ahead. "This is exactly what we need to enact our plans!"
Atlantica charged forward with Miller following behind . As they neared the crate though, it was suddenly lifted into the air.
"Huh!?" Atlantica gasped.
"Heh! I knew a bit of bait was all that was needed to lure a couple lost lambs," Patty cackled from a short distance away. "Now I gotcha right where I want ya!"
"It's a trap!" Miller gasped.
"You don't say," Atlantica remarked dryly. "Where were you with this stunning revelation two minutes ago?"
Patty pulled a lever that had been attached to a tree stump and suddenly the knoll began to turn inwards, transforming into a consuming pit.
"Run for it!" Miller gasped.
The boy tried to scramble away, though the ground he was on started to slope, making it harder for him to make any progress. Atlantica threw herself through the air and managed to hit the solid ground and roll away safely. Miller just dug his heels into the shifting dirt and clutched a clump of grass with both hands.
"Little help? Remember the deal!" Miller called.
"That deal wasn't legally binding!" Atlantica called back as she fled.
"NO!" Patty pouted. "That was sposed to be my two for one deal!"
Patty lowered down the crate and flipped it out. She grinned evilly.
"Ooooh, you in for it now!" She exclaimed as she pull out a clunky colorful rifle.
She chased after Atlantica and fired a stream of thick, pasty goo. The substance stuck to everything it touched, like superglue. Atlantica managed to swerve left and right and avoid getting herself caught.
"You can run but you can't hide!" Patty called. "I can do this all day!"
Suddenly, a giant hand came crashing down from the sky. Both Atlantica and Patty hopped in opposite directions. The hand crashed into the ground. It closed around a clump of dirt and pulled it back up to the skin.
"What the hell!?" Atlantica gasped.
"Ooh, Jeanette if you think this is gonna slow me down, think again!" Patty exclaimed.
Patty aimed her glue-gun again and blasted at Atlantica. Atlantica managed to dive out of the way, though she had to rapidly scurry on her arms and knees to avoid being swept by another hand dropping to where she had landed.
"Gettin' tired?" Patty taunted. "I ain't even breaking a sweat."
Patty aimed again and prepared to fire, before realizing that now she was directly beneath an oncoming hand. She gasped and hopped to the side, just narrowly avoiding being caught.
"Ha! That's right! You ain't got nothing on me!" Patty laughed as she kicked at the hand vicotriously.
Out of the corner of her eye, Patty noticed Atlantica trying to break away.
"Oh no you don't!" Patty exclaimed, twirling around and aiming her weapon.
Patty tried to fire, but the gun just gave a sickly gurgle.
"Huh!?" Patty said as she pulled the trigger harder.
The mechanism began to groan, the tank began to expand.
"Uh-oh!" Patty gasped as she frantically tossed the malfunctioning device away from her.
The weapon exploded mid air, blasting sticky goo in all directions. Atlantica cowered behind a tree to avoid the deluge.
"Ha, not so tough without your secret weapon now!" Atlantica exclaimed.
However as Atlantica tried to keep up her escape, she realized that her left foot had stepped into some of the white paste. She grunted as she tried to pull it free.
"No! No no no!" Atlantica groaned.
"Oh dear, Atlantica!" Jeanette's voice announced."Looks like you're stuck, and you know what that means! You are officially out of the running to return. So sad!"
"No no no NO!" Atlantica screamed.
Crow's Nest:
Atlantica-But I had so many plans! This can't be how it ends, it just can't!
Patty-Mhm that's what I'm talking about! You gotta think outside the box to put your target IN the box!
(Viewing Cabin)
Lucas attempted to dip a cornchip into a bowl of sour cream, however mid dip the chip slipped out of his grip and sank to the bottom of the bowl.
"Oh dear," Lucas sighed as he reached in to try to fish it out.
Several onlookers were more than a little grossed out upon viewing this.
"Note to self, stay far away from that bowl," Eli remarked.
"I think we should just avoid the entire table," Tiffany sighed. "He's been breathing over everything, and let me tell you, those were some humid breaths."
Goldie stepped in next to Lucas and pulled the bowl away from him.
"Nah nah, I've got a little trick for this sort of thing," Goldie promised.
She pulled out a cup shaped device and poured the contents of the bowl straight into it. She then flicked a switch which caused the cup to spin rapidly.
