AN: I won't beat around the bush. I haven't uploaded a chapter in ALMOST a whole month. Truth being, my exams are doing a number on ALL my plans so it was hard writing this chapter but it is what it is. I expect to be preoccupied with exams most of this month (may), which also means I most likely won't be able to celebrate my birthday. However I'll still try to pump out at least one or two chapter. But I'll make it up for ya with this beefy chapter. Enjoy :)
Very Special Thanks to HossamGasser0 for taking time to review. I really can't express my gratitude enough for them for giving me valuable criticism and motivation.
Chapter 5
Chapter 5: Old and New Wounds
(Graduation Ceremony)
"Dedicate Your Hearts!"
Gustav stood idly as he tried as hard as he could to focus on what the officer was saying. Sure Gustav knew that what he was saying was important but it was honestly a bit boring.
"Today, you trainee graduates will be given three choices:
You can join the Garrison, protecting towns and reinforcing the walls.
Or the Survey Corps, who risk their lives outside the walls, in titan territory.
Or the Military Police, who serve the king and lead the people, and protect internal order.
Of course, only the top ten students, whose names were just announced can join the military police."
'At least his monologue is over.' Gustav thought optimistically as he stood at ease. He had grown tremendously in those past three years and many things had changed- mentally and physically. For starters, he was perhaps the second tallest in the 104th cadet corps, only second to Bertholdt; he was barely taller than Reiner- the difference in height being only three or four centimetres but he wasn't close to being as bulky. Additionally, he had grown to adore his fellow trainees and think of them of family. Yet one thing hadn't changed about him. That being, the branch he was hell-bent on joining. The Survey Corps- he had made up his mind ever since the boy wanted to just visit his home and, if possible, bury the remains of his poor mother; but, he also wanted to repay a personal debt to the commander. And since the only way to directly contribute to the effort of reclaiming Wall Maria- the wall his house and family resided in, and completing those two goals he had in mind was by joining the Survey Corps, he would gladly give life and limb for that.
"Second place? Not bad." A feminine voice whistled from behind.
"Shouldn't ya be coddlin' Krista right now Ymir?" Gustav lazily retorted. "Or am I just growin' on ya but ya don't want to admit it?"
"Yeah, you're growing on me. But Krista is still number one." The boy scoffed in response. He had truly never foreseen earning the rank of second place over all the 104th cadet corps; Mikasa being number one was a no-brainer really. But the fact he was able best Annie in the unspoken race to second place was something he was really prideful about- not that Annie really cared about ranking.
"Must've been a very tough decision to decide who gets second place. Either Annie, or me."
"Probably, but I can't believe how they ranked Sasha tenth while ranking Krista eleventh- Krista is clearly superior." Ymir casually stated as if it were a fact and Gustav's correspondence was shooting her a glare of disbelief.
"What?! Sure, Krista is better at standing and lookin' pretty and cute, but Sasha is much better in the things that really count."
"Oh yeah? Tell what the 'things that really count' are."
"Well for one, she has the best instincts of the entire 104th cadet corps." He answered without missing a beat. "In addition, she is much sm-"
"And why exactly have been paying attention to all these things about her, Gustav?"
"It just happens. It just happens when ya spend lots of time with someone." Ymir was silent but smiling, but the as their mutual silence grew, so did her smile. "I'm sure ya have your own list of reasons to why Krista is more deservin' of the position of tenth place than Sasha… What stupid topic to argue 'bout anyway…"
"Didn't think Potato-girl would get into someone's pants." Ymir snorted while fashioning a shit-eating grin.
"N-n-no. S-she ain't gotten into nobody's pants. I hope."
"Hmmm… You sure? Pretty sure I heard a lot of stuttering, Gustav." Teasing, Ymir was getting on his nerves.
"Oh yeah? Well I'm pretty sure I heard a lot of bitchin' 'bout Krista not gettin' tenth place, Ymir." Gustav spat back, knitting his eyebrows together.
"Woah, calm down blondy. Keep this temper up and I might think Eren it you infected you with whatever rabid disease he has." Ymir lazily gestured with her hands to Gustav, urging him to cool down a bit.
"And besides that, what's wrong with appreciatin' Sasha for how far she's come? She was Potato-girl three years ago and now, she has earned tenth place over all the 104th cadet corps!" Gustav clarified himself further but that only seemed to steel Ymir's resolve and belief in her unknown-to-Gustav opinion.
'Appreciating Sasha for how far she's come? Yeah right,' she internally scoffed at Gustav's stubbornness. 'But he's right after all, this really isn't an important topic.' She sighed as she admitted internally. "Anyway, did you change your mind regarding which regiment to join? Or are you still going to join the Scouts?" Ymir blatantly tried to change the topic.
"Y'know I'd never change my mind as long as my house is still in titan territory," Gustav sorrowfully reminded Ymir, "All I want is to bury my mother." The bitterness and yet surprising eagerness in his voice made Ymir's eyes soften a bit- they have too much in common indeed. They had both ran away in times of crisis. They had both committed great sins in the span of their short lives. And, they are both indebted to someone. "I will also try my damndest to express my gratitude to Commander Erwin- if it weren't for him givin' me a purpose when I had met him that time while I was trainin' my ass off durin' my enslavement, maybe I wouldn't have had a reason to escape." He sighed and looked at the ground. "It may be too late to find my siblings, but I can't let myself die without serving the commander in some way. My family maybe dead, but I sure ain't. I have- no- I need to repay my debt." The tone of his voice had shifted in a drastic manner again: it was now hopeful and saturated with purpose.
"Family? I knew you had a lot of siblings but weren't they in the two inner walls during the fall?" Ymir questioned with a very rare tone resembling innocence.
"My eldest brother and my second eldest are in the military, my youngest brother was with my father in Wall Rose during the fall, as you know, but despite being the youngest, he was going to inherit the estate after my father's passing."
"What about your sister? Wasn't she an apprentice to some doctor?"
"Yeah, the doctor was from Wall Maria so he was in relatively close proximity to us, so when she went weeks on end without writin' home it wasn't really a worry since even if the worst had happened, we would be knockin' his door down in no time."
