Quotes:

Sakura: "Walk tall, or baby don't walk at all." ― Bruce Springsteen

Hinata: "I guessed life was like that. You gained and you lost, and if you saved anything from the ruins, even if only a shred of self-respect, it was enough to take you through the next bit." ― Dick Francis, Whip Hand

"When I was thirteen, I used to wait for my mother to finish her shift every week day. If I just sat there for half an hour after school, I could have a ride home instead of having to walk. I usually just read a book or something, but one time I heard a patient coughing in the room opposite me. The door wasn't closed completely, I could hear him choking. Nurses and doctors walked past and none of them stopped to help. I knew my mother would be pissed, but I still went in. What could I do? He was choking. It was a young guy, paler than I thought possible, with white hair and really green eyes. I hate to sound shallow, but he was really gorgeous too. I got him some water and helped him drink it. He seemed grateful. Told me his name, Kimimaro. I noticed he was handcuffed to the bed and I got a bit freaked out. Asked him why he wasn't being guarded or anything. He gave me a sad smile and sad he wasn't important or dangerous enough to be guarded. So I just felt sorry for him instead of afraid. After that, I visited him every day during that half an hour and we got close."

"Kimimaro was my best friend, you know? We talked about everything. He never judged me. He seemed to think I was cool. My mum didn't catch me talking to him for a whole year. Then one day she walks down the corridor and hears me talking, freaks out and drags me out of the room. I get a big lecture on talking to dangerous people and how I was never going to do it again. He was my best friend at this point, so that was not an option. I was gonna see him again, I thought, and I'd see him whenever I wanted, not just in that one half an hour. It was pretty difficult, sneaking in to see him at odd hours, trying to avoid any of Mum's bitchy work friends catching me, but I did it anyway. That was the start of my rebellious years, I guess. I resented Mum for trying to keep me away. Kimimaro didn't have any friends. Not like me. I was pretty popular. I had friends, anyway. To him, our friendship was special. I didn't realise how special until he told me. He said he didn't have any reason to live except for the moments he spoke with me. Said they were literally the highlight of his life. That put a bit of pressure on me, you know, to keep him happy, because I didn't want him to die, of course. He told me that he really hated himself for being useless. He used to work for Orochimaru and he really loved him," Sakura smiled as she reminisced, "God, the long talks we had about him. He really saved him, when no one else cared. Kimimaro said he wanted to die because he couldn't be useful to Orochimaru anymore. I made him promise not to."

"You might have noticed I really thought a lot of Kimimaro. I was a teenager, he was hot and said the coolest things, like 'your existence is a blessing to me, Sakura.' I had the biggest crush on him. It's embarrassing to think of it now, ha. Anyway, he didn't think of me like that. It hurt quite a bit at the time. I got over it."

"Anyway, one day I go to visit him and his bed's empty. I ask a nurse where he's gone and she looks at me impatiently, reading through a file and just sort of says in this flat, bored voice, 'oh him? He's dead. Died in the night.' I remember the words exactly. He was dead, my best friend…"

"I couldn't tell anyone. No one even knew that we were friends. I certainly couldn't go up to Mum and say the reason why I've been severely depressed lately is because I've been secretly visiting the criminal you explicitly forbade me from seeing for a long time now and he just died. So I had to bury it all inside. I was so angry at him. He promised me that he wouldn't die, he wouldn't leave me. He was the only adult in the whole world that talked to me seriously, that understood me and didn't patronise me and treat me like a kid. And he was gone. I really loved him and I couldn't understand that I would never see him again. After a while I stopped being angry at him and started being angry at the world."

"I drank and smoked and partied and did all sorts of boring bullshit. I guess it was fun at the time but I was just trying to forget everything, dull the pain with drink and somehow I could never feel numb enough. I got a bad reputation. My old friends couldn't understand why I changed. I wasn't living… I was just coasting by on angry music and chemicals."

"It got so bad that I took my dad's car in the middle of the night and drove it into a tree because I just wanted to see him again so badly. And I think I wanted my parents to know it wasn't just the usual teen angst crap, that I had real problems and I needed them. My dad took the blame for the crash and got fined heavily. I felt so guilty about that, like I needed to feel worse than I already did. I was in a wheelchair then and had – well, have – metal pins in my legs. Rumours went around in my school that I'd gotten drunk and crashed a stolen car by accident and just like that, the whole school thought I was Crazy Party Girl. So that kind of sucked too. And that's the story behind my cane."

Gaara sat gaping at her, his tea stone cold in his hand.

Sakura waited for him to recover patiently.

"I'm so sorry…" He said finally, still gaping, "But, Orochimaru? He's evil!"

"What?" Sakura's face screwed up, "What are you talking about?"

