A\N: I am pretty obsessed with this chapter. I have gone through the editing process with it three times now, and each time I add wayyyy more words. My last editing bout added two thousand words to it which was fun! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it! This chapter takes the prize as the longest chapter I've written (and will probably ever write) and at over 11,000 words! Soooo please leave some reviews, let me know what you guys think, etc.
Trigger warning: discussion of SA, intimacy/sex, etc
Chapter 26: Confirmations (BPOV)
My eyes open to a dark room. It's quiet, cold, and very empty. Somehow, it's worse than the vision my unconscious mind conjured to torment me. I'm not sure what woke me: the nightmare or the pounding in my head. It was the worst kind of headache. One that reminded me that I had fallen asleep crying. I had, after all, slipped into oblivion right after telling Edward everything. But the headache was incomparable to the anxiety that raced through my body at the stark visions that remained from my dreams.
A frigid shudder rolls over my spine as the memories, fictitious and real, invade my mind. Edward and I together. Both of us sitting in the meadow, the suffocating agony in my chest as I spoke, and the crushing pain of Edward's arms around me as he listened.
The room spins as I lurch up, my head and muscles protesting angrily. The space by the large windows is empty, as is the corner where Edward usually stands when he's deep in thought. I rip the blankets from my body, tumbling off the couch and straight down onto the floor. Nausea bites at my stomach.
He knew everything and he wasn't here.
I feel almost like a child running for my parents in the middle of the night when I'm sure there are monsters lurking beneath my bed. Except, I'm running for Edward who is certainly pursuing his death.
Flashes of horrific panic and pain pulse deep in my chest. Edward had gone… He had gone to fight, and it was my fault.
I stumble, hardly knowing what to do or how to support my body, as I aim for the door. My legs shake with weakness, though my mind is strong with panic.
A small sliver of light touches Edward's room just as I climb to my feet. The light disappears just as quickly as it came with a resounding click of the door lock. In its place stands Edward.
"Was it a nightmare?" His voice is as numbing as his eyes as he speaks to me. My stomach clenches uneasily.
I had done this to him. I had forced whatever semblance of happiness out of him with my memories and my nightmares and my misery. I had burdened him this way.
"Yes." I can't hide the relief in my voice, even if he is dead inside.
He's here. He's home. He hadn't gone to hunt. And if he did, he made it back alive. He's here, even if he's lifeless.
"You should try to sleep more." He is standing tall and stoic, his hands in his pockets. I almost don't recognize the man before me. He seems like such a distant stranger, but I'd take a distant stranger over a dead Edward any day.
"I don't think I can." I whisper, wishing my body would have some relief from the pain. It was throbbing all over me – my head, my back, my thighs, my biceps.
"Carlisle can give you something."
I wasn't sure if he meant for the pain he must have known I was in, or for sleep.
"Not now." I try not to let an ounce of fear seep into my voice.
I didn't want a sedative. I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to touch him and talk to him and know that I hadn't destroyed him for my own selfish reasons.
"Come lie with me." He murmurs, taking my hand. It's cold and stone. It's incredibly comforting in its familiarity. He tugs me along with him toward the couch, pulling me against his chest as we sit, burying his face in my hair.
I remember fondly how he'd play with my hair before, touching it and smelling it. He'd exhale against my head often. Claiming me as his own, even if it was only to his brothers and sisters. It was something pointedly stated by my attacker. Edward loved my hair.
"I only went out for a moment with Emmett, I promise." He's breath raises bumps on my skin. I curl closer to his body, letting my fingers find his between us.
"I know." My heart stutters with my lie, though Edward doesn't comment on it.
I didn't know he had gone out with Emmett. His words are vague enough that I don't even know what he was doing with him. Emmett was so loyal that I'm sure, given the opportunity, he would do whatever was asked of him.
Tiny butterflies of panic float in my stomach. I don't care if he's lying to me. I don't care if he's doing the one thing I begged him not to do, that he promised not to do. I just needed his arms around me the way I needed to breathe. I most certainly could not breathe now.
I was pathetic.
"I promised I wouldn't get revenge or hunt, and so I won't." He swears quietly as if acknowledging my thoughts. "I vowed to bear the burden with you, and that's what I intend to do, Bella."
"I'm sorry."
"I told you already, Bella. You have no reason to apologize for this." He drags his hand over my arm, sending goosebumps trailing after his touch. "You're not at fault."
"Neither are you."
His next breath is sharper than the one before. "I don't want to argue right now."
"It's not controversial." I mumble defiantly. I was in no mood to argue either. It wasn't like I could really call our fights arguments, though. That assumed I won some.
"I underestimate you, Bella." Edward whispers apologetically, his fingers wrapping around my face. "Consistently." His lips brush across my ghostly. "You're stronger . . . More courageous than I can ever attempt to be."
"Edward," I bite my tongue at the depth of emotion flashing in his eyes.
"The very fact that you are here now. . . Simply breathing – it's impossible for me to understand how." He murmurs. His fingers swipe at my cheeks, brushing scalding tears away. "You've done your share of holding the pain, and now it's my turn. I don't take my promises lightly, love. I don't want you to ever wake up in a panic because I'm not there. I don't want you to fear that I'll go against my word or take myself away from you."
"I'm sorry – I"
Edward offers me a sad smile. "Don't apologize, please, Bella."
I open my mouth, prepared to profess another apology for my previous one. Edward kisses away the need, his hands wrapping around my back, pulling me against him. I can't quite sink into this kiss the same way that I usually do, and I can feel Edward pulling away from me.
"Do you regret telling me?" Edward whispers when we break apart, our chests heaving. "Do you regret that I know?"
The silence around us is palpable, and it weighs heavily on my chest.
"I . . . I never wanted you to know."
Shame slips through my veins so rapidly that it makes me nauseous. My hands clench into fists at my side as I slowly untangle from Edward. He pauses, not stopping my retreat, and though it's not a rejection, it stings like one.
Edward takes a deep breath, swinging his arm over the back of the couch. Inviting me back into his arms whenever I wanted to return.
"Do you wish you could read my mind?" I whisper, curling into myself. "Do you wish you could pick it out of my mind? To figure everything out yourself?"
Edward remains silent for a long moment. I can feel his eyes staring into me. My arms tighten around my torso, as if that might prevent the further fractioning of my body and mind.
"No." He finally murmurs.
I laugh quietly, darkly. I can't face him, even as I utter under my breath. "I think you're lying."
"I rely on my ability greatly." Edward responds quietly, not bothered by my accusation. "For you, I never could. For that, I am eternally grateful."