"This is actually what I use to veganify any dish that needs it," Goldie exclaimed.
"Oh wow, that sounds uh…useful," Lucas said.
Once it had finished, the cup deposited its contents out of two nozzles on either end. On one side emerged a thick cheese paste, on the other was misty white water, with a single chip floating in it.
"Alright now we gotta talk," Goldie said as she leaned in close to Lucas, "about THAT guy!"
Goldie nodded towards Julius who was eating a stalk of broccoli.
"Oh you mean Julius?" Lucas said.
"SHHHH shsh SHUSH!" Goldie exclaimed as she clamped both hands over Lucas's mouth. "Don't make it obvious we're talking about him! I'm going to need you to talk without making any sound."
Goldie released Lucas's jaw. The boy made several exaggerated movements with his sealed mouth and gestures with his hands. He seemed to become distressed in the process though and started to sweat. Eventually he couldn't take it any more and began heaving belabored breaths.
"I'm all for freedom of expression and all but uh…what the hell was that?" Goldie asked.
"I was trying to talk without making any sound but all the words were getting stuck in my throat and piling up in my stomach and it was making me feel very unwell!" Lucas explained.
"Okay, how about then you just don't talk at all and leave that to me?" Goldie suggested.
Lucas nodded obediently.
"Now, that guy has been a force in some of these challenges, and by the looks of it, I'd go so far as to say people are afraid of him," Goldie noted. "All this together means only one thing: He's the kind of person I want on my side! Let me go scout out the scene."
Goldie flounced her way over to Julius and gleefully leaned in to tap him on the shoulders.
"Hey there, hun, Goldie's the name, just thought I'd stop by to say hello!" Goldie greeted.
Julius's head twisted around in an unnatural movement. Then he gave a meek smile to Goldie.
"Oh yes, you're the one with the healthy vegetarian program, right?" Julius replied.
"The Healthy Alternative Vegan Order of Cooking, yes indeed!" Goldie said.
"You know, I think that's just great," Julius exclaimed. "One time I went to a supposedly all-vegan restaurant and ordered the caesar salad, and you know what I found? Honest to God, parmesan cheese. They tried to say that didn't count, but I mean come on. Now, I'm not even a vegan myself, but if I'm going to attend a vegan restaurant, I expect the authentic experience-"
"And that's super duper, okay great talking to you!" Goldie said as she quickly flounced her way back to Lucas.
"Yeah never mind," Goldie remarked to her confidant. "One minute with that guy and I'm already dying of boredom."
From the couch, Cornell was shooting several quick fervent glances at Goldie.
"Hm, interesting…interesting, very interesting," he noted.
Next to him, Shalea just gave her signature unimpressed side-eye.
"Let me guess, you're having another of your groundbreaking thoughts that you just can't wait to flaunt in my face," she sighed.
"A thought? Oh no no no, a thought is something loose, untethered, as ephemeral as the wind," Cornell scoffed. "What I am concocting…is a hypothesis!"
"Uh-huh," Shalea grunted.
"It seems to me that this Healthy Alternative Vegan Order of Cooking is but a front to something more! Has it occurred to anyone else that the acronym of such an organization would be H.A.V.O.C.? Now that does sound rather sinister to me," Cornell recounted. "It is my theory that in fact, this so-called Goldie is an agent of a far darker, complex hidden society, with an agenda that reaches far deeper than simply promoting alternative recipes for vegetarians."
"Well, obviously," Shalea said.
"Eh?" Cornell remarked. "Well if it was so obvious to you, why haven't you said anything up till now!?"
"Do tell me, what exactly I was supposed to do with this information," Shalea asked. "Walk up to her and say, 'Hi Goldie, are you actually a part of some sinister secret organization?' What next? She either says no and we're back to square one, or yes and then…what good exactly does that do, other than giving up the advantage of letting her think she's the one in control?"
"What I'm hearing is a lot of questions and no answers," Cornell tutted. "But it's a good thing I'm here now to get to the bottom of this case!"
Suddenly Aaron forced his way between the two and gave them both a stern glare.
"Look, I'm going to give you the respect of a head's up," Aaron said. "You better put a stop to this budding hatemance or else you are going to have some problems."
"Hatemance?" both Shalea and Cornell scoffed instantly.
