Azkaban Island, North Sea
The crashing waves and angry thunder from the permanent storm magically held in place above Azkaban Island masked the "vworp, vworp" noises of the TARDIS materialising next to the bleak fortress from which the island got its name. The blue door of the traveling box opened slightly and Jack poked his head out to see if their arrival had been noticed. He looked around the barren cliff side, gave the team a brief nod, and stepped outside to get a better look at the imposing prison. Once the rest of the team were outside the TARDIS, Jack let out a low whistle as his eyes traced the lines of the black stone fortress. "The only place I've seen that is less welcoming than this monstrosity is Margaret Thatcher's bedroom," he mused. "Of course once you got past the severe tone of the room and the woman herself, things got pretty fun," he added, lost in his memories.
River reached out and put a hand over Jack's mouth. "There are some things best left unspoken, Jack," she chastised him. River looked over her shoulder and grinned a bit when she saw her millennium old lover looked like he had found a bit of Dalek in his soup as he tried and failed to get that particular image out of his head. She glanced over at the twins and they looked just as disturbed as the Doctor. When she turned her head to look back at Jack, he gave her a mischievous wink and began to pick out a path through the rough terrain to the side of the prison.
Jack slid along the edge of the prison wall until they came to the corner that connected it to the front wall of Azkaban. He was about to poke his head around the corner when the Doctor tapped him on the shoulder. The Doctor reached into his larger on the inside pocket and pulled out a small hand mirror. "Just because you always come back from the dead, doesn't mean I want to see it ever again," he told his friend.
"Thanks, Doc," Jack replied and took the offered mirror, looking down at the intricate gold and silver metalwork on the back of it. He tilted the mirror in the dim light and his eyes widened in shock when he read the small inscription near the base of the handle, "Reinette, though your heart belongs to another, you will always be my angel, Louis."
The Doctor saw the questions in Jack's eyes and shook his head sadly. "One of the ones I was too late to save," he muttered.
Jack understood the look of pain and loss in the Doctor's eyes and nodded once in understanding. He carefully held the mirror out and used it to look around the corner. With his free hand, Jack held up two fingers to indicate that he saw two wizards guarding the gate. While he was watching, a third wizard came running up to the others from inside the prison. The new wizard shouted something to the guard closest to them and then grabbed the arm of the one farthest from them. The third wizard gestured wildly in the direction of the Scotland. In an instant, the guard farthest from them and the new wizard dissolved into puffs of oily black smoke and raced across the sea towards Hogwarts. They were followed a heartbeat later by a large swarm of similar black streaks of smoke flying out of the fortress. The Doctor, River, and the twins were able to see the Death Eaters as the evil swarm angled off towards the coast.
Jack handed the mirror back to the Doctor and smiled at their team. "Looks like Harry and the others created the distraction we were hoping for," he stated. "They only left one Death Eater guarding the front gate," he told them. Jack smiled a wicked smile and pulled out his sonic pistol.
River reached over and pushed Jack's gun hand down. "If you miss, he'll set off the alarm," she warned him. "I've got this one," she assured him. River took out a flask of firewhiskey from her jacket pocket. She opened the top, took a long swig of the potent alcohol and swished it around her mouth before spitting it out. She put the flask away and pulled out a gold lipstick tube. Winking at the Doctor, River twisted the tube and put a modest amount on her lips. The tube went back into her pocket with one hand while she messed up her hair with the other. Her final adjustment was undoing one more button of her blouse to show off more of her perfect cleavage. She reached into her right boot and pulled out her old wand. "Be back in a moment, boys," she told her teammates confidently. She held up her wand and apparated in a flash of light.
The Doctor pushed Jack aside and they both used the hand mirror to look around the corner. River appeared in a flash of light just a few feet away from the lone Death Eater guarding the front of the prison. He instantly pointed his wand at the intruder, but lowered it with a bemused smile when River staggered, swayed, and looked around with a dreamy expression. "This isn't my bedroom," she complained in the loud voice drunks always seem to use. She turned her head to look at the Death Eater and squinted a few times as if she was having a hard time focusing. "Maybe this is better," she stated, still swaying. She straightened up a bit, brushed her hair back with her wand, and gave the guard a lustful smile. "Hello, handsome!" she called out. She staggered forward and grabbed the guard by the front of his robe. "Not my bedroom, but that's OK," she told him. Before the bemused guard could react, River pulled him forward and kissed him on the lips.