"He's… he's the man who killed my father!" Gaara said disbelievingly, "And you, you act like you worship him, I don't get it!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Sakura stood up, grabbing her cane, "What the hell is your problem? I just… I just told you shit that no one else knows! And now you're making stuff up just to – just to – I can't even work out your angle! Orochimaru was like a father to Kimimaro!"

"He's a murderous, evil liar!" Gaara snapped, "My father was the heir to Orochimaru's rival business. Chiyo's business. Now that she was getting older, he killed him to try to destabilise the business, Chiyo moved me here to protect me because he named me his heir in his will! I don't even dare contact my brother and sister, I don't want them in danger, from him! How can you defend him? You've never even met him!"

"Fuck you!" Sakura shoved him back on his bed and pushed past his stupid guitar, not caring when it hit the ground with a dull thud.

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"Ino!" Sakura's voice trembled, "It's – it's a bad day. Call me when you get this? Please."

She burst through the door and into the snow, hot tears coursing down her cheeks, horrified at her own snivelling. She took a step, and then another, and slowly, painfully, walked away from the house, her cane slipping and skidding on the frosty ground.

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She got out of the taxi, stumbling onto the pavement, and paid the driver, who gave her a concerned look, "You OK there?"

"I'm alive." Sakura said, which seemed like the best reply. He looked confused.

She entered the building, clutching her cane with a shaking fist, the green wristband pulling taut against her skin.

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No one was there. The lab was completely abandoned. She had smashed the lock off the door and flicked on the light, breathing heavily, prepared to demand an explanation from someone, anyone, but…

She deflated, her rage deserting her. Her narrowed eyes fell on a few cabinets and drawers that might prove promising. She remembered Kabuto opening one of the filing cabinets and idly reading some papers from within.

She yanked one open, surprised at it being unlocked, and rifled through the papers.

It took half an hour before she found employee files, past and present. Kabuto was anything if efficient and she was certain the records would be both detailed and accurate.

Her hands froze in the middle of turning a page.

Kimimaro's gentle face smiled up at her.

Her mouth trembled.

She had no photos of him. She gently eased the picture from under the paperclip and slipped it into her pocket.

Kaguya Kimimaro, the file said.

"Your last name was Kaguya?" Sakura said slowly, taking it in. The urge to find out more, to learn what she had thought she would never know overcame her and she opened the file and began to read.

She began to absorb the information, her fingers drumming unconsciously on the page as she did so. Orochimaru had adopted Kimimaro, an orphan, a victim of war. He had raised him as his own.

Sakura smiled. She knew Gaara had been wrong about Orochimaru!

Her eyes strayed across the page and fell on 'job description.' Enforcer.

She frowned, automatically shaking her head. What was that supposed to mean?

She searched the box marked additional details.

Kimimaro answered only to Yakushi Kabuto and he, in turn, to Orochimaru himself. Kimimaro performed tasks directly ordered by Orochimaru. He occasionally was told to commit acts of violence and, as a result, was arrested for murder among other crimes. Kabuto had Kimimaro released to a private hospital owned by Orochimaru, on the grounds that it had recently been discovered that he was suffering from a terminal disease. He was discharged from his services when, upon visiting him in hospital, Orochimaru was informed he was dying and would no longer be capable of working. Shortly thereafter, Kimimaro passed away.

"What the fuck…" Sakura breathed out, eyes wide, her mind refusing to accept what she had read as truth.

Kimimaro was a murderer on Orochimaru's command.

She closed her eyes, her mind racing.

Kimimaro had held her hand, a little smile on his pale, sweaty face. His thin chest was struggling for breath, each one a fight to achieve. His eyes were dim. The light had left them months back. He had dark circles beneath each green eye.

"Sakura," He'd said, swallowing back the pain to speak, his white throat glistening with sweat. His hair stuck to his skin, "I-it's time, I know it."

"Shut up," She had glared at him, squeezing his hand, "What do you know? You aren't a doctor."

"Doctors," He laughed, wheezing, "don't know everything. But I know this. I can feel it."

Sakura's eyes welled up, "You can't die! What am I going to do without you?! Promise me! Promise me you won't die!"

"Everyone dies, Sakura. It's just my time."

"No! That's not fair! Promise me, please…" Her voice had broken as her throat tightened from the tears.

He gazed at her, looking infinitely sad and tired. He somehow smiled again, his tiny, kind smile, and his fingers weakly brushed against her knuckles.

"Alright. For you. I won't die, I promise."

"You liar!" Sakura screamed, flinging the file at the wall, "You fucking knew you were dying!"

'…it had recently been discovered that he was suffering from a terminal disease.'

"You promised me!" She swiped at glass vials and boxes that littered one of the tables with an angry grunt, feeling the rage build in her chest until she could hardly stand it, needing to let it out.

