Different from You: Fatherhood

by Traitor of All Traitors

Set in the anime, starting with the end of the Twelfth Angel attack, Shinji, along with NERV, find themselves having to deal with the unexpected, and very unimaginable arrival of a new generation with a tie to the hurtful past. Since there is an infinite number of alternate universes, the same scenario can be visited over and over again, with different results.

12. Forgiveness of the Spiteful

Creation began on 03-20-23

Creation ended on 04-30-23

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Different from You: Forgiveness of the Spiteful

It was…Unit-02, standing in front of Asuka in the hallway, its right hand on a door handle, as if waiting for her to do something.

"Face your monster, Asuka," she remembers Shinji and Shado telling her, and she inhales a new breath and walks over to the human-sized Eva.

"I'm here to see her," she tells the Eva. "I'm here…to see Mama."

The Eva opens the door and steps back, allowing the redhead to enter the room.

Asuka stepped inside, finding herself in a hospital room, in front of a woman sitting up in a bed, spoon feeding a doll. Oh, how she resented her for being this way, for letting her work take over and destroy her mind and their relationship. But then again, the redhead had to consider that there was not much of a relationship to begin with between them because of their lack of time spent together. It was hard to know what they were to each other if there was no conversation to remember or even so much as hugs or kisses or exchanges of "I love you" between the two of them or anyone else.

It seemed like the only people that had such a stable relationship in the world she resided in…were Shinji and his motherless daughter. They just…seemed to be able to talk about things or smile about stuff that had no rational value. There was no personal business, no sense of personal disappointments, no distance, whatsoever, between the two, just a young dependent and an older dependent…dependent upon each other for some stability in each other's life…and getting along without any difficulty. And Asuka envied that between them, their ability to just have a relationship that didn't seem to relate to anything other than what they already were to each other.

But could we have had what they have? She wondered as she stood before the mental phantom of her mother. Could we even begin to have what these two have?

-x-

He was seeing himself in his office, sitting in front of the Third Child, who seemed disgruntled by something. This had to be a dream, as Gendo didn't know why he was seeing himself sitting in front of the boy with Inspector Kaji present.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" He heard himself asking the boy.

"You don't…have anything to say about what you did?" Shinji had replied.

"I'm the one asking the questions here."

"Yeah, you are, except not the ones that should be asked and answered."

"I'll ask again. Do you have anything to say for yourself, pilot?"

Shinji looked at him like he had one thing on his mind. And then, he turned to face Kaji.

"I'm not even going to bother asking for permission to do something there is no forgiveness for," he expressed, and then shoved the man aside before jumping over the desk and punching the other Gendo in his face! "Damn you, Father! You son of a bitch! You nearly killed Shado! You nearly killed my daughter! And for what? For what?! To defeat an Angel possessing an Eva? An Eva that you had her put inside of?! What the Hell is wrong with you?!"

He saw the boy punching him in his face, over and over again, with no sense of restraint. Even as Kaji came over to try and remove him, and Shinji shoved him away as hard as he dared so he could continue hitting his father.

"Did you hate us that much to want to hurt us?! Huh?!" Shinji questioned as he grabbed his father by his neck and slammed him against the wall behind them. "Did you hate Shado that much because she sees you as a monster and not as her grandfather?! Is that why you did it?!"

There was no hesitation, no mercy, not even a sign that the boy was going to relent. There was only the justifiable hatred he had towards his father for this alleged crime of putting his own child in danger.

"I should kill you right here!" Shinji told him, slamming his head on the floor now. "I should break your neck! Because you're not worth anything! You're not worth anything! We're done."

And then, the boy stopped and got up off him, backing away.

"Don't even try to justify your actions," he told the man. "You can't justify anything. I will not pilot the Eva, anymore, regardless of the repercussions. And Shado and I will not stay here any longer, either. Not while you live and breathe. Not while you have anyone dumb enough to do your bidding. You want to be the king of the mountain? The next wannabe God? Good luck with that, because you just ruined your chances at whatever relationship you would ever have with your grandchild. Stay away from her and me. You're dead to us both, Gendo. You hear me? You're dead. I hope you die someday. I hope you die. I hope someone kills you. I hope you go to Hell and burn for all eternity…because that's all you deserve. It's all you will ever deserve."

And then he watched as the boy turned away and left the office, leaving his old man to slowly get back up, his face bloody, bruised and some teeth missing.

"I honestly didn't think he would do this to anyone that incited him to such a level of violence," he heard Kaji say to his other self, "but I really didn't expect for you to do what you did to them, either. What the Hell was going through your mind when you decided that the pilot for Unit-03 would be your own grandchild? What were you thinking? Her father already stated that he didn't want her involved in this if he already hated what you had him do this much. When it comes to one's own child and a life of something dreadful and merciless, Ikari, she's already off limits. And a child who is off limits to what you choose to do with your own life and that of your own son's…doesn't need to feel like her father is the only one in her corner that actually gives a damn about her welfare."

Then, the sight of himself reaching for the phone on his desk shifted to a sight of the Third Child holding his daughter in a small room, a tray of food cast aside onto the floor, indicating that it was meant for the girl, but she didn't want any of it, even if she was told by someone older and in a position of authority that she needed it. More than likely, she only wanted the young man holding her in his arms.

