The car streaked across the wet pavement, one of the headlights flickering threateningly as the black sleek car tore back into motion after the short pause of momentum to decide whether it needed to continue to the right or finally move forward. The skilled hands of the driver tore the wheel to go around the turn in the road, not as sharp as the one before but causing a similar sufficient shrieking noise across the pavement. Each cry of the tired on the rain soaked asphalt seemed to rip at his sanity like he was getting a very brutal waxing. He slid the car over to the side of the road and tried to contain the tears bursting forth from his eyes.

Dean had left Sam alone in the hotel room, told him he was just going out to get something from the gas station. That had been a lie. The small room had started freaking him out, he didn't know why he was acting this way. He just was freaking out and had to get out, but even this relief wasn't enough, this joy he had always had didn't clear up the clouds in his mind, the descending doom in his very heart. A sob ripped through the quiet of the cab of the rumbling car and he covered his mouth with a fist that he was leaning on the door. He closed his eyes and turned off the engine to listen to what everyone else would find comforting, but only was background noise to the screaming in his head.

Dean lay his head on the door and tried to just stop the thoughts running through his head, everything was horrible, he felt horrible. He jumped and almost cried out and would have punched Cas if it had taken him just another second to register who it was who had materialized in the passenger seat. The two great blue orbs Dean had become so accostumed to seeing in the dark when he was scared stared at him now, slightly narrowed, slightly tilted to the side with the face contorted before him in confusion.

"Dean…" Cas reached across from where he sat and tried to touch Dean's tear stained cheek but Dean recoiled and snarled.

"Don't… just…" Dean closed his eyes, emotionally choked off for the moment and unsure what to do to fix it. Cass was both the worst and best thing for him right now. Cas was Dean's cure all or 'downer' when he had taken too many 'uppers', Castiel was his angel, so why was this creature the reason Dean was having an anxiety attack in the middle of nowhere?

"Dean, please let me comfort you." Cas said, his voice ass soft and flat as always.

"You can't…" Dean finally wheezed out, "I know why…. Shit…" He shook his head and covered his eyes pressing his thumb into one eye and his fingers to the other as if that could keep in his tears.

"Talk to me, that seemed to help." Cas tried.

"How did you know where I was? I thought I was hidden from all angels?" Dean asked, looking up and biting his lower lip then running his tongue over the chapped skin he had chewed raw.

"Sam called me and told me the area you were in, I found the car." He muttered, "Why can you not tell me what is wrong? It has been quite a while since you have had secrets from me." Cas' voice pitched slightly, in a way Dean had come to realize was him being sad without showing it. Something the angels would pick up on instantly and Dean was only slightly slower than Cas' own family to figure it out.

"I can't, Cas… I can't say it because… I don't think I can handle if you confirm my fears and you wouldn't mean to… but there is no way you can't… because in way you already have… so I can't say it…." Dean raised his eyebrows and leaned forward then his lip twitched and his cheeks pinched up painfully near the corners of his eyes, he narrowed his eyes trying to stop the tears and the pain that were now etched all over his face.

"I do not know what to say." Cas whispered, looking at his palms in his lap.

"Say the demon was lying, tell me it's not true, please…" Dean hadn't wanted to ask but it had come to this, he had to know. Cas took a deep breath, held it for a moment then slowly looked up as he let it out slowly and met Dean's eyes. Dean searched for any hope in the blue pits of apology and regret. He found none.

He swallowed hard and opened the door, stepping out into the rain and slamming the door and putting his hands on his head, trying to calm down and breath. He leaned on the side of the car before his hand made the sound of wet skin sliding down wet metal and he fell to his knees, one hand still on the car, the other hugging his stomach as he felt his head swim.

There were strong hands on his shoulder and hip and Cas was trying to look at his face but Dean couldn't look up. He couldn't hear what Cas was saying as he started to tremble. He winced and doubled over then the pain intensified and he would have fallen forward onto the wet gravel at the side of the road if it hadn't been for the strong hands holding him still, the strong secure, tainted hands.

Suddenly Dean felt warmth on his face instead of the cold pelting rain. He blinked and had to squint in the sudden brightness. Cas had 'teleported' them back to the hotel and Dean was now leaning on the warm carpet, soaking wet and dripping. Sam stood up and the loud creak of the chair he had been in made Dean cringe and Dean turned so he could fall back on his butt and scoot his back up to the wall.

"Get this, the woman… was stripping in the middle of the road and pole dancing… Dean!" Sam stood at the pinned up reports he had been working on. He had turned to see Dean just staring blankly at the table with his lips pursed, temple resting on his fist resting on the table. Dean didn't look up when he said his name the first time, so it escaped Sam's lips worriedly, "Dean?"

"Hm?" Dean finally looked up and Sam shook his head, "Keep going, I was… I was listening…" Dean tried to assure Sam.

