Trina woke up with a start. She looked around the dark room and allowed her senses to take everything in, including the warm body sleeping next to hers. Reality returned and she felt tears in her eyes as she laid back down, rubbing the tears out of her eyes. It was a nightmare she had since she was a child. She was alone in the dark, walking forward, looking for her parents, but she couldn't find them. What she did find were red eyes from under what looked to be the dark silhouette of a bed and a menacing growl that kept getting louder and closer until she did wake up in bed, usually screaming for her mother to come to rescue her. Portia would always appear in the doorway each and every time, ready to comfort her daughter back to sleep.
But Portia wasn't there this time. Neither was her father.
"Baby? Are you ok?" A sleepy voice spoke up from beside her, pulling her from her hurried realizations.
"Um..it was a nightmare...one I've had since I was a child, but I'm okay," Trina swallowed down the urge to cry, wanting to be the adult that she was, not the scared little girl of her past.
She felt the bed move as Spencer pulled himself up into a sitting position, then she felt his strong arms wrap around her, pulling her close to his chest. His hands rubbed her back in a gentle circular motion. "Poor baby, want to talk about it?" His voice was gentle and full of sympathy and love, making her relax and feel safe.
"It's kind of stupid," Trina wrapped her arms around his torso, cuddling as close as she could, wanting more of the warmth from his body.
"Nothing about you is stupid, baby. Don't say that. If you're having a nightmare, something must be bothering you. Maybe I can help if you talk about it."
"I don't know what could be bothering me for this nightmare to come around. I've had it since I was a child."
"A reoccurring one, huh?"
Trina simply nodded, not knowing what else to say.
"I have a reoccurring one. When I'm feeling really stressed out, or anxious...I dream of the night my face got disfigured in a fire."
Trina frowned and sat up to look at him. "What? When did that happen? There's not even a scar…"
"I know. I'm all healed now, but back when I was a child...there was a fire and it disfigured my face. I was walking around with a mask to cover it, kind of like a phantom of the opera style. Anyway, in the dream, I'm in pain, alone, scared, wanting my daddy...but he never comes, even though back then he did and carried me to safety, but in the nightmare he doesn't."
"Oh Spence, I'm so sorry," Trina felt tears in her eyes, hating the thought of her husband feeling alone and scared like that.
"I only have it when I'm anxious or under a lot of stress. My therapist said that the best thing to do was avoid high-stress situations or work on lowering the stress levels so the nightmares would cease. She was right. They did."
"Hmm...but I'm not in any high-stress situations. I am totally and completely happy with my life. Nothing is bothering me…"
Spencer frowned, already seeing what the problem could be, and concerned that Trina didn't...or was pretending that she didn't. "Trina...what was your nightmare about, sweetie?"
Trina sighed, not wanting to go through it, but Spencer had shared his. It was only fair that she shared hers as well. "It's dark. There's a monster under my bed and its growls get louder and louder and louder until I wake up."
"What usually happens when you wake up?"
"My mother appears in my doorway to comfort me each and every time. Even when I wasn't a kid anymore, she'd come and stay with me until I fell back to sleep. I kind of miss that, you know? We used to be so close, but now...everything is so different now," Trina sighed, her voice edged with obvious sadness. It was clear that she missed her mother and the bond that they used to share.
Spencer kissed the top of her head. "Maybe that's it. Things still aren't right with your mother and it's manifesting in the return of the nightmare."
Trina pulled away and looked at him with skeptical eyes. "What makes you say that?"
"Because the nightmare is something that she usually comforts you over. Maybe your subconscious thinks that if you have the nightmare, your mom will be there and everything will be fine between you again."
"But that's silly."
"Not really. Not when you really think about it."
"Great," Trina sighed, leaning against his chest again.
"Trina, my love, my queen...don't be mad at me," Spencer pleaded.
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"Because...I'm about to suggest something that you may not want to do, but it may be time for it anyway…"
"Spencer…"
"I think it's time to talk to your mom. It's been months now and I can tell that this rift between you is hurting you. It's hurting you so much, an old childhood nightmare has made a comeback. I know that I have some nerve suggesting this, with all that's going on with my father...but if he was here...I'd want to try to make things right. But he's not, so I can't. But your mom is at your fingertips, sweetie. You can reach out and talk to her at any time."
"And you think I should do so?"
Spencer nodded. "I do."
"I...I don't know what to say to her, or how to start."