"It was the Monster, Daddy," she told him, crying. "He put me in a suit of armor. He called it a game, but I didn't want to play with him or the other people that were there. I didn't want to play with him at all."

"He will never play with you again, Shado," he replies to her. "He doesn't know how to play nice with anyone. Or how to respect when someone tells him no."

And then, Gendo was watching himself in Terminal Dogma, shooting at the boy as he and the girl were sent splashing into the artificial lake of LCL that resided under Lilith. He counted at least four shots that the other version of himself made against the boy that tried to protect his daughter from receiving to her body.

"And here we come almost full circle," he heard someone say, and he turned to face a little girl that resembled Rei Ayanami, except she was wearing a black and green dress with black leggings. "You should look at yourself right now. You look like a monster of the darkest sort. A monster that lives among the people and makes it his mission to make their lives miserable because he hates them for trying to be happy."

"Who are you?" He demands from her.

"Who are you? Tell me who you are and then I'll tell you who I am."

"Gendo Ikari, commander of NERV."

"Oh. Well, that's an awful load of rubbish from a man that did the unforgivable damage of destroying the last of his family that wanted nothing to do with him. I'm nobody, just an amalgamation of people from your past in the form of the person that, in your subconscious mind, represents the most important person you feel you can influence to do your bidding. Basically, I'm a representation of who you feel you can exploit, use and cast aside to your liking, this…Rei Ayanami. I'm beginning to wonder if there's even any hope for someone like you two, the pair that represents benevolence and malevolence towards all."

"What are you talking about?"

The girl went over to the edge of the artificial lake and sat down.

"Maybe you should come over here and see," she told him, and he did, unnoticed by the other Gendo that had shot at Shinji and Shado. "Don't mind him; he can't see or hear us."

Looking at his doppelgänger, Gendo could see the spite he possessed that he directed towards his son. As he came over to the lake, he noticed red streaks that were diluting in the LCL. Then, he noticed a teddy bear float up, followed by two forms, one large and the other small.

"So, they're dead?" He asks the girl.

"In at least one of these lifetimes in which they're together," she reveals to him, "and where you two haven't changed in the slightest since you cast your only child aside in favor of your greater ambitions. You only saw him…and his daughter…as your pawns, insignificant tools for your goals. What you were both up to was unforgivable, and when you learned that Shinji was not going to listen to you after you endangered his daughter, violating his child's sanctity, along with disrespecting his position as a parent himself, you decided that he needed to be brought to your level…by any means necessary. And look at how it turned out. You killed them. You killed a fourteen-year-old father and his four-year-old daughter…simply because the former wanted to leave and live with the latter, something you couldn't accept, no matter how much it was the so-called logical choice for some."

"Against the Angels, there's no room for error, and him walking away was an error."

"And what you think of your grandchild is also an error, then?"

"She's not my grandchild."

"Well, she's certainly not who you want to believe she is. Even if there was a chance that she was who you want to believe she is, all either of you would be doing is breaking your son's heart. You'd be doing to him exactly what you believe God did to you once upon a time. Why would she pass herself off as his child, only to end the masquerade when it became convenient for her, and then say that it was all nothing more than a lie…like everything else in your lives was nothing more than a lie?"

Gendo saw himself point his gun at the smaller form floating in the LCL, recognizing it as the body of Shado Ikari, and fired a round at her head.

"Except what most fail to understand, Gendo," the girl informed him, "is that in any world of the living, it is not God that does these horrid things to people. It is people who commit these horrid acts of arrogance towards other people, either because of jealousy or greed, a sense of entitlement or because they want to see how others feel when they lose what they cherish more than they cherish themselves. Now, your son, he never asked for his own parents to do what they did to him, but nobody ever stops to consider what they're doing is even within the boundaries of morality. When it comes to personal reasons, everyone's intentions can fall within the boundaries of unnecessary spite, such as yours."

"I have never…"

"Hated your own son? Despised his daughter? Oh, of course you have, Gendo. You hated Shinji ever since he was born. You despised Shado ever since you saw her and discovered how much she fears you. In their eyes, you are no different from the Angels you condemned Shinji to face for your precious scenario. You're no better than the monsters that parents warn their children about at night. And Shado calls you the Monster…because, to her, you are a horrible person. The most horrible that she knows of."

Then, Gendo saw himself shoot at the other body in the LCL, Shinji, in the head. Twice.

"Useless," he heard himself say.

"I would never…" He tried to explain to the girl.

"Except you do sometimes," she cut him off. "You cast people aside, exploit them when they're useful…and condemn them when they're useless. You both do. It's why Shinji wants nothing to do with you. It's why in every other lifetime, no matter how much you try to make him see that what you're doing is for the good of everyone, he will never see you two as anything but the fiends you chose to become. There's not a single version of this scenario of yours where you become a family again like before, even with Shado. The damage is always done…and the ones responsible are the ones that chose not to mend any of it. God didn't destroy your so-called family, Gendo, and neither did the Angels, or Adam or Lilith or SEELE. It was you. You and that wife of yours who is just as pitiless as you are. You destroyed your own family…through lies and negligence, through hatred and abuse. And when people destroy their own families…of their own volition…they can never atone without paying an even greater price."