"By the way you're recounting this I don't think he ever did any… Questionable actions." Ymir neutrally remarked.
"No, the guy was truly sweet and generous. Additionally, he was a master at his craft and had a decent reputation; his name Grigory or Gremda or somthin'. But after the fall, as a combined effort of the chaos and him goin' missin', I lost all contact with my sister."
'Damn,' Ymir thought, 'Won't be much of a shock if he's wrong in the head after all that.' She, for the first time in god knows how long, carefully considered her words. "I shouldn't hold you back and reopen old wounds while simultaneously pissing on them. You go now and knock some sense into Jean before he does something stupid." Ymir, feigning a nonchalant attitude, said while pointing to Jean, which seemed to be on the verge of starting an argument with the 104th 'suicidal maniac'. Gustav huffed as he bid Ymir farewell, trekking to Jean and Eren before Mikasa had to get involved.
'Not them again.' Gustav internally face-palmed. 'One of these, Jean'll get his teeth kicked by Mikas-'
"Tavy! How've ya been? I-" She was cut off by Gustav chuckling abruptly.
"If this is at attempt at gettin' extra rations, ya've already failed." Gustav dryly retorted. Sasha sported an obviously fake pout and mumbled something unintelligible. "Nah I'm just kiddin'. You can have a fifth of my rations," Gustav light-heartedly replied. He playfully put Sasha in headlock while furiously scrubbing her hair. "And why have ya started callin' me Tavy? Ya know tha-"
"That's what your mother used to call ya. I know, but come on, I think ya deserve a nickname other than Farmer-boy." The Redhead squeeked out and had a pint of disdain in her voice when she brought up his nickname although the blonde himself didn't seem to mind his non-negotiable alias. The boy let her go and cupped her cheek.
"Me personally, I think it's alright. It doesn't really bother me… Shouldn't YOU be the one who starts scoutin' for a new nickname?" Gustav teased in a cheeky manner.
"Potato-girl has a nice comedic value, I think." Sasha said as she second-guessed herself.
"Whatever, find one that suits ya, In my opinion, it doesn't capture what makes ya… well what makes ya Sasha." The boy abruptly blurted.
Sasha seemed puzzled by what he had just expressed and her furrowing her eyebrows in confusion only exasperated the look and feeling of bewilderment she had, as she silently motioned for Gustav to explain his point.
"I mean, when someone says Potato-girl, what's the first thing that comes to mind? A dumb, good-for-nothing and incapable girl? Or. One of the best cadets? Potato-girl doesn't shine a light on your kindness, tenacity nor your intelligence- even if said intelligence isn't always the most reliable… People don't give ya enough credit and it always irks me…" Gustav hadn't realised he had been shouting; he also hadn't realised that his passion had spilled over and attracted the eyes of a crowd of people- most notable Jean and Ere who ceased their incessant fighting to gaze upon what causing the commotion.
"Huh?! It's just a nickname. Don't ya think ya're kinda thinkin' about this too deeply?" Sasha interrogated with a certain purity and curiosity. That same curiosity which caused Gustav to become so attached to her.
"Y-ya just… Ya just-t don't get it do ya? I don't like standing idly by while ya're almost getting insulted- it makes me burn up inside." Gustav explained loudly before walking away. Everyone save for Sasha saw his face so flush with blood, they thought his skull going to burst. Ymir could be heard snickering while Eren just had a wide-eyed stare towards a dumbfounded Sasha, who seemed to just begin to understand Gustav's reasoning. Gustav disappeared into his dorm and silence fell once more over the 104th cadet corps-one could the drop of a pin now without a doubt.
"WHAT?! I still don't know why does my nickname affect him so much?" A certain redhead yelled. A collective face palm firlmly echoed
'"Smarter than people give her credit for" my ass.' Ymir wordlessly snickered.
'Seriously? Who thought Farmer-boy would get tongue-tied in front of Sasha of all people?' A bewildered Jean thought to himself.
'I've never seen Gustav lose his temper with Sasha this much…' The suicidal maniac wondered. Then, said suicidal maniac departed from in front of Jean and went to the dorm which Gustav stormed off to.
"H-h-hey! Where are you going?" Jean barked out before starting to follow his rival as they jogged through the area in a rapid manner and reached the dorm in under two minutes.
Before Jean slowly twisted the old and beaten-up door knob, he heard firm grunting on the other side.
"Oi, what's taking you so long!" Eren impatiently interrogated.
"Shut up and quiet down, I'm listening to him to understand what he's doing before we barge in and do something brash- like you always do." Jean quietly commanded. Eren grit his teeth and furrowed his eyebrows together as prepared to give Jean a piece of his mind- or fist. But. He stopped.
'No. Not now. Not like this, we have to see what Gustav is up to. No time for arguments.' Eren tried as hard as one can to calm himself down and, by some miracle, he succeeded. Jean at last twisted the door knob open as he stepped in, gesturing for Eren to do the same; they quietly went through the corridor, breathing its smell- one that they had grown used to, and finally reached the place where the bunk beds were. And not-so-coincidentally where Gustav was. He repeated beating up his raggedy matress, which he held up and balanced against the supports of the bunk bed. He ruthlessly assaulted his own bed: using high and low kick; punching it in a brutal and very personal way as if he was chopping up a piece of meat like some butcher and he even head butted the mattress. It was a funny yet frightening sight. He rammed his shoulder against the mattress and when he heard the wooden support behind the mattress break and shatter thoroughly after hearing it cracking several times, he finally stopped, signalling for the two hidden boys to approach him.
"Damn Farmer-boy, what caused such a steam build-up inside you, huh?" Eren lightly elbowed Jean to stop from teasing the visibly unstable blonde.
"What he meant, was that we wanted to know what ticked you off so much," Eren corrected, acting for once like a mature adult despite his age and personality. Gustav audible huffed and plopped down on the wooden plank which used to hold up his mattress. He look at his hands and drew in a shaky breathe.
