Methods of Amusement
~Chapter Four~
Kidnapped By Kids
"Julius~! Wakey wakey~ sleephead! I made breakfast! Breakfast~! Brekky brekky brekky~!"
Julius lets out a long, tortured groan, lifting his head fractionally to glare at me sleepily before resting it back on the table once more. "Go away."
"I have food," I coax, waving the steaming plate of bacon and eggs in front of his face and watching in satisfaction as his nose twitches.
"Go away."
"... I have coffee."
With a grunt and a groan Julius rises into a sitting position in his seat at his desk. I'm surprised there was enough room for his head on the desk amongst all the clocks and tools. That desk is a neat freaks worst nightmare at first glance. The owner of said desk looks around blearily before his sleepy gaze settles on me. "Where's the coffee?"
I give the clockmaker a reprimanding look. "It's not good for you to fall asleep in funny places like that, Julius. One might feel the need to take photos— ahem, I mean, it's not good for your back. Yep, let's go with that."
"Where's the coffee?"
"Jeesh, here." I mutter, handing the poor man his salvation. "I never realised you were this badly not a morning person. One needs to know things like that, Julius. Like, what if you slept with a gun and I came in to wake you up but I startled you and then—"
"More. More coffee."
"Jesus Christ!" I look down in shock, eyes locking onto the empty mug. Not a single drop of coffee is left over. It's a big mug and it was full. Like so full that I actually spilled some on the way here. "Where did you put all that?! What are you, some type of God?!"
"More coffee."
"Bloody hell! Fine, you high maintenance prick of a lemur." I grumble as I go and refill his cup. I come back to see him slumped against his desk once more.
"JULIUS!"
He barely even does so much as flinch, peering up at me with a look to kill. I gesture to the coffee mug and he slouches into a sitting position once more.
"For crying out loud Julius, when was the last time you slept? A week ago?" I ask incredulously as I hand him his second mug of coffee.
"Somewhat." comes his grumpy reply before he downs half the contents of the cup in one go.
"That's not healthy." I note, referring both to his method of drinking coffee and sleeping patterns. "You need to sleep, Julius. I'll go the amusement park myself today, I know the way. You rest and if I come back to find you awake and working so help me I'll hurt you so bad your great-great-great grandchildren feel it!"
"N-no, I can—" Julius tries to stand but his legs wobble and give out on him.
I cross my arms, watching as he slumps back onto his desk. "That's what I thought. And don't sleep on your desk, you have a bed." I say as I make my way out of the clock tower. Julius' groan of acknowledgement barely reaches my ears as I go out the front door and into the wonderful (scenery-wise— I don't really care for some of the people (cough-Peter-cough)) world.
I reach the Amusement Park in no time and flash my premium pass at the gatekeepers. I don't really need to: I've come here so much in the past few days that they know who I am anyway.
I don't even have to walk more than five steps before I am engulfed in a tight hug with a fluffy boa lining. "Shiki!" Boris cries happily, nuzzling his chin into the crook of my neck. Ah, that tickles!
He releases me and links his arm with mine excitedly as he leads us somewhere. "I thought of the best thing to do today! You can come to my place, and we can do stuff there. I have a few games I think you'd like, and there's also some—"
I really want Boris to finish talking, I really do, but I'm a klutz. And I trip a lot. And that is just what I happen to do.
"Whooooooooooops!" I cry as my foot catches on a brick that sticks up a little from among its level, flat companions. I lurch forward but arms loop around my waist, keeping me suspended in the air.
"Oh my god you're such a klutz." Boris laughs as he puts me the right way up. A small blush of embarrassment colours my cheeks as I rub the back of my neck with a sheepish laugh."
"Heh heh, whups." I mutter, shaking out my leg. Boris takes my arm again and continues to lead us as he chatters away.
Boris is quite the loquacious character when he wants to be.
"And I also want to show you all my weapons! Alice never really liked them much, but hopefully you will—"
Again with the 'Alice'. I really want to know who she is, but I keep forgetting to ask Julius.
I continue talking and playing around with Boris as we walk towards wherever his place is. I'm going to laugh so hard if it turns out to be a massive cat scratcher hide out. I laugh out loud at the thought and the cat in question shoots me a curious look. I shake my head at him, chuckling. Oh god, I'm such a laugh.