She had said to Gaara, 'Kimimaro said he wanted to die because he couldn't be useful to Orochimaru anymore. I made him promise not to.'

The file said Orochimaru discharged Kimimaro after he visited him and found out he couldn't work anymore. Kimimaro had been convinced he was useless, had wanted to die…

"You bastard!" She kicked the table against the wall, treading on broken glass and not feeling the ache dissipate with violence as it usually did, in fact, it was getting worse.

Orochimaru had visited Kimimaro and fired him. He was the reason Kimimaro had died like that, alone and without saying goodbye.

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck… FUCK!" Sakura's fists pounded against the filing cabinet again and again, barely feeling the sting, the metal groaning beneath her fury, "You did this!" Her idol, the man she thought of as a friend, she wanted to work for him more than anything…

With a wordless cry, she kicked the cabinet away and then grabbed her leg, flinching at the angry pain that throbbed through it. She groped for her cane, turning.

Zaku stood next to her, holding her cane. His expression was complete disbelief.

"What the hell have you done?" He snarled.

"D-did," She panted, tears forming in her eyes from the pain, "did you know? About Orochimaru?"

Zaku gave a smirk. She shuddered.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Depends what you're talking about. Doesn't matter anyway. Kabuto's gonna be maaaaad…" He drew out the last word, his smirk sharpening maniacally.

"I'm guessing you're gonna be a liability." He sighed, offering her the cane, "Hey – sorry about this."

"About wha –"

The cane slammed against both of her shins with a sickening crack, her legs buckling immediately. She curled up on the ground, nauseating, unbearable pain eating away at her legs.

She sobbed like a child, wanting to hug her legs tight to herself but the thought of anything touching them made her want to vomit.

Zaku grabbed her by the shoulders and dragged her into another room, each step bringing a choked cry from her lips.

He shut the door on her, leaving her in darkness. She looked up with difficulty, seeing his silhouette through the window.

"Sorry. Be a good girl and wait for Kabuto to come. He'll know what to do with you."

Then, he turned the key in the lock and walked away.

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After she'd thrown up messily and sobbed for a while, the pain slowly began to wane.

She managed to wrestle her phone from her pocket and found Gaara's number. She was breathing too quickly to speak, so she just texted him the best she could, telling him what had happened and where she was. She didn't know what he thought he could do, but, slumped on the floor and in pain, she just wanted someone to come save her.

"S-so much for feminism…" She muttered, her breathing steadying.

She pushed the call button clumsily, her only thought – get help.

She looked at the little screen and realised it was Hinata she was calling. Of all the people –

Hinata answered the phone with an awkward little hum, clearly too nervous to say hello.

"Hinata?" Sakura breathed out, her voice hoarse and cracked. A tear slid down her cheekbone. Silence. "Please. Please help me. I, I've been hurt and my legs are g-going numb. I'm frightened. Please…"

She could hear Hinata's panicked wheezing, but then she said, very quietly, "Where are you?"

Sakura managed to rattle off the address. She tried to distract herself from her lower body, clutched the phone close to her ear, Hinata's voice sounding out clearly, "I'll c-come get you."

"No, I didn't mean that… Just, just call the police or something, please, I can't push anymore buttons to do it, m-my hands won't keep still…"

"…I can't call." Hinata said tersely. It sounded as though she was moving.

"Are you afraid?" Sakura asked.

There was a moment of tense silence.

"Always." Hinata replied.

"You can talk to me on the phone but not the police?"

"You. You're not a stranger." Hinata said every word separately in clipped bites, a pained gap between each one.

"There – there'll be at least two guys and they… they'll hurt you if you come here."

"I'm not afraid of that." Hinata said softly.

Sakura paused, gripping the phone with her shaking fingers, the plastic slipping against her sweaty palms.

"I'm serious. Don't come." She bit out.

She heard the sound of a car door slamming, faint and in the distance, but still there and asked Hinata, panicked, "Is there a car near you?"

"In one." Hinata said curtly, her voice thrumming with a quiet kind of strength.

Sakura relaxed, looking back up at the door just to check. No one seemed to be nearby.

Kimimaro's face came to mind and she let go of the phone, letting it rest next to her ear, and teased the photo out of her pocket. She held it up to her face with difficulty, trembling, and strained to see it in the darkness of the room.

Kimimaro.

She was crying again, loudly and wetly and she knew Hinata could hear by the way her breathing got louder.

"Sakura-san? Are you alright?"

"Heh… j-just call me Sakura. After this… we'll be friends for sure."

She refused to let herself think there might not be an 'after this.' The thought of this being it, this tiny dark room being the last thing she'd ever see… She clutched the photo, thinking that if she going to die, she would do everything she could to make sure she was looking at Kimimaro's face when it happened. For him to be the last thing she ever saw – a much more fitting end then the trunk of a tree smashing through a windscreen.