"I just… I just… Y'know… It bothers me Y'know. I can't stand it when someone talks down to her. It ignites somethin' inside of me." Gustav explained whilst still looking down before moving in two hug his comrades with a small, broken wooden piece in hand. "I love ya guys… I love ya so much- ya're the family I lost all those years ago a-and I-I don't want t-to lose it again… You two are brothers to me, that's why I don't like it when you two fight despite it being the funniest shit here." Gustav squeezed out that last part and chuckled nervously. "I think… I-I think the same goes for Sasha. But it doesn't at the same time…"
"Yeah, yeah. We've heard it all. You don't know it- or maybe you do. But I do know you well enough to know you can do better than that. Stop with those bullshit clichés: man to man, it's too obvious that you're crushing on her, cliché or not. Grow a pair and admit it at least to us. It's all but official to u-"
"How the hell is it so obvious?" Gustav blurted without thought, not knowing he had just admitted and proven their hunches correct. Jean's smug tone wasn't really helping anyone at all. Gustav heaved a great a huff. "Ya're… Ya're right, Jean. I have a crush on her." Jean's smug expression faded and an incredulous one rose from its ashes; he knew Gustav was uncomfortably blunt. But it seemed that even Gustav internally didn't acknowledge nor process his own feelings towards her so him just flatly admitting it seemed a bit outlandish- nevermind the extremely cliché chain of events that had occurred.
"Hang on a minute, for how long have you felt this way?" Jean questioned with a tiny edge in his voice, meant at poking enough fun at the blond boy as a means to extract information.
"Oh I don't know, Jean. How long have ya felt this way towards Mikasa, huh?" Gustav didn't mean to bring it up this flatly- he wanted for it to be vaguer but his tongue betrayed him. 'Oh shit. Oh fuck, Eren's here,' he internally cursed himself. He saw Jean's expression contort and his jaw drop. And then, he saw Eren's expression.
"Jean… What is Gustav talking..?" Eren questioned in a ghastly tone which sent shivers down the two other boys' spines. "Jean…Do you love my sister?"
….
"Yeah, ya haven't realised? He's probably jealous because of the way she's constantly dottin' on ya."Gustav finally confirmed Eren's suspicion as Gustav went all in and realised that since the cat was already out of the bag, he might as well be damage control. "Before ya do anything brash, Eren, I think it's totally harmless-"
"I don't care about what you think, Gustav! It still does cha-"
"No Eren. This exactly your problem- you don't care about most shit. How about ya grow a pair and suck it up: ya will be an adult soon and you better act like it." Gustav mirrored Eren's tone and tried to snap him back to his situation.
"Calm the fuck down, okay? I think we can all agree that we all have to grow up and have a little courage, I guess." Jean sternly yet neutrally intervened while raising his hand. The blond emitted a choked gasp as he dropped the piece of wood he had been holding all this.
'No… Not this.'
"Gustav. OBEY… I know you're scared but you have to have courage… Only courage moves mountains, dear." His mother instructed while tearing up and stroking his hair. "Now, go."
His comrades looked at him: concerned and unsure. Jean got flashbacks from when he was sneakily gazing at Eren from afar when he was getting interrogated by the other cadets regarding his experience with titans-Eren dropped his spin the same way Gustav dropped the piece of wood.
"Oi… Gustav, are you okay..?" Jean cautiously asked; it was an obvious, rhetorical question- whatever elicited this response from his wasn't very benign.
"…Jean…" Eren groaned out, disappointed. "It's obvi-"
"No! I ain't okay! I don't need to get stronger; it's all useless if I'm still a coward who turns on his heel and runs at the sight of danger! This is no different. If I run away from my emotions- not actual problems, then my mother died for NOTHING!" The blond spat out with tears choking his voice and clouding his eyes, his hands shaking.
'Mother died for nothing?! The fuck is he talking about?!' The two oblivious boys thought simultaneously. For the first time, Jean saw the 'suicidal maniac' worried. Afraid. Or both.
"SHE SACRIFICED HER LIFE FOR ME! She wanted me to be brave! That was… T-that was her final wish…" Gustav's searing despair cooled down and settled to become chilly regret. Gustav stood up from the wooden blank with surprising stability and sauntered his way out of the dorm and into the forest to perhaps blow some steam in private. Right when he closed the dorm room behind himself, Jean and Eren debated whether to chase after him again.
"You idiot! We're practically his brothers! It would be betraying him if we gave up!" Eren loudly confronted Jean.
"Give up on what exactly? If he has a problem, which he chose to NOT involve us, then he will deal with it on his own…"
"Oh my goodness, Jean, you're such an ass hat of person! Selfish, annoying and arrogant. When will you grow up?!" Eren roared again. Jean stumbled a bit- this was the first time Eren made an argument very personal. It was always a clash of ideals between them and while Eren had insulted Jean many times beforehand, it had never been this pointed towards Jean wholeheartedly.
"Me?! Grow up?! Are you even listening to yourself right now? At the moment, YOU hold the record for the brashest decisions in the history of the 104th by a longshot." Jean shot back while taking in a heavy inhale of air. Both hadn't noticed the window opening.
"You two done sucking eachothers' dicks off or what?" A feminine voice called from the relatively dark corridor leading to the bunk beds. It had been oozing sarcasm and had a familiar condescending tone.
"Y-Ymir? The hell are you doing here? Are y-"
"Shut up, Horse-face, the both of you fighting is the best fucking form of entertainment here. Well, other than Krista…" Ymir scolded with a tint of humour in her voice. "You know I had to come early for a live performance."
"Whatever… Show's over now, so go back to where you came from, Ymir." Eren emotionally spat back as his previous wroth reared its face, although he was calming down each passing second.
Ymir responded by moving out of the dark corridor and sitting on a bed of another cadet. "Unfortunately, I can't do that…" Ymir somberly reminded herself in a regretful manner; Eren could've sworn he saw Ymir's face soften a bit. "More importantly though," she filled her voice with synthetic confidence as she cleared her throat, "I came to analyse the numerous ways you both fucked up while handling the situation."
"What situation? WAIT. Do you mean-"
"Yeah, I meant that situation, who could've guessed? Certainly not you- though I thought you were smarter, Horse-face." Ymir teased and mentally applauded herself when it had the intended effect of rousing Jean; it also had the effect of causing Eren to choke on a chuckle, much to Jean's chagrin. 'Perfect, I have them were I need them." Ymir reflected.