Boris chatters amiably, cutting himself off every now and then to point out certain shops or places he frequents. There is this one clothing store where although the clothing isn't entirely my style, I'd still wear it anyway because it is so damn cool. The Cheshire cat made sure to show me the shop where he got all his piercings done. It is a nicely furbished tattoo parlour, which surprises me because I didn't think they had those here. It's a pleasant surprise; even if I don't get tattoos or anything I still enjoy going into parlours to look at all the amazing art.
In fact, it is right as we pass the parlour that Boris loses track of his original thoughts completely.
"—so when we get to my place, we can— ohmyfishsticks look at that! Sale! There's a sale! Come on, Shiki!"
I swear, anything shiny and he's gone. The rose-haired cat literally drags me into the parlour, hand gripping mine in a tight but comfortable way. I'm in awe as I gaze at the art on the walls. It's so completely different here! The style is incredible. Bizarre patterns and colour combinations swirl about the walls on the separate pieces of paper. The art I have seen in my world can't even compare to what I'm seeing now. My mouth hangs open in awe and incredulity, my hand slipping from Boris' as I stay rooted to the spot and he dashes on to the display window, gawking at a shiny golden piercing.
At some point I manage to tear myself away from the wall, moving to stand beside the cat and peer over his shoulder. He is basically drooling at the sight of a solid, fish-bone piercing.
"Don't you already have one of those?" I ask, peering back at his tail. Oh, the design is different. Where the one he currently has is solid as well, this one has intricate patterns engraved into it. In a completely depressing moment I realise, as I rake my eyes over the rest of his piercings, that every single one of them seems to be solid gold. Solid, shiny gold.
Upon a close examination, it is brought to my knowledge that the new piercing Boris is looking at is also pure, solid, shiny gold.
Oh my, I seem to have just mentally imploded. Please excuse me a moment whilst I tidy up the mess.
"You can never have too many." Boris mutters absentmindedly. He jumps up all of a sudden, grabbing me as he runs to the counter.
"Hey, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, Caboose!" he calls loudly, causing a faceless to rush to the counter in a panic. Considering he's a faceless and therefore has no eyes, he's pretty good looking. Dark auburn hair covers the right side of his face in a sweeping style, snake bites adorning his lips and several piercings in his ears, including a stretcher. A gorgeous grin splits his face as he takes in the cat in front of me.
"Hey Boris, long time no see. Back for another one?" he asks happily, leaning on the glass countertop. Intricate and detailed tattoos colour his biceps and trail down to his elbows where they disperse. I'm female, I can't help it as I notice his lean but sinewy figure. He's still not as ripped as Boris, though.
Distracting thoughts there, Mr Thought Process. Would you mind not doing that while I'm around those people next time?
"Nah, but I want that one in the window. You know which one." Boris says happily, literally bouncing on the spot as he transfers his weight to the balls of his feet and then back.
"Of course I do. I put it there just so you'd see it." Caboose grins cutely, moving around the glass counter as he pulls his keys on a ring from his back pocket. He rounds it completely, Boris and I turning to face him. He freezes as he sees me, mid-step in his journey to the window. His face screams shock as I shoot him a grin.
"Hi."
"Ah, that's right!" Boris exclaims, wrapping my arm around my shoulders in a friendly gesture. "Caboose, this is Shiki. She's a friend of mine!" Boris then leans forward like he's about to share the best secret in the world, and whispers. "She's a foreigner that got here just a few days ago!"
Caboose's mouth drops open, making me laugh.
"You'll catch flies." I laugh, shooting him a friendly smile. He snaps his mouth shut, utterly speechless from what I can tell.
"I- I've never met a foreigner before." He stutters in amazement, flushing the slightest bit. Oh gosh, he's adorable!
Boris tilts his head to the side in confusion. "Haven't you ever met Alice before?" he asks, this cute, confused pout on his lips. "I could've sworn you have... Oh, no, that's right! She said she didn't understand my affinity with this place and piercings."
Now, I really don't see why that is. This place is so cool!
"You have mentioned that before." Caboose says, recovering from his initial surprise. His gaze turns to me and he flashes me a grin, which I happily return.
"Right, the piercing." He says, as though suddenly remembering. He dashes over to the window to retrieve it, coming back around the counter once he re-locks the window.
"Alright, you know the deal Boris. Same as usual." Caboose says, speaking to Boris but unable to tear his gaze away from me.
"Ok." the cat besides me says happily, flicking his wrist and handing the notes to his faceless friend. I eye his hand suspiciously; where did that money even come from?
