The Only Exception
"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." -Eric Hoffer
Pink curtains. Ruffly pink curtains were the first thing to assault her senses. The next was the pink and white flowered duvet on her bed. The pink nightstand. A pink carpet. White walls with pink trim. Pink. So much pink.
"Betelgeuse!"
Strike one.
Squeak! What the heck? Autumn ducked back out her newly refurbished room and glanced down the hallway. What on earth was that noise, she murmured to herself and she slowly made her way down to the office. Squeak! There it was again!
Hesitating only a moment, she flung the door open and was assaulted (again!) by books. But not just any books. These books had grown wings and were flapping wildly around the room. All of the books. As soon as Autumn opened the door, they made a beeline for freedom.
With a little shriek of "Betelgeuse!" she ran for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. Panting, she closed her eyes and listened as the books took off throughout the house, some of them slamming up against the door in their haste to escape.
Strike two.
After a moment, they all thumped to the ground. Then it was quiet. Autumn was about to breath a sigh of relief when a gentle hissing noise reached her ears. She opened her eyes and glanced around the bathroom. "What now?"
The shower curtain was closed. She hadn't remembered doing that after her shower. The hiss sounded again, no doubt from the bathtub. Slowly, Autumn crept closer, each footfall coming slow and slower. Slender and pale fingers reached out to hesitantly grasp the white curtain before violently shoving it aside.
Snakes. A whole horde of snakes were writhing together in the bathtub. It was nearly brimming with them, all manner of different colors and sizes. A particularly colorful snake lifted it's head at Autumn and stuck it's tongue out at her.
Again, she didn't scream. Or faint. Or run for her life. Instead, Autumn turned calmly, white as a sheet, and left the bathroom. Outside in the hallway, she slumped down at the top of the stairs and put her head in her hands.
"Just breathe," she told herself. "He's just messing with you, so breathe and keep calm."
He hadn't been sure how she'd react to his prefab tricks, but grudgingly he was impressed. The pink room was a joke. This girl was about as dark as little Lydia was, so that was a minor jab. Poking fun, really.
The bat books, he thought she'd at least get a kick out of that. He hadn't really anticipated on them attacking her, but she was quick enough to get out of harm's way.
Now the snakes...those were meant to scare. A deal breaker. A little revenge for setting him back so soon the night before. Betelgeuse had hoped she wouldn't find them right away. After seeing that lovely six-pack now hanging out in the fridge and chilling, he'd had every intention of whisking the scary away and seeing if she'd let him out again to chat.
Hey, babes. Not a fan of the creepy-crawlies huh?
"I like snakes just fine, thank you!" she snapped, lifting her head and glaring at the closest picture frame, which happened to be where he was looking out from. "But when there's a pile of them in my bathtub...that's crossing a line! And here, I was gonna offer a truce for tonight. Screw that..."
Oh come on, I wasn't really gonna hurt ya or anything. I was just p.o.'ed cause you sent me back so quick last night. That's all, really!
"Fuck you," she muttered under her breath. Her phone rang then and she quickly fished it out of her pocket "What?!"
A couple of seconds later and a breathy apology to Charles, who was on the other end.
"Yes, uncle. The house is great, thank you so much for letting me crash here. It could use a little cleansing" she directed a sneer to the photo frame "but other than that it's great."
"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it up there," Charles said. "Just make sure you get out and do things while you're there. Sitting around an empty house can't be good for anyone, except maybe me."
She laughed and a couple of minutes later ended the conversation. With a snap, she flipped the phone shut and stood up. "I'm so tired. I don't wanna argue, fight, or deal with anything right now. So I'm just going to order pizza and spend the rest of the day with some horror films. Don't bother me."
He thought about apologizing. But that just wasn't his style. And besides, she was being a bitch! He gave her a perfectly logical reason for his actions and she blew it off. Women. To hell with 'em all.