"My dear boy, please try to understand that for me to love-or hate-someone properly, I would need to be faced with a counterpart that could truly rival my intellect. Someone who would surprise me, even as I've grown too keen to be surprised," Cornell explained. "And I feel none of that from this living algorithm whose every word I can predict."
"Likewise, to reach the sort of emotion that you're referring, I would require a sense of stimulation, and all I see before me is a cold sterile void of social static that occupies the body of a man," Shalea added.
"You're still doing it!" Aaron pouted. "STOP IT!"
Crow's Nest:
Goldie-With the merge upon us, it's time to expand H.A.V.O.C.'s borders some more and assemble a team who will promote my message of being wild and free and doing whatever the hell we want without fear of consequence! Like mixing rhubarb with brownie batter, just try to stop me! And I can tell you, I am not getting that sort of read from the few words I got from Julius.
Lucas-Yeah Julius was uh…kinda weird and scary back when we shared a team. I guess I could warn Goldie about that, but uh *COUGH COUGH COUGH* maybe it's better to just let her see for herself.
Cornell-If I'm going to be sharing this deck with eleven others now, then the game is truly afoot, and I intend to gather every little speck of evidence I can. So Goldie is in a secret society, hmm? Well she forgot just one thing: Nothing stays secret for long under the eyes of the Greatest Detective on the Planet!
(Forest)
Miller still clutched to the edge of the pit he was in. His hands were beginning to change color from his clenched grip. The boy struggled to pull himself up even an inch closer to escape. Rose walked past the pit and simply made her way around it without even taking a moment to look down inside. She slowed down, though, as she noticed the corner of something poking out of a patch of brambles. Rose investigated and pulled free a crate.
"Perfect!" she exclaimed. "This should help me turn the tides."
Rose pried off the lid and then let out a frightened shriek and hopped backwards. A sea of black spiders scurried out of the box and began to spread out rapidly.
"What is the meaning of this!" Rose cried out angrily.
However, Rose noticed that the spiders did not move towards her, but rather seemed to span upwards among the trees. They began to weave an intricate web that crossed between multiple trees. Rose stepped back and realized that she was now looking at a wide, sticky net waiting for its prey to stumble in.
"Oh I see," she said. "All I have to do is sit back and let someone run right through and they'll be done for."
Rose crept down to hide as she heard someone approaching.
"CHARGAAARAAZ!" Autumn boomed while bolting through the woods boldly.
"And it looks like I've already found an unlucky victim," Rose exclaimed with a grin.
However, Autumn revealed that he had kept one of the spears and pointed it ahead of. His weapon tore through the webs. Much of the wispy material wound around the end, creating a curled bundle around the tip.
"No!" Rose pouted. "That wasn't supposed to happen!"
Autumn spotted Rose and pointed to her dramatically with a broad, manic smile. He tossed the spear which caused the web to unfurl midair. Rose realized she was right in place to be caught up in the spiderweb and rushed back to avoid the trap. Behind her, Miller was just beginning to pull himself out of the hole. Rose ended up stepping on his hands without even realizing it.
"Ouchie wowchie!" Miller cried out as he let go in pain and dropped back down.
"Ooh it doesn't look like Miller is getting back up from that!" Jeanette's voice announced. "I think it's safe to consider him out of the challenge, and no longer a contender to return!"
Crow's Nest:
Miller-Well guess the dream is over. At least my cupcakes will never betray me! (bites into cupcake) Hm…too spongy, you can do better than this, cupcakes!
Autumn-Two downzo and two more to go go! Autumn is gonna Rah Rah RAHTURN in all dem STYLIO!
(Viewing Cabin)
Tiffany made her way to Shalea and offered a bright smile. Shalea raised her eyes slightly in acknowledgement.
"Hey girl!" Tiffany exclaimed. "Looks like we're back together!"
"Indeed, it would appear that way," Shalea agreed.
"Glad to see you make it here," Tiffany said.
"Thank you," Shalea replied.
This was followed by an awkward silence which Shalea eventually broke by adding, "And same to you too."
"Thank you!" beamed Tiffany. "So how was it over on the other team?"
"Manageable," Shalea stated plainly.
"Mm," Tiffany said with a gentle nod. "Any drama going on there?"
"None that I would deem necessary to report to you," Shalea stated.
"Ah," Tiffany replied. "Fair enough."
