"Desperation is the raw material of drastic change. Only those who can leave behind everything they have ever believed in can hope to escape. "

- William S. Burroughs

There are levels of comfort in repetition.

For instance: Cosette wakes up every morning knowing how her day will be. She will get out of bed, she will get dressed, she will wash her face, she will stare in the mirror for a prolonged period of time. Until her stomach growls in her belly, actually. She will then make herself something to eat, have only one piece and leave the rest for her family (who may or may not come). She will then clean up her mess, clean up her tower, before accidentally getting caught staring at herself in the mirror for too long. She will stop, looking away and deciding to paint flowers on the wall or sew a loose seam. Her hand will cramp before too long, and then she will decide to read a book she's read 347 times before. She will then stand up, walk around her tower and talk smally to herself. She will clamber around, looking for new crooks and nannies that she pretends she hasn't discovered before, until her stomach roars again. Lunch will be boring and small and afterwards she will wait and see if her family will come visit her. If they do, she'll make them younger and listen to them tell her how bad the world outside her tower is. If they don't, she'll read another book she has read 358 times before. Eventually she'll grow anxious and brush every inch of her long, golden hair. She'll have a small dinner, then a large desert. She'll wind back up at her mirror, staring at her eyes and skin and nose. Then, out of pure boredom, she will go to sleep; knowing in her heart the next day will be exactly the same.

There are also levels of melancholy in repetition.

For instance: Cosette wakes up every morning knowing how her day will be. She will get out of bed, she will get dressed, she will wash her face, she will stare in the mirror for a prolonged period of time. Until her stomach growls in her belly, actually. She will then make herself something to eat, have only one piece and leave the rest for her family (who may or may not come). She will then clean up her mess, clean up her tower, before accidentally getting caught staring at herself in the mirror for too long. She will stop, looking away and deciding to paint flowers on the wall or sew a loose seam. Her hand will cramp before too long, and then she will decide to read a book she's read 347 times before. She will then stand up, walk around her tower and talk smally to herself. She will clamber around, looking for new crooks and nannies that she pretends she hasn't discovered before, until her stomach roars again. Lunch will be boring and small and afterwards she will wait and see if her family will come visit her. If they do, she'll make them younger and listen to them tell her how bad the world outside her tower is. If they don't, she'll read another book she has read 358 times before. Eventually she'll grow anxious and brush every inch of her long, golden hair. She'll have a small dinner, then a large desert. She'll wind back up at her mirror, staring at her eyes and skin and nose. Then, out of pure boredom, she will go to sleep; knowing in her heart the next day will be exactly the same.

!&!

Cosette is reading a book, called Oh How Small. It's a very small book, with crinkled pages and ripped corners. Her father, back when she was just a little girl with hair that only trailed a few feet behind her, gave it to her one day. She had whined, saying she got so awfully bored. He bought her several books-fifteen precisely. He had said, "For you Cosette; we can't have you getting too bored now." She had thought it to be a loving gesture, now it makes her sad.

The books were nice, but they were old and always the same. She wanted new books, but it was rare for her to get anything nowadays. Her parents had grown tired of her constant need for stimulates-buying her paints, books, games. "You cost us more and you don't even do anything!" her mother had screeched after Cosette had asked for new needles to stitch with.

Oh How Small is a good book. It's about a baby bird, who falls out of it's nest and breaks its wings when it's born. Aloma (the bird) goes about the book trying to find someone to heal the broken wings, so she may fly into the sky and back home to her mother and father.

This is Cosette's 359th time reading Oh How Small, and as she reads the chapter where Aloma finally has her wings fixed and she is flying back home, Cosette reads the passage out loud.

"The world below Aloma is small, oh how small it is. The trees are drops of green, the fields are canvases of dying yellow and splatters of the rainbow from wildflowers. The mountains are points, and the water from the rivers are slivers of dying blue in the fading sun. Oh how small the world is. Aloma thinks back to her time on the tiny world, all of the adventures and stories she will tell. It does not matter though, whether her stories be exciting or dull. The only thing that makes Aloma chirp with joy, is in the distance, she can see her home. Her home where her Mother and Father wait. She flies faster, the air rushing over her and her wings spread wide. She takes one glance to the earth below her, before never looking back."

