Chapter 4: Return
Summary:
In this chapter, Subaru and Bastian begin their Undertaking.
Chapter Text
Desolation. This word best encapsulated the sight before them as they made their approach to the mansion. Having approached from the north, they had yet to see what state Irlam Village was in, but if the mansion was any indicator, it wouldn't be pretty.
Though it was at an angle Subaru wasn't used to seeing it from, the mansion appeared to be more ruined than he recalled from failed loops. Though it'd been over three months since he'd fled Lugunica, this wouldn't have been enough time for the mansion to fall into this state of decay naturally.
He found the level of destruction oddly familiar.
Subaru: [It's like the loot house, but worse…]
Bastian: [Loot house?]
Subaru: [In the Capital's slums, there was this loot house ran by a giant. It got destroyed during… a tense encounter.]
Bastian: [Must've been some encounter to level a building.]
Subaru: [Yeah, well… Reinhard was part of it.]
Bastian: [Know the Sword Saint, too? Keep some interesting company.]
Subaru: [Yeah…]
Bastian: [Well, used to.]
Subaru: [… yeah…]
Another biting remark. It seemed to imply two possibilities: that Puck and Reinhard were dead, or that he would no longer be accepted as their friend. The former seemed hard to believe, especially in Reinhard's case. The latter, however, was something Subaru expected of everyone he'd left behind.
Subaru: [Given this level of destruction, I'm guessing Puck turned into that huge beast…]
In a couple failed loops, Subaru witnessed Puck transform into a massive beast with teeth the size of his forearm and cold blue eyes that pierced the soul. In this form, speaking with utter contempt for the world and everyone within it in light of his surrogate daughter's demise, he released a snowstorm to engulf the world.
Subaru had assumed that, had he survived past that point, he would see the world freeze solid. There was one thing he hadn't considered previously, though.
Subaru: [Reinhard…]
At the time, Reinhard had been away tending to a courtesy call. As such, Subaru hadn't considered that the Sword Saint would be the one to respond to the threat posed by Puck.
The ruined mansion spoke volumes to the contrary.
Subaru: [… this was my fault.]
In running away, the Witch Cult succeeded in their aim to put Emilia through the Ordeal. Her death caused Puck to eschew any and all concern for the world at large, leading to the snow they now walked upon. This snow threatened to damage an already economically struggling kingdom if it spread further into the heartland. As such, a Hero would emerge to end the threat posed by Puck.
One simple decision had led to two of his friends fighting.
Subaru: [Would there even be a body left?]
Recalling the all-consuming white radiance generated by Reinhard's swordsmanship back at the loot house, he failed to understand how anything could possibly be left behind of his intended target.
Bastian: [Being a spirit, in death, his mana would disperse into the environment around him. Wouldn't be a body.]
This caused Subaru to clutch his chest. He tightly gripped his sweater as he grimaced from the toll this information had taken on him.
Then, a glimmer of hope emerged in his mind.
Subaru: [But Elsa survived…]
Bastian: [Elsa?]
Subaru: [Yeah… Elsa Granhiert, I believe. The Bowel Hunter. Even Reinhard had been unable to kill her with that power of his.]
Bastian: [Interesting. Maybe Puck lives, then, right? That what you're getting at?]
Subaru: […]
Something about Bastian's words pushed back Subaru's hopeful suppositions.
Bastian: [Knew that Puck would do this. How?]
Subaru: […]
This wasn't a question Subaru could answer without triggering the Taboo. His grip on his sweater tightened further, his knuckles whitening.
Thankfully, he was good at talking around this obstacle.
Subaru: [Puck was something of a father figure to Emilia. I knew that if anything were to happen to her, he'd take drastic measures.]
Bastian: [Hmm. Would he want to live without her?]
Subaru: [… no.]
The scene of Puck and Reinhard's battle was practically right before Subaru's eyes now. He could picture Puck submitting to his fate at Reinhard's hands.
Subaru stared despondently at the snow, until he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.
Bastian: [Best get to it.]
Having patted Subaru's shoulder, he took the initiative as he began to walk toward the ruined mansion.
Walking around from the back of the mansion, they reach the courtyard out front. It was the area Subaru would always approach when traveling back from his errands in Irlam Village with Rem. The stables weren't too far away. In this space, Subaru almost felt wistful, until he saw figures standing frozen. They weren't people he knew, but he recognized their silhouette, as well as their dark robes with pointed hoods.