"Tsk. Whatever. It's not like you of all people know something that we don't." Eren plainly remarked.
….
"See, that's where you're wrong, buddy." Ymir chuckled after a short but intense pause. "You don't know his past, not even what caused his tiny case of 'running to the forest to blow some steam'. Fortunately for you, I do." Ymir announced before pausing, wanting to give her announcement space and time to sink in. She carefully considered her next words, as she knew that they knew she had overheard the whole fiasco. "Obviously, dear old Gustav lost his dear mother, something only one of you can relate." Ymir was careful to have a neutral tone and made sure to have a dull voice to not fuck this up. "His mother sacrificed himself for his survival; the story behind isn't that of titan cruelty, but of human cruelty, so most likely none of you know how it feels." Ymir continued but with a rediscovered sharpness to her voice that made it clear she wasn't the type to sugar-coat events nor comfort and prepare them for what was coming next. "During The Fall, he and his mother were home alone and the rest of his family were scattered but at least their locations were known… When they were having breakfast, a killer and a few of his goons barged in a shot his mother. It her shoulder, but it fucked her whole arm up as her arm was now just hanging on by a thread-like piece of flesh." She stopped when she saw Eren gag and almost throw up while Jean looked away covered his mouth and nose. "What? Are you guys a bunch of pussies? This is the real world- titans aren't the only adversary, not even close." Ymir mocked them with an acute tone; she wanted it to be clear that their collective philosophies were extremely naïve. "You think that the world revolves around titans, and that the way to go about life is to live like cattle, run away or fight back. BUT. Sometimes- a lot of times- living like cattle, fleeing or fighting is not a solution and you have to carve out your own path." Ymir almost slapped them silly for the sheer stupidity that their arguments espouse; in retrospect, it was funny for Ymir because of how angry they made her.
"As I was saying," Ymir steered the topic back to its origin, "His mother practically lost her arm and the offenders were practically on top of them. In a stroke of love for her son, she took her son and ran away; hiding in some random-ass room whose owner or purpose I don't remember… You remember what Jean said, 'Courage something something'?" The two boys looked briefly at eachother before wordlessly nodding. "His mother had a saying: Only courage moves mountains…" Ymir looked down at her hands deep in thought as she related heavily with Gustav: his mother's words resonated so profoundly with Ymir. "And you flatly reminded him of his mother's death- not that you meant or anything… You can't begin to fathom how it must feel to be there, witnessing the event first-hand. You would shit your pants if you just saw the event!" Ymir chuckled in a dark manner as she pointed straight at Jean. "So, Farmer-boy ran away, and mind you, that's the only reason he's still alive. And that's not all- he still had a few years of enslavement he had to serve. Some nobles took him as a slave in Wall Rose. Two corpses later, and he was free. He can tell the rest but that is the most information you can extract from me." Ymir concluded.
At last, they were free to go. Jean thought about what he had heard for a brief a moment. His friend. His Brother. He hadn't told him nor Eren about this. 'Damn it… Goddamnit! Why would he keep all this secret?!' Jean internally screamed and partially covered his face with his hand. 'Doesn't he trust us?!' Jean stood up and Eren followed suit. Eren was a bit more experienced when it came to family tragedies to say the least. Disturbed, they began walking to the exit of the Dorms.
"Just where the fuck do you think you're going?!" Ymir heckled at them while blocking their path with her body. "I told you some vital information, and as you know, I am a very selfish woman… You are indebted to me." Ymir stated with a smirk. "You have to do something for me, you know, favours for favours… So both you are joining the survey corps. Correct?"
"Actually, I may j-"
"Shut up Horse-face! You don't pick and choose here. You will, at the very least, thoroughly consider joining the scouts. If you know what's good for you."
"If you threaten me, I sure as hell won't join, debt or not, but I promise I'll very carefully consider. Deal?" Jean shot back all of a sudden- the revelation regarding Gustav had certainly affected him.
"Either way, after joining the scouts, you will protect Krista. That's all. Nothing less. Nothing more. I am sure that I'm being very fair to you guys but a deal's a deal."
"Fine…" Eren sighed as a response from both of them. And so, they agreed to the deal- not that they had any other choice or chance to negotiate.
CRACK
Gustav had taken a branch off of a dwarf-sized tree with a kick, but its spikes bit into his leg causing his shins to bleed.
CRUNCH
He tried punching the mediocre bark of that same tree to mixed success; he had broken the skin on his knuckles but there was now an are of broken bark where he punched the tiny tree.
Gustav tried to slam his shoulder into the tree only for a spike to get imbedded into the skin of shoulder. He weakly grunted at the incident, too tired to formulate an actual response. He sat down on the ground and rested his head and back on the tree as he closed his eyes. 'This is it… No wonder my mother had to die to save a fuckin' pussy like me…' Gustav mumbled to himself as a tear rolled down his cheek.
An unknown amount of time had passed. Yet his position was constant. Static. Unchanging. 'Now… What the fuck are you doing here..? Get up. Get up. GET UP!' He screamed at himself and roughly wrenched himself of the soil beneath him. 'What would your mother think if she saw you? What would Jean think? What would Eren say? How would Mikasa and Armin react? How would Reiner and Bertholdt respond? What would Sasha think?' He straightened himself and sighed deeply. 'I must… I must march forward… My debts to the commander… My mother's sacrifice… The death of all my family… And my new family here. All would've been for nothin'…' He strengthened his resolve and steeled himself, his eyes glued to a makeshift dummy he had constructed. 'I owe it all to them,' the blond boy grabbed an axe which he had stolen in one of his and Sasha's heists and took to steps forward. 'And even the heartless cunt that took my mother.' Gustav dashed to dummy with the axe overhead. And, he brought it down as hard as he could. 'I'll kill 'em, that bastard, one day… One day.' He swore to himself as pulverised the dummy in front of him. His training before the fall- along with work on the farm, coupled with him continuing to train even after cadet training ends for the day is the largest reason for his current rank as the 104th second best soldier. He wasn't as tall as Bertholdt, he wasn't as bulky as Reiner, he was perhaps on par with Annie but he wasn't as crazy good as Mikasa nor was he as driven to kill the titans as much as Eren. But for him, it was okay. At the end of the day, he was nether Reiner nor Mikasa nor Bertholdt nor anyone really but himself. Despite this, he would still train as hard humanly possible and with serious intent during the day and night to improve and finally come home to thank his mother. It had gotten him so far and he wasn't going to give up now with all the hard work he had done; all the time he had invested and all the potential he hasn't yet reached.
