Living in a World of Lies
"So you hold on to your wish. And that last night, yes, my wish was to save Katniss. But even without knowing about the rebels, it didn't feel right. Everything was too complicated. I found myself regretting I hadn't run off with her earlier in the day, as she suggested. But there was no getting out of it at that point," I continue.
"You were too caught up in Beetee's plan to electrify the salt lake," remarks Caesar.
I feel anger simmer in my veins. I bite my lip in order to fully fledge out my frustrations. "Too busy playing allies with the others. I should have never let them separate us! That's when I lost her," I exclaim.
I'll play out the romance angle. I'm using Katniss, in the same way she used me, but only this time, I'm doing it for her own good, not for me.
Caesar adds, "When you stayed at the lightning tree, and she and Johanna Mason took the coil of wire down to the water."
"I didn't want to," I retort, face turning red with anger, from both his perception on the Games and the fact that I, after all these years, was still a pawn. "But I couldn't argue with Beetee without indicating we were about to break away from the alliance." I glanced at the camera, wondering if Beetee was watching this, what his reaction would be. "When that wire was cut, everything just went insane. I can only remember bits and pieces. Trying to find her. Watching Brutus kill Chaff. Killing Brutus myself. I know she was calling my name. Then the lightning bolt hit the tree, and the force field around the arena…blew out."
"Katniss blew it out, Peeta. You've seen the footage," Caesar comments, as if I didn't know, as if I were a thickheaded five-year old.
"She didn't know what she was doing. None of us could follow Beetee's plan. You can see her trying to figure out what to do with that wire."
"All right. It just looks suspicious. As if she was part of the rebels' plan all along."
The anger already quelled within me beings to boil. Caesar – he knew nothing. He never had to watch his neighbors die year after year, be forced out of his home, watch both allies and enemies of his die, be honored for killing, and be having to forced into this bullshit entertainment game again, with an even less likelihood of surviving.
He was ignorant, and it infuriated me.
I stood up, squinted my eyes, and leaned towards him, so my hands were on the arms of his chair.
"Really? And was it part of her plan for Johanna to nearly kill her? For that electric shock to paralyze her? To trigger the bombing?"
I'm now at a full-fledged yell.
I continue, "She didn't know, Caesar! Neither of us knew anything except that we were trying to keep each other alive!"
He rests his hand on my chest for a moment and calmly replies, "Okay, Peeta, I believe you."
I want to carry on with my screaming. It's not enough. You don't believe me; you just don't want to look bad on television, and because my screaming's not the sort of entertainment you'd want to watch.
I take a deep breath and mutter, "Okay."
Sitting back in my chair, I ruffle my nicely styled hair. I can practically hear the distraught gasps coming from my stylists in the sidelines.
Caesar waits, as if he was an eagle observing his prey. "What about your mentor, Haymitch Abernathy?"
"Do you want to bullshit on him too, Caesar?" I murmur quietly so only I can hear.
"I don't know what Haymitch knew."
Caesar raises his eyebrows slightly. "Could he have been part of the conspiracy?"
"He never mentioned it."
He urges me on. "What does your heart tell you?"
"That I shouldn't have trusted him. That's all."
Haymitch – my mentor for several years, I can't bear to think of how he would've responded to my answer. Perhaps he would've been mad, disappointed, or even, he might've expected it. We, Katniss and I, were unknowingly his pawns as well. He and Katniss promised not to lie to me anymore, to not hide anything, but he did. He played with us to get what he might've thought was for the better of Panem. He had some repercussions, of course.
"We can stop now if you want," Caesar tells me, patting my shoulder. He must've seen the way my teeth clenched, my eyebrows scrunched, and my eyes slightly narrowed.
"Was there more to discuss?"
"I was going to ask your thoughts on the war, but if you're too upset…" he starts.
"Oh, I'm not too upset to answer that," I say, taking a good look at the camera. "I want everyone watching – whether you're on the Capitol or the rebel side – to stop for a moment and think about what this war could mean. For human beings. We almost went extinct fighting one another before. Now our numbers are even fewer. Our conditions more tenuous. Is this really what we want to do? Kill ourselves off completely? In the hopes that – what? Some decent species will inherit the smoing remains of the earth?"
I nearly scoff at his reaction.
"I don't really…I'm not sure if I'm following…" Caesar stammers out.
"We can't fight one another, Caesar," I clarify. "There won't be enough of us left to keep going. If everybody doesn't lay down their weapons – and I mean, as if in very soon – it's all over, anyway."
"So…you're calling for a cease-fire?" he questions.
"Yes. I'm calling for a cease-fire. Now why don't we ask the guards to take me back to my quarters so I can build another hundred card houses?"
He turns to the camera. "All right. I think that wraps it up. So back to our regularly scheduled programming."
The pit begins to play, and I see Snow in the sidelines squint at me. He makes a signal for me to talk to him.
I begrudgingly comply.
A/N: Okay, so this heavily quoted section ends here! There will be a few more – with Caesar and Peeta's other interviews, but that's it for now, I believe. I'm really sorry for the late update, but hopefully in the future I'll be updating on at least a weekly basis. Also, as a reminder, I changed my url to lesterful; information is on my profile. Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a great day!