The first thought that Emma has when she wakes up is that she needs a shower. The nausea is gone, but she feels disgusting. Dried sweat is coating her skin and her hair feels oily – and she really, really hopes she didn't vomit on it.
"How are you feeling?" Emma startles at the sound of Regina's voice.
"Better." Emma looks down at her hand. Regina's fingers are loosely threaded with Emma's. Emma can't remember when that happened.
"Good," Regina says with a smile. "Do you want to sleep more? It's still early."
"What time is it?" Emma mumbles. She lifts up her free hand to wipe some drool from the corner of her mouth, surprised with Regina looks at her with an expression that suggests she finds that rather endearing.
"It's just after 5:30."
"That's too early to be awake even if I hadn't been sick all night."
"Come here," Regina says pulling Emma towards her.
Emma lets out an exaggerated sigh for effect as she lets Regina spoon her. "You're bossy."
"I was Queen for many years. It was a necessary part of the job."
"Why do I have the feeling that you were bossy even before you were Queen?"
"I have no idea dear."
Emma sneaks her cold feet between Regina's legs to warm her toes. "Next time I get to be the big spoon."
"Whatever you say." Regina lays her head against Emma's neck and closes her eyes.
Emma wakes again at the far more decent hour of 8 o'clock.
Regina's arms are wrapped around Emma while Regina sleeps soundly. This is later than Emma has ever seen Regina sleep, but Emma knows that Regina probably didn't sleep at all until this morning. Regina had stayed up to make sure that Emma was ok, had held her hair and rubbed her back, and made sure that Emma felt…
The word is in her head now. Henry said it enough times yesterday that Emma had found herself unable to shake it. And last night, Emma thinks, had felt more liked being loved than anything ever has.
Emma slips out of Regina's embrace, glad when her bedmate barely stirs. It's been years since Emma has woken up in someone's arms; the last person had been Neal. Neal who she loved, who she is pretty sure loved her too, Neal who had betrayed her anyway.
Emma peeks into Henry's room; he's still sleeping soundly, and so she decides that it's ok if she takes a drive for a little while just to clear her head.
Going for a drive doesn't get you too far in place as small as Storybrooke. Even though Emma can cross the town line safely, she decides to stay within the town's confines. She thinks that driving past that line is too much of a temptation to do what she has always done and run like hell when she's afraid. Emma promised Henry that she wouldn't do that to him, and so she stays in Storybrooke, drives to the line and back to town, and then decides that perhaps a walk will help.
"Emma!" Mary Margaret's cheerful voice calls out the moment that Emma's car door opens.
"Hi."
"I was just on my way to Granny's. Would you like to join me?"
"I don't really have time. I'm sure Henry'll be awake soon, and I shouldn't leave him for too long."
"What's wrong?" Snow asks, and Emma wonders whether she's lost her poker face or if Snow knows her better than Emma thought.
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Emma," Snow says in a tone that makes Emma feel like a teenager again.
"I don't want to talk about it, ok?"
"Is Henry alright?"
"Yeah, Henry's fine."
Snow scrutinizes her daughter. "Is this about Regina?"
"No," Emma lies.
"It's ok," Snow says, smiling at her daughter. "Why don't we take a walk?"
They walk in silence for a few minutes; Emma's stomach turning with fear at the thought of what her mother is about to say, how much she knows. When Snow finally speaks, the words are far from what Emma had expected.
"Regina is the person who taught me about true love."
"What?"
"I was a child then," Snow says, looking lost in her memories. "So was she, I suppose."
Emma wants to ask. She wants to know about the Regina who had believed in true love. She wants to know how young Regina was when she crossed paths with Snow, watched her fiancé die, and was married to the king. But these are things that Emma believes must come from Regina herself. Emma has no right to hear them without Regina's permission.
Emma says nothing, is unsure of where Snow is going with this conversation.
"I know that you think I'm naïve Emma."
"No, Mary Margaret."
"It's ok," Snow says with a smile.