The blond boy buried the axe into the dirt and looked at himself. Yes indeed. What would his mother think? Sure, he was now almost seventeen and he had grown a lot; his shoulders, calves and forearms were very developed and very visible and prominent- they very well may have been the strongest in the 104th, as a result of the lifestyle he led on the farm and the lifestyle he currently leads. His grip and wrist strength was unparalleled in the 104th because of his history of training and swing around hoes, pickaxes and other heavy tools all day. On the contrary… It was all shit. It was all useless if he did not stop being a coward. He sighed heavily and started training, as he usually would at nigh-
"….Gustav…?" The boy snapped his head to the direction of blank voice to see the best soldier in the 104th cadet corps. He took two steps forward but turned his face and wiped it furiously with his shirt to remove clues about the existence of his tears.
"Oh… Mikasa, congratulations for scorin' first place, I sure as hell know ya deserve it." Gustav attempted to sound jovial. But Mikasa just stared at his eyes, unfazed and inert. Gustav didn't feel unsettled or intimidated by this but he couldn't help but notice how her expression didn't soften nor harden; didn't twist nor turn and seemed to stay still like a statue.
"Congratulations on… On scoring second place, I know about the unspoken competition between you and Annie." Mikasa sincerely replied. Gustav couldn't help but smile. Sometimes, he preferred Mikasa's cold understanding over Eren's hot-headed determination. He slowly sat down on the ground and rested his back on the thick bark of the tree before gesturing for Mikasa to joinhim.
"Hey… Mikasa. I, uh, I have a question." The boy started shakily.
"Spit it out." She responded in her typical, cool manner which prompted Gustav to look her in the eye. His smile had vanished.
"What would you do if… If Eren died? Isn't he practically your brother?" Gustav wanted to make himself clear and confident when asking questions like these to someone like Mikasa.
"I'd live, Gustav. I'd live with the great memories we shared and would cherish the time… The t-time we spent together… He would be disappointed if I gave up on life after his death, after all, after my parents died, he taught me how to fight… How to live."
"Good… Good… It's. I-it's good we feel the same way. You told me how you lost your parents, and I feel we have experienced a very similar event in our childhood." Gustav reminded Mikasa so as to make it obvious that he could relate to her. "Y'know… I wouldn't wish the pain of losin' a sibling on anyone. Maybe even the bastard that took my mother." The boy spat out and yet the words he uttered weren't anything new to Mikasa as she had overheard him recounting his past to Ymir three years ago- something that still baffles him regarding how she was able to so without alerting neither him or Ymir.
"You shouldn't give up, Gustav. Your older brothers may not be dead, even if you are certain they are. They are more likely to have survived being in the military than being in Wall Rose like your brother or in Wall Maria like your sister." She scolded the boy in a way that surprised him, like she was scolding him out of concern; similar to the way she would scold Eren. But he just couldn't fully believe his older brothers had survived.
"Albert was always serious; and, he had always wanted to become an officer- like dad was. He m-most likely joined the Military Police since it would give him the most experience and he would rise rapidly through the ranks because of the very high corruption… Germann… He was almost always very playful: he would frequently sneak out to go to the nearest village to hang out with all the girls there. Knowing him, he also probably joined the Survey Corps to brag about his missions to any woman that would listen." Gustav reminisced fondly; he loved them to death. Not wanted to make him dwell too much on the fate of his siblings, Mikasa brought up an aspect about him that always grabbed his attention.
"Still can't pronounce the letter 'H', Gustav?" She tried to sound amused or happy, but her voice was still quite blank and hollow.
"WHAT?! Y'know I can pronounce it sometimes but not always." This annoyed him about himself to almost no end; why did he have the just the weirdest flaw in his speech? It resulted in him altering almost all words that had an 'H' in them and pronouncing the 'H' as either A 'G' sound or 'kh' sound. He could barely say the word help and that was because of spending hours with his father to learn how to say it correctly so his family would hear him if he got stuck in a sticky situation while working in the farm. He knew everyone knew about it so he wasn't embarrassed but it still frustrated him. "It makes me unique and I'm confident that it also makes me more attractive." The blond boy very visible puffed his chest, looked away and closed his eyes, attempting to make a comically arrogant expression. Mikasa gave a rare smile in return. He had opened his eyes to witness it and responded with a smile of his own. "Awww, you look very happy when you smile, Mikasa." Gustav compliment before giving her cheek a quick squeeze.
…..
…
'Oh shit oh fuck, I fucked up bad!' Gustav mutely scolded himself as his skin went pale- no a more accurate word would be transparent, and his eyes went deathly wide. He couldn't utter a word to save himself.
Sensing his fear, Mikasa responded with an unheard-of giggle and gestured for him to calm down.
"Don't worry, I am not Annie." Her words were curt, simple but heavy and it unveiled the obvious rivalry between the pair. "I've seen the way she talks to you, to the both of us. She calls us brutes or mutants."
"Yeah… But. Mikasa, what's the reason behind ya comin' 'ere all of a sudden?"
"I was… Concerned. You lost your temper with Sasha out of the blue- That isn't something that happens without a reason." She replied to his question with a question of hers, but her voice was much more pointed than his.
"Hey! I asked you a question first, ya should answer that before I answer your question. Simple." Gustav hoped his childish tone would deter Mikasa from pressing him for his earlier behaviour.
"Don't try to change the topic." She said with a solemn tone.
'Shit. She saw right through me! Damn it! Well… I know I can trust her but this is still a gamble.' The blond boy sighed dramatically and looked her in the eyes once more. "We were talkin' and the topic of nicknames came up; she told me to find a new nickname since Farmer-boy didn't suit me; then, I told her that Potato-girl doesn't suit her either. She wanted to know why and I told her exactly why… She didn't understand so… I don't know… I-it j-just rubbed me the wrong way and I regret raisin' my voice and attracted so much attention to such a unnecessary topic." Gustav finished with a sigh as he remembered the event. Ironically, he also remembered when he stopped an argument with Ymir over a stupid topic right before the incident.