"Alright Caboose, we're off! See ya later!" Boris waves, gripping my hand and tugging me along behind him as he exits the shop. I wave at Caboose as I am dragged away by the ever eager Cheshire Cat.
Boris gushes to me about his collection of different piercings at his place as we continue on down the coloured stone path. I listen avidly, wondering how each piercing he described would look on him. I peer back at his tail, the urge to touch it stronger than ever. I mentally slap myself, grasping my hands together in an attempt to restrain myself.
"Oh, and there's probably even some you could wear! Maybe you'd like this one, it's really shiny but it's white gold, not gold-gold, so—"
"Onee-chan!"
I nearly fall over in alarm. Oh crap, is that—
"Found you, Onee-chan!"
The hairs on my neck stand up as my ears pick up a strange whooshing noise coming closer from my left. With a yelp, I duck down, only just missing the swipe right where my head was a mere milliseconds ago of the wicked blade belonging to one of the twins' axes. My stomach drops in utter alarm and sheer shock.
"GAH! You little— don't swing those things at me when I'm not watching!" I yelp, dodging yet another blow. I dive out of the way, doing a sort of roll on the ground before leaping to my feet.
Boris is alarmed as he yells at the twins. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?!"
They simply smile wickedly, swiping at me once more. I dodge. "Onee-chan said she'd play with us if we caught her the next time we saw her!" the red one giggles happily, bringing his axe down in one smooth motion. With a slight outcry I move away, the blade of the axe shattering the rock beneath it where I was a split-second ago.
"Yeah, that's why we're trying to catch her!" the blue one also swings at me, missing just as his brother did.
"Well stop! She's doing something with me today, not you!" Boris says grumpily, only just dodging as the red one swings at him half-heartedly.
"Hey, don't interfere you stupid cat!" he cries childishly. "Onee-chan promised us, and she'd never break a promise she made to two innocent little kids, right?"
Boris scoffs haughtily. "You two are far from innocent—!"
I gape at their expectant, mischievous expressions. Those manipulative little shi—
"If you remember correctly, I said catch, not decimate! That means no slicing me up with those axes of yours, because if you kill me I will die." I clarify with wide eyes, then an idea occurs to me. "Besides, the only way you'll get me to go with you is if you take me by force, which isn't likely to happen considering you're children. I have prior commitments and I plan to stick with them."
With that I turn back to the Cheshire Cat and shoot him a grin. "So, shall we continue on to your— OOF!"
"Caught you, Onee-chan!" comes a deeper, more baritone variation of the blue one's voice. I blink in surprise as I come to terms with my sudden position slung over someone's broad shoulder. The person spins, and I see an adult version of the red twin grinning wolfishly at me with a shocked Boris behind him.
"Gah, you—I—but—how—?!" I gasp in alarm as I am carried off by who I can only assume is the grown-up blue twin. How are they doing this?! "Boris, heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!"
"Onee-chan! Stop squirming!" the blue one says, tightening his iron grip on my legs. Borris calls out to me, beginning to trail after us.
I gasp, reaching out for Boris while trying to twist out of his grip. "You— I— CHEATING, I CALL CHEATING!" I protest vehemently. They're kids, they shouldn't be this strong!
"Silly Onee-chan!" the red twin croons, happily coming up behind his brother and in front of me. Boris disappears from sight as the twins dash away, my hopes of escape along with him. "You said you'd only come play with us if we caught you and took you by force, so that's what we're doing!"
"But I didn't know you could do this!" I wail, banging my fists on the back of the blue twin. "Cheating! Cheating I say!"
Both twins laugh. "Onee-chan, you're so funny!" the one carrying me croons, hugging my legs.
I'm being kidnapped... by children. What has happened to me? A sudden thought occurs to me. And I don't even know their names!
"Hey," I blurt. "What're your names? I don't think I ever got them."
"I'm Tweedle-Dum!" the red one gushes proudly, smiling so purely that it conveys his childish nature.
"And I'm Tweedle-Dee!" the one carrying me says happily informs me.
"Oh. Well then. I'm Shiki." I say, pooped that despite the small distraction I still wasn't able to get out of their grip.
The twins proceed to tell me all the fun things we're about to do as they continue on through the forest, most of them not even falling under my definition of fun. No, more like severely life-threatening. I get bumped around on Dee's shoulder a lot as they bounce in excitement, earning themselves several naughty words that seem to fly from my mouth as the bruises form on my stomach.
