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Chapter 11
After walking almost an hour, Dally leads me up the walk into a small trailer just on the edge of town, nestled back from the pond. If you didn't know it was here, you'd miss it for sure. Dally takes a set of keys from his jacket pocket and unlocks the door, motioning me to walk in. I step into the surprisingly clean trailer and Dally puts my bags on a nice looking couch. "You'll stay here until you get your head on straight."
"Is this your place?"
He shrugs, going to the fridge and getting a beer before flopping in the recliner. "Yup. Wont it off Buck on a bed once. Used to be his hide out when the cops where hunting him down. I don't stay here much."
I sit on the couch and look around. It's not big and you can tell there isn't much here, but it would do to stay overnight. "I'm leaving in the morning Dally."
Dally just watches me over the edge of his beer can for a moment before shaking his head. A serious look on his face. "You'll stay here until you know for sure what you want. I'm not letting you run kid might as well start deciding what you want."
"I'm not running."
He glares. "Like hell you aren't. What about Johnny? He needs you just as much as he needs the rest of us. Maybe even more than the rest of us. Or Darry? He loves you kid and you love him."
"Oh he loves me? Yeah right when shit's blue! Didn't seem to me like he loves me when he was yelling about the stranger living in his house to me Dallas!"
He crushes the beer can and tosses it into a bin behind him, leaning his elbows on his knees and studying me. "He brought you in and gave you a room. Not the couch, a room. He talked to you, actually talked to you. He doesn't do that with anyone else. He let you make that room your own, making it a more permanent stay. You cared for him and his brother, hell for all of us. Found a job to help him pay the bills. Kid that's love."
I look away, not being able to form it in my mind. I can't love Darry. "If I love him I can't leave. I….Dally I can't. I won't. I'm leaving tomorrow morning."
I hear his deep sigh before the couch dips beside me and an arm goes around my shoulders. I hadn't even realized I'd been silently crying until Dally's shirt was soaked with my tears. I pull away embarrassed. "I'm sorry."
He shrugs, taking off the jacket and shirt before patting my shoulder. "Don't worry about it." He's quiet for a minute before he motions to my guitar. "Sing somethin'."
"Like?"
He gives me a patient look. "What do you feel like inside kid?"
I stop and just look at him. Yes he'd heard me sing a few times, but he's never asked me to sing, and never has anyone asked me to pick a song to fit my feelings. One that speaks for me what I can't myself. I always just pick one I'm in the mood for. This time is different. Dally is asking me to sing a song that will open me up completely for him as well as myself. With a shaky breath, I pull up my guitar and tune it for a song. What song I wasn't sure of yet. "Dally I…"
"Take your time. We've got all the time in the world kid."
I'm not sure what brought Dallas Winston of all people to help me. Maybe he felt sorry for the homeless kid living on what she can find. Maybe he sees me as a friend. Maybe he feels sorry for me. I'm not sure if I'll ever find out, but I'm glad I have this. Whatever it is.
As I think over the songs I know, I can't help but look out of the corner of my eye at Dally. He's waiting patiently, looking comfortably on his end of the couch. He reminds me a lot of dad. Never really telling me how I feel, just telling me to let it all out. Even if he never knew what the jumbled mess meant, I always seemed to work it out after getting it all out in the open. It seemed easier to work it out as I told him all about it then try to work it out in my head. Like it was out in front of me in the open space, it had more room to spread out for me to go through. Crazy I know.
I shift my quitar into place and look at my hands as I play, pictures of the past flashing into my mind.
'Maybe it's the things I say
Maybe I should think before I speak
But I thought that I knew enough
To know myself and do what's right for me
And these walls I'm buildin' now
You used to bring 'em down
And the tears I'm cryin' out
You used to wipe away
I thought you said it was easy
Listenin' to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breakin' apart?
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't make me have to choose between
What I want and what you think I need
'Cause I'll always be your little girl
But even little girls have got to dream
Now it all feels like a fight
You were always on my side
And though lonely I feel now
You used to make it go away
I thought you said it was easy
Listenin' to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breaking apart?
Don't wanna be torn
Why is all this so confusing
Complicated and consuming?
Why does all this make me angry
I wanna go back to being happy
The tears I'm crying out
You used to wipe away, yeah
I thought you said it was easy
Listenin' to your heart
I thought you said I'd be okay
So why am I breakin' apart?
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn
Don't wanna be torn'
I smile as I end the song, tears running down my cheeks. I lift my face, eyes closed and a smile on my lips.