Cosette blinks and puts the book down. She looks away from the pages on the book, and outside the window she sits at. The wind rushes, and she can feel it a little bit. The tops of the trees sway and she feels a fire light in her veins. She hates the book Oh How Small, she's decided.

!&!

It's later, after lunch when she's in the midst of painting, she has visitors.

She's painting a bird with an arrow in it's heart. She doesn't examine why she's painting it– she pretends she doesn't know why.

It's Azelma's voice that rings out like a crystal. "Cosette! Let down your hair!"

Cosette sighs, dropping her paint brush in a bowl of water and walking to the window ledge.

"Cosette!" Azelma shrieks, her voice high pitched and shrill. "Hurry up!"

The long haired girl doesn't bother to peer down. She knows Azelma is down there, hands on her hips and Montparnasse laughing and smoking a cigarette at her side. She throws her hair over a hook that's been screwed onto the top of the window ledge and lets it fall down to the ground. She feels them grab on, and Azelma hollers up for her to pull. Cosette is small, but her arms are built and strong from years of pulling and tugging her family and others up to her tower.

Soon, Montparnasse is hopping through the window, with Azelma clung to his back. She giggles when Cosette let's go of the hair and a sigh of relief. "Gosh Cosette, you sure did take a long time today!" she giggles and pokes her sister at her side.

Cosette flinches away, but gives a small smile to the tiny red-head. Azelma has their mothers eyes and their father's hair. There's no doubting she's their child.

"Hello Azelma, hello Montparnasse," she says and smiles at the man. He's older, tall and lean with slicked back, black hair and deep, tan skin. He's been apart of her life as much as her siblings; coming and going as he wants. He's seven years older than Cosette, but acts as though he's father sometimes.

"Hey, sis!" Azelma snorts. "Busy day? Ha!" She pokes the blonde again, and steps directly onto the girl's hair. "I bet you've been so busy. What'd you do, read? Paint? Bake some cookies? Ha!" Cosette steps away from Azelma so she isn't poked again.

"Hey now, Zelm, leave your poor sister alone," Montparnasse says with a smirk and a weird tone. Azelma laughs and walks off to the kitchen. Montparnasse looks at Cosette, a peculiar glint in his eyes that makes her shift away and go over to her seat by the chair. She knows why they're here; Montrapasse's eyes are red and Azelma's teeth are a tint away from white.

She's right, because the next second has Azelma coming out of the kitchen with a brownie and sitting in the chair. She takes a bite, grabs a hairbrush, and places it on Cosette's hair and waits. Cosette starts to sing, gentle and soft. Her eyes travel to Montparnasse, who's holding a lock in his hand and staring at the painting of an empty tree with a loose leaf falling to the ground. When she's done, and the bright glow of her hair fades and Montrapasse's eyes are wide and clear and Azelma's teeth and shiny and white.

They don't stay long, because, Azelma says, "We have better things to do than stay in a crummy tower! Hahaha!" She slides down Cosette's hair and to the ground. Montparnasse gives her a look, his eyes scanning her body.

"You're a poor thing. Like a bird. I pity you. Stuck here. I guess the world is bad. Not that you'll ever know," he says suddenly. Cosette is taken aback, her eyes wide and before she can respond, he's sliding down her hair. She runs to the windows ledge, peering over and watching as him Azelma walk off into the woods.

She waits until their gone, waits until they are completely out of sight, waits until she can't even strain to hear Azelma's piercing voice. When they're gone, she thinks of what Montparnasse had said.

"... Like a bird."