As soon as River counted to five, she broke off the kiss and wiped her mouth furiously with a white handkerchief. "Blech!" she moaned before redirecting her attention to the guard. She crooked her finger and made a following gesture. "You're very tired and I know the perfect place for you to nap," she told him warmly. River led the enthralled Death Eater to where her team waited. Right before they rounded the corner, River pointed to a spot between two boulders. "Lay down there for the next six hours or until I tell you to wake up," she commanded. The Death Eater followed her orders and laid down, completely ignoring the four men watching in amusement.
River shuddered a moment and then used the handkerchief to wipe away the last traces of the hypnotic lipstick. "Pardon me boys, but I have to get the taste of that vile wizard off my lips," she apologized before grabbing the Doctor and giving him a snog to remember. When she let go of the Doctor, she fanned herself with her hand. "I'm glad you and I have been practicing," she told him, referring to his and Hermione's blossoming relationship.
The Doctor replied by taking her hand and pulling her to him. He pressed his lips against her ear and whispered, "Lipstick or no, you'll always be hypnotic to me."
River took in a deep breath and fought down her urge to drag the Doctor off and show him exactly how she felt about the man she loved. She shivered a bit as she finally regained control of her hormones. "Come on, let's get Prof. McGonagall out of this hell hole," she forced herself to say. River turned and led the Doctor towards the now unguarded gate.
Jack took advantage of the sexually charged atmosphere and cranked up his pheromone production. He put a hand on each of the twins' arms as they started to follow River. "When we get done with this, I'm taking you guys out for a drink," he promised.
Fred and George shared a brief look and then both broke out in big grins. "You're on, Captain," they said in unison.
River led the Doctor and the others to the small entry alcove at the front of the prison. The main door was set back into the stone a couple of meters. The door itself was made out of stout looking oak. There was no visible lock or handle on their side of the door. River frowned in thought as she looked at the door. "I doubt a simple 'Alahamora' spell will work on this door," she muttered to herself.
Fred and George had heard from Tonks about the Doctor's "magic wand" and the feats he had pulled off with it. George nudged the Doctor and pointed towards the door. "All right, Doctor, have at it with your wand," Fred suggested. The Doctor frowned in embarrassment when Jack and River started giggling. Fred looked confused and asked, "What? What's so funny?" Jack stepped next to the twins and whispered something, gesturing towards the door. The twins started chortling when Jack finished what he was saying.
The Doctor pouted for a moment and then tried to glare at Jack and River. "One of these days I'll figure out a way to make my screwdriver work on wood, but today we have more pressing matters to deal with," he reminded them.
Jack got his mirth under control and pointed his sonic pistol at the door. "A locked door isn't a problem if it isn't there anymore," he said smugly. He was about to fire, but River stepped in front of him.
"Jack, one thing that most prisons have in common is that the doors and windows are usually alarmed," she stated, drawing on her vast experience with prison security systems. "I would be very surprised if this one didn't have some noisy and rather lethal ones set up just in case the front door to the prison holding Great Britain's worst magical criminals was tampered with," she told him patiently.
Jack lowered his gun in disappointment. He was beginning to wonder if River was going to let him shoot anything that day. "Well, what do you suggest?" he asked tersely.
River smiled at Jack, put her hands on his shoulders, and turned him 90 degrees so that he was facing the alcove wall. "In my experience, I've found that the stronger the prison walls, the less likely they are to be alarmed," she stated. "These stone walls look rather strong to me," she pointed out.
Jack dipped his head in River's direction. "I bow to your expertise, Doctor Song," he told her before firing his sonic pistol at the wall. A rectangular hole two meters by one meter suddenly appeared in the thick stone walls.
