Name: Ugway

Species; Tortoise

Age: Ageless

Interpreter

"I see Bill. You have still not given up your quest to avenge your master."

"You killed him in cold blood!" Bill hissed, dropping into a stance and dramatically throwing off his cape. It was the last thing his master had given him and it symbolised his status as an apprentice. The act of throwing it off proved that he was now more than just his master's pupil. He was his vengeance. "And I no longer go by Bill. I am now the Never-Dead One."

"Do not continue this path of vengeance. It shall consume you. And leave nothing but the dust of your bones flying in the wind. I have seen your fate in the bones of your master. And his skull warned me of it too."

Bill scowled. "For the last time you're an Interpreter not a Bone Rattler. Get your act together."

"Why can't I be both?" Ugway asked, philosophically. From out of his shell he withdrew a flower. "I see no reason I should not be submitted to both categories. I would crush the competition as easily as I do this flower." He crushed the flower, easily. "There would be nothing left but me." His eyes glowed ominously. "As it should be."

"Then I must stop you now!" Bill darted forwards, launching a never-ending volley of throwing knives as he went.

The tortoise dived into his shell, simultaneously spinning around so that the knives ricocheted back towards Bill! The opposum's eyes widened in horror but he could do nothing as the multitude of knives came hurtling towards him.

And tore him apart.

"NOOOOO!" the audience screamed as guts and gore that would have made even Black Jasmine squeamish filled the screen.

"Good riddance," said Ugway, turning back to the temple entrance.

He was shocked but his his emotions at the sight of the opposum leaning against the gate.

"You didn't really think you could kill me, did you?" Bill smirked. "I'm the Never-Dead One, (redacted)."

"Stop this unecessary violence. Your every step brings you closer to your demise."

"And closer to yours."

Ugway grew frustrated. "How can you not see what is right in front of you? The leaves fall and spell out your death. The clouds are shaped like your skull-"

"Again with the bones!"

"A storm the other day brought torrential rainfall to the Dryhots. The puddles they formed… Resembled your corpse!"

"I don't believe that last one." Bill shook his head. "That was a lie and you know it."

"They all were," Ugway said solemnly. "They were a distraction. If you had been paying attention you would know what torrential rainfall in a desert means."

"FLASH FLOOD!" cried a gopher, popping their head out of a tunnel, which they promptly plugged in with a giant plunger.

This cry was echoed throughout the canyon by other gophers who promptly blocked their tunnels with increasingly odd flood protection. One even used a piano. A second nailed boards to the cliffside.

An unholy amount of water surged towards them. Ugway zip-lined up to safety, but Bill was suddenly grabbed from behind by a pair of alligators.

"Insert Cajun Accent here," grunted one.

"What is this magic!?"

"Didn't I mention I was applying for Beastmaster, too?" Ugway chuckled.

"First of all, you can only submit to two categories. Secondly. WRITE FOR YOUR (REDACTED) CATEGORY!"

"No." And Ugway entered the temple, leaving the Never-Dead One to be torn apart by Cajun Gators.

The author forgot about the flood. And the fact that Bill was literally leaning against the temple gates a moment before.

Ugway must have used the back door.

"Looking for this?" The Never-Dead One held up the stone tablet. Bill was completely unharmed. Somehow the opposum had also managed to retrieve his cape. He greatly resembled his master. Zoro Antonin, Ice Walker and Shark-slayer.

Ugway fights the Never-Dead One and apparently kills him. Then he picks up the stone tablet they were fighting over.

"At last… the Mochidoxillianwuzanko will be mine." Ugway read the tablet. And nearly died of a heart attack.

The Treasure You Seek Is North :P

PS: I actually swapped the tablets out. Yours truly, the Never-Dead One.

PPS: I'm not actually dead! See you there ;)

PPPS: Now is the time you dramatically tilt your head back and scream.

Ugway fell to his knees and did as the tablet bade him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Footnote: I don't really think I need to explain myself with this one. It started out as a joke that one could, in theory, write the Ninja turtles if they wanted to (and I could, in fact, argue that Bahto's Bois are the ninja turtles) but I never really considered it as an option (for what I would assume are somewhat obvious reasons). So this was definetly a troll/joke app. However, depending on how things pan out with Wilder this may not be the last you see of Ugway and The Never Dead One. That's far-far-far future stuff so no needs to worry about it for the time being. Just hope you enjoyed this high key KFP Warpath Crossover.