In a blind, intense fury that is white and hot, her blood boils and she screams. On the windowsill sits Oh So Small and Cosette grabs the book and throws it out the window. She uses all of the energy she's never been allowed to exert and she throws the book and screams, "I AM NOT A BIRD!" It only goes a few feet away, landing outside and on the grass. A book about a bird who hated the earth now rests on the grass and the dirt and Cosette is furious with anger and jealousy deep within her stomach. She falls to her knees, collapses into herself and cries, long and hard and the sobs rack her entire body. She shakes and screams and cries and whisper, "I'm not a bird. I'm not." And she is not.

!&!

Marius sleeps on Courfeyrac's floor every night. He was offered a room of his own, but Courfeyrac insisted that Marius couldn't really manage to care for himself, and Marius had agreed. So, most nights, Marius sleeps on a thin mattress on Courfeyrac's floor. Some nights, he lays awake, gets up, and stares out the window, at the moon and the stars, and he sighs. He rubs his face and holds his head in his hands and tries to feel like he knows what he's doing.

The town is nice to him and greets him with open arms. It's Marius who feels the needs to pull away and keep closed off though. So he pulls away and gives polite nods and smiles. The girl who keeps the local bar is nice, a lady named Musichetta. She teases him, but lovingly and figures out when the questions about why he ran have reached a limit. A boy named Jehan muses his hair and says things like, "Your freckles look like constellations good boy." Which makes Marius blush and Jehan laugh good-heartedly. Grantaire keeps him less sober with constant glasses of wine and ale being pushed his way, and Marius can't find it within him to turn them down.

Courfeyrac keeps Marius as engaged as he can through the discussion of revolution. Enjolras though, with as little harm as he can muster, often sweeps away Marius's thoughts and ideas, and Marius, again, closes to himself.

It takes a week or a month (Marius has lost track of time here) for Courfeyrac and Combeferre (a very nice man who manages to give Marius a warm smile every time they run across each other) to convince Enjolras to let Marius in on the secret. Enjolras is skeptical, being vague about plans and ambiguous about targets. Marius is frustrated, but tries not to show it, until he accidentally lets a foreign curse slip past his lips.

The slur catches Bahorel's attention first, because he recognizes the accent Marius says it in. His eyebrows shoot up and he says, "Was that a word in the Ancient?" he asks.

Marius blushes furiously, and his eyes cast downwards. "Yes, yes–I'm sorry. I didn't mean–I just–"

But it is Enjolras who cuts him off, eyes wide, "You can speak Ancient?"

Marius looks to the brown haired boy, his brow furrowed. "Yes–I had to learn it when I was little. It was a… school, requirement then." The boys palms are sweaty, his eyes are wide and he's worried that this is it, they've somehow figured out he's a Pontmercy, and that's reason enough to not trust him. They'll kill him, or keep him prisoner. He'll become bait to woo King Javert into a trap– somehow, he's sure. Enjolras is a smart man, he could make a plan with it. They'll tie him up and–

"Why didn't you tell us!" Courfeyrac cheers, running up to the freckled boy and shaking him. He hugs him and Marius is gapping and stuttering and looking around to each boy who is smiling or staring in amazement. "Don't you know, fool? Ancient is the language to get into the castle! It's so old, no one usually knows it! We couldn't even find books on it to teach ourselves, and it's so complicated! Can you read it as well?" Marius nods. Courfeyrac spins around and smiles smugly at Enjolras. "What did I tell you Enjolras? I said the boy would come handy!"

Enjolras just nods, not accepting or denying Courfeyrac's convenience in being correct. He pushes the curly haired boy to the side. He stares at Marius, intensely, with the permanent set of flaming ember in his eyes becoming more intense.

"We'll need you for a mission, Marius," he tells. Marius's blush returns.

!&!

He's nervous a few days before the mission. He's been preparing himself and the rest of the Amis for two months (years? who knows), but he's nervous. He's anxious because even though Enjolras has started to trust him, there's still a skeptical glint in his eyes that Marius can't seem to shake. He wants to do good, to prove to everyone he wants to overthrow King Javert. He hates the man, he's told before.

But he's nervous, quakingly so. Grantaire notices, and Marius doesn't shy away when he's handed a drink. Grantaire pats his shoulder, slurs something Marius is sure is good advice that he wishes had listened closer to, before walking off to bother Bahorel into a game of cards.