Meanwhile, Goldie had swept up behind Aaron and pulled him into a squeezing hug.
"Where do you think you're going!?" Goldie exclaimed. "You ain't going anywhere without giving your ol' pal, Goldie, a bear hug!"
"This is incredibly invasive and inappropriate," Aaron groaned. "And it's quite presumptuous to call yourself my friend when I don't consider you anything close to the sort."
"Ah there's the little bundle of hate I missed so much!" Goldie laughed as she tossed Aaron to the couch.
"I'm not YOUR anything, I don't belong to you," Aaron said.
"Agree to disagree!" Goldie said as she landed next to Aaron and put her arm around him.
"I don't agree to that," Aaron huffed.
"Agree to disagree!" Goldie repeated.
Aaron just sighed and remarked, "So what is this? Your errand boy didn't do a good enough job bothering me, so now you have to take over?"
"Oh Turnip Jake? He's not my errand boy!" Goldie laughed. "I would never trust him with actual errands. He's more of a mascot, he can run around doing his own zany antics, promoting my industry, but I don't actually have to pay him anything."
"Good call," Aaron said. "He's too stupid to complete the simplest tasks properly and would probably spend all his earnings on overpriced T-shirts with offensive slogans that he doesn't fully comprehend."
"True that!" Goldie exclaimed. "But what about the other bozos out here? Anyone I gotta look out for from your side?"
"Not really," Aaron grunted. "Cornell likes to flaunt himself as the Greatest Detective on the Planet, but if you ask me he's just the Loudest Detective on the Planet."
"Hmm a detective you say? Interesting, interesting," Goldie noted, nodding while glancing towards Cornell.
"Shalea has been sucking up to him. Well she acts like she's so much smarter than him, but it's clear they're getting close," Aaron continued. "Honestly, neither of them are even close to being as big a genius as they claim. If all it took was spewing out robotic jargon and patting yourself on the back, well the entire education system would crumble."
"The entire education system SHOULD crumble!" Goldie said. "But I get your point. And speaking of getting together, Eli and Tiff have become an honest to unholiness couple with all that lovey-dovey doe-eyed nonsense"
"Disgusting," Aaron scoffed. "And you just let this happen? I would have expected you to force them apart the second that took root."
"If that's what you expected then you don't know me at all!" Goldie said. "I like to let my onions simmer a bit before I cut them open. Believe me, it'll make for all the more satisfying meal!"
Crow's Nest:
Tiffany-Come to think of it, I guess me and Shalea really were just connected through Atlantica. Our mutual goal was basically keeping her from dragging us all down with her. Now that she's gone, hm…not sure where that leaves us.
Shalea-Tiffany may still prove to be a useful asset to me. We worked together well enough in the past. But I'm also not going to just tell her everything. I intend to make this position work to my advantage, and that means I want everyone needing just a little bit more.
Goldie-Jake and Lucas are funny pair of fruits, but Aaron is my guy when it comes to dishing out hate. I knew all it took was to get him rolling and he'd start providing me with the details I yearn to know.
(Forest)
Rose's trek away from her previous calamity had led her to a jagged cliff. From the edge she could see the sparkling water spreading out below. What caught Rose's attention though was a man-made wooden apparatus that reached out from the land's end. The structure was made up of platforms of various sizes, connected by bridges and ladders. It did not look steady by any means and seemed to be swaying somewhat in the air. At the end of it all though was another crate, tempting Rose's attention.
"Hm," Rose murmured as she stepped a foot outward.
The plank of wood quivered under the pressure. Rose shrugged and decided to keep moving forward though.
"It's not the riskiest thing I've done lately, and fortune favors the bold," she declared.
Rose took several more careful steps. The wooden structure creaked and groaned and swayed though Rose was able to make her way outward without hassle. She climbed up the uneven ladders and traversed the loose bridges. When she was nearly halfway across, the platforms began to shake with a new presence. Rose craned her neck backwards and realized that someone else was following from behind her. Rose bit her lip as she considered her options. Moving too fast would be dangerous, but she also didn't want to leave herself exposed for someone to ambush her from behind. However, before Rose made up her mind, she caught a glimpse of who was approaching.
"Oh it's just you," Rose said in relief as Madeline pulled herself up to Rose's platform.