Subaru: [Witch Cultists…]
Subaru growled this utterance out as he began to seethe at the sight of these interlopers.
Bastian: [No doubt frozen in place by Puck. Lead on.]
Subaru: [Huh? I thought you were going to lead.]
Bastian: [Why? Not familiar with this place. You are. Lead on.]
The prodding was becoming unbearable. He desperately wanted Bastian to rein in the callousness a bit, or at least to switch back to the kindness and understanding he fleetingly demonstrated.
Now the initiative was Subaru's. What would his first objective be? Who would he look for first?
Subaru: [… Rem…]
It was natural he'd think to find Rem first, if only because she'd been the person he'd spent the most time with prior to his flight from Lugunica. She'd even been the last person he spoke with prior to running away. Recency and frequency indeed played their roles in his decision, though his affections for her doubtlessly influenced this decision, as well.
Bastian: [Who's that?]
Subaru: [She was the girl I wanted to run away with. Where could she be…?]
He tried to recall the failed loops to discern where she could be.
Subaru: [The garden?]
He and Bastian investigated the garden out front for any signs of her remains, but to no avail.
Subaru: [… second floor…]
In another failed loop, he recalled finding Ram on the second floor. Since Rem had rushed back to the mansion for her sister's sake…
Subaru: [We should check the second floor.]
Bastian: [Lead on.]
He heeded Bastian's command as they trudged through the snow and into the remains of Roswaal's mansion.
Subaru: [How are we supposed to search under these conditions?]
The interior proved difficult to navigate due to the sheer amount of debris obstructing most every pathway.
Suddenly, Subaru felt another firm pat on his shoulder.
Bastian: [Shinza.]
A faint white aura enveloped Subaru as he felt sudden invigoration. He felt as though he could lift anything. He began to effortlessly dig through the rubble. Under better circumstances, he may describe the sensation as satisfying, but the somberness of the occasion kept his spirits low.
After about an hour of clearing rubble, they had finally cleared a path to the second floor.
Subaru: [I'd bet anything that this is where we'll find them…]
His earlier trepidation had disappeared entirely at this point. He was beyond compelled to find them now, unable to stop his feet from moving forward. It was the same unstoppable momentum one might experience climbing a great mountain. He remembered the term for that compulsion: summit fever, the drive of a climber to reach the summit regardless of consequence.
Fear had taken a back seat for the first time in months. The last time he'd felt this way was probably while diving off of a cliff into many jagged rocks. This feeling went beyond concepts of bravery or determination.
Despite the influence of Bastian's magic, Subaru felt breathless as they'd reached their summit. The strength that had permeated him wasn't enough for his knees, as he collapsed to the ground at the sight of the scene laid out before him.
Subaru: [Rem… Ram…]
The two maids were on the floor. Lacerations and stab wounds were abound on their bodies. If any cruel silver lining could be gleaned, it would be the fact Rem's limbs hadn't been twisted and contorted this time, and their eyes were still intact.
This latter fact did precious little to comfort him, though. While Ram's eyes were closed, Rem's weren't. They remained opened, glossed over like those of a doll. Frozen streaks of tears remained on her cheeks. He shakily pulled their frozen corpses in to embrace them as tears streamed down his own face.
Bastian: [Hmm. Understood. Rem must've fought her way to her sister, sustaining many injuries along the way. Her sister seems to've died in her arms.]
Subaru continued to weep as Bastian announced his own deductions. He felt yet another pat on his back, but this time it wasn't firm. It was gentle.
Bastian: [Let it all out.]
The droll monotone was softer here, providing comfort in an unexpected way. Subaru readily acquiesced, continuing to weep for what felt like hours.
After the tears subsided, he slowly rose back to his feet, wiping his eyes on his sleeves.
Subaru: [… thank you.]
There was no response. Subaru couldn't be sure, but he felt like Bastian probably nodded in response. His eyes were still fixed on the tragedy before him, so he didn't pay much mind to his companion's reaction.
As he looked down at the two, a sentiment wells up in him.
Subaru: [You know, you probably would've liked Ram.]
Bastian: [Oh?]