When he's halfway through the drink, the door to the bar slams open. He jumps, turning to look. In the light of full moon and candles amongst the room, he sees a girl. A grown girl he's never seen before. With hair like the raven night and skin the colour of soft soil. She's smiling brightly, a large gap between her front teeth. He's never seen her before.

"Hello boys!" she cheers. "I'm back!"

The other Amis laugh good-heartedly, and Marius looks around the room. Everyone is either minding their own business or laughing and approaching the young girl. He looks for Courfeyrac, who always is eager to tell him about things he's not acutely aware of.

Courfeyrac though, is sitting a table or two away from him, staring at the girl with a glimmer of fear in his eyes. He looks down at his mug, back in her direction as she punches Bahorel in the arm. He's gripping at his cup before looking to Marius, a sense of relief pouring on his face. "Marius! Of course mate, what a good timing. You have to meet 'Ponine! Of course, of course!" He looks delighted, standing up and pulling Marius to his feet.

Marius stumbles beside Courfeyrac over to the group that's surrounded the girl. She smiles cheekily at the curly haired brunette and jumps up to hug him before pinching his side. He laughs, and Marius feels like the whole thing is one inch off to the left– Courfeyrac is weirdly tense as Marius has never seen him.

"'Ponine!" Courf cheers. "How are you, you devil? Out stealing flowers from the fields still?" he jokes and tousles her hair, a bit longer than protocol calls for.

She snorts, loud and bares her head back. "You wish! I'm a little more skillful than you, Courf. Take a look at this shiny thing," she holds a locket, with the Sun Kingdom's emblem shining proudly in the dim candlelight. "Stole it off an old hag. Not to shabby." She sntaches it back away and sticks it in her pocket. When she glances up, away from here her hand has slipped and to where Courfeyrac stands, then her eyes catch Marius's.

Marius smiles, extending his hand out to her, and she looks very taken aback. She reaches out, weakly clasps his hand in her own and shakes it quickly before he can even tell her, "Hello, my name is Marius. Nice to meet you."

"Eponine," she says smalley. She looks at the rest of the boys, shaking her head and fitting an awkward smile. "You're new. Courfeyrac pick you up from the woods?" Marius's eyebrows raise up and he asks how she knew. She giggles and glances at the curly haired boy. "That's what he did to me, of course." She looked away from the boy and back to Marius, who looked to Courfeyrac, who was staring at Eponine, with a worried expression.

!&!

Eponine hangs around him for a few days leading to the mission. Marius assumes she's being friendly, nice to the new kid in town. It makes him smile and he happily accepts her invitation to walk around the village.

They talk, and Marius thinks Eponine nice; but if he's perfectly honest she seems a bit… odd? She brags about the things she's stolen, the people she's left behind in the wake of her dust. In the midst of their walk she reads out loud at random moments. She tells him to be impressed, "Most poor kids nowadays can't read, Pontmercy." The words roll out of her mouth delicately, falling onto the ground and Marius nearly leaves it there, but in the next second he hears the last word, his cursed surname come back to knock the wind out of him.

"You know?" he chokes, suddenly scared.

"Do I? I suppose," she sing songs, turning on her heel and stopping in front of him. "I know the Pontmercy heir broke his fiancee's heart and ran away in the dead of the night. I know the Pontmercy family prided itself on being fluent in Ancient. Doesn't take long to put two and two together."

"Please don't tell," Marius immediately begs. His voice drops as low as he can manage and he quakes before a girl much smaller than himself. She snorts.

"Oh please, I have better things to do than tattle," she says, gently pushing his shoulder. He sighs in relief and something flashes in her eyes that he doesn't mean to notice. She takes a step back, her smile kinder. "Don't worry Pontmercy, you can trust me."