"And what happens when they choose not to?"

"Their actions, their emotions, their very existence…is as worth the same to the world as they were to the people they condemned. Next to worthless. A father who treats his own son like fodder. A mother that chooses to hide things from her spouse. A son that tries his absolute hardest not to echo the choices made by the people that were supposed to teach him right from wrong to his dependent. A little girl born to a man whose very definition of the word 'family' is wracked by personal trauma and whose familial structure is understandably broken…and she only understands that the family she was born into is broken, but not the reason for why it's broken, or why the only person that even wants to be around her is the only person that treats her better than he had been treated…and loves her unconditionally and who loves him back."

"People can never understand one another fully."

"Is that so? You should look at yourself now."

Gendo turned to face his doppelgänger…and saw him get shot in the back by Misato Katsuragi, who ran over find Shinji and Shado in the LCL, dead and mutilated.

"No, no, no," she whimpered as she pulled Shinji's body out, followed by Shado's. "No!"

"Even when Shinji, or in this case, the one that came back only to hobble you for endangering his daughter, kept this woman at arm's length because he trusted her as much as he trusted any other adult in his life, which wasn't very much to begin with because you all saw him as a resource that was expendable, not as a person with a life of their own, she didn't want him or his daughter to suffer like you wanted them to suffer," the girl told him as Misato went over to his fallen doppelgänger, who was barely moving on the ground. "She understood that NERV had crossed the line with these two many times and had shattered their trust in the father and made the daughter see them as horrible people, scarring the both of them, and there had been a cruel price that was paid in blood and tears."

"Why?" Misato demanded from Gendo, pointing her gun at his face. "Why?!"

"They were going to leave," he replied. "Nobody walks away from me. Nobody."

"You bastard! Do you have any idea of what you have done?"

"This world will end."

"Not before you do."

Bang! Gendo saw her blow his brains out.

"And this is only one lifetime in which they're both dead because of you and your partner," the girl told him, just as the world around them started to shift around. "Let's see how one transpires when they do the one thing you hate them for doing, which is leaving you."

They were back in his office, and Gendo saw himself, less bruised and his glasses broken, looking at Shinji, whose right arm was in a cast and sling, his face frowning at him.

"It's almost funny," they heard Shinji say, his voice raspy, "how far someone goes just to prove they're the ones in control when they're not. But we both know it's not funny. It's not funny at all. Not when you do this. Not ever."

"If we hadn't, you would've been killed," Gendo told him in response.

"It's only because of one's morality that the line you chose to cross wasn't entirely crossed, but the damage is done, and there's no mending any of it. I should've done this right after I saw you that uneventful day, but instead you dupe me with knowledge that is just another worthless excuse to exploit me. I don't care about why NERV exists or why my mother, who's nothing more than a lowly designation for a woman I don't even remember and am probably better off not remembering at all, because I am done with you. Hate me all you want to, but this is the last time you will ever see Shado or myself. As far as I'm concerned, you don't have any family, whatsoever, Gendo."

"Don't you dare run away from this," he heard himself say to Shinji.

"Oh, I'm not running. I'm choosing what matters to me, and that's my daughter, the very same girl that you put in the line of fire, just to see what would happen. If I have to choose between my daughter and the rest of the world, who loves and who bites the dust, I choose for my daughter to live. You and the rest of the world can go to Hell for all I care."

Shinji turned and walked out of the room, leaving Gendo to fume over his son's resignation.

"After he walks away from you, he takes his daughter and leaves the city," the girl tells him. "You never see them again after that life-altering day. The next Angel arrives, and all you have are the First and Second Children to defend you. They win…but they lose, something you didn't anticipate on happening. And then…you make the foolish mistake of trying to get your son to return to NERV and pilot again…only to be turned down at every opportunity because your son made a promise to his daughter that he would never pilot the Eva again, no matter what happened to the world…because she couldn't bear to lose her only parent, the only person she understood that loved her without a price being attached to such a devotion. I find his devotion to her to be admirable; Shinji, who was never loved by anyone, willing to love someone that needed him in their life…and loved him dearly…and very literally more so than any other person that either dared to or only in order to use him. In many respects, these two are the only family they have in the world…and you two, the disgraceful father and deceitful mother…are always trying to hurt them…in one way or another…just to get what you want. That's as broken as this Ikari family gets in most lifetimes."

"So, he condemned mankind to death because he made a promise to his distraction to never pilot the Eva again in one other lifetime?" Gendo questions. "He's the disappointment!"

The girl looked up at him with a sneer.

"Oh, really?" She asks him. "He's the disappointment…when he does many of the things that you could've done for him, but in the end chose not to because you felt you didn't need to. You should look at the four years Shinji spent, trying every day to redefine himself in order to be what Shado needed for him to be. Not only in responsibility, but in dedication and salvation. You could learn something from the young man you don't raise a finger to teach anything…except how much you wanted him to suffer at every opportunity."

Gendo saw the life and times of at least seven different versions of Shinji, one of which stood out from the other six because it looked as though this one was a girl instead of a boy, and Shado, in that case, was a boy instead of a girl. A gender-flipped scenario, but with the same issues. When he ignored the female version, he saw Shinji accommodating the baby girl right after asking the question to the people that informed him of her existence that led him to her: "She's my daughter, right? So, doesn't that mean that she should be with me?"