'This is strange… Gustav doesn't have the worst temper but he seemed to act as brash as Eren in that situation,' Mikasa pondered as she stared at his bright, green eyes, looking for any reason inside of them that might have caused his sudden outburst, 'I wonder why…'. He knew he couldn't get out of that situation. So? He did something many people in the 104th Cadet Corps wouldn't even dream of.
"If ya defeat me in a spar, I'll tell ya why. Deal?" The boy offered as he extended his hand to her; she silently gripped it and stood up immediately, signalling to him that she agreed. 'Come on! I know I may not be able to win, but I sure as hell will try!' Gustav thought as furrowed his eyebrows and gave an intense face. He glared at her as they both got into their respective stances.
Mikasa didn't even provide him with enough time to think about his approach as she darted towards him. In an instant, she was on top of him. Seeing that Mikasa wasn't holding back in the slightest, he threw a punch in an attempt to take advantage of her momentum and speed to knock her off balance but she was able to duck beneath it and drill him in the stomach with her knee. She had knocked the air out of his lungs. He was barely dazed but he hadn't realised Mikasa had snuck her foot behind his before shoving backwards in an extremely rough manner. Mikasa watched on as he comically tripped and fell. Not giving him a chance to recover, she pounced on top of him and gripped the collar of his shirt.
"You lost." Mikasa was kind of disappointed; he was awarded second place, yet crumpled like a piece of pape-
Before she knew it, the boy had used his weight advantage to flip them so that he was the one who held her down. He tried to scrape and drag her across the dirt- the same thing he had done with Sasha, to hopefully make her exhaust herself while trying to break free. 'Hmph… He's trying to make this an endurance test- something he can surely win.' Mikasa reflected as the memory of his fight with Annie played before her eyes. She held on for dear life around his neck and tried to stick her body as close as possible to his.
'Shit! She's fuckin' up my mobility!' Gustav realised her plan as he saw that he could barely do any offensive move. Gustav fell back on his brutish strength; he lifted both of their bodies up and tried to perform a body slam. Right when his body was a couple of inches away from the ground, Mikasa let go and rolled out of the way, causing his body to collide with the ground. Gustav could've sworn he heard he quietly and meekly giggle and that made him much more determined to win this fight. Seldom had he even comprehended seeing or hearing Mikasa giggling, nevertheless smiling, and it was because he failing miserably at putting up a good fight. In an instant, he was off the ground and he lunged at her with a fire in his eyes; Mikasa stood death still and anticipated his next move. When she was in arms reach, she tried kicking his legs from beneath him only for Gustav to pivot where he stood and grab her arm before lugging her overhead and throwing himself, while holding her, on the ground. He had her in a guillotine headlock now, and he kicked her in the stomach violently, causing her to gasp as the air in her lungs was knocked out; he tightened his old on her neck as hard as possible and threw a punch that was aiming for her ribs. 'First hit… Second Hit… Third. Fort-'
The boy emitted a chocked sound as she used a freshly-freed hand to sock his face as hard as possible. Gustav was shocked so he brought her face up to his.
Crack.
A worrying sound was heard as Gustav's head pounded the girl's head mercilessly- he had used his thick, bony brow–ridge as a battering ram. The sound that was caused by the head-butt concerned Gustav greatly. 'Damn it! What is with hurtin' those around me?' Gustav got off the ground and went to inspect a cringing Mikasa.
"Goodness! Are ya okay, Mikasa?" Gustav hurriedly questioned while internally scolding himself for being careless.
"Y-yes… J-just… Just a b-bit dizzy, that's all." Mikasa reassured with a frown and a closed eye; she attempted to stand up. She succeeded. 'Hmph… That… Did some damage. Nothing to serious, I'm sure- that's what I get for not trying my best.' Mikasa pondered as she balance herself. "You won't tell me why then." Mikasa looked to the ground with a neutral expression. Her tone was sad nor angry, but disappointed.
"No… I'll tell ya… I trust you enough. Even if I didn't, I need to have a bit of courage either way." The boy didn't sound defeated but his eyes conveyed a different message. He motioned for her to come join him in sitting on the dirt and leaning on a tree once more.
"Mikasa… I think I might have a crush on Sasha." Gustav was quick, blunt and wishing to cast a look of certainty. Mikasa's head locked onto him as her grey eyes narrowed in an analytical manner. Her expression was unreadable, but it silently gave him the signal to continue. "I ain't know when it happened, I just've always gotten angry when a people call 'er Potato-girl or somethin' stupid and felt happy when we lootin' the pantry… I try to not show my anger to not… To not make her see how much of a coward I am. If I showed the other cadets who don't fully understand or know me my frustration without actin' on it, I'll be seen as some spineless moron."
"Then why don't you act on it?" Mikasa interrogated pointedly with a tinge of curiosity haunting her voice.
"I ain't brave enough to look people I love in the eye after breakin' some slovenly fucker's arm. But I'll change that." Mikasa didn't want to press further so as to only get truest information regarding his feelings. "But… I do know I cherish her more than anyone else; her smile is too damn contagious and precious if ya ask me."
"I think you're not really used to being this honest with yourself."
'Hmph… You're more correct than you realise, Mikasa.' Gustav sighed and relaxed his neck, allowing his head to rest against the tree. "Ya've hit the bull's-eye, Mikasa. At least I think so… Guess I'm too good at hidin' shit from everyone even if bites in the ass later on."
"Too good at hiding shit from yourself." Mikasa sternly corrected; this caused an upset in the blond boy's expression as he stared at her with a groggy look as if he had just woken up.
"No wonder Ya're number one…" Gustav complimented lazily.
"…Thanks…" Mikasa blankly replied.
"Well the night ain't young and I gotta train myself 'till I hit the ground. Care to join me?" Gustav cordially invited the raven-haired prodigy as he slapped his knees and stood up.