They all stood still for a moment listening for any alarms. When none came, George tapped River on the shoulder. "Just out of curiosity, how often do you break into prisons?" he asked her.
River flashed him a smile and shrugged her shoulders. "Two or three times a week, depending on how bored I get," she replied. The twins looked at each other in confusion. Neither could imagine the Hermione they knew doing something like that. They both looked thoughtful for a moment as they realized the Hermione they knew now was very different than the rule worshipping, type A bookworm they had met when they were 2nd year students. Her friendship with Harry, Ron, and even the two of them had put her on the road to becoming a very different woman long before the Doctor had shown up.
River read the twins' expressions correctly and grinned even more before gesturing towards the open hole in the wall. "Let's get moving, boys," she suggested. She bit her lip so she wouldn't let slip a spoiler or two slip about how much their lives would change in the future.
Once everyone was inside, Jack switched settings on his pistol and repaired the hole he had put in the wall. They all stepped quietly out into a hallway that was much longer than the exterior walls could fit. The front door was in the middle of the long hall. Jack looked first left and then right. Both ways looked the same to him. "Any ideas on how we should start looking for Prof. McGonagall?" he inquired.
"As a matter of fact, I do," River replied while pulling out her pocket super-computer. She used its touch screen and low level psychic interface to find the program she had set up. A low pitched warble indicate the stone walls were making it difficult to get accurate readings. She held out her computer at arm's length and said, "Sweetie, I need you to sonic me."
The twins chortled with sophomoric mirth at her request. A small smile tugged at the corners of River's mouth as she thought about what she had said. Her smile became sultry as she turned to look at the twins. "Not that it's any of your business, but I'll have you know the Doctor's sonicced me many, many times and each time it was wonderful," she informed them. She watched the Doctor get flustered out of the corner of her eye.
The Doctor pointed an accusing finger at River. "You're getting as bad as Jack," he told her.
"Well, I did learn from the best," River replied, bowing slightly to Jack who responded with a bow and flourish of his own.
The Doctor snapped his fingers impatiently, wanting to change the subject. "Hand it over," he demanded.
"Of course, dear," River replied, her voice implying she was completely innocent. The Doctor took her computer, put the end of his sonic screwdriver next to screen, and boosted the scanner signal strength by 400%. He handed the computer back to River, trying to keep his glare steady. The slight crinkle at the corner of his eyes and lips told River he couldn't stay mad at her.
Jack stepped up behind River and looked over her shoulder at the computer. When he had been at the Time Agency Academy, he had owned a similar computer, but he had only used his for video games. "What are you scanning for?" he wondered aloud.
"Do to the extra engineering required to create an animagus, their DNA is slightly different from a normal wizard or witch," she lectured, falling back into old habits. "I'll just scan for human DNA with just a touch of feline DNA," she stated as if it should have been obvious to everyone. "I've never heard of any other living feline animagus other than Prof. McGonagall," she said.
The Doctor looked down at the floor as his mind raced over what River had said. He raised his head and looked River in the eyes. "I'm sorry, did you just say that the animagus ability was engineered? As in artificially created?" he asked for clarification.
The twins bit back a chuckle when River rolled her eyes like they had seen Hermione do a hundred times before. "Of course it's artificially created," she replied. "Just like the ability to use magic," she sighed. The quiet that followed her statement made River look up from the computer screen. "Oops... I forgot you lot haven't gotten to that bit yet, sorry," she apologized. When she saw the doctor was going to ask a question, she put a finger on his lips to silence him. "Shhh... spoilers," she warned. Her computer beeped twice, drawing her attention back to it. River turned around slowly in a complete circle before speaking. "10 meters down and 120 meters that way," she stated, pointing down as well as towards the center of the prison. "Let's go find the stairs," she said, taking charge of the group. She led them down the hallway to their right.
River led the group through the maze like halls of the prison, frequently taking readings from her computer. They were slowly winding their way towards the center of the fortress. When ever they would get to an intersection, they would use the Doctor's hand mirror to look around the corner. The few roving guards they had encountered were dropped with either a well place stun blast from Jack or River or a stunning spell from one of the twins. Eventually, they reached a large doorway that was guarded by three Death Eaters.