" 'Just' me?" Madeline asked. "What's that supposed to mean? Like I'm not a serious threat out here?"
"What? No, I was simply worried for a minute that I might have to deal with someone who actually would want me eliminated," Rose said. "But you wouldn't do that."
"Right, right, because as you've decreed, I should be jumping for joy for the chance to work with you," Madeline said dryly.
Rose pursed her lips together as she replied, "Well yes, I don't see why you wouldn't be."
"Of course you don't see anything wrong with your perfect plan for everyone," Madeline seethed.
"I don't understand what's gotten you so riled up," Rose sighed, "but as I was trying to tell you earlier, I have had the chance to reflect on myself. I realize that I'm not perfect at everything. Yes you heard me, I admit that I'm not perfect. Evidently, I expect others to see things the way I do, and that's not always the case. So help me out here, tell me what exactly is the problem?"
"The problem is you!" Madeline huffed. "It's always you! Acting like you're so much better than me!"
"I don't think I'm better than you, I just think you could apply yours-" Rose began before stopping herself as she saw her cousin's annoyed expression. "Fine, fine, I'm sorry if I've somehow made you feel like you're beneath me. I promise, I'll make an effort to be better."
"You mean this?" Madeline asked. "Shake on it?"
Madeline extended her hand.
"I give you my word, I will do what I need to repair things between us," Rose vowed.
"What I need for things to be better, is for you to LOSE for once!" Madeline snapped as she tossed Rose backwards.
Rose stumbled off the platform, though managed to cling to a wooden beam below. She dangled above the dizzying drop, while the meager shaft of wood bent and wobbled concerningly.
"I finally found one thing where I was better than you! Seeing you get sent out of this game was all the validation I needed to finally feel like I had something I could do, that I could be proud of, without having to hear about how you were so much better," Madeline sneered. "And now what? You expect me to let you take that away from me? I'm supposed to be thrilled to crawl back into your shadow because you gave me some half-baked apology? It's too late for that!"
Rose stretched out one of her arms and tried to climb back up. Madeline blocked her attempt at recovering by stepping on her fingers though.
"I'm not letting you win this time," Madeline said. "Only when you know what it feels like to be truly beaten down can you even begin to understand me."
As Madeline leaned over the edge, the wood she was on began to crack. In an instant, the edge of the platform snapped off and Madeline fell forward. Her scarf became snagged on a rough splintered patch of wood, and she was able to cling to this piece of fabric as her only means of holding on. Rose took the chance to pull herself back up. Then she glanced down at Madeline dangling in mid-air. It was clear that the scarf was not going to hold her for long. Rose climbed back down and extended her arm.
"Grab on!" Rose called.
"I don't want your help! I don't need you to save me!" Madeline spat as her scarf began to tear at the seams.
"It kind of looks like you do," Rose insisted.
"That's all I've ever had to hear, every day of my life!" Madeline snapped. " "Why can't you be more like Rose?' "If Rose can do it, why can't you?' 'Just think of what Rose would do.' I'm sick of it! I'm sick of you always being the perfect hero who I could never measure up to!"
"I didn't know!" Rose said. "I didn't know it was hurting you like that! It has never been my goal to hurt you."
"Of course, you just live in your own world where it's all Rose, all the time!" Madeline said. "And maybe for you that's okay because you're just sooo perfect! For me it's a constant reminder of how inadequate I am!"
"You weren't wrong, you know," Rose said. "When you told me I'd never have anyone truly care about me. I've had to prove myself through my achievements, through what I could do…and it's only been until recently that I've found what it feels like to have someone care about me for who I am, not for what I've done! And I realized something else, Madeline, I shouldn't have had to wait that long. All this time, I've had you in my life, and I shouldn't have treated you like a rival. Both of us just needed to feel loved unconditionally, and we could have given that to each other instead of fighting for it."
Madeline's scarf was about ready to snap entirely now.
"So I'm asking you now," Rose urged, "not as your rival, not as a contestant in this game, but as your family, please take my hand!"
The scarf snapped. Madeline dropped. But not before clutching Rose's palm. Rose clenched her teeth but was able to hold onto her cousin and pull them both back up. The two girls breathed heavily as they returned to the broken wooden platform.
"Madeline, I'm sorry," Rose sighed. "I'm sorry that I chose to be ignorant to how you were feeling. You're right, I don't need to help you…we should be helping each other."
