BARTIMAEUS

I sat, now in my favourite form, on the roof of a museum far away from Nathaniel's apartment, scowling at the moon. Night had fallen; I assessed that the boy had summoned me sometime around dusk.

I was trying to organise my thoughts. My essence was still pounding through my body after the...encounter I had had with Nathaniel. His words were echoing round my head relentlessly.

You're in love with me.

"Oh, for God's sake! You are not in love with him!" I tried convincing myself for about the hundredth time. Each time I said it, I believed it less. I had tried to come up with explanations for my actions; a new summoning herb, some ghastly spell. However, I felt a tremendous amount of doubt. Why had I reacted so strangely when he had kissed me? I hadn't consciously done it, which suggested I had subconsciously wanted to do it, which meant-

I clutched at my head to stop that thought from going any further, growling at myself to stop.

I wanted to scoff to no one in particular, to laugh at Nathaniel's logic. I wanted to mutter '"Ridiculous...Me? In love with a magician? Please."' I wanted to yell that the kid was clearly screwing with me.

But I couldn't, because then I would just be lying to myself.

"Shit..." I whispered, massaging my head with gentle fingertips.

But could I really say that I love him? Love is such a big word. It comes with many things, such as commitment, undying loyalty, chocolates and flowers, etc. Did I really love Nathaniel in that sense?

I sighed unhappily. This was slightly off-putting, the whole concept.

Another lie right there. The truth was...I was terrified.

Terrified of what he could do to me, what he could force me to do without even knowing it. But most of all, I was terrified of losing him.

"You're a mess," I sighed to myself. "How could you let him do this to you..." I used to be feared, respected, and admired. I had done things which he couldn't even begin to fathom. Yet here I was, at his mercy, and at the mercy of my own mind, body and soul.

I came to a decision. Whatever the turnout, I had to confront him.

"Maybe this is just a one-time thing. Maybe it was just the spur of the moment..." I said, making one last attempt to avoid the inevitable. I wearily stood up and brushed myself down. Then I transformed back into a raven and launched myself into the night.

When I finally alighted on the boy's windowsill, I reverted to my preferred from of Ptolemy. Silently I slipped into the room.

Nathaniel was lying in bed on his side with his eyes closed. He was breathing evenly and deeply. The moonlight from the open window cast a dull shine on the room. His white sheets were illuminated slightly.

I stood staring at him for a moment. The sight of his sleeping face sent my essence coursing through my body again. My resolve to confront him began to waver.

I angrily shook my head and turned away, trying to force my body to calm down. Damn that kid!

Nathaniel stirred slightly. My eyes shot right back to him. He shifted so that his face was facing up. Still feeling a little ruffled, I sighed to myself. Did I really love him? To be honest, it was hard to tell. I was pretty confused with the whole idea of love; I didn't know if what I felt for Nathaniel was truly love, or if it was just some kind of deep relief at seeing him alive.

I blew out gently. Then a thought struck me. If I really loved him, surely I would react to another kiss the same way I reacted to the first? Spurred on by the idea of wanting to prove that my love was nonexistent, I silently padded over to his bed and gently got on to his bed, lightly crouching over him.

If I did love him, then surely I wouldn't be able to pull myself away from him at my own accord. This was the perfect time to test my love, to see if it really was real, or if it was just a spur of the moment. Nathaniel was unconscious, dead to the world. If I didn't accidentally wake him up, he wouldn't remember this, right? I just had to be careful. Very careful. I didn't particularly want to explain myself to him.

Cautiously, as not to wake the sleeping magician below me, I lowered my head down. Ever so gently, I brushed my lips against his.

Just this simple touch caused my essence to pulse hard and fast within me. I quickly removed the contact between us, taking a deep breath, willing myself to calm down. I had to take this slow, I reminded myself. I had to go slowly to prevent myself from losing control.

I waited a few minutes before placing my lips against his again, this time a little firmer, but not firm enough to wake him.

Again, I experienced the pulsing sensation; however this time, I didn't remove my lips from his. A gentle pleasure came from kissing Nathaniel and I unintentionally hummed happily. I tried to focus and attempted to regain control of my body. However, the pleasure from kissing Nathaniel was slowly building, and I found myself suddenly wanting to kiss him harder, to open his mouth with mine, to breathe as one with him.

I closed my eyes, losing myself to the feelings that were enveloping me. I kissed him harder, a moan escaping my lips.

Just then, Nathaniel stirred beneath me, shifting his body. He began to turn his head sideways. I didn't remove my lips. A sound of confusion came from beneath me as Nathaniel started to wake.

"B-Bartimaeus!" Nathaniel squeaked, wriggling underneath me.

Realisation came flooding back, just like the first time we had kissed. I pulled away sharply, regarding him with shocked eyes. I silently cursed to myself as I realised that he had woken up, therefore he would demand an explanation. I had allowed myself to be caught.

As he sat up and his face approached mine, I retreated backwards until I was sitting, rather sheepishly, on my haunches on his bed. We stared at each other. He looked surprised, slightly angry; his jaw was clenched and he was breathing deeply. However, I noticed a blush creeping its way up his cheeks.

"What the hell were you doing?" Nathaniel demanded, wiping his mouth with his hand. I regarded him in what I hoped was a calm manner when in reality, I was flipping out inside my head.

"Nothing."

"Yes you were! You were kissing me!" He yelped indignantly. I shook my head.

"No, I wasn't. You must have dreamed it, kid."

"You were kissing me, demon! Don't lie!" He threw the cover off his legs and retreated slightly. "Why would you do that!? I was asleep!" I glared at him.