(Later That Night)
"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…"
Mina Karolina never really considered herself a lucky person- not at all: getting chewed out by Shadis; not getting into tenth place; having a loud-snoring bunkmate and to top it all off, not being able to sleep before the big night. 'Whatever… In the end, I'll back to Karanese a hero," the raven-haired cadet mused. She tried to motivate herself constantly and having a family back home certainly helped; even if she didn't reach the fabled top ten she at least had a decent and alivefamily- something that many cadets in the top ten and in general unfortunately lacked. Sometimes, she was grateful that she hadn't earned a place in the top ten despite that giving her the opportunity to live comfortable in the interior: maybe some cadet that had lost everything is eyeing that rank as their salvation- an achievement to make the hell the went through sort of worth it. She sighed while she lied on the mattress; for the first time in years, she was comfortable. Content. Life was looking bright now. It was a very good, lively feeling for mina: having a purpose. She turned over and closed her eyes, pushing to will herself to sleep.
"Can't sleep for shit, eh?" A voice piped up from across the dorm; Mina whipped her head around to find a freckled face surrounded by shaggy black hair.
"You too?"
"And me too."
"And me."
"Ughhhh… Shut the hell up already, I'm trying to sleep."
'All of these people are awake?' Mina thought, exhausted.
"Everyone responded besides you, Mina," the freckled girl teased, "even the big-nosed bimbo over there responded." The freckled lady seemed to have a field with everyone's reaction. The grumpy blond abruptly straightened herself and shot a deadly glare at Ymir.
"Annie… Just who are you trying to fool with that look," Ymir chortled out, "I know you're a big softie on the inside AND the outside; however, you're trying to not get attached to anyone by being as cold and bitchy as possible consciously." Ymir threw her mild stare while pointing at her; a smile causing her freckled face to crease. Annie looked she was going to pounce any second and beat the sarcasm out of he-
"Hey… Do you guys hear that?" Mina initially questioned herself, but the room suddenly started to murmur.
"Yeah, you too?" A curious yet extremely polite voice perked up.
"Sasha, for the love of god drop that fake politeness- it's killing me."
"Ymir! Calm down and try to not insult everyone, please!" The innocent voice of Krista adorably scolded.
"Maybe not everyone is such a pessimistic shit stain like you Ymir. You only notice the negative aspects but you never see the good side of people." A voice resounded throughout the room; the tone was accusatory but not condescending and it wasn't clear who possessed the voice.
'Who the hell is that? Is that Hannah?' Mina pondered. But before she could ask or reflect deeper about the voice's owner, the sound they had heard earlier returned, only louder and clearer. 'Is that…'
"Holy shit! Shadis is chasing somebody!" Ymir's announcement caused every person in the dorm to scramble to the window she was peering out of. "Who the hell is that?" Ymir spoke everyone's mind when she said that. Shadis was easy to identify because of his uniform- the same uniform that scared most recruits were scared shitless of when it's wearer approached them without a clear reason. The other person was just a silhouette that didn't hint at anything that might give away the identity of the poor soul that was fleeing.
"Well whoever it is… They're in deep shit."
"Hold on you guys… Have you seen Mikasa?" Mina's question tore everyone's attention from the two figures outside.
"… No at all really." Sasha responded after entertaining the thought briefly.
"Oh no. Do you think that-"
"No that's impossible; Mikasa wouldn't risk getting reprimanded and possibly losing her rank on the last day." Mina reassured a characteristically concerned Krista.
"Look!" Sasha pointed at the window, just in time for another silhouette to hoist the other silhouette up to a thick branch. Keith arrived shortly after the act and saw that his prey had disappeared. Vanished. He probably threw around a couple of threats to pressure the two individuals to come out of whatever spot they were hiding in. A few minutes later, Shadis slowly left. Annie glanced at the clock above the doorway that led to the hallway, which in turn led to the exit of the dorm, in a brief manner. Though there was barely any light, she identified the time as being somewhere near four in the morning.
'All Shadis has to do is question each dorm which person arrived last or didn't arrive at all. They're fucked even if they get away.' Annie thoughtfully surmised.
A solid fifteen minutes had passed before another interesting sound or sight had reached the girls in the dorm. They had gotten into their bunks but even among the sleepiest, the need for sleep had evaporated and had been replaced with an urge to find out who the two figures were.
"What if the two people weren't even cadets? I mean- what if they were just a bunch of bandits," Sasha started; she seemingly brought a whole new perspective into each cadets' mind. Where and why they are out this hour is hard to answer. If they were thieves, they could've done this heist an hour or two earlier so as to have more time till day breaks. Ymir rested her head against the thin walls of the dorm. If she got in trouble for someone else's actions, she would make sure whoever was outside would pay dear-
"This is it? Are ya sure?"
"Yes, I know my dorm."
A figure approached the window; as it got closer, the moonlight slowly revealed the figure who had been outside. Ymir was the first one to direct her attention to the window.
"Ohhhh, Mikasa. I never knew you had it in you. Being outside at this time is something only ba-"
Ymir's unnecessary remarks were cut short when Mikasa started to lightly bang on the glass of the window while giving Ymir a chilling glare. All the girls' attention were brought to the window that Ymir was conversing with- more like mocking. Sasha was the first one to gasp and be surprised that Mikasa was the one getting chased by Shadis. Then came Krista. The list of people that expressed their surprise were short for a reason: Mikasa hadn't come with them to the dorms last night and she was the most logical and likely candidate to be the one who was causing trouble outside. Still, Mikasa causing trouble would make headlines if this got out. Mina got up to open the window to ask what was wrong. After taking a couple of steps, another figure dashed to the window and stood next to Mikasa but this figure was in much worse condition. It walked up very close to the glass, revealing itself. It banged hard on the glass, disturbing the inhabitants of the dorm.
"Gustav?! The hell are y-"
"Damn Gustav, I didn't know you had any luck with women. But here you are, standing next to Mikasa after probably shaking up her internal organs-"
"SHUT UP YMIR! Can't you see the condition Gustav is in? He is probably in no shape for anything of that sort." Sasha scolded her with a fervently annoyed tone. The boy was wearing a torn shirt and regular but dirty trousers, which contrasted with Mikasa's normal state. For the first time, it sounded like Sasha was the voice of reason; this was reinforced with Krista humming in agreement.