"How long has it been since you have slept?" Sam asked sitting down in front of, but not taking his eyes off of, Dean.

"We have to get to work on this, there are angels dying, I'm fine, what were you saying?" Dean waved his hand impatiently and went back to staring at the table.

"If you don't call him, I will." Sam warned in a low voice.

"Oh yeah, call him right to the place where all the angels are dying, best idea you have ever had, Sammy." He rolled his eyes and then let them drift closed before jerking himself as if he was falling asleep. Sadly Dean was falling asleep and he didn't want to.

"He is the only one who can help you sleep at night." Sam whispered.

"I don't want to talk about this. If you aren't going to tell me about angel killing thing I'm going to go out for a bit." Dean stood up and started to leave but was stopped. Sam jumped and watched Dean fall back noisily into his chair as if he had just been shot. Sam had never seen Dean react to Cas appearing in this manner before.

"What is going on between you two!?" Sam shouted. Cas' eyes widened slightly then he took a deep breath as if to say something and Ssam held a hand up, "You aren't going anywhere." And Cas shut his mouth smiling as if to say okay.

"Nothing, Sam!" Dean said in a muffled voice from behind his hands. He wiped his face then scratched the burn scar where the demon had completely destroyed Dean's anti-possession tattoo leaving a burn scar Cas hadn't been able to fix.

"There is something and I think it's being blown out of proportion whatever it happens to be." Sam shrugged and shook his head, pushing some hair out of his face and behind his ear. He looked at Cas who shook his head and looked at the floor as if in shame. Movement in the seat next to him made him turn in time to see Dean stand up.

"Out of proportion!? He left, Sam. I know it was a long time ago, I know it wasn't me, part of me knows he won't do it but so much of me is screaming he was special and he got left behind, what makes me so different? Why wouldn't Cas leave a broken shell of a man he once believed and now has confirmed that I am, huh? Why!? Oh then you are going to say we have had this discussion, but it doesn't change that now I see him and I don't feel comfort I feel terror, he's going to leave me, one day he just won't come back and that part of me will never go away! Shit!" Dean spun, his back facing Sam. A back that Sam always saw as strong, protecting. How much that back had changed, "Don't say anything…" Dean warned the angel.

"Dean… I don't understand…" Sam whispered then flinched as the muscles in Dean's arms tenses. Sam couldn't see the fists he knew were clenched, hidden under the sleeves that were much too long for Dean. Dean must have put on one of Sam's own jackets.

"Cas had a vessel…" Cas looked away ass Dean started to explain, "Cas had to leave the vessel, because it was unable to contain him… The vessel's brother knew his brother was long dead when Cas finally took control of it but Cas had become not really friends but close enough when he abandoned the body. The brother was left with an empty shell of a brother and a deaf ear from heaven. He begged for years for help any place he could find it, but it never came. He vowed revenge on Cas. Now he is seeking it…the kid was twenty six when he went to hell." Dean looked at the floor then turned to Sam, glancing over his shoulder at his younger sibling.

"I should have seen the evil the brother was becoming." Cas started to say. Dean turned back and Ssam leaned away from his now furious older brother.

"TWENTY SIX Cas he was a child! Just barely able to drink!" Dean shouted.

"I was doing as I was told, which you know I don't do anymore! I didn't know I could question authority, that I could stay with those I cared for, that I had a choice in the matter! It was years before your time and barely even in your father's time! I have been held accountable for all my mistakes! I am not leaving you, Dean, you're pushing me away." They stared at each other for a long time.

"Pushing you away? I'm scared! Okay! I said it, I'm scared that you won't want to stay anymore so I give you reasons to so that it won't hurt as much when you do!" Dean pointed randomly into the air harshly and jerked his hand back, poking himself in the chest, " I don't mean to but it's just happening, I just can't stop, I don't know how this is your fault but yet again part of me is saying it is! I don't want you to leave but maybe if it is because of something you have done and not me it hurts less! This started as a rant!" Dean flinched visibly as Cas moved forward and narrowed his eyes, standing on his toes so that his face was inches from Dean's even as Dean leaned back to get away from him.

"I will not leave you." Sam stood slowly as Cas put a hand on Dean's chest and crumpled part of hiss shirt into his fist. Sam slunk to the side of the room and stopped dead when Cas pulled Dean down and the two men's lips met. Sam tried to keep his mouth closed as he stared at his brother being kissed by an angel before his eyes. Wouldn't be the first time Dean had kissed and angel but it was still shocking.

Cas pulled away and waited. Dean looked confused, on the verge of tears, more confused, then almost releaved, "Cas…"

"That is how humans show affection, correct?" Cas asked. Sam was finally stirred from his completely stunned state and hurried from the room when Dean wrapped his hand in Cas' hair and pulled him into a deep and needing kiss, but he smiled as he shut the door, still not sure what to think, but it had been a while since he had seen Dean this happy.