That's pathetic, he thought, seeing how he would get up at night to make sure she ceased her crying or to change her diapers. There is no way a child like him could take care of a baby.

But in the scenery, as soon as a year passed, Gendo saw how committed Shinji was to Shado. Even the female Shinji, who had a difficult childbirth, showed considerable affection and maturity towards her son. And Shado, in each case, despite the pain her father was in every time, no matter what his aches and pains were, always looked up to him with a cheerful smile.

"I love you, Daddy," she would say to him, sounding more coherent in her vocabulary.

"We don't have time for this," Gendo told the girl, disregarding the scenes in which Shinji was celebrating Shado's birthday with a small cake.

"Well, right now, you're in a hospital bed with your body broken up by the wrath of a father protecting his daughter from the likes of you," she replied. "You have nothing but time right now, so you should take my advice while you still have breath in your lungs: Bend over and get over it."

-x-

"…I don't like this," Misato told the Bridge Bunnies as Unit-02 was bathed in the Angel's light, just standing there with the Lance of Longinus in its hands.

"So far, the Second Child's vitals, which were elevated for a few seconds," went Maya to her, "have returned to normal."

Within the plug, Asuka, feeling her mind being violated by the Angel that Shado claimed made her scream until she couldn't no more, was standing in front of the phantom of her dead mother, who she forced to stand up in front of her after taking the doll out of her hands and throwing it aside. If she was to face her monster, she had to own up to what it was about her that brought them to this moment in time.

"Please," she told the woman that looked like an older version of herself, less vain and less…like a person in any sense of the word, "look at me. Please…see me…and not that doll."

The woman that was supposed to matter to her slowly raised her hands up to Asuka…who grabbed them and held them at bay.

"I hated what you did," Asuka utters to her. "I hated how much you cared more about that doll than you ever did about me. You became the monster in my life because of the Eva, and I'm forced to deal with you now because of some little girl that has the audacity to say that I'm angry all the time and calls me a harpy."

She was taking it out of context, but this was her mind; anything she wanted to believe in, even if it was untrue, was hers to believe in.

"I hated that you died. I hated that you killed yourself. I hated that I had to dedicate myself to the Eva just to try and make you notice me when I should've realized that I was chasing after something that was not going to be mine to begin with! And what has that gotten me over the years? What do I have because of you and those people? I have nothing. I have nothing because of you, Mama. Was that doll…the Eva…worth more to you than I was supposed to be?"

The phantom of her mother said nothing to her, looking devoid of emotion and trying to free her arms from her daughter's grip.

"Answer me!" Asuka yelled at her. "Do I matter to you?! Do I matter to you at all?!"

-x-

Shinji was worried about Asuka. It had nothing to do with any particular feelings he might've had towards the girl. He was just worried about her facing an Angel his daughter had informed him of being the last one she would ever face directly because she underestimated it. In fact, it was starting to seem like all of NERV had underestimated it. And when it came down to him being ordered to assist in the operation, Shado refused to let him get back in the Eva and leave her alone again.

It must've been hard for her to deal with, he thought as Shado was taking her periodic nap beside him on the couch. She's so terrified of losing me.

"I don't ever want you to go away again, Daddy," she had told him.

The door to the room opened and Shinji saw Kaji step inside.

"It looks like she sleeps more than usual," he greeted the young father.

"She's only four," Shinji defended her. "She's gonna sleep whenever she gets sleepy. What brings you here?"

"Just hoping to have a question answered because I'm a curious man that hears things from various sources. Katsuragi looked over some pictures your daughter drew, and one stood out a little bit. It was of Katsuragi crying…and you two were standing away from where she was. Did Shado ever explain that?"

Shinji recalled that drawing and how Shado explained that was Misato crying after receiving a message from Kaji…and then being upset about it.

"To be blunt," he states, "Shado told me that you left her a message that caused her pain. She doesn't know what it was all about, only that you caused her to cry her eyes out. Shado and I didn't do anything because we didn't know what it was even about that made her cry so much. It wasn't our place to get involved in someone else's personal issues when your own are complicated as it is."

"So…I did something to make Katsuragi cry?"

"Yeah. If she was crying in what Shado recalls, that's on you; whatever you did to her…or whatever it is that you plan to do to her, you have to make sure you don't cause her pain. The only people that tolerate pain are the ones that have to live with it for the rest of their lives. Nobody that wants pain shouldn't have to be dealt it by someone else willing to hurt them."

Kaji looked at Shado and pondered what he did that caused Misato enough distress to make her cry. It had to be something awful for her to break down and for Shinji, at least the one that died because of Gendo's cruelty, to choose not to get involved.

"And she can't recall what I did or said, can she?" He asks Shinji.

"No, she can't," he answers, "and I won't force her to recall something like that. If it's a warning to keep one from echoing events yet to transpire, it's up to you, the one being told what you did…to do what you can to avoid it at all costs."

"And this talk about Asuka facing the current Angel?"

