Chapter 6: The Undertaking
Summary:
In this chapter, Subaru and Bastian continue their Undertaking, having a tense conversation along the way.
Chapter Text
Morning dawned as Subaru stirred.
Subaru: [Ugh… where… am I?]
Bastian: [Irlam Village.]
Subaru [Uah!]
Subaru was taken by surprise to receive an actual answer to his question. He was in a house that he found unfamiliar, but having been told they were in Irlam Village, this made sense. Having a premade structure to camp for the night made sense. However, there were some implications that didn't sit well with Subaru.
First of all, this had been someone's house. While whoever this house used to belong to was no longer alive, and certainly would no longer need the shelter, it was still a home. It'd been a place where lives were lived out. Meals had been shared here and celebrations held here. It felt as though they were trespassing on a special place.
As for the other implication…
Subaru: [… how did I get here, Bastian? What happened?]
Bastian handed Subaru a bowl of porridge he'd cooked using ingredients frozen in the previous occupants' larder. As if it wasn't bad enough that they'd coopted the house of a deceased villager, now they were eating their food? Subaru wanted to say he had no appetite, but truthfully, he was starving. He tried to push these thoughts of intrusion out of his head.
Bastian: [Carried you here after dealing with Petelgeuse. You collapsed. Worked yourself hard yesterday. Without Shinza, you had nothing keeping you standing.]
Though he'd woken up disoriented from the events of last night, Bastian's brief explanation worked surprisingly well at jogging Subaru's memory. It was coming back to him. The possession. The Rite of Absolution. Finding Emilia…
Subaru: [… Emilia!]
He felt sick to his stomach, covering his mouth with grief. In the struggle with Petelgeuse, he'd completely forgotten to exhume Emilia from the remains of Roswaal's mansion.
Subaru: [How… how could I forget so easily?]
Bastian: [A lot happened last night. If you'd had the strength to do so, you'd have gone back. Certainly.]
Comforting words from a man who'd previously leaned heavily on callousness. Why did it seem that Bastian was hardest on him when he wanted to take it easy, and easiest on him when he wanted to be hard on himself?
Bastian: [Know you want to get back to it. Eat first. Then we can go.]
Subaru: [… okay.]
He wanted to protest this sudden change of tune but decided to not to be scornful in light of this kindness.
While eating, Subaru had some additional questions about the events of last night.
Subaru: [So that Rite of Absolution… what was that, exactly?]
Bastian: [Rite of my faith. Invoked to purify corrupted spirits, rid them of impurities. Rarely invoked, though. Only if the spirit is a danger to itself, other spirits, or innocents. Only one spirit has ever resisted it.]
Subaru: [Oh yeah? Who's that?]
Bastian: [Gaddogi Guadozeaddo. Powerful spirit, bordering on the level of a Great Spirit. Had to be imprisoned instead, with an exclusion zone around where it's sealed.]
Subaru: [… that name's a mouthful…]
Bastian: [Indeed. Getting cold feet?]
Subaru: [Well, we've been trudging through snow for weeks now…]
Bastian: [Subaru.]
This caught him off guard. It may just be the first time he'd directly referred to him by his name. It carried weight. Though Bastian's expression remained as listless as it had been as long as he'd known the former knight, the amount of eye contact he was receiving marked this as a serious moment.
Subaru: [Alright, I knew what you meant… I'm fine.]
Bastian: [Are you?]
Subaru: [… no.]
It seemed lying was useless around this man.
Bastian: [No sense in putting up fronts. No sense in lies. They only require more lies to stave of the inevitable collapse. Easier living through truth.]
Subaru wanted to call Bastian a hypocrite again. If it were easier living through the truth, then why hadn't he turned himself in after he came to and found those other knights dead at his feet and that village in ruins? However, Subaru recalled Bastian's hunch that there was something else at play, something that prevented him from removing the possibility of his innocence.
It also probably wouldn't play well to denigrate his only ally.
Bastian: [Wanna talk?]
Subaru: [… it's just… a lot, y'know? Too much. Having to see them like this, and… knowing I'll have to put them in the ground.]
Subaru tried to keep eating his porridge, but found his throat was tightening. How was it he could still find it in him to cry? He was resisting with all he had to reserve those tears for later. He knew Bastian would probably tell him not to hold it back, but he fortunately pushed these feelings back down so he could continue speaking.
Subaru: [How about you? That rite sounds like it required a great deal. I vaguely recall you clutching that medallion of yours as you invoked it…]
Bastian: [Yes. Considering my disgrace… was pleasantly surprised it worked.]