"I'm a puzzle for you."
Edward exhales quietly. "Not at all, Bella. A puzzle suggests an end to the journey. I'm not burdened with a need to solve you – my desire is to love you for as long as eternity is. As long as you'll have me."
"That doesn't answer my question." I bite back, wishing he wouldn't use decorative language to persuade me.
"I see into the minds of my mother and sister, Bella." I can hear the pain in his voice. "I don't wish to hear that in your mind."
His words make me flinch. He said he wanted to be burdened with me. He wanted to share my pain. He said he wanted this part of me, too.
"So you can pretend it doesn't exist?" I try not to let my emotions seep into my voice, but I'm sure it doesn't work.
Edward's fingers twitch towards me, but he pulls back. "I never wished to steal away anyone's memories. To intrude where I should not be . . ."
"If you could read my mind, you wouldn't be able to help yourself."
"No, I wouldn't." Edward's voice matches mine. "I would hear your thoughts, Bella, whether I wished to or not. I would know exactly what you have been through in the way you remember it."
"Then you do want that?"
"No." Edward moves closer to me, close enough that I can feel the ghostly touch of his legs against mine.
His answer chokes me. "You don't want to share the burden."
"Bella, I have a terrible habit of consuming memories without understanding the consequence of them. In your act of courage, you didn't just share your memories with me, Bella. You told me your agony."
My eyes meet his without my permission, and my chest tightens with the pain in his dark orbs.
"I – It's the same thing." My voice shakes with my vulnerability.
Edward shakes his head. "Not even remotely." I open my mouth to respond, but Edward's fingers meet mine, quietly asking for another moment to speak. "I know the minds of those around me, and yet it took me decades to understand Esme. Far longer to understand Rosalie. They never told me their pain."
"Oh."
"Bella, I will accept anything you wish to tell me. That is my privilege – my duty – to have and to protect." Edward whispers. "I do not wish to read your thoughts because I would rather you tell me. I would rather that you choose this for yourself, and for us."
"How can you possibly share it? My pain. . ."
Edward's fingers stroke a lock of my hair that's fallen over my shoulder. "I understand now why you recoiled for weeks when I touched your hair."
My stomach churns, remembering the way my attacker touched my hair, breathed on it.
"Bella, you have carried a fear that I will leave you for weeks." Edward continues, his fingers dropping back to his lap. I feel colder without them touching me. "Sometimes I see this fear in your eyes, and I didn't understand it until now."
I swallow a lump that's crawled its way up my throat.
"You have so much fear, love. That I'll die trying to protect you. . . That I'm repulsed and I'll abandon you." Edward's voice drops, his fingers wrapping tightly around mine. I don't realize how badly I'm trembling until Edward steadies my hand.
Edward falls silent, his finger lifting my chin. I do everything I can to avoid his eyes until I have no choice.
"There's that fear again."
I take a shaky breath. "You're from another time."
"I am." He hums quietly. "Tell me why that's become significant to you now."
"Men from before . . . They have certain values." My eyes drop, focusing on the leather of the couch again.
Edward leans back, giving me the space I didn't verbalize needing. "Yes." I'm not sure if he's confirming my words or prompting me to continue.
"Is that not what you wanted from me?" I whisper. I think back to the hesitation he has always had to touch me. The strong disapproval when I climb too close, or we get too carried away.
"Purity is an ancient notion, love." Edward responds. "It's insignificant."
I wince. "Not really."
"Let me rephrase." Edward says, his voice a quiet growl. "Purity is an ancient notion to me. It's insignificant to me."
I let his words sink in. Edward repeats them once more, his voice full of conviction.
"The consequence of your indifference to my . . . purity" I spit the word. "is your anger. . . It's that you fight."
"I defend what's mine." Edward agrees.
I shudder, trying to breathe through the agony in my chest. Why wasn't it easing? Why did the pain only increase?
"And your fear is that I leave you alone in my absence and subsequent death." Edward adds, his voice softer. "I've already vowed to stay by your side. I will not fight."
I hug my knees tighter to my chest, squeezing my eyes shut so I don't see his reaction. "I don't believe you."
"You have little reason to." Edward murmurs. "I haven't been honest with you in the past few weeks. Neither of us have been honest with each other, or with ourselves."
"Dysfunctional." I mumble. Edward laughs quietly, without humor.
"Hence this conversation. Until we share the burden, neither of us can have ease." He reaches his hand out to me, palm up. I stare at his palm, and though the minutes tick by, he doesn't drop it.
"You took an enormous step by sharing your pain. Now it's my turn to reciprocate by helping us both through it." Edward falls silent for a long time. "Your heart is racing, Bella. Tell me what's on your mind."
I shake my head on instinct.
"I can feel your fear, love." Edward murmurs. His outstretched hand flips over, his fingers press against my wrist, feeling my pulse throb. "Please. . . Trust me, Bella."
I flinch at his words, shame heating my cheeks again. "You're not bothered?" I whisper, unable to stop my own disgust from leaking into my words.
Why did I share the atrocious ways I was touched? Why did I allow myself to utter those words. . . To tell him?
I can feel Edward's body tense so slightly I think I have imagined it.
"That a man saw fit to harm a woman? Bella, I spent a decade hunting monsters like him."
I shake my head, tears slip down my cheeks. I press my head into my knees, wishing I could hide my insecurity. "By me."
He touched me in ways Edward never has. His touch, the way it hurt, the fear I felt deep in my bones. . . He violated me. He marked my body. He scared my mind. Memories that can never be forgotten, mind or body.
"Bella, you have no idea how much I hate that this is your fear." Edward says, his voice filled with agony that makes me sob. "Repulsion is saved for the worst of beasts, not for innocents. I am repulsed by a monster, never by you."
His fingers twist through my hair, brushing down my back. I'm still curled in a ball, hugging my legs to my chest, sobbing.
"Bella, you are my life, my heart." Edward whispers, his breath fanning my ear. "I will love you until eternity tells us how long she is. Until the earth is burdened with age and the sun dies around us."
His voice is closer to me, his body pressing against mine more deeply. My limbs slacken against themselves. My muscles are exhausted. My mind depleted.
"I simply do not know a better way to tell you how deeply I love you. How deeply I have and will always desire you."
His words make my stomach tighten with something. Not fear, not panic. Something better.
"I can't change the past, as much as I long to. Nor can I erase your memories. But we have eternity to make precious ones that overpower anything else."
His words make my chest ache. If only he knew his touches were miraculous. They were perfect. They were everything I needed and most certainly what I wanted. And yet, it was never enough.