"From what Shado remembers, Asuka lost to it, so Ayanami had to defeat it and ended up in the hospital. She told me that Misato suggested I go see her; apparently, we weren't allowed to leave the city limits after the Fourteenth Angel incident because my father refused to let us leave, even after I had refused to pilot the Eva after the emotional toll it took on Shado and I. I doubt I'll ever understand what kind of person he is and how far he's willing to go to do whatever to whoever he wants to get whatever he wants."

"I gotta admit, though, you are doing better than he could've in the family department."

"So far."

"But at least you're trying, which is a sign that you're putting in the effort to do right by her."

"Thank you, Mr. Kaji."

And with that and his curiosity answered, Kaji turned to leave the room. All he could ascertain from the conversation was that he did something to hurt Misato enough to make her cry, but because he hadn't a clue as to what it was that he did yet, it was anyone's guess. Or better yet, what he might do to her, whether by accident or on purpose. But a drawing depicting Misato crying and in pain was a drawing that spoke volumes of hurt that could make one ponder what was done to inflict such an emotional injury…and what, if anything, it would take to prevent from happening a second time.

-x-

Gendo had seen many ridiculous things and heard more than ridiculous stories of people from around the nation, but he didn't think he would see and hear of anything as ridiculous as his bastard grandchild telling his son a bedtime after a petty argument between the Third Child and Major Katsuragi. The story made no sense at all because it was being told by a four-year-old, but Shinji, despite it not making any sense, stuck around to listen to the girl spin the tale.

"What did you tell the Boozer Bird Lady out there?" Shado had asked him when she was done telling her bedtime story to her father.

"I told her that you're worth thirty of Pen-Pen's relatives if I ever consider the thought of wanting to trade you over to some crazy scientists that work for a zoo," he answered, and the girl looked up at him.

"I'm worthy that many Space Birds?" She whispered.

"But I also told her that there is no number of penguins, not even an army of them, that would be worth what you already are to me."

Gendo couldn't fathom what it was that made these two such a pair that stood out in a world where the end was near and the only way to survive was through making the hardest of choices. He couldn't see what was clear and obvious to those that didn't follow the paths of science and technology, or medicine or physics or the like. Not only could he not see it, but he didn't want to see it.

"A man that can't see how far a father will go to see his child smile every day is a man that has no perception of how relationships are two-way streets," the Rei doppelgänger told him. "No matter how bad things got for Shinji at the end of each day, he would always set aside time to be with Shado and put up with her foolishness as she tries to navigate the world alongside her father. The coldest of truths this child understood that hurt her when it was spoken…was the fear that others put in her when there would come a day where Shinji, the only person that loves her for her…wouldn't be there for her because someone or something would just show up…and cause a calamity to happen and he would be gone."

"It wasn't the kami that took Daddy away," they heard a version of the little girl say to Major Katsuragi as she stood before a gravestone with Shinji's name engraved on it. "It wasn't the monsters you made him face, either. It was you. You made him wear that armor that hurt him…and made him face those monsters that hurt him…and you gave him to them to send far, far away. You people are no better than the Monster…and he's the worst."

The way Gendo could understand it, the Third Child had been sent against an Angel…and it killed him, despite NERV's attempts to remedy the situation and the damage. No matter how any of them could try and spin it, the girl knew that they were in the wrong.

"And the worst part of such a possibility in such a reality is that she'd be right," the Rei doppelgänger told Gendo. "It wouldn't be the Angels that took her father or the Eva. It would be each of you that forced him to part with his daughter…and all because you didn't want to die."

"If it's only a possibility," Gendo tried to say, but the girl cut him off.

"Possibilities become realities when people make choices that reverberate across existence. And realities become nothing more than possibilities in the abyss of time and space. That doesn't change the fact that such a thing is possible and that such a loss will be experienced. Such is another possibility in another reality."

"What other possibility?"

"You…crossing a line with your grandchild…and her doing what she felt was necessary to protect herself from the threat of the person she fears the most in her life."

Gendo and she saw the little girl in the halls of NERV HQ, with a version of himself trying to approach her with a face displaying malice that could only lead to more pain.

"Every breath you take causes more suffering," they heard the man tell her. "Come with me and we can end this all."

But Shado, fearful of the man, nodded her head in the negative as she tried to back away.

"I said come here!" He ordered as he got close to her…and then gasped as he backed away, revealing a knife had been jammed into his chest…by the little girl. "Aaaurgh! You…"

"You taught me that," they heard her say before she ran away from him as he fell to his side.

"Why would…" Gendo tried to ask.

"Because you tried to get rid of her in order to regain your wife," the doppelgänger reveals, "and you never tried to hide your contempt towards her. In that life, you were willing to trade away your granddaughter for your wife, despite your son's objections and attempts to keep you away from her. You tried to put her inside Unit-01, thinking she would be necessary to reclaim Yui, but she stabs you with a knife and runs to her father. Because it was self-defense, as you were not supposed to be anywhere near her to begin with, you were the only one at fault and was the only casualty in an attack where NERV was the threat."

Gendo looks down at his alternative and couldn't believe that this was his fate in another potential existence. It seemed like every life where this little girl was around, the Third Child grew defiant and would attempt to divert his attention away from the Eva and Angels and towards the kid. And every life where this child lived was a life that included himself being unable to have what he truly wanted.