"I thought you 'knew what was wrong with me'?" I replied smarmily. For some reason the glow I had felt whilst kissing Nathaniel had vanished. I now felt the urgent need deny that I had done anything. Nathaniel stared at me and bared his teeth in a way that really wasn't that threatening.

"Of course I know! But it doesn't give you a good excuse to me kissing me in my sleep!" I stared at him too, my frown increasing. Who was he to judge me? The atmosphere in the room was almost unbearable; obviously our kiss earlier on in the evening had created a large amount of tension. After a long, slightly awkward silence, I spoke.

"How on earth did you come to the conclusion that I'm in love with you!?" I scoffed. "You're a human, and worse, a magician!" He blinked in surprise at this. Then he recollected himself and gazed at me with something like pity.

"Then explain earlier on!"

"What do you mean?"

"When I kissed you."

"...What about it?"

"You kissed me back!" he protested. "Just as I started to let you go, you grabbed on to me and kissed me even harder!"

"No I–" He thumped the bed.

"You cannot say that you didn't! We were both fully awake," he snarled angrily, obviously miffed at my earlier comment. "You grabbed me and pushed me up against the wall." I remained deathly silent, staring at him. I admit I was beginning to get anxious. What would happen if I admitted that it was true? Would he shove me away? Would he mock me? Would he dismiss me?

"Let me explain..." I faltered. I was lost for words. I had no idea what to say next. I looked down shamefully, avoiding his inquiring eyes. I heard him sigh, and looked up as he moved closer to me. I began to back away, but he reached out a hand to me.

"Don't leave. Just...stay, and listen." I shivered – whether with fear or anticipation, I had no idea. He was gazing at me, staring right into my soul. All I could do was stare back. "Bartimaeus..." That was all he said.

"I don't love you..." I said weakly. He smiled gently at me.

"I know you're lying. It's clear as daylight." I essence started to quiver slightly inside of me. I tried to brush it off my glaring daggers at him.

"No, I don't love you! How could I? You're a human; a magician!"

"Then why did you kiss me back?"

"It was the heat of the moment – it meant nothing!"

"Then why didn't you rip my head off!?"

"What do you take me for? A psychopath?" He clenched his fists.

"You enjoyed it!" He yelled. "Anybody could have told! You made this sound–" I cut him off quickly.

"I did not enjoy it!" I hissed icily. He made a sound of mock understanding.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't know that freaking growling and pushing someone up against a wall – while kissing them – was a sign of discontent!" He spat. I snarled defensively. Nathaniel's words were making me all flustered. I suddenly felt hot and bothered, and my essence was quivering within me.

"You don't know my life story! You don't know me! How can you say that I love you!?"

"It was obvious!" he reasoned. "Just admit it."

"Pfft!" I shook my head. "Fat chance!"

"Fat chance what?" he probed. "That you love me, or that you would admit it?"

"Neither! And if I did love you, what makes you think I would tell you?" Nathaniel pondered this.

"I guess you're right..."

"Of course I'm bloody well right..." I mischievously quipped in before pressing my lips together stubbornly. There was no way this kid was going to make me talk. Nathaniel was looking at me expectantly. When I remained silent, he sighed, frustrated.

"So be it. If you don't want to admit it tonight, fine. But I would like to get some rest." He grabbed the sheets and pulled it over himself, facing away from me. Then he added sneakily; "Just don't molest me while I'm asleep."

I huffed angrily. Some nerve this kid had!

"You're..." I trailed off hopelessly. There was no point. Insulting him wouldn't accomplish anything. Admitting my love certainly wouldn't help. But if I lied...the boy would pick it up, and eventually he would pry the truth out of me. The best thing now would be to remain silent. Nathaniel turned over and looked at me inquiringly.

"Yes?" I looked down, staring at the sheets, not answering. If I didn't say anything, I wouldn't be lying.

"Nothing." I muttered, getting up off the bed. I grouchily walked over to the window and vaulted over the windowsill out into the street. The cool air felt great on my hot skin.

I was not going to admit my love to him. It would accomplish nothing. He would just push me away.

I sighed to myself. This kid was going to be the death of me.

NATHANIEL

I watched Bartimaeus go from my bed. I still felt very hot all over from his kiss – had it been a kiss? Or was it just a dream? I was almost certain that it was true. I hadn't dreamt that the djinni had been hovering over me. When I had awoken, I had met his eyes. They had pierced me so strongly that I shivered as I thought about it. And the look in his eyes...it was a strange look, full of some confusing emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on; it was like a mixture of panic, bliss and doubt.

Our discussion had left me pondering one question; why did I care? I didn't love Bartimaeus...well, that is what I kept telling myself. Even I had to admit that there was something more than a typical master/servant relationship going on. And I wasn't even sure myself if he loved me; I guess I was acting on a hunch.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking...maybe you're doing this because you want Bartimaeus to say that he loves you...

Huffing angrily, I rolled over. What was I doing, thinking this; it was just making my torment worse.

But...why had Bartimaeus kissed me back? Should I believe what the spirit said about it being 'the heat of the moment'? If it was, then why hadn't Bartimaeus killed me afterwards? It would have saved him time and effort. Furthermore, why did Bartimaeus flee...?

All these questions were giving way to a headache. I sighed and shifted to get comfortable, muttering to myself.

Even if Bartimaeus somehow did love me and admitted it and wanted something more that what we had at this moment, what would it accomplish? I had a job, a position to uphold. My reputation would all be ruined if someone found out I was messing around with a demon. Furthermore, it was just wrong; it was unnatural.

Demons and humans weren't supposed to fall in love with each other, there was a reason why; it just didn't work.

"Sucks to be me, I guess." I groaned, before falling into the blissful unconsciousness that was sleep.