Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Lord of the Rings.

Four Years Later

I look out my window to see Arwen rushing in on horseback.

What happened to being discreet about this whole 'secret boyfriend' thing?

Wait, what's she carrying?

I rush downstairs, meet her, and take the small-why the heck is she carrying a Halfling?-bundle.

"He was stabbed by a Ring Wraith." She says, in response to my quizzical look. "He carries the One Ring of Power."

I almost drop him.

She dismounts from the horse. "We need to take him to my father."

He looks really bad.

"Arwen, this would be a really, really good time to tell me that there are two One Rings of Power. Also that one of them is a mood ring or something equally nonthreatening."

"Kat, it is called the One Ring for a reason."

"How did he get it?"

"I don't know. Hurry, please, he's fading."

We luckily manage to get him to Lord Elrond. I am essentially useless with healing magic, so I let Arwen and Lord Elrond be in charge of this.

Damn it, where is Evan when you need him?

A little backstory: During the time we've been here, Evan and I have basically spent our time learning things like Elvish, archery, horseback riding, etc. Evan mostly spends his time traveling around. I think he's technically a Ranger, but I don't know much about Rangers, so for all I know it's a secret society that Evan may or may not have been initiated into.

Look, learning Elf culture is hard enough. Don't get all mad at me.

Essentially, Evan rides around looking for trouble, while I get into trouble here. I've discovered that I'm actually good at archery and combat. It's fun, actually.

However, you probably want to get back to the fact that we just found the symbol of Sauron's power,so I shall oblige.

Speaking of Evan, he just burst through the gates on horseback, attracting attention and 'Is that even legal?' looks from several elves.

He dismounts and walks up to me.

"Weren't you supposed to be out on patrol? Oh, by the way, we're having a slight Orc problem out there. Nothing they probably can't handle, but why weren't you out there? Oh yeah, you and Arwen have that 'stay here until she gets back from her secret meetings with Aragorn' rule. You know, she owes you big for that one.' Noticing the looks we're getting from people, he drags us over to somewhere quiet and flops down.

"Evan, are you drunk?" I ask him slowly.

"On alcohol, no. On adrenaline, yes."

"Okay…" I say, taking a deep breath. "Evan, we've got a problem. The One Ring has been found."

"What, with the matching necklace to go with it? Any earrings?"

"Evan! This is a big deal! The symbol of Sauron, the Ring of Power he almost destroyed Middle Earth with! THAT One Ring!"

"Oh yeah, the one that Aragorn's great-great-great-great-a-whole-ton-of-greats grandfather didn't destroy when he could have? Kinda dumb. Don't tell Aragorn I said that, though, he can still beat me in sword fighting nine times out of ten. So what are we gonna do about it?"

'Lord Elrond is holding a council."

"So THAT'S the reason some messengers were headed towards Mirkwood. I was wondering about that. Are we invited to this council?"

"I hope so. Because I really don't want to explain to Lord Elrond why we crashed it."

We sit in silence for a minute, before Evan's inability to be quiet kicks in.

"I know you're going to ask eventually, so here it is. Yes, Legolas is fine. Yes, he did ask about you."

"Evan!"

"Oh, you know you were going to ask."

I blush. Partly because yes, I was going to ask him that.

"Okay, so we somehow managed to find the symbol of Sauron's power-

"We didn't find it, a Hobbit did."

"How does a Hobbit get ahold of the One Ring of Power?"

"Look, I don't know, ask Mithrandir."

~~~~~~~~~At the Council~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Strangers from distant lands…friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands on the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite-or you will fall. Each race is bound to this one fate…this one doom."

"Then shouldn't we have some cats in here? Maybe a horse? The wolves, by the way, feel quite underrepresented." Evan whispers to me.

I bite my lip. I cannot laugh, I will not laugh, I had better not laugh.

"Frodo, bring forth the ring."

The Hobbit steps forward and puts the ring on the table.

It's beautiful. What's so bad about it? It's pretty. If I had that, think of what I could do. Think of everything I could do-It's not evil, it's-it's precious.

OW.

Evan kicks me in the leg. 'Snap out of it."

"Thanks." I whisper back.

"Anytime."

"So it is true!" The warrior from Gondor, Boromir, I think, says.

"Sauron's ring! The One Ring of Power!" Legolas says in shock.

"Back to stating the obvious again, buddy." Evan whispers. Now it's my turn to kick him.

"It is a gift! A gift to all the foes of Mordor!" Boromir shouts. "Why not use this Ring? Long has my father, the steward of Gondor, kept the forces of evil at bay! By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe! Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy-let us use it against him!"

"Reason why Aragorn should be King of Gondor number 5, 971-" Evan begins.

"Evan, show the guy more respect."

"You cannot wield it. None of us can." Aragorn speaks. " The ring has one master, and one master alone. It only answers to Sauron."

"And what would a ranger know of this matter?"

Evan stands up, hand on his sword. Legolas stands up as well, both of them looking extremely ticked off. I grip my bow, hoping we don't start a war.

"This is no mere Ranger. He is Aragorn, son of Arathorn. You owe him your allegiance." Legolas snaps.

We all start speaking in Elvish at once.

"Havo dad, Legolas!" Aragorn says. Sit down, Legolas!

"Qualla, honglath harl." I speak. Please, calm down.

"What the hell is your problem!" Evan yells at Boromir I clap my hand over his mouth. "Tlu suust!" I snap. Be quiet!

He gives me a LOOK, rolls his eyes, but sits back down.

Boromir glares at us. "Gondor needs no king."

"Considering how well your douchebag of a father is doing? Yeah, um, Gondor needs a king!" Evan hisses under his breath.

Elrond gives us all an 'are you done?' look and continues. "We have no choice. The Ring must be destroyed."

"Well, what are we waiting for?" One of the Dwarves yells. He runs up to the ring, swings his axe, and slams it onto the thing. I yelp, the axe shatters, and the Dwarf is thrown back.

"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess." Elrond begins. "It must be taken to Mordor, and cast it into the fiery chasm from whence it came."

"One does not simply walk into Mordor." Boromir snaps. "Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly."

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said? The ring must be destroyed." Legolas snaps.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it then?" Gimli snaps.

"And what happens when Sauron takes back what is his?"(Boromir)

"Gee, aren't you a freaking ray of sunshine."(Evan)

"I'd like to apologize for him, and anything he will say in the past, present, and future."(Me)

"I will die before I see in the ring in the hands of an Elf!" Gimli yells.

"Keep talking and that can be arranged!" I shout.

I'm not the only one, and what I yell gets lost in the at least ten other elves who get up and are yelling and screaming.

Goddamnit, we can't even TALK about the ring peacefully.

We're screwed.