"You're not the victim here," the girl told him. "You are never the victim, Gendo."

"How am I not the victim?" He asks her. "I lose Yui every time."

"How is someone that loses their legs in a car accident…only to cripple everyone else simply for being able to walk…a victim? How is anyone that loses a child to sickness…only to decide that no other child should live…a victim? How are Shinji and Shado, who are victims only because of you and Yui, able to live free of the Eva and the Angels…when you two refuse to let them?"

"I don't need to answer such a question."

"Then I guess there's nothing left to say."

The girl then turned to leave him.

"Hey, come back here!" He ordered her, but she just kept on walking.

"In some lifetimes, you're content only with Yui. In other lifetimes, Yui is only content with false divinity. But in only a handful of these potential lifetimes, Shinji manages to make it without either of you trying to ruin everything. Sometimes, he is gifted, blessed with Shado or some other child companion that gives him a reason to live. Other times, his blessing is in the form of love from another that loves him for him. And some lifetimes, just some lifetimes, he gets everything his heart has longed for…in the most unexpected of ways…from the most unexpected of places…and he never had to make anyone else suffer just to get it. I hope this one will be another one of those lifetimes. He may not be Shado's actual father, but he's all she has right now…and wouldn't survive without her daddy…and he can't see himself going any further in life without his precious baby."

Then…she was gone.

-x-

"…I failed you, Asuka," the phantom memory of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu finally responded to her daughter. "You matter to me more than you know…and I failed you."

"You…failed me," Asuka repeated. "You chose a doll over me, and I was right there. I was right there…and you wouldn't look at me. You wouldn't talk to me. No matter what I did, you wouldn't give me the time of day. The day I found out that I would be piloting Unit-02…was the worst day of my life because of you! I was coming to see you…and you killed yourself. You hung yourself…with the stupid doll. With a stupid doll!"

Beside Kyoko was…another Kyoko, whose face was as hollow as it had been the day Asuka found her hanging from the ceiling with the doll beside her, still smiling like there was nothing wrong with what she did. She didn't say or do anything, but her presence alone was difficult for Asuka to tolerate because she was a painful reminder of what she had to keep bottled up all the time ever since that day.

"I hated the Eva, Asuka," she told her daughter. "It was the worst mistake of my career and life. No matter what others believed of it, it was a dangerous project to invest in. No matter what was done in an attempt to make it safe, it was never enough. And then, they wanted you to pilot it. I told them no, that it couldn't be made safe, and then they gave me an ultimatum: Make it safe or lose you."

"Die with me," the other Kyoko uttered. "Die with me, Asuka."

"I felt I had no choice, anymore," Kyoko continues to explain to her. "I didn't want this life for you, Asuka. I wanted you to live, to get away, to do something, anything, that made you happy. Not this. Not this."

"And then?" Asuka asks her.

"I went ahead with the contact experiment on Unit-02…and this was the end result. I got pulled into the Eva…and only she was left."

Asuka looks at the other Kyoko, still telling her to die with her. If her mother was being honest, then this experiment she did with the Eva, the very last experiment, ripped her to pieces and only her mother had been taken, leaving behind a part of her that was…simply playing at being her mother…but was not her mother, no matter what she did or said. She remembers all that talk about how a Japanese woman had built a supercomputer that had three different systems that competed against each other to come up with solutions…and suspected that this was similar to that case; how women were divided between whichever aspects they chose as their dominant traits, like the woman for obvious reasons, the scientist, the doctor, the businesswoman…or the mother. If this was the case…and the Eva's experiment fractured her mother, then the only part of Kyoko that cared about her was…the mother she had lost, leaving her alone with the leftover bits that brought her no comfort.

"Why?" She asks, referring to whoever it was that wanted the Eva to be invested in, even though it was confirmed to be unsafe.

"People were afraid of the monsters they had unleashed," her mother had revealed. "They wanted something to fight back against them, regardless of the risks. But the Eva carries a risk too great for most to want anything to do with. The people responsible for funding the Eva program were supposed to find people within the military to be involved with the Evas, but they never did. At least not in the manner they were expected to. Paramilitary is not military, and a scientist working within a paramilitary organization shouldn't be considered a member of the military. And the research belonging to that Yui Ikari should be considered taboo and not worth the hurt it has caused people."

"Yui Ikari? As in…that idiot's mother?"

"Asuka…why can't you just address him by his name? He has done nothing to you. And as of late, he's been taking care of that little girl you dislike for being his."

"He views piloting the Eva as the worst thing in the world, and only did it because he wanted his father's praise. Everyone treats him like he's so special because he was able to pilot a defective Eva with no training. And now he spends his time with a little girl that calls him her daddy because she's from a different world where he has a kid. It feels like he's pretending to be someone he can't even replace. Sooner or later, she's gotta find out that he's not her father."

"Oh, Gott. You don't know."

"Huh? Know what?"

"Asuka…the girl, Shado, her father is dead. He's been dead for a few days now. He's part of the reason the Eva her…surrogate father of sorts pilots is off the roster. He escaped from it…but help didn't arrive to save his life that was already fading."

"What?! He's dead?! But…how do you know he's dead?"