"Why are you trying to cover up something so obvious? Are you bullshitting me? Or are you bullshitting yourself? C'mon, Sasha, tell me the truth." Ymir's smirk grew in a manic way when she noticed that Sasha, for perhaps the first time in her lifetime, gave an angry expression. Any time someone refused to give Sasha food or did something that bothered her, Sasha would give a pout or frown that was very obviously just a show for sympathy; this time, it was clear as crystal that she was pissed off. "I think I hit one hell of a nerve."
"Ymir, how 'bout ya calm the fuck down 'for ya get your arse handed to ya." Gustav warned while furrowing his eyebrows and shooting her a narrowed glare- she hadn't even realised he had crawled into the room through the window. She was about to smile and bite back but she noticed that Mikasa had also been glaring knives into her head while balling her fists. She relented and sat down on a matress before chortling at the situation.
"Wow, Sasha must be thrilled to have a bison standing up to her, eh?" Sasha, seeing red, did the unthinkable and shoved Ymir while putting a foot behind her leg. A giggle. Then, a chuckle. Soon enough,the dorm was filled with quiet laughter with the exception of Annie, Krista, Ymir, Mikasa and Gustav- even Sasha was meekly laughing at her own action. "Blondy, if you're going to keep laughing, at least don't bleed all over the floor while doing that."
'Huh?'
"Walls almighty! Gustav, you're bleeding!" Sasha gasped as she crouched down and attempted to find the source of the bleeding. Her first guess was that the source would be behind his torn, raggedy shirt; she was correct. She felt sick to the pits of her stomach when she saw the wound: it was strange and disturbing at the same time. The lad expressed discomfort when Sasha touched the wound; the wound itself were two large gashes, one below his sternum and the other just above his belly button. On instinct, Sasha tore off what was left of his shirt to get a better look at the wound.
"Woah, Sasha! Didn't think you'd cut to the chase and grab Farmer-boy's carrot this quick! And I was right, he's a bison after all, he even has the fur of a bison! Hahahaha!" Ymir was enjoying herself to much for the boy's comfort. Mina really wanted to hold in her laughter because she didn't want to embarrass Sasha further and because Ymir was acting very immature so she didn't want to bring her pleasure by having a reaction. Annie buried her face in the mattress and covered her head with her pillow; she would kill Ymir later for making this much noise at night. Not only did she prevent everyone in the dorm from sleeping, but she also ran the risk of causing Shadis to come check the dorm because of the noise. If that happened, the dorm would certainly be thoroughly screwed because of the noise for the fact that they allowed a boy to just waltz in.
"Gustav… A boar did this, correct?" Sasha hypothesised using the experience she with animals and their encounters – she was from Dauper after all.
"Yes, ya're right… How'd ya know?"
"You weren't bitten; these are tusk marks," explained the brown-haired girl while pointing at his injury, "the boar must have tried to bash you but it partially failed so it ended up cutting you with its tusks."
"Yeah, I didn't really focus on what it did: I just kept runnin' until it was over-exhausted then I swooped in to finish the job."
"Where was Mikasa during all of this?"
"Okay Sasha… I know this is goin' to make ya angry but… We raided the officers' pantry: that's why Shadis was chasin' us. Mikasa was in the pantry when it happened and she almost got away but she ain't experienced like us so she accidentally alerted Shadis."
Sasha was silent. Too silent for Sasha. Although she paused for a split second, she continued poking and prodding at his wound.
"Why don't you got to the infirmary and get help from an actual doctor." Annie perked up, much to everyone's surprise.
"And give away that I was one of the people that raided the pantry? No thanks."
"Tsk… Suit yourself, just don't stay here for too long- I don't want the dorm to smell like blood and sweat."
"Stay still, Gustav." Sasha urged with firmer voice than before.
"What are ya doin' anyway? Ain't ya su- STOP!" The blond commanded as he felt shocks of pain careening through his body: Sasha had put a fraction of her finger inside the wound to see its depth- an unofficial and grisly but mediocre technique. She repeated the process with the other gash, earning a grunt from the blond boy.
"Hmph… Relatively deep. You need to get it stitched up."
"Shiiiiit… Can ya do that?" the teenaged boy tried to plead with her but she looked reluctant. "It doesn't matter if it hurts-"
"No, it's not that… I'm just afraid to hurt you: if I screw something up, the wound may get infected and you'll-"
"Kick the bucket, I get it. It's fine I believe in ya, hon'" reassured Gustav while forming a smile.
Sasha looked down and felt a blaze coating her face.
'Why does he have to put so much faith in me? Especially when I barely put enough faith in myself…' Sasha silently steeled himself and looked up to face him, with traces of red still dusting her face.
"We…We brought a decent haul from the pantry; go look if there's alcohol or anythin' that might help ya." Gustav suggested while wincing. Mikasa took the initiative and carried a very large bag containing stolen goods.
'Huh. Didn't even spot that she had been carrying a bag when she climbed in through the window.' The girl with the pigtails reflected. Mikasa approached the duo and laid down the bag before opening it. What was inside made Sasha's mouth water.
'Damn! I need to stay focused for Gustav!' She gulped in a very weighted and heavy manner before refocusing her attention on the boy's wounds.
"Here, I brought you a needle. I really hope it helps." Krista said those words with a heartfelt tone before carefully gave Sasha the needle.
"That's Krista for you- a true goddess. Come here!" Ymir exclaimed in a loud manner and put the smaller girl in a headlock.
Mikasa put the bag in the corner of the room while tying a knot to close it.
"Okay, Tavy. Lie down and don't strain yourself." Sasha said as she readied the needle. 'Okay… He believes in you and you believe in you. I won't mess this up.' Sasha hardened her expression and steadied her hand. She got closer and felt the heat radiate off of Gustav's body. She felt butterflies deep within her but she soldiered on nevertheless.
"CADET LUTDENBERG!"
AN: Phew. The dorm scene was the hardest scene to write in this chapter, even after rewriting it three times! But it sure is relieving to finally have concluded this chapter even if I had to use a cheap cliffhanger at the end. Anyways, I hope ya enjoyed :)