"Hold me, Edward." I beg. He complies instantly. His stone arms pull me into his lap, pressing my body to his chest. We're flesh against ice.
It's not enough. It's not enough for me to believe him.
"I love you, Bella." He murmurs as if reading my thoughts.
"Touch me." I whisper. It's not a plea, it's a demand.
Edward's arms tighten around me, his lips pressing deeply to mine. His murmurs my name against my lips, carefully slipping. I feel his ice-cold breath as he adorns my jaw, my neck. I hear my quiet pleas. Edward shudders against me, his fingers pressing deeply into my hips as he pulls away from my mouth.
"No." I moan, dropping my head against his shoulder.
Edward kisses my forehead. "I love you more deeply than you know, Bella. But I'm still a vampire, and you're still a human." His voice burns with regret. "I don't want to harm you."
"You won't."
"Soon I'm going to take you to Isle Esme, Bella, I promise." Edward says smoothly, quieting my protests. "It's beautiful there. We'll be alone where no one can bother us. You won't have anything to worry about, and you'll finally get some of the rest you deserve."
I resist the urge to think about the flutters in my stomach – the desire that burns. We'd be alone. It was entirely inappropriate to allow my mind to wander in yearning now, but I couldn't help it. My fingers slide over the buttons of Edward's shirt, my mind already picking them apart to discover what lay beneath.
I was thankful, once again, that Edward couldn't read my mind. If only he knew the terrible things I was hoping for. If he knew the terrible ways my body reacted to his touch despite the torturous memories that still echoed in my head.
I'm aware that this new topic was an attempt to distract me, but I lean into it anyway. "Let's go now." I whisper, my tongue brushing over my dry lips as I press them to his chest.
Edward chuckles quietly. It's more casual, more him. "So eager, love."
I can feel my cheeks heating. Edward's fingers brush over my cheeks, feeling the warmth.
"Where is it?" I whisper. I rest my cheek over where his heart should beat.
Edward pauses for a moment, looking down to frown at me. "Rio." He murmurs patiently. "Once everything gets sorted out here, we'll go."
"We could just leave now."
The vibrations of Edward's laugh ease the tension in my body. "I'd like that. But there's still a crisis in Seattle, and I think Carlisle and Esme would prefer you be with here longer."
"Why?"
"Parental instinct." Edward says light-heartedly. He presses his icy lips to my hair, taking an extra moment to breathe in my scent.
I glance up at his perfectly beautiful face - his impossibly angelic features are twisted in confliction. I don't have the heart to ask him why. He was holding me in his arms, and that's all I needed, or wanted, at the moment. It seemed, based on the comfortable silence that we quickly fell in, that it was all Edward needed, too.
The sun peaks through the clouds slowly, and it's utterly quiet in the room. I'm watching the sunrise through the reflective windows and Edward is watching me.
My mind repeats our conversation as the sky lightens to crimson. His reassurance, his affirmation. My heart is fluttering with wild tendrils of panic and ease - both arguing for their dominant spot in my heart - knowing what Edward now knows.
It would be easy to get lost in this stillness – driven mad by the silence of Edward's thoughts and my emotions. Edward's hands, however, are keeping me completely grounded as they roam repeatedly over my shoulders, down my back, and against my arms. The smoothening of his cold fingers makes me shiver with a strange sense of pleasure and comfort. I don't ever want him to stop.
When the sky has lightened to blue, and I've fallen against his body in a state of exhaustion, Edward's voice cuts through the silence.
"Bella, do you remember that you fainted?"
Long shadows of trees are casting themselves across the yard. It's not cloudy today… The sun makes me miss my mom.
Edward's voice hums in my ear, bringing me back to the present.
I meet Edward's conflicted gaze, trying to remember how long ago it had been since I was with Charlie. "At the beach."
"Yes. . . Do you know what happened? Did you have a panic attack?"
My mind feels numb and strangely energy depleted as I try to think. I didn't have a panic attack, but I was sure I would eventually. "No."
"Can Carlisle do a few quick tests – "
"Not now." I moan, frustration seeming to bubble up in me almost instantly. "I was tired then. . . I'm fine."
Edward's fingers touch my hand, sending slow electric pulses over me. "You're trembling. . . You have been for days. That's not healthy."
"I'm cold and tired now, too."
He inhales sharply. "You only harm yourself when you lie, love."
I frown. Of course he saw right through my lie.
"I'm just cold." I insist petulantly, as if that would make any difference. He probably still wouldn't believe me. As much as I disliked lying to him, I didn't want Carlisle poking me with anything right now. I wasn't in the mood for it.
Edward grabs the throw blanket laying over the couch, dropping it over my body. "There. Now will you let Carlisle look at you?" Edward questions.
I huff, pulling the blanket closer around my chest. I wanted to resist more than anything, but the conflict in Edward's eyes had me worried. Was he so concerned for my health that he was asking this of Carlisle despite how unwilling I might be?
"Please, Bella? I need to know you're healthy."
"It'll be quick?"
He grimaces, nodding his head. "Carlisle." His voice is no louder than our conversation, but it was loud enough for the three-hundred-year-old vampire.
A quiet knock at the door makes me jump in surprise, but Edward isn't fazed as he calls for Carlisle to come in.
"Good morning, Bella." Carlisle offers as he walks in. He's holding the black bag I've come to associate with his medical visits.
"Carlisle, I promise I'm fine." I mutter to him, still feeling utterly like a child.
"Bella, please humor me." Edward begs. His fingers touch mine, a silent plea that finally makes me relent.
"How are you feeling?"
"Fine." Edward's hands tighten around me as if he's begging me not to lie. It wasn't a lie. I was fine. "I'm okay." I insist – whether to Carlisle or Edward, I did not know.
Carlisle finally meets my gaze. "Your fainting spells are a bit of a concern."
"I only fainted once."
Carlisle smiles again, but his eyes are troubled. The unzipping of his bag makes me flinch. I hate to think of the torture devices that live inside. "I want to keep it that way. No headache today?"
"A bit." I admit quietly. A dull throb was always present in my neck, spreading down my shoulders and back. It certainly was up to par with previous headaches, but it was uncomfortable. I should have grown used to the discomfort of headaches by now.
The echo of the pain in my chest from a few hours ago was more distinct, though I didn't quite want to bring that up to Carlisle and have to explain the cause of it.
Carlisle nods. "Any dizziness?"
"I don't think so."
"How about yesterday?" He wraps a blood pressure cuff around my arm as he speaks, pressing buttons on the machine to make it puff with air.
"No."
"Yes." Edward's voice cuts through the silence. Carlisle shoots him a fierce look that sends a shiver down my spine.