"Every time the MAGI is used to connect with the Eva, information is distributed. Nothing that goes into that supercomputer is inaccessible to anyone who knows what to look for. I doubt the girl will be able to understand her father is dead and may not want to believe it because of her emotional attachment with her surrogate that fills her with hope. No child should have to be burdened with such a harsh reality that someone they love is no longer in their lives."

"What did he do to lose his life?"

"In the alternate universe he and Shado are from, the autopsy report says the cause of death is homicide; he was shot several times by his father, and his injuries were exacerbated by malnutrition, dehydration and blood loss. It was his father that killed him, Asuka."

"His father? But… No, the guy's a complete stranger to that idiot; he hardly even talks to him and doesn't even acknowledge him unless it's to compliment him after defeating an Angel. Why would he kill his own son?"

"You just said it: The father is a complete stranger to his own son and doesn't even acknowledge him unless he's defeated an Angel. If there's no relationship between them, then the father has no personal feelings about harming his son. More than likely, he doesn't have any concerns about harming his grandchild, either. He's that immoral."

Asuka didn't think much about Shinji's father, as he was a man not worth knowing anything about, but she had to consider that the man was exactly as Shado had saw him as. Because of his attitude and cold demeanor, the guy was a monster like so many others with similar behavior quirks. But if his father really did kill him in another world, in another lifetime, then he was capable of crossing the line if familial ties were meaningless to him or he desired other things that were of interest to him.

"And I wasn't informed," she expressed.

"It wasn't Angel-related, so it was not for you to know," Kyoko tells her. "But do you really believe that Shado would be able to handle the truth if told?"

Asuka thought about it, imagining the girl being confused…and then devastated by the truth. It made her see the girl in a less than pleasant manner that mirrored her own childhood, but the only thing different was that Shado didn't think much about her mother, whoever she was, and her relationship with her young father was the only thing that mattered to her because he was the only one in her life that loved her…and she knew she trusted more than anyone else. And then, there was Shinji learning about her father being killed; it made her suspect that he would be unable to trust his own father because of such a revelation that he killed another version of himself in another lifetime where things were different. She might've disliked the father and daughter, but the mere thought of putting either of them in inescapable danger or having them face the possibility of death…wasn't what she wanted for them.

"She doesn't seem like she's able to handle any measure of the truth with the way she's being raised," she told Kyoko. "He keeps her sheltered from harsh truths and would rather see her smile than with tears in her eyes."

"In the end, wouldn't any reasonable parent want their child to be happy instead of sad?" Kyoko questions her daughter. "Wouldn't any parent want their kid to feel like there's nothing wrong in the world?"

"I don't see either of them holding onto what they currently have because of what is currently going on."

"But Shinji believes in this truth: The matter with the Angels cannot go on forever…and he doesn't want to be involved in any conflict forever, no matter what it's about. He didn't have anyone to share his life with until after Shado entered his world. You may have your criticism about the girl, but he can't believe that she's a problem that needs to be removed or forgotten about just because some people don't like having her around. You see them together and you can't imagine anyone with their relationship because they seem so happy just to be together. There's no pride, no boastfulness, no reason to envy what others have…but you feel a twinge of resentment towards the girl because he cares about her…and would rather be around her than do anything else."

"She's not special; she does nothing to make the world a better place."

"She's young, innocent, has no dreams or ambitions. She's not in a hurry to grow up. People that can't see that are the ones that look too far into tomorrow, prefer what was yesterday…and can't see what is right now. The worst thing that ever happened to her so far is just you constantly looking down on her for being who she is…and her father getting hurt by a baseball to his head in front of her that knocked him out and caused him temporary paralysis as his brain and nerves slowly rebooted. She may not have her mother involved in her life, but she doesn't want to lose Shinji. They're the only good thing in each other's life right now, and they wouldn't trade each other away for anything."

The other Kyoko walked away from them and sat at a table…where a phantom of Shinji and Shado were sitting, the former just watching the latter draw pictures. As Asuka looks at them, she couldn't believe that their little peace and happy moment would last forever. That one day, just one day, something would happen to shatter them. She saw the deranged side of her mother try to grab the girl's head to twist it, but stopped mere inches away from doing so; the girl just continued to draw like there was nothing wrong. And then, she saw her brandish a knife at Shinji's chest, but it carried the same result as with the girl; it never reached his chest and he continued to watch his daughter draw.

"You can't imagine either of them being unhappy," her mother tells her as they continue to observe the young father and daughter. "No matter how much you want to see them hurt just once. If you don't mean it, you can't bring yourself to torture them."

"She calls me Angry Harpy Lady and only says my name once," she lets Kyoko know about the situation with Shado's inability to say her name. "It's like I'm an omen or something to her."

"She's never once seen you happy. In her defense, she's right; you are always angry about something, no matter how small or large it is, and you raise your voice. Children will always assume that people who raise their voices are always angry about something and never say what it is they're angry about. Angry people are assumed to be unhappy people and will try to make others unhappy because they're not happy. They make younger children fearful towards them, like they're going to hurt them just for looking at them."

"Her father won't even scold her, not wanting her to hate him."

