10B: Emotions

Making his first visit to see Neal, Chuck was glad to find him sitting at the table and coloring while Elizabeth had been seated by him working on an event.

"How are you doing, Danny?" Chuck remembered to use his legal name while taking a seat and looking at his drawing.

It seemed to have a lot of details, pictures in pictures, to obscure what he was drawing. Still, Chuck could see things from Neal, so he was trying to express and work through his emotions without giving his true situation away.

Elizabeth put a hand on Neal's head comfortingly as she sat beside him and the tension in his little body left as he relaxed.

"Fine, Peter is in the office for a case and I've been drawing or helping Elizabeth," Neal answered.

"Are you worried about Peter?" Chuck sensed that Neal knew what he was feeling and had reason to worry.

"Yes, he was tense this morning and he had a conversation with Elizabeth when they thought I couldn't hear." Neal stopped drawing and put his pen down to avoid messing up his picture. His hands were shaking slightly and when he looked up, Chuck could see the desire to be in the field and protect his friend.

"I'm sure agent Burke will be alright. My sources say he's a very good agent, with an equally skilled team. Peter will come home safe and sound." Chuck reassured him based on his own words while Elizabeth leaned down to kiss Neal's head and hug him to comfort him.

They continued to talk for a while and Chuck was glad to see Agent Burke's car pull up behind him even though it meant that Peter got a good look at his government vehicle.

When Peter came in, he was glad to kiss his wife and picked Neal up even though the little agent had stood back to allow Elizabeth time to greet him. "Who's vehicle is out front, it looks like an agency vehicle?"

"That would be mine; I do work for the government you know." Chuck tried to pass it off, but he could tell that Peter was still suspicious.

Leaving them to their evening, Chuck made his escape without revealing anything.

Going back to his temporary home, Chuck enjoyed the family atmosphere that greeted him. Bryce was setting the table while Sarah and Morgan were putting the finishing touches on dinner.

Ruffling Bryce's hair as he passed, Chuck noticed tension in the kid-sized agent. Chuck questioned, "Are you okay, Buddy?"

"Neal's been stressed all day," Bryce shrugged him off and continued with his task.

Knowing he was right, Chuck didn't push it and went to greet his wife and other best friend.

As he talked, Chuck found himself checking on Bryce periodically. There seemed to be something more going on than his brother's stress. Bryce was having his own issue. Keeping that in mind, Chuck decided to sit up and play some games with his friends to see if he could figure out what the issue was.

Settling down to dinner, Chuck talked with everyone about their days. Morgan had been checking in on the Buy More, Sarah had been working on paperwork to wrap up that aspect of their case, and Bryce continued to go through testing to see if they could find the cause behind him and his brothers' de-aging or find a means of reversing it.

Perhaps that was it?

Was Bryce struggling with the tests and his current situation? It was something to check out.

Later in the evening, he managed to collar Bryce for some time playing video games while Morgan and Sarah were otherwise occupied.

"How are you really doing, Buddy? You're right that Neal has been tense, but so have you. Are the tests too much, or are you stressed from being small?" Chuck tried to get him to talk.

"How would you feel to be shrunk down to child-sized and then tested like a guinea pig? I have no idea what it will take to get me back to my normal size, or if that will even be possible." Bryce vented a little bit, but that wasn't his whole issue.

"I can't imagine how I'd feel, but it's got to be very upsetting for you. Do you want me to have them give you a break on the tests?" Chuck tried to offer support.

"No, the sooner life is back to normal, the better." Bryce continued to play with obviously suppressed emotions.

Feeling like he'd been slapped, Chuck couldn't understand why his words had hurt. Was he just being too sensitive to Bryce's emotions, or was Bryce upset with him?

Although he tried, Chuck couldn't get anything else out of Bryce. His friend clammed up and turned any conversation to their game. Chuck allowed it, but he intended to revisit the topic later.

Continuing to ponder what was going on with Bryce, Chuck decided to ask Neal on his next visit.

"Bryce wouldn't appreciate me telling you," Neal initially evaded answering him as well, but his worrying concern was enough to make him open up a little regardless of whatever his brother was telling him. "Think over your history with my brother."

Grateful for a direction, Chuck took note to review that and see if he could figure out what to do about the situation. Then knowing he was using Neal's time, he redirected the conversation to why Neal was still stressing.

"Peter is still working the case, but he's now more careful about talking in front of me. I have less to work on so my imagination has more to worry about!" Neal vented a bit while trying to keep up the pretense of being an oblivious child who couldn't imagine what could go wrong with such a field operation.