It was early the next morning when the doorbell sounded. Two pizza boxes were strewn across the kitchen table, plates of uneaten pieces graced the coffee table, and a few bottles of beer rested at the foot of the couch, where the heroine of this story now slept. The doorbell rang again, more insistently this time, and Autumn lifted her head to glare blearily in the direction of the door.
"I'm coming, hold your horses," she mumbled as she pulled herself up off the couch. The throw blanket that had been covering her slim frame fell to the floor in the process, knocking over one empty bottle. The doorbell managed to ring one more time before Autumn reached the door, straightened her sweater, and finally wrenched it open.
"Oh! Good morning, I hope I'm not too early," a woman with ginger blond hair and lots of freckles greeted cheerfully.
"No," Autumn grumbled. "I suppose not seeing as I'm awake now."
The woman smiled. "You know, I was a little surprised to see movement up here again. I guess I thought maybe Charles was coming back to finally clean the place up."
"Why would Charles be up here to clean?" she blinked stupidly at this cheerful lady standing on the front porch.
"Oh to sell the place, of course!" the lady laughed. "Forgive me, I'm Karen Butterfield. I'm the local real estate agent in these parts."
"That's nice," Autumn deadpanned. "But I don't think Charles is looking to sell just yet. He's letting me use this place for my writing." Oh man, was she itching for a cup of coffee. Maybe a shower – her mind flashed back to the snakes from yesterday – maybe not then, but definitely coffee. This woman was still standing there, smiling like an idiot and Autumn's mood was growing darker and darker by the second.
Karen's grin grew wider, if possible. "Oh a writer? That's so very interesting. What are you writing about?"
"I don't disclose that kind of information while in the writing process," Autumn replied as politely as she possibly could. "Now, it's very early and I haven't had my coffee yet. So if you don't mind..."
"Oh, of course!" Karen fluttered as though she hadn't realized it was just after sun-up. "Well, if you need anything at all while you're in town, here's my card. Don't hesitate to call!" And with that she took her leave. Using all of her human resolve, Autumn quietly shut the door.
She waited a few more minutes to make sure that woman was really gone before letting loose a string of cuss words. "My god, what an idiot. Who comes calling on a stranger so early in the morning, anyhow?"
Mormons?
"Ugh, I had hoped you were still sleeping..."
After that racket? Yeah, right.
He watched her stumble into the kitchen and stare stupidly at the coffee maker, which was already brewing her daily energy. Frankly, he didn't understand what she saw in the stuff, it smelled horrible. But she did respond more favorably after having consumed it, so today it was in his best interest to keep her sated. He was getting out again today, no matter what.
You know babes, I got a really good idea. If you let me out I know exactly how to keep her from coming back.
"I don't need any strange rumors flying around about either me or this house. I already get enough people asking if this place is haunted or if I've had any weird experiences here. How the hell do I diffuse that if you're actively making shit worse?" was her comeback.
No, no, you gotta trust me. I'll just slip into her bedroom tonight and scare her real good. She'll either check herself into a funny farm or get an exorcism.
Autumn fixed herself a cup of coffee and slumped down into a chair. "She may be annoying, but not enough for me to want her permanently messed up. So just chill out, poltergeist."
You gotta work with me here, babes. If you want something done, I'm your guy. I can do just about anything.
"Except shut up," she retorted, but there was a smile playing around her lips nonetheless. "So tell me, why did you try to marry my cousin all those years ago? Would that really have gotten you out for good?"
Well, uh, those are the rules...I think.
"You think!" she cried. "You mean, you don't even know?"
Works everywhere else, don't it?
"Is such a thing even legally recognized, I wonder..." she murmured into her cup. "I mean, gay marriage is still illegal in most parts of the world, and it's wrong to marry an animal. I would reckon marrying a dead person would be equally taboo."
What do you say we give a try and see what happens then?
"You're disgusting," she grinned. "And no thanks."
Anytime you change your mind, babe. I'm the most eligible bachelor in town, after all.
Sure he was. Autumn finished up her coffee in peace before heading upstairs to put on clean clothes. Then she packed up her laptop and took off for the diner.