"He doesn't want to be wrong or viewed as uncaring. He's still learning how to be a father to her. There's no instruction manual or someone he can ask for advice that he's comfortable with asking. He can only make up his way through fatherhood as he goes through the journey, one day at a time. Parenting is not easy for any that don't have the patience or restraint for it."

"And he has nothing but patience and restraint. He's, like, the most self-controlled person I've seen in Japan."

"No, you just haven't seen him at his angriest yet. Everyone has their breaking point in life. Or more than one breaking point. Some pray that they never reach theirs. Others hope they do…and come to regret it. When a breaking point is reached, anything goes…and everyone is at risk. You push someone too hard, too far…and you unleash a part of them that may be beyond their control. And worse, what they do when the line is crossed, you can't undo like it never happened; if someone gets hurt or killed, you can't take it back. You can't take any of it back."

"Come die with me, Asuka!" Her deranged mother yelled at her.

Asuka then thought about the times where she had hit Shinji, mentioned by Shado at least every now and then how she always hurt him…and not once did he ever try to hurt her in return, even though there were times where he wanted to. He had a lot of restraint, not even wanting to raise his voice towards his daughter, but Asuka knew that one day would come, sooner or later, where Shinji would be forced to his breaking point…and whoever was responsible for sending him there would likely be the recipient of his fury…along with anyone else that was unfortunate enough to be nearby. There were times where she suspected that he wanted to cross the line, but because he had Shado now, he refused to break.

"Wait a minute," she remembered something not too long ago, "you said that the Eva research his mother was behind hurt a lot of people? Does that include him?"

"If he's their son, he's the one most victimized by such an awful creation," Kyoko told her.

"How is he one most victimized?"

"Because of what his mother planned to have him do in the end."

-x-

Shado awoke from her nap a while later and looked around the room she was in, seeing it was empty.

"Daddy?" She called out.

"I'm in the bathroom, Shado," she heard him reply to her, and heard the fading sound of a toilet being flushed and water running from a sink. "Did you just wake up?"

"Mm-hmm."

She saw Shinji come out of the bathroom, drying his hands off with a paper towel.

"Are they…still facing the shiny wings?" She asked him.

"They haven't announced anything or come to inform us of what's going on. They must still be dealing with it."

"Daddy, how do you think the shiny wings was able to come back? Do you think the other monsters will come back, too?"

Again, this was only because Shado didn't know that she was in a different universe, so Shinji, while disliking that he was keeping secrets from her, had to in order to keep her from feeling worried about the Angels.

"I hope they don't, sweetie," he says to her. "Facing them just once is enough."

"Daddy…do you…member the day we met Angry Harpy Lady?"

"Sparingly. Why? Have you forgotten?"

"No. She was very…'rooten' that day on the big boat that didn't have a rainbow over it."

Shinji chuckled over the fact that Shado, because of her age and naïveté, didn't know much about the difference between names and descriptions; the boat she was referring to was called Over the Rainbow, not a boat that had a rainbow over it.

"Her first impression was anything but positive," he tells her.

"Why did she not have on her underwear or pants when it was 'woondy' (windy)? If she had known what the weather was going to be like, she would not have worn her 'yelly' (yellow) dress. Nobody wanted to see her like that."

Shinji was then reminded that, because her father chose not to leave her in Tokyo-3 that day, unable to find a babysitter…or anyone he could trust to watch Shado while he was ordered to go meet Asuka, he brought her along to keep his mind at ease with her presence. He was also reminded of that day when he, undesirably, saw Asuka's lower half in all its unnecessary glory.

"Misato was just as unsightly dressed as Asuka, Shado, as she is most of the time," he reminded her that Misato also wore a short dress that day.

"But she had on her underwear, Daddy," she countered, "and she didn't hit you because you saw her without them like Angry Harpy Lady did. And then, there was her looking at me the way she did that day."

"How did she look at you?"

"Like I was in the way. 'Who is this kid with the teddy and why is she here?' That's what she asked when we met. And then she made a face when she was told that you're my daddy."

Shinji had to consider that this other Asuka had a bit of disgust over their relation and couldn't accept that he was her father.

"What did I say to her?" He wanted to know.

"Daddy, you told her…exactly what you tell everyone else that doesn't understand that we're related, and she didn't want to believe it."

"A lot of people don't understand this is how we are…and we shouldn't have to hide who we are to anyone for any reason."

"That's exactly what you told her."

Suddenly, the door to the room opened…and Misato came inside.

"Well, the Angel was defeated," she informs them.

"That's good to hear," Shinji replies. "Is Asuka alright?"

"That's why I'm here right now. Shado, you said this Angel was defeated by a big, red fork, but do you remember what happened to Asuka when she faced the Angel the first time?"

"She…lost and was in the hospital," Shado told her. "Did she lose again?"

"No, she won…but she ended up in the hospital to recover from a head injury."

"She hurt her head…or did the shiny wings hurt her head?"

"A bit of both. She's waiting for you two right now in the trauma ward."

"Huh?" Shinji and Shado both reacted.

"Yeah, she said she wanted to see you two," Misato explained.

To be continued…

A/N: Not where I wanted to end this chapter, but it was getting very long and had to stop somewhere that could help progress into the next chapter. I'd like to know what you think of what was going on with Asuka and Gendo. Look forward to your reviews. Until the next chapter.