"It's not easy knowing your best friend is likely in danger and not be able to help. At least I was able to help when things happened to Morgan or when Bryce was around, but I tried not to think about what Bryce might be getting into when he wasn't around. I admit that some of that was due to other reasons, but some of it was due to my growing understanding of what he might be facing." He put a hand on Neal's shoulder as he stiffened. "It's probably different for you, knowing what you could do to help ensure his safety, while I thought there was nothing I could do in most situations, even if he were around. Bryce told me I could be the super spy too, but I couldn't see it. I still struggle sometimes." Chuck was glad Elizabeth had given them room to talk as this would be dangerous for her to overhear.

"Bryce is right, you do sell yourself short," Neal commented, but he seemed relieved by something.

"Not everyone is as capable as your brother. I have to be a super soldier even to stand a chance; he's not a super spy for nothing!"

Chuck could feel a hint of the old envy rise up so he endeavored to squash it. He was with Sarah and he had his own position in the CIA.

"You still envy him?" Unfortunately, Neal had caught on and seemed to appreciate the distraction from his own concerns.

Sighing, Chuck had to admit that he'd been caught. "Yeah, despite my efforts, I still do sometimes. I mean, Bryce, when it comes to spy skills, he's got it all. Even at Stanford, he could go out with any girl he wanted, he was invited to all of the parties, everyone liked him, and I had to work to keep up with him in most classes. Sometimes, I thought I got as much attention as I did because I was his friend; which has been proven by half of my encounters since I was expelled, that being the female half that is. Then in the CIA, he continues to be the ladies' man, a super spy capable of anything without being a super soldier, and he's a legendary hero. Don't get me wrong, I love Sarah and I know I've found my own place, but I can't help but look up to Bryce in some respects, no matter where I go in life." Leaning back in his chair as he talked, Chuck knew he was pretty much telling this to Bryce, but it was easier through his brother.

"As he looks up to you?" Neal surprised him by asking.

"He looks up to me?" Chuck couldn't help the question as he sat up again.

Rolling his eyes, Neal seemed to be reacting on his own behalf, "You're in a relationship with Sarah, you have managed to pull your family and best friends around you despite your work, and you underestimate what your abilities are. Yeah, he looks up to you, with reason too."

Unsure what to do with that, Chuck filed it away, "Do you look up to Peter?" He redirected the conversation.

"Who wouldn't? Peter is a legend in the FBI, he's nicknamed the archeologist and used as an example of excellence in Quantico! That isn't touching what kind of a boss or friend he is, or his personal life. He lives comfortably with a loving, beautiful, and very intelligent wife. His family is solid down to having a loyal dog. I mean, he even got to live his dream of playing professional baseball for a short term and is working toward his other dream of Washington." Neal's head drooped a little as he slumped in his seat.

"I guess we all have respect, envy, and insecurities to deal with," Chuck reached over to pat his shoulder again.

They sat in companionable silence for a bit before Elizabeth returned from the backyard where she'd stepped out to accomplish a task or two.

"How is it going, would you like anything?" She was cheerful but glanced at Neal with some concern.

"No, thank you. I should be going, but I think we've discussed what we needed to for today." Chuck excused himself and left Neal to Elizabeth's capable hands.

When he got home, Chuck observed Bryce through the security cameras as he was tested, and wondered if maybe he was envious.

Sitting down, he started going through the history of their friendship.

Since no one was about, he got comfortable and started with the day he met Bryce on the Stanford campus and went through their years as roommates. His analysis was that those years founded their friendship on a similar interest in nerdy pursuits and general respect.

Then things changed with Bryce's actions to get him expelled. A wall had come up in between them after that. For years, they didn't talk and then Bryce sent him the email and died for the first time causing the next shift.

In the years between Bryce's deaths, Chuck knew he hadn't appreciated his friend as he deserved.

Bryce had protected him, his family, and their legacy to the death.

These memories brought memories of comments about girly screams, threatening to call Sarah and Casey along with other references to displeasure at Bryce's presence due to his anger, envy, and a little fear.

Drifting in thought, Chuck also briefly thought that Bryce never told him about his brothers or his real history despite saying he trusted him.

Popping up out of his chair, Chuck finally realized what must be Bryce's issue. "I was upset with him and didn't want him around! Does he really think I still feel that way though?"

Pacing around, Chuck continued to remember their more recent interactions, starting with the recent operation. "Bryce seemed glad to see me, but he also seemed nervous and reserved. I thought it was because of his brothers."

But, after the initial awkwardness, Bryce had been fine to see Chuck talking to his brothers, perhaps he was even glad to finally introduce them?

Falling back into the chair, Chuck realized that Bryce was upset with him and felt rejected. He probably felt like an intruder living with them while he was small and didn't have a choice. No wonder he wanted life to get back to normal!

Scrubbing his fingers through his hair and then down his face, Chuck wasn't sure what to do about it.

He couldn't undo his past reactions… but he could change his reactions going forward!

Continuing to use his time alone, Chuck started working on ideas.

Thank you, everyone, for reading, reviewing/commenting, and leaving kudos :D