"I'm not unaware of what I did to Regina. I'm the reason that she lost Daniel, and I know that she didn't want to marry my father." Snow swallows hard as her vision blurs with the tears. "I know that Regina's life has never been happy." Snow can't say more, can't bring herself to consider the cruelties that Regina suffered, to consider what that might mean about Snow's father who she loves dearly or about Snow herself.
"I have known Regina for a very long time, and as much as she tries to deny it, I know there is good insider of her. And I know that she will do anything for the people that she loves." Snow looks at Emma with such intensity and such knowing that Emma can have no doubt that she has been able to hide nothing.
"Mary Margaret…"
"It's ok, Emma."
But Emma can't understand what her mother is saying to her right now because it seems utterly inconceivable that Mary Margaret could accept the women who she spent so long hating being with her daughter.
Snow sees the fear written all over Emma's face, and so she stops walking and reaches up to touch Emma's cheek before speaking again. "My sweet little girl. There are so many things that I wanted to teach you, but most of all I wanted to raise you to believe in love. I wanted to tell you the same words that Regina told me: that true love is the most powerful magic in the world because it creates happiness. You look happy Emma."
"How are you ok with this? I don't even know if I'm ok with this!"
Snow wishes that she could have raised Emma to know love and to accept it freely. Snow wishes that so much were different, but she thinks that maybe she can at least do this one difficult thing for her daughter and help her accept Regina's love.
"I'm ok with this, because I want you to be happy."
"But you hate Regina."
Snow shakes her head. "I've wished that I could hate Regina for so long. When you're with her I see kindness in her eyes that I haven't seen with anyone besides Henry in so many years."
Emma's heart is beating painfully hard, because even Mary Margaret can see that this is something real. Emma doesn't know how to handle real.
"I know that you're scared," Snow tells Emma. "And I would imagine that Regina is too, but love is worth it Emma. It truly is." Tears fall from Snow's eyes. She wants to beg Emma to believe this. She wants so much for her daughter to be happy. "Please, Emma. Please."
"I'm sure Emma is fine," Regina tells Henry as he fiddles nervously with the glass of orange juice in his hands.
"Why wasn't she here when we woke up?"
"Maybe there was an emergency at the station," Regina suggests, though she is as worried about what Emma's absence means as Henry is.
"Or maybe she left." Henry has seen this before, over and over again when Pan had him. He would wake up one morning to find Emma gone, and he had known that she didn't care enough about him to stay.
"Emma promised you yesterday that she wasn't going to leave, remember?" Regina can barely breathe when she thinks about the possibility that Emma left. It would destroy Henry. And it would be Regina's fault for frightening Emma away.
"I know," Henry says, looking unconvinced and frightened.
Regina pulls Henry into a hug and he clings to her in a way that she both loves and hates.
"I love you Mom," Henry tells Regina as she holds him tightly and leaves him with no doubt that she would never willingly abandon him.
"I love you too Henry." Regina presses a kiss to her son's hair before adding, "And Emma loves you." He needs to hear this, Regina knows. She has learned in these last weeks that what seemed like unconditional love and trust for his birthmother had really been a desperate plea for Emma to be the person that Henry wanted her to be. A year ago this realization would have filled Regina with relief and joy, but now it only makes her sad for how much her son hurts.
"What do you say we make sticky buns this morning?" Regina asks.
"Yeah, sounds good." Henry gathers his courage and tries to embrace the distraction his mother is offering. "I'll get the ingredients."
As soon as Henry walks away Regina picks up her phone.
Where are you? she types. But the words make her feel uncomfortable, make her feel like a person that she doesn't want to be anymore. Emma isn't her possession.
Regina deletes the words and writes instead: Are you ok?
She sends the message and waits. She stares at her phone and waits for an indication that Henry's world isn't about to be shattered.
Emma had already been halfway up the walkway when Regina's text came in, and immediately Emma feels guilty for worrying Regina. Regina and probably Henry too. It makes Emma's heart sink, makes her feel like a failure.
Henry runs into Emma's arms the second she opens the door. "Emma!"
"Hey kid." Emma holds him tightly against her chest. She looks up when she hears Regina's walking towards her.