"We're almost there, Onee-chan!" Dee says from beside me. "Yeah, but you have to be quiet otherwise the newbie hare will find out we're not doing our work." His twin says, holding a finger to his lips with an impish grin.
I shoot him a playful scowl, having come to terms with the fact that I've been abducted on the way here. "Your 'Onee-chan' has a price for her time." I grumble, my stomach letting out a loud growl right on cue. "I'm hungry. Feed me and I'll love you forever."
"Haha, Onee-chan is like a stray animal!" Dum giggles childishly, the motions strange coming from his adult form.
I huff, sticking my tongue out. "Am not! My stomach simply requires food, and I happen to like food. Especially lollipops, oh and let's not forget about Redskins!"
Dum cocks his head to the side, a cute, confused look covering his face. "What are 'Redskins'?" both twins ask in perfect, scary synchronisation.
Oh, that's right! I'm in another world, duh!
"They're a type of lolly, a sweet, from my world." I explain. "They're kind of raspberry flavoured, but chewy and delicious and oh my~"
"We want one." the twins both protest simultaneously. I almost flinch at the perfect synchronisation but somehow refrain. That's some scary but cool shiz they've got going on!
"Well you can't have one." I huff, blowing a raspberry at Dum. He grins and sticks his tongue out in reply.
"Shhh, we're here! Brother, you take Onee-chan while I scout ahead!"
Yeah okay, that's cool— why am I sailing through the air?!
Dee lobbed me at Dum, who thankfully caught me, while I shrieked a little in alarm, gripping Dum's shirt tightly.
"That was mean! How am I—"
"Shhhhhhhh!" both twins hush me before I see Dee disappear around the corner. Dum goes forward, with me cradled in his arms pondering just how traumatic this experience is going to be for me. The make it about thirty metres, entering inside this whopping huge mansion and making their way around in the twisty maze of hallways.
At several points in time I worry about getting lost, but they seem to know where they're going. I then realise how stupid that is. Yes Shiki, trust two little kids not to get lost in this whopping big mansion. God, I'm so smart.
I grumble to myself as they continue to carry me along, thoroughly amusing Dum to the point where he's giggling profusely. It's not funny, I'm going to kill these little shi—
"All clear!" Dum exclaims happily from in front of us. It's right about now a deeply disturbed feeling settles in my stomach. "We've made it to our wing, brother! It should be safe from that stupid rabbit, so we can play now!"
"Good, we're going to have so much fun, Onee-chan!" Dum exclaims happily, setting me down promptly. In a burst of smoke both twins return to their original, childlike forms. Just as well, their grown up forms make me nervous.
... not that I just admitted that to myself.
Both twins grab my hands and pull me forwards, impish grins on their faces. "I'm sure you'll be lots and lots of fun to play with, Onee-chan!"
Okay, I may be stupid but I'm still smart when it comes down to it, and my smart sensors are telling me that that little comment probably meant something entirely different than what it should have. I relay it over in my head a few times. Sweet jesus, that's it, I'm outta here!
"I'm really quite sure I won't be!" I reply hastily, tugging back. "Oh my, would you look at the time! I think it's time for me to go—"
"No, Onee-chan, you promised! You promised you'd play with us if we caught you, and we did!" Dum protests childishly, pulling on my hand and gripping it tightly. Ouch, kiddy is quite the strong little munchkin.
"Yeah, you can't just back out of a promise! Besides, we wanna play with you—"
"Interjection!" I exclaim, leaning all my weight back only to have them hold tight and not budge an inch. "That deal should be void, because you guys CHEATED!"
"We didn't cheat!" Dum grins wolfishly. "We just didn't mention that we could change forms."
"But I wanna live!" I wail dramatically, pulling backwards but still not moving them an inch. "I don't particularly like the idea of being carved into by various sorts of weapons!"
Both twins cock their heads to the side. "But how else are you supposed to play?" the chime simultaneously.
I blank mentally, facepalming. "Uh... I don't know... I usually play games like... uh... tag... and ... hide and seek..."
Both twins faces light up. "Then you can teach us how to play those games so we can have more fun!"
My eyes widen to the size of plates. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! BACKFIRE! THE PLAN HAS BACKFIRED!
"Noooooooooooo~ that's fine, really, I don't— GAH!"
I am yanked forward by the two impossibly strong, enthusiastic twins. No matter how hard I try, I simply can't seem to escape. I am still convinced they want to carve me up, and so I see no other option but to resort to drastic measures.