I felt like the cuff was strangling my neck instead of my arm. I try to focus on Carlisle as the throbbing in my veins starts beneath the tight Velcro. His eyes are nearly black. It makes my stomach flip with unease. Why wasn't he hunting?
I try to breathe out deeply as the cuff loosens around my arm, but I'm sure I'm failing. Carlisle doesn't say a word as he loudly rips the Velcro, detaching the blood pressure cuff from my arm. He puts his finger under my chin, lifting my head until I'm staring into his eyes.
"Do your eyes hurt? Any sensitivity to light?"
"No."
"Blurriness in your vision?"
I hesitate for a moment. I had trouble seeing just the other day when Esme was painting. "I'm just tired." I mumble. "I can't sleep."
"I know." Carlisle sounds so disheartened, and it makes my stomach twist. "Is the nausea better?"
"I think so. When my head doesn't hurt a lot."
He releases my head, his fingers moving downward toward my neck. He massages my skin for a moment before moving away. "Your vitals look good."
"That's good?"
Carlisle offers me a tight-lipped smile. "Yes, Bella."
Edward's hand tightens over mine. I turn to look at him, to tell him to stop it – I'm not lying, after all. He's not looking at me. He's looking at Carlisle with seething eyes. Carlisle is paying no attention to him. I'm almost afraid to question the animosity from Edward to his father.
"Bella, can I take some blood?" My stomach flips painfully at Carlisle's gentle request.
"Do you have to?" I whisper.
Carlisle nods slowly, looking entirely remorseful at what he was asking of me. Was this why Edward was angry with him?
"I've fainted before, Carlisle." I mumble. Why had this become such a big deal to them? I'd fainted in front of Edward at least half a dozen times. He had never dragged me to the ER or to his father's private hospital in the office upstairs and Carlisle had never demanded blood from me.
"I know, sweetheart. There are other problems that I want to keep watching. Any new symptoms, like fainting, we need to ensure aren't going to be detrimental to your health."
Edward's hand tightens even more.
"Are PTSD and anemia fatal?" I try to sound as nonchalant as possible. How serious was this that I needed check-ups and blood drawn?
"There's no need to stress about it, love." Edward had been strangely quiet throughout this ordeal, until now. "We will control it."
Oh. So, it is fatal. I can feel slight hysterics rolling over me now. I could die from this. I wasn't healthy. Not anymore.
"Anemia can lead to bigger consequence when not controlled." Carlisle adds, gently. "If it ever becomes more problematic, we'll let you know."
"Oh."
"Let me see your hands." Carlisle murmurs, pulling my limbs until they are in view. I watch them as he does, seeing the way they tremble without my order in his palms. He stares at them for a long moment.
"I'm cold and tired, Carlisle." I tell him. And panicked. I had life-threatening conditions, apparently.
"I hardly think that's the cause." He murmurs, brushing the back of his hand over my forehead. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a reassuring touch or if he's taking my temperature. "Do you feel your headaches are worse when you're shaking?"
I frown at him. "I haven't noticed."
"Try to pay attention to it from now on, alright?" Carlisle says.
The cold sting of an alcohol pad makes me jump and Edward tightens his grasp on me in reassurance. I pull my gaze away from Carlisle, turning my eyes up toward the scenic mountains outside. I could feel my stomach turning at the threat of blood and the fear of the needle. I didn't need to add vomiting to Carlisle's list of deadly symptoms.
"Do you have any muscle pain? In your legs or arms?" Carlisle asks smoothly. I envied his ease and peace. He was so good at this. It didn't seem to bother him at all that he'd be taking vials of my blood when he was so thirsty.
"My body always hurts." The candidness of my words surprises me, and I'm not entirely sure what's prompted me to say them. Maybe the sheer panic of a needle positioned over my skin. Or maybe it was the exhaustion that had driven me to true insanity. Or maybe it was the thought of dying from PTSD. Or maybe it was my impulsive habit of admitting my deepest fears.
I breathe in sharply as the needle bites into my hand. Edward's hand is tight again. I wince quietly - this time from him and not the needle - and he immediately loosens it. I don't want to see how angry he looks right now. Focusing on his anger was better than focusing on the awful sensation of a needle beneath my skin. But neither one was good for me right now.
"I can give you some medicine to help with the pain, Bella."
"Maybe later." I mumble. Did I want to tell him the most pressing pain is because of his son's anger? I was feeling strangely faint, and I wasn't sure if I'd get the words out.
Carlisle makes a quiet noise of agreement. "I'm going to give you Propranolol, Bella. It will help with the tremors in your hands. It's used for migraines sometimes, so it should also help with your headaches. There are no side effects that you need to be worried about."
I swallow thickly but nod. I hated these tremors enough that I would take medicine to stop them. My hand burns as Carlisle pulls the needle out, and a thick wad of gauze and tape replaces it quickly. The second Carlisle releases my hand I'm hiding it back in the blanket, and he doesn't ask me to pull it out again.
It's easy to relax against Edward now that there are no needles in my body and that Carlisle's is done with the mostly harmful part of his exam. The loosening of my muscles, however, makes me realize just how tightly wound Edward's are. I'm not sure he was breathing at all - much less doing anything besides fuming as he stared out the window.
"Can you come with me to take some X-rays?" Carlisle asks, interrupting my train of thought regarding Edward.
"Are you taking my cast off?" I demand, excitement suddenly coursing through me.
Carlisle offers a small smile. "It might be too early, but we'll see."
That was enough for me to forgive him for the needle.
"Mom, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I mutter into the phone. "Just take care of Phil, okay?"
"I will." She responds airily through the phone. The crackle of her signal cutting out was a stark reminder that she so far from me. "Bella, honey, are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm just tired." I think I was getting better at lying. Carlisle had not thought I was tired at all.
My time with Edward was dangerously quiet after Carlisle's departure following the X-rays. He held me against him on the couch for hours, neither one of us saying anything. Edward's grip was a little too tight, but I refused to say anything. His touch was comforting after spending so long on opposite ends of the couch.
As the sun peaked in the afternoon sky, Edward finally placed a single kiss on my cheek and led me by the hand to the kitchen for food.
"Oh, right! It's finals." Renee laughs. The sound chokes my heart. "You must be so busy. Wow, it's your last semester. You're almost done!" She squeals happily through the phone.
Edward's fingers squeeze mine gently. I claw at him, begging him to hold me closer. He does. "What?"
"You're graduating soon, baby. I need to buy my ticket. . . What day is your graduation again? I wrote it down somewhere. . ."