He smiles and pats a hand on her shoulder. "You're a good friend 'Ponine, thank you." He doesn't realize it's the first time he's called her by her nickname, he doesn't realize that since they shook hands, this is the first time he's initiated contact with her. He doesn't notice any of that, because in the next second Joly is yelling for him to come in– that Enjolras needs to talk to him about the mission. Marius's hand leaves Eponine's shoulder easily, still warm and indifferent. He smiles and says okay. He looks to Eponine, thanks her again, before running off to meet up with Enjolras. He walks off so quickly, he doesn't hear anything Eponine whispers under her breath.

!&!

The mission is two days later, and Marius is nervous. He has little jobs, getting past securities and tricking guards and helping, but he's nervous and his gut is clenching and he's throwing up meals he's only thought of eating.

Courfeyrac laughs and pats him on the back and tells him, "You'll be fine, you'll be fine."

Eponine has left as quickly as she came. In a whisper instead of roar. She had come to Courfeyrac's apartment the night before to say goodbye. Courfeyrac pointed out that it was odd, how she usually just left him to wonder. She shrugged and her eyes had flickered to Marius. "I didn't want anyone to worry this time, I suppose," she told, not tearing her eyes from Marius. He scrunched his brow in confusion and looks behind him, out the window he's sure she was staring through. Courfeyrac looked sad, and hugged her tight, much longer than she had seemed prepared for. She waved goodbye to Marius, a smaller voice than he had heard her talk with before. He waved back, wished her luck. She left.

When Marius asked why she was allowed to come and go, the boy sighed. "Her family isn't the nicest, but she can't seem to tear herself away from them. She comes here when it's bad, goes back when she thinks it'll be good. She'll be back in a week, I'm sure." He sighed again.

!&!

It takes them two days to get to the Sun Kingdom. They hop over walls and scoot under fences that have been put up. The day is cloudy, the waves of the ocean crashing roughly against the edge of the castle. It doesn't look like it will rain, just be dark. It's Marius's first time to this Kingdom, and he doesn't even get to see it dazzle.

He sticks close to Courfeyrac who guides him through quietly. They act as normal as possible, Marius speaking in general Ancient with guards who ask for passwords and the knots in his stomach untangle with every successful syllable. Enjolras pats his shoulder as they manage their way into the actual castle, and Marius feels like it's acceptance.

They act as though they are delivering something for the jewelry room, a small, simple locket they tell everyone once belonged to the Almost Queen Fantine. Marius asks Courf what it actually is, and a smile tugs at his lips as he whispers, "That necklace Eponine stole– it was her part of the mission." Marius's eyes widen, and Courfeyrac chuckles in reply.

Jehan stands in the middle of them, holding the box with necklace in it delicately. The rest of the boys surround him, acting as bodyguards. Enjolras, Combeferre, and Courfeyrac stand in the front, with Marius standing behind Courfeyrac. Bahorel, Joly, and Bossuet walk in the back, with Grantaire to the other side.

The last castle guard looks at them skeptically, not recalling any tale of a piece of jewelry to be delivered. Marius speaks up, giving a long and almost nonsensical story of papers being lost and says the whole thing in quick Ancient words and the guard is clearly confused and just shrugs and lets them through. Bahorel punches the boy in shoulder in a "you-did-good" kind of way. Marius winces, then smiles.

The Jewelry Room is clogged with glass shelves and cases, with two guards at the front door (There's no need for more, the security is too tight, clearly). Marius wonders how beautiful this place must look when the sunlight streams through the windows and shines in and out of each clear diamond and ruby and other gems. Marius shakes his head, starring on straight ahead. The case they head to is in the back, and Marius sees it finally; The Lost Princess Euphrasia's crown. It's petite and gentle, weaved gems into the shape of flowers and glistening in a room that's completely dim. It's beautiful, it's elegant. Marius can't believe they're going to steal it.

Joly glances behind them, sees the guards are still facing to the door, and coughs once. Enjolras reaches in and grabs the crown quickly, turning around and shoving the crown into Joly's hands and grabbing the box with the petty necklace and shoving it in the case. Joly stumbles for a second before shoving the crown in Bossuet's bag and they all turn around and start to walk off as calmly as possible. Marius's heart is beating so loud he can feel it rushing in his veins and throb in his ears and he might faint he's so nervous. They walk out of the room, the doors opening and there's a sense of relief washing over them all.