"I think we found the stairway," River whispered to the the others as she quietly withdrew the mirror from around the corner. "These three look like they might have been part of the original prison staff," she stated. "They're wearing dragon skin armor," she told them. The twins at first looked crestfallen and then thoughtful as they put their heads together and whispered furiously.
"Let me guess, dragon skin armor is a bad thing for us," the Doctor said.
River nodded her head. "Dragon skin is impervious to hexes," she explained. "I've never tried stunning a dragon, so I don't know if the armor will protect them from our sonic pistols," she told him. "Even if it doesn't, Jack and I can only shoot one person each. That leaves one free to sound the alarm," she summarized.
"Then we won't use either to knock them out," Fred said happily.
"We have a much more... sophisticated way of handling this," George assured River. He pulled a small figurine out of his pocket and placed it on the floor. A tap from his brother's wand caused the three inch figurine to grow to be about three feet tall.
Jack tiled his head back and forth as he studied what the twins had created. Standing in front of him, looking around the hallway with the largest, most innocent eyes he could imagine was a gray and brown rabbit standing on its hind feet. The rabbit was dressed in a pair of trousers with a hole cut out of the seat to allow its white cotton ball tail to stick through. Over his shoulders the rabbit wore a plain black robe. Its nose twitched a few times and one long ear drooped slightly, making the rabbit look even more adorable. The others looked on in confusion as George whispered something to the rabbit. The rabbit saluted the twins and then waddled off towards the three Death Eaters guarding the stairs.
As soon as the rabbit entered the small room where the three guards were, he was noticed instantly. It was only the ridiculously high level of cuteness displayed by the newcomer that kept the Death Eaters from blasting it into oblivion as it waddled towards them. The rabbit stopped a meter in front of the guards and gave them a shy wave of greeting with it's small, soft paw. The guard in the middle waved back involuntarily. He slowly pulled his hand back down when he saw his fellows were smirking at his childish response.
The rabbit tilted its head up slightly and looked around the room in apparent awe. It kept its head up as it slowly turned around, looking at everything. As soon as the rabbit's back was towards the three guards, it bent over at the waist, flipped the back hem of its robe up, and let loose was a loud thppprrrrrttttt noise from its backside. The amount of gas coming from the rabbit made its robe flap and tail quiver in the sudden, warm breeze. Almost as one, the three guards' eyes rolled back in their heads and they fell to the floor unconscious. The rabbit turned back towards the hallway from where it had come and gave its creators a thumbs up sign before fading out of existence.
River turned around around and stared in annoyance at the fit of giggles that had suddenly seized Jack and the twins. The Doctor was biting his lip to keep from joining them. Eventually, Jack was able to speak. He wiped a tear of laughter from his eye and clapped the twins on their shoulders. "Trojan rabbit... I love it!" he exclaimed.
River rolled her eyes and muttered a disgusted, "Boys!" She started to walk off towards to the entry to the stairs, but she was stopped by George grabbing her arm.
George pulled out a second box from his pocket and placed it down on the ground. Fred tapped the box with his wand, and the box grew to its normal size. George let go of River's arm and opened up the box, showing that it contained four WWII era gas masks. "Trust us on this one," he said, reaching for one of the gas masks.
River and Fred each grabbed a gas mask before Jack started to reach for one. When it registered to him that there was only one left, he drew his hand back. He looked up the Doctor. "You take it," he offered.
The Doctor responded by pointing his sonic screwdriver at the three slumbering guards. When he was done taking a reading, he flicked his wrist to look at the readout. "High levels of sulfur and methane mixed with some other traces compounds," he read aloud. The Doctor flicked his wrist again and the screwdriver closed. "Well within the tolerable range for anything that evolved on Gallifrey," he informed Jack.
"Suit yourself," Jack replied and grabbed the last gas mask. As soon as he had it in place, Jack looked over at the Doctor and asked, "Are you my mummy?" That earned him a small grin from the Doctor at the inside joke.