Edward slides a paper to me. He's written on it in his twisting script. June 16th.
What day was it today? She couldn't come here. She couldn't see me like this. I wouldn't be able to handle that.
The room around me spins. "Oh, uhm. . ."
"I was so excited when you emailed me about the University of Alaska!" Renee gushes. "A full scholarship, too? Honey, that's so amazing."
The phone slides from my hand, but Edward's fingers catch it before it hits the counter. His arm is tight around me waist, holding me to him.
"Alice emailed her the acceptance letter on your behalf." He whispers. I can hear my mother gushing over the phone, confessing her pride in me. "A small lie to keep appearances up."
I nod in response, feeling too suffocated to respond.
"Take a breath, love." He kisses my forehead, handing the phone back to me. The other line has gone silent, and I balk.
"Did she ask me something? What do I say?" I can hear the hysterics in my voice. "Here."
I push the phone into his hand, but he shakes his head.
"You can do this, Bella. Tell her you miss her, but you have to study for finals."
I swallow thickly, putting the phone back to my ear.
"Bella?"
"I miss you, mom. A lot."
"I miss you, too, baby."
"I need to go. . . I'm – I'm studying for trig."
The line is silent for a beat too long. I can feel the sweat on my forehead.
"Didn't you take trig last year?"
"Oh, right. . ." I bite my lip. What had I been taking this year? My mind is scrambling, trying to remember the course work I had abandoned weeks ago.
"Calculous." Edward tells me. His eyes meet mine.
I repeat the word after him, hoping my mother will ignore my mistake. To my relief, she glosses over it like it never happened.
Renee laughs. "Alright, hun. I'll take to you later."
I drop the phone onto the granite of the counter a little harder necessary. Edward says nothing as he reaches for it, slipping the black phone into his pocket. Maybe I should have thrown it. That would have shown my frustration a bit better.
I spy the white gauze that was taped against the back of my hand and the yellowing bruise developing beneath it.
"I got into the University of Alaska? On a full ride?" My voice is louder than I intend. I can feel the hysteria shaking my whole body. "Why would Alice do that, Edward?"
"To convince your mother that you're okay." Edward responds gently. His fingers brush against the hair cascading down my back. "You're supposed to be getting ready for graduation and college, Bella."
"But I didn't get in!" I screech, batting his hand away. Regret floats through me instantly, and I reach for him again. Edward steps closer to me, his arms wrapping around my shoulders.
Edward's expression is tight. "You did, Bella."
"I got in?"
He snorts quietly. "You got the scholarship, too."
"I did?"
Edward nods. "You were selected for an additional screening. Alice submitted additional materials for you, and a doctor's note explaining why you couldn't visit them in-person for their scholarship events."
"Why? I'm not even going."
Edward's eyes turn sad, though he smiles softly. "Because we owe this to your parents, don't we? For stealing you away from them. They deserve to know that you would have had a full and happy life, Bella."
Edward's words choke me.
"I'm not ready for that yet."
"I know." Edward murmurs, hugging me closer to him. "We'll do it when it's right for you."
I should feel relieved. I have time with my parents. I have time to tie up all the loose ends I'm leaving behind. I have time to say goodbye. But that doesn't quell the misery in my body. It would be easy on Renee – I could drag it out and spend a semester at college, convincing her everything was perfect. And then I could die in a car crash.
But with Charlie it would be harder. I couldn't spin that same lie. He would know I was turned into a vampire. He would have to lie for me. He would have to pretend to mourn for a daughter he lost but continued to live. Or, maybe, he was truly mourn for the daughter he lost. Would he love me after I became a vampire? Would he want to see me? Would he forgive me for it?
Frustration bubbles in my body. "Charlie won't get it that easy."
Edward doesn't say a word at first. His hand reaches for my extended legs that are resting on his lap, pressing firmly on my calves. "Charlie didn't deserve to find out this way."
I glare at him, rage spilling through me. "It's all Jacob's fault."
He eyes me apprehensively. "Jacob has done his fair share of wrongdoing. This mistake is not his own, though."
"Usually you're quick to blame him." I hiss. Edward narrows his eyes at me, before relaxing a little bit.
"I have been wrong before."
"After we go to Isle Esme, I don't want to ever come back here." I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest. The pressure makes my ribs hurt the slightest bit, but it's nearly nothing compared to pain previously. It's almost relieving to know that my ribs are almost healed. That means that almost everything else is healed too. I glared down at the white cast that still encased my hand.
The X-rays told us it was too early to take it off. Carlisle promised me in just a few weeks it could come off and a brace would replace it. According to him, my wrist bones were terribly fractured. I had covered my eyes when Carlisle held the black and white x-ray up to the light in his office earlier this morning. I didn't want to know how badly my bones were crushed.
"What about Charlie?"
I recoil, glaring at my legs as I realize that Edward is right. I can't leave my father. He asked me not to. He made me promise not to leave him. "I'll only come back to see him."
"That's enough, then. There's nothing more here if you don't want there to be."
A gnawing feeling sits in my stomach at his words. Would I really be happy to never return?
"There's our meadow." I whisper, thinking longingly about the flowers and peace. An unhappy shiver slips down my spine, remembering the horrible things I described to Edward in that meadow hours ago.
Edward offers me a small, stilted smile. It makes my heart prickle with pain. "There is. Though, I'm sure, we'll find places to marvel at elsewhere."
I shake my head, tears popping into my eyes. After tainting our meadow with my trauma, would it ever be the same? Would we be able to enjoy it together again?
Edward smiles, his thumb brushing over my lips. "We'll visit it when we come to see Charlie."
"Will we?" I mumble, almost a little angrily as a sudden realization dawn in my head. "Once I'm like you. . . Will we be allowed back here? Will I be able to see Charlie and not kill him?"
Edward turns his head, not responding. The thin line of his lips told me all I needed to know. We wouldn't be allowed back here. I wouldn't be able to see Charlie for a few years, at least.
"Is it safe to leave my father, Edward?"
"He couldn't be safer here, love."
I curl my arms over my torso, hugging myself as if that would stop the ice freezing my body inside. "The vampires. . . the ones in Seattle. . ."
"We'll take care of them before we go." Edward murmurs smoothly. He touches his finger to my cheek reassuringly. But I can't find assurance in his touch right now.
"But what if there are more. When you're not here to protect him." I whisper, feeling the hysterics attacking every inch of my core.
How much adrenaline and fear could course through my body before I went into shock or death? Was it possible to die like that? Was it possible for my body to decide to stop breathing if every breath hurt this much? It was like the air around me was scalding my lungs.