Rose stood up again.
"And if we start now, then I think we really do have a shot at taking this thing," Rose declared.
Madeline stood up as well. Rose continued along the unstable apparatus, coming up to a bridge. Madeline walked behind her. Madeline found her mind racing with thoughts. She heard Rose's words echoing her head, yet she felt the burn of fury remaining. She lunged at Rose, ready to shove her off the bridge. Rose stepped aside.
"I'm sorry," Rose said sadly as Madeline charged right over the edge. "I really did mean it."
Madeline dropped like a rock and with a splash landed in the ocean.
"Madeline is OUT of the running!" Jeanette announced. "Only three remain!"
Crow's Nest:
Rose-I really wanted to believe that Madeline and I could make amends and be a team. I suppose that was naive. And I suppose that it's time I stop looking away from the truth. It's clear we have a lot more work to undo the damage of this lifelong competition.
Madeline-Maybe it's for the best. I've spent so long competing with Rose, and it's never once made me feel happy. If I can't beat her at this game, maybe I should just let her have it.
(Viewing Cabin)
Eli ushered Molly and Tiffany to share the same space in the corner.
"Ladies, meet your new best friend!" Eli exclaimed. "Molly, Tiffany. Tiffany, Molly."
"Hey!" Tiffany greeted.
"Meh," said Molly.
"Eli has told me a lot about you," Tiffany said.
"Probably mostly wrong," Molly sighed.
"Oh no need to be worried! He makes it sound like you're great," Tiffany promised.
"Yep, definitely all wrong then," Molly replied.
"Okay!" Eli exclaimed as he stepped between the two. "There might be some differences between us all, but one thing we can all agree on is that we don't want to let the bullies push us around and kick us out of the game. Isn't that where we started with this all, Molly? Getting together the freaks and weirdos and taking power for ourselves?"
"Yeah I guess," Molly remarked.
"That sure felt like a longshot too, and it wasn't always easy," Eli said. "But we're still here, we're still standing, and we have every reason to take another crack at it, no matter what the odds may say."
"That's the spirit!" Tiffany added. "It's like Ariana Grande says-"
"Don't finish that sentence if you want me to retain any shred of respect for you," Molly threatened.
Tiffany mimed zipping her mouth shut. Meanwhile, Cornell studiously approached Lucas and gave him an assertive up and down gaze.
"Well well, my dear sickly child," Cornell greeted, "I must admit that I had my suspicions you might not be able to make it this far. You've earned some respect from me, while piquing my curiosity. You must tell me what skills you displayed to survive two more eliminations with that sort of set up."
Lucas raised his finger requesting a moment, before coughing roughly. Each time he seemed done, he would raise his finger again and engage in another coughing fit. Jake saw his chance to slide himself in next to Lucas.
"I think what my pal is trying to say here is that it was all thanks to me! I'm the one with all the tricks up my sleeve," Jake exclaimed. "Little Lukey here? Oh yeah he was in big trouble. Everyone wanted him gone!"
"Really?" Lucas sighed.
"Oh most definitely, it was all the talk of the town. People were calling him useless, gross, ugly," Jake said.
"Oh," Lucas sighed.
"But where others saw a disgusting little bundle of germs, I saw an opportunity! So I pulled some strings and flipped the script!" Jake boasted.
"I see," Cornell noted. "And you are?"
"I'm the true mastermind!" Jake declared. "But you can just call me Jake!"
Crow's Nest:
Eli-Okay so truth be told, I'm still feeling a little bit shaken by how much of a close call things were last round. Aaaaand Molly doesn't exactly seem to be in a great state of mind either. But you know what? We're going to have to throw those fears aside because I have no intention of just rolling over and accepting defeat.
Jake-I saw the perfect opportunity to knock Lucas's street cred down a few pegs while boosting my own. People need to realize that I'M the badass, not him!
Cornell-In a brilliant move by yours truly, I have allowed the true mastermind to reveal himself, and I barely had to say a word. Sometimes silence is the most powerful weapon of all. And now, my Moriarty, I have you in my sights!
(Forest)
Patty, now adorned with mud and leaves, clung to a branch while she tied together the final knots of her trap. She gave a tug on the rope system she had set up, which revealed a cage suspended in the air.