Subaru: [Yeah. She was also a proponent of tough love. She was rarely if ever sweet outright. It was always concealed under that prickly exterior of hers…]
There was no response to this assumption. Bastian simply stared down at Ram's remains, seeming to be lost in thought. Wordlessly, he crouched down to pick her up to exhume her from the ruined mansion. Subaru decided to follow suit with Rem.
Subaru: [Don't worry, Rem… your Hero's here…]
His words were drenched with self-mocking venom as he crouched down to pick her up. He could scarcely imagine how it was that he of all people had inspired any change in her. Just thinking about Rem's words of encouragement brought the tears back to his eyes.
Having removed the bodies of Rem and Ram from the mansion, the duo draped sheets from one of the mansion's many linen closets over them.
Bastian: [Who else could be in there?]
Subaru began pondering this morose query. He ordinarily wouldn't want to. He'd ordinarily seek to avoid thinking about this subject with every fiber of his being. But it was too late for second thoughts. He was already embroiled in this undertaking.
Subaru: [… there's a secret passage that I believe led to an escape route, or maybe a panic room… Emilia's probably there. Beatrice… I've almost never seen her outside of her library. She's likely in there. Hopefully I still have that uncanny ability to find it, though…]
Bastian: [Shouldn't it be in the same place it was last time you saw her?]
Subaru: [No. It's a magical library. It fixes itself to doors in the mansion at random, or at her choosing. I'm not really sure which…]
Not that the distinction mattered. Time and time again, Subaru had found Beatrice's Forbidden Library effortlessly in the past, much to her chagrin. However, all sorts of doubts and insecurities had marred Subaru since he left Lugunica. For example, could he perhaps have lost his knack for finding Beatrice?
Subaru: [… then there's the villagers. They're likely all back at Irlam Village…]
The village itself was probably in no better state than the mansion, having been assaulted by Witch Cultists. If seeing Rem and Ram in their state had rent his heart to pieces, seeing a village full of murdered innocents would be too much. Repeat exposure had done little to desensitize Subaru to such tragic sights. In way, this was good. It meant his humanity had been retained. However, some part of him longed for the numbing comfort that desensitization could bring.
Bastian: [Sounds like a lot of people.]
He said this as he checked the sky. The sun was beginning to set, as they'd arrived in the mid-afternoon.
Bastian: [Maybe should set camp for the evening, start back up tomorrow.]
Subaru: [… no.]
Bastian raised an eyebrow at this response. Though that single word was spoken with timidity, there was an underlying assertiveness that carried it forward.
Subaru: [I can't stop now. Not when we've just gotten started.]
His hands shook, partially out of fury directed towards his past self and partially toward the Witch Cult that had perpetrated this catastrophe. Though part of him wanted to take a break as Bastian suggested, the greater part of him rejected this notion. It was part of his cowardly past, something to be purged rather than acted upon. Consciously or unconsciously, he knew he had a lot to make up for.
Subaru: [We have to keep going. I… I need to find Emilia…]
The promise he'd failed to keep nipped at his mind's heels incessantly. Once, with his dying breath, he'd sworn that he'd save Emilia no matter what. Now, he had a gaping void inside of him left from this broken promise. Finding Emilia and giving her a proper burial would only be the first step of an arduous journey. Inside Subaru's head, he'd already began formulating how he could begin to try and make it up to her.
Bastian: [… very well. Back to it, then.]
The two of them returned inside the remains of Roswaal's mansion and got back to work clearing rubble. They worked restlessly in their pursuit of finding the secret passage that Subaru remembered.
After having worked well into the night, they found the hidden entrance to this passage.
Subaru: [There… just down these stairs…]
Bastian: [Lead on.]
Subaru's hands began shaking again. The trepidation that had left him had suddenly returned. It wasn't born purely from fear, though. There was anticipation, or maybe suspense, that hung around him. His breathing became shallow and quiet as they descended the stone spiral stairs down to the passage. He didn't want to see her, but this was no longer a matter of want. Now, it was purely a matter of necessity.
Thick frost clung to the walls leading to the passage. As they approached the door, Subaru eyed its handle. He recalled a failed loop, where he had lost several fingers from the preternatural frost that covered that door handle. He reflexively clutches his right hand just thinking about it.
Fortunately for him, the door was already ajar.