"The wolves protected you in my absence. They'll take care of those we leave behind once again."
"You don't know that! He left the reservation. He didn't pick them. He didn't pick us either. He's on his own – "
Edward silences me with a shake of his head, his eyes begging me to calm down. "You picked us, too, and they still laid their lives down for you. They protected you against Laurent and Victoria, Bella. They'll protect Charlie against any demons that turn up in our absence."
I breathe sharply, thinking back to the two vampires Edward mentioned. One who was most certainly dead and one who was hiding.
"Can we go see him? I want to say goodbye."
"We're not leaving yet, love. You have time." He tells me gently, pushing some of my hair behind my ears. He loved playing with my hair. "You have as much time as you want, Bella."
"No. I need to go now." I mumble, pulling my legs from Edward's lap as I stand. My legs wobble beneath me, and for a moment I'm almost sure I'll collapse. "Please."
"I'll get my keys."
Edward's gone from my view before I can blink and back again by the next blink. He's leading me quietly to the garage, not saying a word. His hand hovers over the small of my back, not quite touching but certainly close to it. It was all I could do to stop myself from pressing my body deeply against his. Each touch today comforted my aching heart, but it seemed to send him into a spiral of conflict that I didn't quite understand despite his reassurance this morning.
The slight fear buzzing in my head that his behavior was due to my confessions was growing rapidly. What if he never got over his rage and repulsion for those who hurt me? Would our future always be marred by this?
The cool leather of Edward's Volvo is unfamiliar and homely at the same time. Quiet sounds of Claire De Lune escape the radio - soothing the most rapid beats of my heart and terrifying the calmest parts of my brain.
"My mother loves this song." I whisper automatically.
Edward's fingers press against my palm. "I remember. You told me the first time I drove you home."
My body relaxes into the leather seat, remembering the day I almost passed out in Biology. "It feels like a lifetime ago."
Things were so different now. My time in high school was over. My time as a human was rapidly ending. I missed the ease of life before.
Renee had not played a big role in this situation at all. She had stayed quietly on the sidelines, where Charlie and the Cullens had strategically kept her.
I shake my head, trying to push the thoughts from my mind. Everything was making my head hurt. I needed a clear head to talk to Charlie. I needed to comfort him today, to reassure him that everything would be fine. I needed to believe things would be fine. And although I wanted to believe that, my chest was constricting rapidly.
I watch the trees flashing past, see the green signs with town names.
"Edward," I whisper. My throat hurt with the lack of air.
"It's okay." Edward murmurs, his hand finding mine. The trees were a blur outside my window. He grasps my shaking fingers, squeezing my hands until I'm sure they'll turn numb. "We're in Forks."
"Oh."
"Open your mouth, Bella." His voice is so quiet that I'm sure I'm hearing him wrong. The grainy feeling of a tablet pushing against my lips, encouraging me to open my mouth. Cool water, whose presence I'm nearly surprised by, washes it down.
I hadn't been to Forks since I left the hospital. I intentionally had refused to return. I had refused to leave the safety of the Cullen Residence. I had screamed at Emmett once for suggesting I visit the awfully small and normally innocent town. Now I had willingly begged Edward to bring me here without realizing just how badly I needed to be away from it.
The drum in my chest is loud in my ears and painful against my ribs. Edward's thumb rolls firmly over my palm, as if it could rub sanity back into my body.
"Let's go inside."
"I don't want to go in. Take me back." I plead shakily. The sound of my heavy breaths was muted in my own ears. "Take me home."
Not home, though. Never home. I never wanted to go there again. Take me anywhere but there. Please.
Edward pulls his hand from mine, and I'm almost about to yell at him not to - to make him hold me down and ground me - but his hands are against my tear-streaked cheeks now and that's much better. "Bella, look at me."
Blurry black leather coats my vision. Edward's hands are deathly pale in comparison. "No. No. Take me back."
"I will." Edward tells me. He pulls his hand away, and I sob.
"Don't, no." He listens to me. His hands slip right back into mine. "Take me home."
"I will." Edward promises candidly. "Give the medicine a moment. You're going to be fine."
"I know. I know that. I don't want to be here. I hate this place."
"We're not at your house, love. We're at the station. You can go inside." He's murmuring to me the same words over and over, as if they're on a loop. All I can do is listen as I stare at the blurriness of the black leather dashboard.
Stone fingers wipe the last of my tears and cool lips press firmly to my forehead. "Your heart is better."
It didn't feel better. It felt tight and painful.
"Why did you have a pill?"
"Carlisle gave it to me. Just in case."
For a moment, disgust and humiliation runs through me. Of course I would need it. Of course Carlisle would know I would need it. Side by side, the two emotions make me want to throw up and sink into another puddle of tears.
"Do you need me to come inside with you?"
I shake my head slowly. My neck aches with every movement. "I'll be fine." I fumble with the buckle of my seatbelt for a moment, and then the lock of the car door. Edward lets me - watching quietly as my trembling hands figure it out.
"Take your time."
My legs shake as I step onto the pavement, and I'm not sure if I'm reassured that I'm not at my old house or not. I think I would have preferred to just not be in Forks completely. My ears buzz as I reach the concrete steps and pull open the glass door.
I don't remember the door being so heavy. Then again, I hadn't frequented the stations much. Charlie used to bring me to work occasionally during my summers spent in Forks. The memories were not fond, filled only with frustration over the hardly working AC-system and the true boredom of a small-town department.
The station smells of stale coffee and printer ink as I step inside. It's quiet, and mostly empty.
"Dad?" My voice echoes back to me; shrill with the remaining strands of panic. My feet carry me to his office with vague memories from my childhood. "Dad, are you. . ."
I find my words trailing off as my eyes land on a mountain of bronze muscle. Jacob was standing across the small office, his hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his shorts.
"Oh. . . Hi Bella." He looks just as shocked as I feel.
"What are you doing here?" I'm almost stunned by the venom in my voice. I couldn't believe I had the ability to be angry considering the faint feeling in my body.
"I was here looking for Charlie." He mumbles, gesturing towards the empty desk. The little lamp that Charlie used when I was a kid was switched off. His coffee mug sat empty on the desk. The monitors all turned off. He wasn't here now. No one else was here, either.
"So was I. He's obviously not here."
Anger burns through my veins. Why would Edward bring me here when no one was here?
I needed to finish talking to Charlie. I needed to make sure he would keep his knowledge of himself to protect him and the rest of us. I needed him to know that I loved him and that both of us were safe in the presence of the Cullens.