He smiled faintly as he clutched his medallion once more. A flicker of warm emotion appeared in his cold eyes. His expression was the very picture of wistfulness.
Subaru: [… wow. Didn't think you could smile. Yeah, you really would've gotten along well with Ram…]
He couldn't help but to see Bastian and Ram as kindred spirits. He imagined they would've been the best of friends, riffing on Subaru just to build him back up. Sadly, this was never to be.
Subaru shook off this sobering thought and scarfed down his breakfast, which was now cold. Bastian himself had already eaten his porridge prior to Subaru waking up.
Subaru wanted to say something to the effect of "time to get back to it," but he found that such a line was better suited for a factory assembly line or an office space than it was for his present Undertaking. He didn't want to sully it with such a casual sentiment. Instead, he got up without a word. Somehow, he knew Bastian would pick up on this cue that it was time to get going.
Subaru walked with a brisk pace back to the ruined mansion. Bastian lagged behind, keeping his usual lethargic pace. This didn't really bother Subaru, though. He knew he'd catch up eventually.
Returning to the inner sanctum where Emilia laid, he gently picked her up as he had with Rem. He was torn as to whether he should look at her anguished face again, as it filled his heart with rue. At the same time, beneath that anguished expression, he could still see the lovely girl he'd fallen for all those months ago. His angel. His goddess.
Subaru: [I'd always wanted to carry her… but not like this.]
Bastian: [Cared for her dearly, it seems.]
Subaru: [She saved my life. I… I loved her. So much. I never even got to tell her how I felt. I'm such a coward…]
Bastian: [Complicated emotions you seem to've had.]
Subaru: [Really? Seems pretty straightforward to me.]
Bastian's remark deeply confused Subaru. He'd just professed his love for Emilia. What was so complicated about that?
Bastian: [Well, it was Rem you were planning to run away with, yes?]
Subaru: [That's…]
This question gave Subaru pause. He forgot that he'd mentioned this to Bastian when exhuming Rem and Ram yesterday. However, there were extenuating factors that demanded attention.
Bastian: [Ah, but you and Rem were in the Capital. Emilia was here. Naturally, chose to run away with the one nearest by.]
Something about this explanation didn't sit well with Subaru. While it was undeniable that Rem had been the more immediately available of the two, this wasn't exactly why he'd chosen to run away with her.
Subaru: [Actually… the last time Emilia and I spoke didn't really go too well…]
He recalled the argument he'd had with Emilia just after a disgraceful incident had led to him being beaten. Her parting words stung him deeply to this day. It seemed Subaru had an unfortunate knack for parting ways with the girls he loved after heated arguments.
Bastian: [So Rem was the back up?]
Subaru: [That's wrong, too!]
Bastian: [Alright. Then between the two, who'd you have chosen?]
Another question that struck Subaru to his core. Who would he choose between his two great loves? He'd cared dearly for both of them. Being forced to choose felt cruel to him.
Subaru: [That's… that's impossible to answer…]
Bastian: [Ho, so what, thought you could have both?]
Subaru: ["Have both?!" They were people, y'know!]
Bastian: [Don't get self-righteous. Know what I meant. Don't quibble over semantics.]
Subaru gritted his teeth, but his mindfulness prevented him from letting his anger get much further than that. The fact that he was still carrying Emilia allowed him to cool down.
Looking down at Emilia, his heart churned. Who would he have chosen?
Subaru: [When all is said and done… I probably would've chosen Emilia.]
Bastian: [Why's that?]
Subaru: [It's like I said: she saved my life. She was the first person to show me any kindness upon arriving in Lugunica. Ever since we first met, I'd wanted to prove that I was worthy of that kindness… worthy of that chance she took on me…]
He stared sullenly at Emilia as he had a worrying thought.
Subaru: [I… think I was unworthy of her. Maybe I always was…]
Bastian: [What of Rem? Were you worthy of her?]
Subaru: […]
Bastian: [Called yourself her "Hero" earlier…]
Subaru: [I… loved Rem. I think she loved me, too, after all we'd been through. In the end though, I don't think I was Hero enough for her, or for anyone, for that matter…]
Bastian fell silent as they slowly made their way out of the ruined mansion. Maybe it because he felt as though he'd gone too far in his interrogation of Subaru? Maybe it was because he had no further questions. It was hard to say with this ardent proponent of the toughest love.
Back outside, the two gathered Rem and Ram along with Emilia. With the aid of Shinza, Subaru insisted on carrying both Emilia and Rem. Bastian didn't press the matter from moments earlier, granting him the strength to carry both bodies. He carried Ram as he had yesterday.