"RAPE! RAPE I TELL YOU! HELP, I'M BEING VIOLATED IN WAYS I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WERE POSSIBLE; BY CHILDREN!"
Both twins only giggle and laugh as they drag me along. Seriously, this amount of strength is not normal! "You're so silly, Onee-chan!"
"Yeah, we knew you'd be fun when we first saw you bashing up that stupid rabbit—"
"Hey, what are you two doing shirking work again?! And what did I tell you about torturing the maids?! Blood said he doesn't want to be more short-staffed than he already is—"
"Oh go away, newbie hare! We're trying to have fun!" the twins chime in harmony.
"It's not fun, it's RAPE!" I call out from behind the two little twerps who managed to abduct me, completely disregarding the fact that I heard a new voice. "I swear, you'll never know the taste of Redskins if you don't lemme go right now!"
"Aw, Onee-chan—!"
"Hey, who are you hiding behind your backs?!" the voice comes again, this time closer. I can't see, because I'm leaning back in order to put all of my weight into the effort to break free. It's a fruitless effort, I can tell you now.
"None of your business, newbie hare!"
"Yeah, stupid rabbit!"
"I'm not a rabbit, I'm a hare! And it is so my business; I'm in charge of making sure you two don't shirk work!" the voice exclaims heatedly. "Now show me who you're hiding or you won't get paid for the last thirty time-changes!"
"Aw, you're such a party pooper, newbie hare!" the twins cry in annoyance, stepping aside and dropping my hands all at once. With nothing holding my weight up anymore, I fall straight on my butt. The impact sends a shock up my spine and I groan in pain.
"You broke my butt! Do you know how much I need this thing?! I'm going to murder you little shi—"
"Who are you?" my train of thought ceases completely as I gaze down the barrel of a gun. It's quite a nice gun, actually.
"Oh, there's a gun in my face." I say calmly, eyes wide as terror grips my heart. "That's unusual."
"I said, who are you?" the gun goes straight between my eyes. Well, shi—
"Stupid hare! That's Shiki!" Dee shouts, knocking the gun away from my face. "And you can't kill her, because if she dies; she dies."
"Yeah," Dum affirms, nodding solemnly. "For good."
I struggle to calm my racing heart at the most recent of my near-death-encounters, deep breaths passing through my lips.
"What do you mean "for good"? She has a face and is obviously a Role Holder, and so she'll be replaced by someone else just like everyone else." I look up to see it is a tall, well-built man that is talking, strawberry blonde- ginger hair falling in waves past his chin and violet eyes locked onto me. He seems completely normal aside from his bunny ears.
No, no, they're not bunny ears. If there's anything I learnt at all from my uncle's lectures on wildlife it's the different between a rabbit and a hare. This guy is definitely a hare. His ears are longer and stick up more.
"But she doesn't have a clock, stupid hare!" Dum cries heatedly. "She has the same thing Alice does, the thing that goes ba-dump ba-dump."
And again with the Alice! I'm going insane here!
"B-but, that would mean..." the hare trails off, violet eyes wide in bewilderment as they flick to me. "Y-you have a heart, you're a foreigner!"
Unable to even speak due to the sudden change in direction regarding the mood of the conversation (I thought I was going to die), I simply nod with a sheepish, nervous grin.
In a flash his gun is sheathed and I'm being hoisted up from the ground. "I'm so sorry!" he apologizes profusely, patting me down and brushing all traces of dirt off of me. "I had no idea—!"
"I-it's all good." I stutter with a sheepish chuckle, meeting his eyes and giving him a half-grin. "How were you supposed to know anyway?"
He meets my gaze before flushing a little, averting his eyes elsewhere in a bashful manner. Oh my, that's adorable.
I don't think I can apologise enough for how late this is, considering I got the required amount of reviews. My mum decided that having my laptop on my bed was dangerous, and so imposed the laptop-does-not-leave-the-kitchen-table rule. And then, when I tried to finish the chapter, she decided to inform me of the no-computers-after-6pm rule. Which is stupid, because I only get home from school at around 3:30 pm. I think it may have something to do with my brothers, who simply have issues removing themselves from the laptops for reasons unknown. There are many other stupid rules in my house, but alas I shall not burden you with them. Once again, thank you for reading this story and I hope you win the lottery or something :)
5 reviews for next chapter! I'll try to have it up as soon as possible after that! Feel free to tell me anything, how you feel about the story or what you think should happen. I'm open to ideas. That's all for now, have a lovely weekend!