"How're you, Bella?" Jacob asks, his brows pulled together in concern. He takes a step toward me, freezing only when I automatically flinch. Guilt courses through my veins, painfully reminding me that my reflexes had been severely changed. Jacob was my best friend. He wouldn't hurt me. But he wasn't someone I was used to anymore either.
I didn't want to talk to Jacob right now. I didn't need to deal with this right now. I wanted to find my father.
"I'm fine." The words come out quickly and sharply. A lie – it wasn't always a lie, but now it was – that slips off my tongue so easily that I instantly feel guilty. I didn't used to lie so much. Not to Jacob, anyway.
"Are you?" He demands, his voice nearly just as harsh as mine. "You look bad, Bells."
"I'm fine, Jacob."
His lips press together thinly. "I know you want to find Charlie, so I'll just make this quick, okay?" Jacob frowns, taking another step towards me.
I'm prepared for his movement this time. I don't flinch back this time. I can see out the window Jacob had stood in front of. Edward's Volvo was sedentary in its parking spot. Edward should've known Charlie wasn't here. He would've noticed his cruiser wasn't parked in the parking lot. He wouldn't have heard Charlie's thoughts. He would have heard Jacob's. And yet, he still told me to come inside.
"I'd prefer you didn't."
"Just hear me out –"
"No!" I hiss, turning away. I was going back to Edward, and he was taking me far away from Forks. As far away as humanly possible. "I have to go."
"Bella, stop!" Jacob's voice sends tiny shivers down my spine. "You owe me, Bella. I saved you that day, you know that, right? Carlisle said you would have died if I didn't take you to the hospital."
I flinch, remembering the loud echoes of Jacob fighting with Carlisle in the ER. "You left, Jacob. Carlisle told me you left."
"I had to. . ." Jacob mutters. He looks down, not meeting my gaze. "I couldn't – I had to leave."
"You don't get to say that to me, Jacob Black." My voice is sharp enough to rip my throat raw as I scream. "Why didn't you stay?"
"I'm sorry." He snaps back, his hands trembling.
"You risked everything by telling Charlie the truth. You may have saved me, but you very well could have killed us all." I watch the way my words make him recoil.
"I let your bloodsucker onto the Rez. Did he tell you that?"
"What?" I balk, feeling almost as if I've crashed into a concrete wall.
"I convinced Sam to let him through to get you. Sam almost took his head off when he tried to cross the border." Jacob is yelling again, begging me to listen to him. "I called him when you collapsed. I did that for you, Bella! I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for how things turned out. I'm sorry that Charlie found out. I thought it was better that way – everyone wanted him to know and I'm sorry I didn't stop it. I thought Charlie had a right to know who was taking care of you!"
Jacobcalled Edward. Jacob convinced Sam to let Edward onto the Rez. Jacob convinced Sam to let Edward get me. Jacob was the reason Edward was able to come for me without breaking the treaty. Jacob did that. It wasn't Sam's mercy. It was a favor from Sam to Jacob. A favor from Jacob to me.
"You don't get to decide that." I want the words to hold anger, but I can't quite manage it when I'm so distracted by the favor Jacob had done for me.
He grinds his teeth, his jaw stiff. "Neither do you. Why do you get to decide what Charlie is ignorant about?"
My heart trembles in my chest, my body shaking at Jacob's confessions. "I'm trying to protect him."
"I'm trying to protect you." Jacob bites back. "But I didn't think you'd shut me out for this long. Charlie kept coming to the Rez and talking about how you and Edward were going to survive this and . . . it just . . . I got scared that this was it, Bella. You can't just leave!"
"I'm not!"
"Yes, you are." Jacob's words pound right through me. "I'm the one that fixed that gaping hole in your chest before, remember that? Why can't you let me help you with this now?"
Tears pricked in my eye, and I almost wanted to scream in frustration. I made a pact with myself. No tears. My body kept betraying me. I kept crying. I couldn't ever stop crying. "I can't forgive you for the danger you put Charlie in."
"You can because I'll lay my life down for him, just like I did for you."
"Jake. . ." My voice falters and he stands up straighter, opening his mouth to speak.
"Bells, you look like hell. You need to quit worrying about Charlie, okay? Worry about yourself."
"I am."
"Charlie's fine. He's strong." He shrugs, nearly brushing off the trauma Charlie probably faced as a result of hearing the truth.
"I know that."
Charlie was strong. He could stomach this. I just didn't want him to. I never wanted him to. I wanted him to be naïve and to enjoy the company of the wolves and of those who would keep him safe in his innocence.
"I know I screwed up, but he was the only one who could make you stay."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"That's crap and you know it." Jacob snaps. It didn't escape my notice that his hands were quivering at his sides again. "They're going to take you and turn you into a bloodsucker and I'll never see you again."
"You didn't want to see me again."
Jacob takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I know I said that. I'm sorry for that, too. I just . . . You're my best friend, Bella. And for a long time, I thought we'd be more than that. Can't you see how difficult this is for me? Knowing that you're with him and he's my enemy?"
"It doesn't have to be that way."
"But it is. . . And we can't change that." A hopeless tone overcomes Jacob's words. He's not sorry Edward is his enemy. He's sorry I will be.
I sigh, slowly sinking into the chair near the desk. My shaking legs weren't making this easy for me. "I know you're sorry, Jake."
Jacob almost collapses into the chair besides me in relief. "I really am."
"I know." I whisper. "I – it's okay."
"I just need a goodbye, okay?" His voice shakes. "Don't leave until you say goodbye, okay?"
My heart shatters in my chest. Everyone wanted that from me. They wanted to be spared some pain. Pain I would be causing them.
"I'm not leaving." I whisper, wiping my tears with my hands. It was no use. My wet hands were soppily spreading the moisture around my cheeks instead of drying them. "There's so much stuff happening right now. We can't go until we deal with everything. . . With Charlie and maybe the Volturi and then there's Seattle –"
Jacob's breath is sharp as he inhales. "What's happening in Seattle?"
"Jake, I. . . nothing. Never mind." I shake my head, trying to use my sleeves now to dry my face.
"Don't lie to me, you suck at lying." He says, his voice holding an accusatory tone. I stop, eyeing the way his body has gone rigid, his hands balled into fists. He was in wolf-mode now. I had clearly triggered something in him with my words.
I bite my lip, chewing it between my teeth nervously. Was there harm in telling Jake this? The wolves probably knew about the situation – I'm sure they kept tabs on current events in the area. They must have known it was vampires ravaging Seattle.
Jacob stares at me for a long moment. "You know something, Bells. Spit it out."