Subaru: [Let's go to Irlam. There's a site not far from there that would make an ideal resting place. We can lay the villagers to rest there, as well.]
Bastian simply nodded in response as they made their way to the village.
The place looked as desolated as the mansion. Roofs had caved in on most of the small houses in the village. The house he and Bastian had stayed in last night was one of the few that was still largely intact. Most bore evidence of having previously been on fire, likely due to the Witch Cultists. Subaru recalled how most of them seemed to have been capable of casting Fire Magic.
Some Witch Cultists had been killed in the village, and others remained frozen solid. If Petelgeuse had been more tenacious, he could've made his way to Irlam to prolong their "battle," though the result likely would've been the same for the Sin Archbishop.
Bastian: [Have hurt your hands enough. Allow me.]
Bastian took it on himself to destroy the remaining frozen Witch Cultists. Like knocking on a door, he tapped the sheath on his left hip, and all eight of Ris emerged.
Bastian: [Radiant Array.]
All eight of Ris coordinated an assault against the frozen Witch Cultists. They each took aim at their own targets and released Jiwald against them. The top halves of each target was vaporized. The remaining bottom halves crumbled where they had previously stood whole.
Subaru: [T-thanks…]
He still felt the pain in his hands from relentlessly punching the solid bodies of the frozen Witch Cultists last night. They'd been wrapped by Bastian in crude bandages from scavenged rags while he'd been unconscious. It seemed as though for every cruel barb and harsh push he received from Bastian he received some kindness to balance it out.
With this bit of petty vicarious vengeance out of the way, the two set about gathering the remains of the villagers.
Petra. Lucas. Dine. Meina. Cain. Milde. Muraosa. They gathered everyone. Unfortunately, unlike the bodies found within the ruined mansion, the villagers hadn't fared as favorably. They'd clearly been cruelly tortured by the Witch Cultists. Many were missing their eyes, tongues, or ears. Usually, it was some combination of these three were missing, but rarely was it all of them. Their bodies were covered bruises and lacerations. They likely had fought back fruitlessly.
Seeing these atrocities twisted Subaru's stomach into knots. At one point while exhuming the villagers, Subaru had to stop to vomit. He'd thought about asking Bastian to use his Sound Mind Spirit Art on him again. Subaru opted to press on in spite of his discomfort, however. Some part of him had to agree with Bastian: penance shouldn't be so easy.
They gathered everyone at the foot of a wide snowy field.
Bastian: [Curious. Why here?]
Hearing this query, Subaru smiled bittersweetly. He looked out into that field with a sense of nostalgia washing over him.
Subaru: [This place used to be a beautiful field of wildflowers. A while ago, Emilia and I had our first date out here.]
Bastian: [Date?]
Subaru: [… you don't know what a date is either, huh? Must be a class thing, then.]
Subaru had previously considered Emilia's lack of knowledge on dating to be part of a sheltered upbringing, or perhaps that dating wasn't a Lugunican custom. With Bastian, a Gustekan and a former knight of faith, also not knowing about dating, it seemed more likely to be chalked up to class.
Subaru: [A date is when two people who like each other spend time together doing something. Y'know, like getting some dinner or going on a walk.]
Bastian: [Or frolicking in a field of flowers.]
Bastian made this supposition as he stared out over the snowy field. He seemed to be musing about something.
Subaru: [Yes, exactly!]
How could it be that a moment of genuine bonding was happening between him and Bastian, and during such an undertaking to boot? This thought wasn't lost on Subaru, though he put it out of his mind. This place wasn't meant for unpleasantness.
From here, they got to digging. They had fortunately found shovels back in Irlam, though the soil was frozen. Shinza made the digging go by quicker, though even with this aid, digging all the graves took well into the night. From there, they lowered the bodies down to receive proper burial.
Once this menial part of the undertaking was complete, Subaru was wiped out. Even still, he knew there was more to be done.
Subaru: [Beako…]
Bastian: [The girl in the magical library you mentioned yesterday?]
Subaru: [Yeah… she could still be there. We… we have to go check.]
Bastian: [Shouldn't you rest? Been working for hours. Probably exhausted.]
Subaru: [Oh, I am. If it weren't for your magic, I'd be out like a light. But I have to keep moving. If there's even a chance she could still be alive…]
Bastian leaned down to offer his hand to Subaru.
Bastian: [Understood.]
With a weary smile, Subaru accepted this hand, getting back on his feet. The two slowly made their way back to the ruined mansion one last time.