The Doctor led the others towards the stairway, but stopped where the rabbit had been standing. His eyes were watering and he made the mistake of opening his mouth to say something. "Oh... oh... Vortex!" the Doctor exclaimed. "I can taste it," he sputtered, fighting the urge to wretch. He rushed forwards and threw open the door leading to the stairs. River was right behind them, but Jack and the twins were a little slower due to a new bought of the giggles.
River, Jack, and the twins waited until they had walked down three flights of stairs and reached the bottom before removing their gas masks. Once removed, the masks shrunk back down and George put the now much smaller masks in his pocket. They walked in silence down the dim, underground passage until they reached a plain door with an antique metal lock.
The Doctor hardly broke stride as he blasted the ancient lock with compressed sonic energy, opening it. He threw open the door, but stopped suddenly as he looked over the edge of a huge drop off. The room in front of him had a central pillar with a single door in it facing them. The floor was so far below them, it was hidden in the darkness.
River edged up next to the Doctor and pulled out a chemlight from a pocket. She snapped the plastic, shook the tube, and tossed the light over the edge. She and the Doctor both leaned away from the edge when the light was swallowed up by a combination of darkness and distance. River used her arm to push the Doctor gently back into the passage.
As River ran her hand over the door frame and surrounding wall, Jack stepped up next to the Doctor. "How far down does it go?" he inquired.
River answered for the Doctor as she continued what she was doing. "Forever, I think." she replied. "I remembered reading in one of the history books from Sirius' library about an insane wizard who created a magical singularity just to see if he could," she told him. "I'm pretty sure we just found where the magical community ended up storing what he created," she mused. "Ah... ha!" she exclaimed as she found the hidden catch she was looking for. A slender bridge with chain handrails on either side flared into existence. She looked back over the edge into the magical black hole and nodded towards the Doctor. "After you, my love," she suggested.
The Doctor led the group across the bridge at a snail's pace. Of all the races and species in the Universe, none knew the dangers of a singularity better than a Time Lord. They had invented black holes after all. When they were all safely on the small platform surrounding the center pillar, the Doctor looked at the plain wood door. There was no sign of a lock, only a simple doorknob. It suddenly dawned on him that the door needed no lock. Only someone from the other side of the chasm could activate the bridge. If the poor sod imprisoned in this cell tried to leave, they would be trapped in the event horizon of an artificial black hole. With a shrug of his shoulders, the Doctor opened the door and strode into the cell.
Prof. Mcgonagall had been resting fitfully and jerked upright when the door to her cell opened. To her surprise, the Doctor walked in with a smile on his face. He was followed by a woman who looked to be in her late thirties to early forties. After a moment, McGonagall recognized the frizzy hair and the flash of a brilliant mind behind the pretty brown eyes. "Hermione?!" McGonagall stammered.
River smiled at her mentor and friend. "Hello, Professor," she replied.
Prof. McGonagall adjusted her spectacles in a nervous gesture. "Merlin's beard... how long have I been in here?" she swore.
River knelt next McGonagall and took her hands. "Only a few days," she replied. "I'm a future version of Hermione," she explained. "And please... call me River," she requested. River glanced over her shoulder and smiled at the Doctor. "There's only one person who calls me Hermione at this point in my Timestream," she said.
The Doctor scooted to the side to allow the twins into the small cell. They rushed forward and hugged one of the very few people who had been able to teach them anything about being responsible. MCGonagall hugged them each in turn and then looked up when someone coughed politely from the doorway. McGonagall's eyes widen as she stood up and looked at the man standing in the doorway. The man was wearing a vintage WWII RAF overcoat.
McGonagall regained her composure and nodded in greeting to Jack. There was a small smile on her lips as she said, "Captain Harkness, this is becoming something of a habit for you."
Jack returned her smile with one of his own. "I'm not sure twice in 50 years can be called a habit, Minerva," he replied playfully. He stepped forwards and McGonagall greeted her old friend with a hug.