"…Are you alright?" Her voice was insistent.

"Dunno. But hey… look at you! You're talking so much better now… Well done, Hinata. That's great." She was genuinely happy for her, even as a sharp, sweet ache throbbed through her right leg.

Hinata's breathing grew quieter, like she was far away.

"I'm on my way."

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Hinata had stopped talking a while ago. Maybe Sakura just couldn't hear her anymore. Her phone fell from her nerveless fingers, clattering onto the floor. She dragged herself onto her front, pulling herself towards the door.

Then a key scraped in the lock and her stomach dropped. She scrambled backwards, her legs folding uselessly beneath her, her eyes fixed on the opening door –

Hinata entered the room, her face pale. The key was in the lock. She gave a soundless gasp at the sight of Sakura on the floor, but gave herself a shake and slid her hands around Sakura's arms, gently pulling up, an encouragement more than anything.

Sakura stood up, agonisingly slow, feeling as though her bones were splintering beneath her weight. She took a step and a gasp was punched out of her squarely, bile hitting the back of her throat. Oh, God, it was pure agony…

Hinata was at her elbow, casting frantic looks at the door and tugging her along. Sakura swallowed back the bile and ignored the excruciating pain, leaning heavily on Hinata. Zaku had taken her cane after he –

She swallowed again, her mouth suddenly dry, and she and Hinata made slow progress across the lab, out of that hateful dark room, passed the smashed vials and overturned tables and finally out – out into the hallway, beyond the lock she'd smashed and closer to home.

Hinata kept her eyes ahead, looking wary. She held Sakura very tightly as though afraid she would slip away.

Every inch out was a blessing, every step an answered prayer. Sakura let her eyes close, giving in to the pain but trusting Hinata to lead her free.

And then they were through the double doors. Sakura saw the street outside, the curb where her taxi had pulled up earlier that same day, everything unchanged by her ordeal. It was all so familiar…she could have wept.

They reached the steps, a black car parked up the street.

Hinata let go of her to point at the car, silently indicating something.

Sakura took a step, forgetting the loss of her cane, and had a moment of sheer pain and shock as she tried to put her weight down. She missed the step, and fell.

She fell down, tumbling and smacking off the steps, hearing Hinata's shocked gasp. Her necklace snapped.

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Sakura had looked like a little ragdoll as she fell, helpless, her expression a blur of pain until that awful sudden slam – her body hit the pavement.

Hinata tore down the steps after her, her body moving on autopilot. Her driver hadn't seen the fall, there was no one else around…

She jumped the last few steps and threw herself at the ground, scraping her palms, landing next to Sakura's downed form.

A tiny pool of blood began to spread.

Hinata stared at Sakura's unconscious, scraped face and felt her throat squeeze shut.

"Why was I cursed with such a useless daughter?!" Her father's voice thundered in her head.

"Why do you never speak up?" Hiashi had snapped.

"Hey, don't worry if you can't, Hinata-chan!" Naruto had once said, his voice alarmed.

"Hinata-chan finds social stuff difficult and making her do stuff won't help her at all, and blaming her is just stupid!"

Sakura's eyes were closed.

Hinata's chest began to tighten. She clutched at it, sobbing for breath, thinking no, not now please…

"It's OK, Hinata. I'm here. I'll help you out a bit."

Sakura had been so kind, had calmed her down, held her hand…

Hinata sucked in a deep breath.

I'm going to change. I will be better, she had promised herself.

"HELP! HELP ME! SOMEONE, PLEASE!"

GUYS GUESS WHAT?! I'd already written Sakura's confession to Gaara ages back so I could keep referring to it when I wanted to foreshadow so I had that on file. I decided to stop doing homework for the day because, hell, it's New Year's Eve! So I wrote over 2,500 words in one go! :D The words just flowed!

I don't have much to say here except, lol wowzers quick update much?! And I thought this story wouldn't get a look in until late January…

Orochimaru being Gaara's father's killer isn't really a twist, since that's what happened in canon, but… pretty much everything else it XD This is the chapter I've been dying to write, so I hope it's good!

Nope, Sakura was not raped. The bed was a red herring, sorry! The bed she mentioned is the hospital bed she found empty after Kimimaro died.

(and no, Kimimaro was not a paedophile, don't worry. He and Sakura had a pretty strong bond but neither of them did anything)

Quick poll for fun: What is your ultimate OTP? (One true pairing. Like a couple in a book, TV show, video game, any fandom at all, that you love more than any other)

I don't have one true pairing above all others, but I have one or two for every fandom I'm in, pretty much XD

Just started watching the Legend of Korra and I'm shipping Korra super hard with Bolin AND Tahno. Conflicted… It's weird because I was certain I'd like Mako and Korra as a couple, but it never really clicked for me :S Don't have anything against it, though :)