"The scene is set, now once again we simply gotta wait!" Patty whispered to the camera. "Like a true woman of the outdoors, I've attuned my air to recognize all the sounds of the wild. The songs of the birds-"
Patty paused and listened to the chirping around her.
"The croaking of the frogs," Patty said while again waiting for the rhythmic croaking to fill the air. "The-"
Patty was interrupted by the loud blast of a horn honking.
"What in the world was THAT!?" Patty exclaimed.
Autumn tore through the woods in a roaring go-kart.
"BEEP BIPPITY BOPPITY BEEP!" Autumn laughed maniacally.
"NO! There ain't no automobiles roaming the wild!" Patty pouted.
Patty released her trap, but Autumn managed to zoom right past it and the cage crashed uselessly to the ground. Patty kicked angrily, which caused the branch she was on to break and send her sprawling to the ground.
"Oof!" Patty groaned as she landed in the dirt. "I'm ok, I'm still fine."
"Not for longerloo!" Autumn laughed as he swerved into a U-turn and came back for her.
"Do your worst, punk!" Patty challenged.
Autumn flipped a switch and a claw launched out of front of the kart. Patty yelped and leapt into the air. The steel claw scraped off a chunk of bark from the tree behind her.
"Well that looks like it would have been painful," Patty noted.
Autumn retracted the claw and prepared to swerve around again. Patty meanwhile began gathering up some rope.
"Okay, okay, this ain't no different than trying to wrangle a stallion…just a mechanical stallion with a death claw attached," Patty told herself as she formed a lasso.
Patty slid to the side as Autumn launched the kart's steel claw at her again. Patty then spun her lasso through the air and tossed it at the kart. She managed to wrap it around the back of the vehicle.
"Aha! Gotcha now!" Patty cheered.
"Get DIZZ!" Autumn challenged as he accelerated and dragged Patty behind him.
"Oh no…" Patty gulped as she was pulled along, her boots skidding through the dirt behind the speeding kart.
Autumn tried to drag Patty towards a hole in the ground. Autumn grabbed as he swerved from side to side, trying to launch Patty off. Patty realized what was happening though.
"Oh no you don't!" she exclaimed.
Patty let go and was flung into a nearby patch of brambles.
"CURSEM!" Autumn said as he glanced back at Patty just narrowly missing the hole.
While focusing on her though, Autumn neglected to see that he was now headed straight for a cliff. He turned back to face forward, just a little too late though. He spun the wheel, but this just caused him to skid before heading over the edge.
"Ha HA! Haha ha! I got you!" Patty cheered as she rushed over to the edge to examine her victory.
However, before Patty could begin her dance of triumph, she realized that the kart now hung in very fragile balance atop a large rock jutting out of the cliff.
"Still huuuurrrgh!" Autumn taunted.
"Not for long!" Patty called down. "I just have to wait for you to-"
Suddenly the front of Patty's overalls were caught by the steel claw shooting straight up.
"Yikes!" Patty gulped as she was pulled over the edge.
The sudden movement was enough to dislodge the kart as well though, and both plummeted towards the water…
(Viewing Cabin)
The television suddenly went black.
"Huh!?" Jake exclaimed. "What gives!? I was watching that!"
"Sorry dears," Jeanette said as she entered again, "but we had such a photo finish, I thought it might be best to let the final reveal be a little more dramatic. Now then, if you'll give a big hand to your two returning contestants…"
The door to the cabin opened and purple smoke poured in. Someone stepped forward out of the lavender cloud.
"Hello dears," said Rose. "I'm back."
Rose could barely even pose for the moment before being shoved aside.
"Make way for Patty!" exclaimed the farm girl as she barged in. "That's right, it's Patty time!"
Patty began obnoxiously dancing and twerking in a victory dance before catching sight of the food on the table.
"And a buffet!? For me!? You shouldn't have!" Patty exclaimed, while already filling her mouth with as many handfuls of food she could fit.
"Charming," sighed Rose.
"Yes, yes, Rose and Patty have earned the right to a second chance," Jeanette said. "They will return to the game, and starting with our next round we will have an official merged challenge and elimination between the twelve of you. Now let's get back to the boat."
Crow's Nest:
Patty-That's right, never count out Patty! I was outta this place FIRST and no way was I gonna let that be my final record. I've got somethin' to prove, so step aside or I will plow you right over!