Before they can get down the hall though, a sound of stitches ripping noises, and before anyone can think of it, Bossuet's strap on his bag breaks and the bag tumbles to the floor. Joly squeaks from the sudden noise and Bossuet is bending down and picking the bag up from the wrong end and the tiara falls out and tumbles to the tile with clinks that ring out around them. Bossuet scoops it up as quickly as his clumsy hands can manage, but when the boys turn to look, the guards are staring at them with puffed up cheeks and pure rage.

"Not to be the obvious one," Grantaire said suddenly. "But I suggest we run."

And in the next second they are sprinting at full force, and the guards are chasing after them.

!&!

They're quick and agile and not being weighed down by armor, so they all manage to slip in and out of everyone's grasps, weaving in between each other and the halls of the castle with a quick pace. The tiara is tossed from person to person, Bossuet throwing it to Jehan who slides it to Grantaire who drops it for Courfeyrac to pick up.

When they get outside there are more guards, standing around them and closing in and in a quick second Marius is being tugged to the side by Bahorel and running and jumping off the side of the wall without thinking. He lands mostly on some shrubs and his bum aches from the fall, but he quickly scrambles to his feet as Jehan tosses the tiara down to Bahorel before jumping down the short wall. Enjolras is jumping next and him and Bahorel are sprinting for the woods. Marius quickly follows as Joly and Bossuet land and the rest of the boys follow in suit. Enjolras is shouting out orders Marius can barely keep up with until they come to a lead of horses and Enjolras is stopped short and throws the tiara behind him. Grantaire catches it before it can hit the Earth and quickly screams, "Good time to split up, aye? Don't mind me, I'll take the tiara!"

Before Marius can even think about anything, Grantaire is shoving the Tiara into his hands and running off, holding a branch concealed in his arms. Marius rushes in the other direction, his cheeks hot and his lungs labouring out air. He can hear someone at his heels and even though he prays, when he turns around he sees it's a single guard and he yelps and runs faster. He comes to a large trunk that's fallen over and jumps over it with ease. The guard gets caught up on a branch though and the few second it take for him to be untangled, lets Marius dart under a curtain of vines and hide himself and quiet his breathing as much as he can.

He watches between the vines as the guard runs past, not even stopping to look at the curtain of greenery. Marius sighs and thanks his lucky stars for this. He holds the tiara close to his chest and thanks his damn lucky stars.

When he dashed into his hiding spot, he assumed it was a cave. So when he turns around, he's surprised to see more of an open field. The rock is merely an arch, not a hollowed out cave. He blinks his eyes, looking to the tiny field that is laid out. There's a tiny pool of water to the side, high trees surround the area, flowers liter the grass. In the center of it all, is a tall, tall, ragged tower. Tall as he can see, covered in plants and wildflowers and it climbs higher and higher. There's a small window just out the front, looking towards where the sun sets.

"One of the boys ran this way!" someone screams from behind the curtain and Marius's feet run without his knowledge and suddenly he's clambering up the side of the tower, holding the tiara on his arm and pulling himself up and up and up. Before he knows it, he's at the ledge of the windowsill and with the last bits of his strength, pulling himself into the tower. Just as he does, he can slowly start to feel the tingling bits of sunlight. He looks up, and sees the clouds are parting and the sun is shining through and he feels victorious. He smiles as he gets himself into the tower, holds the tiara out and sighs.

And in the next second, he's hit in the back of a head and everything goes black.

!&!

A/N: Again, apologies for the long update! The next chapter will hopefully be up sooner, as I am now settling into a pretty decent routine in college. Chapter 4 is already seven pages in, so it'll be a long one! Again, you can always follow me on tumblr theonewhowrites. Beta credit goes to Kelly the Cute and icon credit goes to Samantha the Stunning (poninefaulchevent). I hope you enjoyed!