"I. . I don't know everything." I mumble, stuttering my way through the words. Everyone was very strategically keeping me in the dark about things that seemed to stress me out. The statue-like behavior and general tension in the house made it clear when they were discussing things during my disrupted sleep.
"What do you know?"
"We're not really clear on the situation, I think. But there's an army of newborns. . . Vampires. . . In Seattle right now. We think they're part of some sort of plan with the Volturi – it's kind of complicated."
"I can keep up." Jacob snorts quietly. "Vampires in Seattle. Volturi. Bad"
"Well. . . Yes. I guess that's it."
"What do they want?"
"Me, I think? Or maybe Edward and Alice. Or Carlisle. We're not really sure."
Jacob's fists get tighter, his knuckles white. "Why?"
"Again, not sure." I stammer, feeling my cheeks heat with embarrassment. There was hardly anything I knew. Beyond the conversation I'd had with Jasper and Edward on the floor of the kitchen, I'm not sure I had been part of any other discussions. Not that I remembered, at least. I'm sure there were plenty of conversations I'd forgotten in my sleep-deprived state.
"What the hell do you know?" Jacob questions.
"It'll be a fight." Edward's voice appears behind me, making me jump with an audible gasp. He throws me an apologetic look, then turns back to Jacob was a mask of importance. "Alice sees them coming to Forks."
"To attack?"
"Yes. They're after one of us, or . . . multiple of us. We know it's strategically planned by an older vampire who has knowledge of vampire wars centuries ago. We think the Volturi are involved. We are certain the attack on Bella is part of a bigger plan." Edward explains. His voice is hard, his expression unreadable. "As Bella said. . . It's complicated."
"What, are there too many for you or something?" Jacob stands up, his arms crossed over his chest. The way they lock eyes makes it clear that I'm no longer part of this conversation. This is between them – vampires and wolves.
"There are politics – centuries of them – playing into this." Edward pauses. "We have a few advantages, possessed by Alice and myself. It will be a close fight, all things considered."
Jacob scoffs, his eyes rolling theatrically in his head. The sight makes me smile. He was so young. So much like my Jacob. "How many?"
Edward shrugs slightly, curiously. "We estimate no more than thirty."
Jacob smirks then. The large bands of his muscles seem to only grow bigger as he crosses his arms over his chest. "It won't be even."
I stare frozen in sudden horror at Jacob's expression. I turn to Edward, wanting to know exactly what was meant by that statement but Edward has a strange sort of expression on his face too. His face was alive with smugness, all evidence of his earlier hopelessness clean from his features. He almost looks giddy.
"It will be slightly inconvenient, for Alice, at least."
"No!" I gasp, jumping to my feet quickly. I have to reach to grasp the armrests of the chair as the walls of Charlie's office spin.
"Whoa, Bells." Jacob gasps, reaching out to grab me. Edward is faster, though. Edward doesn't seem fazed by my sudden episode as he latches his arm around my waist to support me.
"Sit, Bella. You're going to fall." Edward hums in my ear. "It's okay."
I ignore him, twisting towards Jacob. "No, you can't! Jacob, you can't fight!"
He laughs boisterously in response, his eyes alive with an excitement I hadn't seen in a long time. "This is our job, Bells. More so than theirs." He stabs a finger in Edward's direction. Edward ignores him. "You didn't honestly believe that we'd back down from a fight, right?"
"You have to!" I nearly scream. I turn to Edward now. Jacob was a lost cause. "Edward, no! They'll get killed!"
Jacob laughs again, just as loudly as before.
"If you're going to fight with us, we'll need to coordinate." Edward speaks over my head as if I wasn't even there, which only seemed to infuriate me more. "We were already planning a strategic meeting. . . I suppose I'll alert Jasper that you'll be joining."
"This will be strange." Jacob mutters thoughtfully, touching his chin. "I never considered working together. I'll talk to Sam – get the pack involved."
My hands tug at my neck, trying desperately to claw more oxygen into my shaking body. "Sam won't agree, and you won't be able to convince him! Jacob, please."
"If Sam doesn't agree, I'm still fighting." Jacob snaps at me, his eyes heavy with emotion. "A damn army is coming to Forks for you, Bella. I'm not backing away from that."
"You can't, Jake! Sam won't let you."
"Sam doesn't control me, Bella!" He snaps with so much force that I flinch. Guilt crosses his tanned features immediately, and he opens his mouth as if to apologize.
"Please, Jake. Please don't do this." I beg tearfully.
"Don't be ridiculous, Bells. I told you I'd fight for you any day." He drops his arms to his side, reaching out as if he wanted to hug me. His hands are no longer pulsing with anger – that was long gone. Pure adrenaline had replaced it. And yet, he doesn't touch me. He pulls away, his eyes dropping to the floor. "I'll go talk to Sam." He nearly runs out of the room, slamming the front door of the station loudly as he exits.
"Edward!" I turn, feeling my throat burn. "You can't let him. Everyone is in danger now! You have to stop him!"
Everyone I love was involved in this now. I was going to lose everyone.
"Shh, love. It'll be fine. Together we'll be strong enough. It'll hardly be even with them on our side." He offers soothingly. He places a light kiss against my forehead. "Let's go home. We need to talk to Carlisle and Jasper. Trust me, Bella, please."
I follow numbly as he leads me out of the station, pausing only to glance back at the place where Jacob resided just a moment ago. The table lamp Charlie used was still off.
"Wait!" I gasp, pulling my hand from Edward's. He pauses, turning to face me. "Is that why you brought me here? To get Jacob on board with this? To get me to forgive him? You knew Charlie wasn't here!"
Edward frowns, shaking his head. "You need your friend, and it wasn't right for me to keep you from him. You need to have a future here, regardless of what you are or become. Jacob showed considerable courage and honor by allowing me on the Reservation to help you. I only hope I can repay him for that."
"By making me forgive him?"
"No, love. Your decision with Jacob is yours alone. You chose to forgive him, no matter my opinion, or anyone else's for that matter. My ability to repay him is independent of what you have decided. I didn't bring you here to talk to Jacob, but I stayed when I realized he was here." Edward's arm squeezes around me more tightly, as if it would help him convince me. "You don't deserve to lose everything from this. You've already lost so much, and I can't allow you to lose your father, your friend, and your home."
"But now you're going to let him fight and die?" My voice quivers with the emotion of Edward's admission and the fear of Jacob's decision.
Edward scoops up my hand again, planting a lasting kiss against my quivering lips as if to soothe me.
"We're stronger together, Bella. It's something we've never considered before. Jacob offering the pack's service was not something I envisioned until he thought about fighting. It's not ideal, but we can put aside our differences for the sake of protecting those we love."