Rose-I don't have Hannah, I don't have Madeline, it's time for me to just be Rose.
(Later)
The group returned to the boat. As Rose arrived, Jeanette gave a concerned look to her.
"My dear, I can't have you go on TV like this," Jeanette sighed. "There are many lines that I've crossed in this industry, but I simply must put my foot down and stay that I can't have you looking like a walking disaster on this boat."
"What am I supposed to do about that?" Rose asked. "I survived a fire."
"And that's very noble of you," Jeanette said. "Not to worry though, I'll have hair and wardrobe fix you up with something. And by hair and wardrobe I mean myself, of course!"
Jeanette ushered Rose onto the boat with the others, and then turned to looked over the edge to a small orange liftraft, holding the eliminated players.
"It's time for you to all leave behind the show for good. You may not have won, but at least you made losing entertaining," Jeanette said. "Goodbye Atlantica, goodbye Miller, goodbye Madeline, and goodbye-wait. Where's Autumn!?"
Sure enough, there were only three bodies in the boat. The others just shrugged.
"Well this won't do," Jeanette sighed. "SECURITY! Oh wait that's right, I don't have security either. I don't really have any staff on this ship, something about the 'Certain Death' waiver really put people off calling back."
"I shall take on the role!" Cornell offered.
"Hm, what qualifications do you have to run security for me?" Jeanette asked.
"Being the Greatest Detective on the Planet!" Cornell replied.
"Works for me, now find that stowaway!" Jeanette ordered.
Around the side of the boat, Molly had quickly distanced herself from everyone else and tried to find a shady space to lurk. Her silence was interrupted by a gurgling from the water though. He peered over the edge only to see Autumn pulling himself out of the ocean and climbing up the side of the boat.
"Autumn!" Molly gasped. "What are you doing here?"
"Had to take once amorra look at'em prettiest face I seen," Autumn said, still dripping wet but not waiting to push aside the dangling strands of Molly's hair.
Cornell peered around the corner and spied Autumn pulling Molly into an embrace.
"AHA!" Cornell exclaimed. "He went thataway!"
Cornell charged in the opposite direction, guiding Jeanette away from the pair.
"Don't let him get away!" Jeanette urged.
"You can't hide out here forever," Molly sighed to Autumn. "Soon you'll be gone again."
"But not youza," Autumn assured while stroking Molly's hair. "Youza starring dis show right up!"
"I don't know," Molly said. "I'm trying, but I just feel hopeless. When I was with you, I felt like I could be someone stronger…without you though, it's the same sad void as it's always been."
"Hmm…wrong ways around," Autumn said with a shake of his head. "With YOUZA is always brightest, brilliant, shining staralee. I sawz that girl, bold and beautifullerelle because youza shook off them darken clouds of MUCK! Youza still that girl, whether I'm here or all the way in Monogolollywho! Don't be anyone else for anyone else but yooz."
"You make it sound so easy," Molly sighed.
Autumn shrugged and remarked, "Eh, just been seenan and lookerling and knows what's belawlo them clouds of MUCK! Thinkz you knowzit too. So don't furrgot it."
"You really think I can be strong enough for that?" Molly asked.
"Doesn't matter a ticalick what I think," Autumn remarked. "Only youza. Can you doz it?"
"I…" Molly began though she paused.
She looked down, then back up at Autumn.
"I can," Molly said with determination. "I won't let anyone stop me. Starting with myself."
Autumn smiled. He pulled Molly in close again and left a kiss on her forehead. Then he offered her a salute and backflipped right back into the ocean.
Crow's Nest:
Molly-Autumn's right. When I was with him, I was beginning to feel like maybe it was okay to hope for good things…and it felt good. Then as soon as he was gone, I went right back to embracing the worst. It's easier…but it doesn't feel good. And the bigger regret would be counting myself out when I've already come this far. I'm not going to live with that regret, I promise that much.
(Conclusion)
"And that does it for our cute little returnee twist," Jeanette said as she watched the sunset. "Patty and Rose overcome the hurdles in their way and will now join back up with the others in time for this merge of twelve. Will they stand a chance? Will they learn from their mistakes? Or are they just waiting to be sent right back out? If you thought the first half was dramatic, just you sit back and reach. We're headed for some turbulent waters so expect a storm to hit us soon…on Total Drama Cruise!"