Regina smiles at her sweetly, and Emma thinks that despite the guilt and fear and boatload of abandonment issues all around, that this is what coming home should be. A child running into her arms and a woman looking so happy to have her home. It's not something that Emma had ever thought she could have, still can't quite believe is really here in front of her.
"We're making sticky buns," Henry announces, making this whole thing even more absurdly domestic. "Come help." He grasps Emma's hand and pulls along towards the waiting dough.
Regina follows behind them, practically collapsing into a chair in the kitchen overcome by relief.
Regina and Emma find a moment alone once the sticky buns are in the oven and Henry has gone to take a shower.
"I'm so sorry about this morning," Emma begins.
"It's alright dear," Regina replies, her voice sweet and controlled and completely false. Emma wonders if Regina can possibly think she buys this.
"No, I shouldn't have left without a note or anything. I just kind of freaked out, but shit, I should never have left without a note."
Regina feels nauseated, wonders how close Emma came to running. Regina stiffens her spine, standing up straighter, trying to remember how to screw her face up into an impassive mask.
Emma feels the way Regina's body shifts besides her, the way she is closing herself off, moving further and further out of reach. Emma cannot let that happen.
"Last night," Emma begins, and already she can feel the tears clawing at her throat. "I wanted to tell you things that I have never told anyone. I don't…I don't think I can yet, but you have to know that I have never even wanted to before."
Regina nods and terror washes over her for a whole new reason: Emma needs her. Regina has always hurt the people that she loves, always, and more and more she has begun to wonder whether that isn't what she feels for Emma. But it would be so cruel to love Emma, so cruel for Regina to be the person that Emma wants to share herself with. Emma deserves so much better.
"You shouldn't want that from me Emma."
Emma watches the sadness wash over Regina's face. Emma sees a kind of self-loathing that she herself feels clawing at the edges of her consciousness most days.
"Why the hell not? Do you know that no one has ever stayed awake with me when I was sick before?"
"The fact that you have never had anyone capable of being there for you does not mean that you need to settle for the first person –"
"No!" Emma says, cutting Regina off. "No," she repeats softly. "I don't think you understand how incredible last night was. I felt…" loved. Emma can conjure up the memory of Regina's arms around her, holding her, soothing her, and she feels it: love. It warms her even now. Her cheeks burn and she can't say the word out loud, doesn't want to feel like a fool if the intent behind those gestures hadn't in fact been love. "It just…" Emma shakes her head, overwhelmed and unsure of any other word to use. "Thank you Regina. I don't think you know what you gave me last night."
Regina takes Emma's hand in her own. "It's what you always should have had. Always."
"I never did."
"I'm sorry."
"I want to tell you one day. One day over a hell of a lot of whiskey."
"When you're ready I'll have the drinks waiting."
Emma looks at Regina, at the softness of her expression, the care and kindness in her eyes. Emma still struggles to wrap her head around anyone looking at her like this.
"You're thinking too hard again," Regina teases.
"How are you not? How is this just ok? How is everyone ok with this but me?"
Regina quirks at eyebrow at the word everyone, but mercifully doesn't ask. "I told you Emma. I haven't been happy in a very long time, and now I am." Regina shrugs and smiles at Emma, and thinks of how this is so very simple if she can just let it be. "I'm too selfish to walk away from anything that feels this good."
Emma lets that sink in, lets herself digest the fact that maybe she gives Regina something that feels like what Emma had felt last night. "You have a strange definition of selfish, you know. Holding someone's hair back when they're puking isn't at the top of most people's favorite things to do list."
"How are you feeling?" Regina asks, and Emma is grateful for an end to a conversation that feels frightening and real and too much to handle right now.
"Fine. I guess it was just food poisoning."
"Do you want me to make you something a little easier on the stomach than sticky buns?"
"I think I'll try my luck with the sticky buns. They smell delicious."
"They are," Regina agrees.
Emma is smiling widely and genuinely, and Regina is overcome by affection and by a desire to be closer to Emma. Regina wraps her arms around Emma's waist, feels Emma's hands clasp together loosely at the small of her back. They hold each other and for a moment they simply let themselves feel.