"Just listen to the feelings that are in your heart. They've never steered me wrong before, so I know they'd put you on the right path as well."
Trina laughed. "Well, you have a point there."
"See, all that Queenly wisdom is rubbing off on me," Spencer gave a proud smile.
Trina just giggled, which was interrupted by a loud yawn. "I'll talk to her...tomorrow...or the next day...soon. Can you come with me?"
"If you want me to...even though she hates me."
"She needs to get used to seeing us together. So she knows for sure that we're a unit. You avoiding her will not help her see that."
"I know, I know. If you need me, I'll be there. Just tell me when."
Trina just gave a sleepy smile. "You are my hero, Spencer. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here with me."
He stroked her hair and smiled, his heart full of love for the woman in his arms. "You'll never have to find that out, my lovely girl."
The soft sounds of her breathing were the only answer he got since she had fallen back to sleep, her head comfortably pillowed on his chest. Carefully, he lowered them both onto the mattress so that he was laying on his back, but kept her cuddled close to his body, not wanting to disturb her now peaceful sleep. After ten minutes of just watching her, Spencer fell asleep as well, this time for the rest of the night.
…..
Portia was just finishing off her late morning rounds. For the past few months, she had been trying to keep herself busy, trying not to think of Trina and Curtis. Well...at least that was until a few days ago when Curtis had shown up talking about taking the Tuscany trip after all, wanting to see if the honeymoon would help heal the rift in their barely new marriage. She had yet to hear from Trina though, even though both Curtis and Taggert had seen her and claimed that she seemed relaxed and happy in her new marriage. It almost made her jealous, that the two men had seen and talked to her daughter upon her return from her honeymoon, yet Portia hadn't heard a word. Of course, they weren't the ones that bore the brunt of Trina's anger. To Trina, Taggert and Curtis were also victims of her lies. Which was the truth. They were. The only person at fault was Portia. It was an anger that she deserved, even though it didn't make it easy to accept.
Glancing at her watch and looking at her chart one last time, Portia decided that it was time for a break. She'll just head to the cafeteria and grab a coffee and a snack and try not to think too much about the mess her relationships were in at the moment.
Going into her office, she put away her file and was grabbing her purse, when she turned around to see Trina and Spencer in the doorway, both looking like they rather be anywhere else but there.
"Trina?" Portia frowned. She had not been expecting this. She had thought it'd be a good while before her daughter would search her out.
"Mom," Trina simply stated, as she stood there with Spencer's hand in hers. "I need to talk to you. Do you have time?"
Portia blinked in surprise, but eagerly nodded, not daring to refuse this opportunity. "Of course. I'll always have time to talk to you, sweetie. I was just about to head to the cafeteria. Would you...and Spencer like to join me?"
Trina could tell by Portia's tight smile as she included Spencer's name that her mother didn't really welcome him, but was doing so for her benefit. "This won't take long…"
"Um, Trina. I just saw Esme with Nikolai when we came in. I should probably go check up on what's with him…," Spencer interjected, feeling not only out of place but concerned. He hadn't expected to see his brother here when he and Trina showed up, but now that he had, he couldn't stop worrying.
Trina pursed her lips but then nodded. She knew he would stay if she really needed him, but she didn't really. She just wanted to make a united stand where her mother was concerned. "Go ahead and check on your brother. I guess we'll be in the cafeteria when you're done."
"I'll come with if you really need me…"
"I know. But go. Make sure that it's not serious," She kissed him before releasing his hand.
"Mrs. Ashford," Spencer nodded his head before leaving.
"Ok, we can talk in the cafeteria," Trina sighed, not knowing how any of this was going to go. But Spencer was right. She couldn't keep her mother at arm's length forever.
Portia smiled as she grabbed her purse and lead the way to the hospital's cafeteria, where she ordered a coffee and a salad for herself and a tea and bagel for Trina. The two women walked outside on the patio portion of the hospital's cafeteria and took a seat at one of the tables.
"So, this is a pleasant surprise," Portia smiled, happy to have this time with her estranged daughter. "So, how have you been? How was Paris?"
"Paris was everything I had ever dreamed it would be and more. We saw The Eiffel Tower, The Louvre. Some palaces. I went to the Moulin Rouge and saw Monet's house and garden. We did all kinds of stuff there. It was fun. Spencer and I are having all of our pictures organized and placed in an album and on a Blu-ray so we can share them with everyone properly."
"That sounds nice. Are you settling into your new home okay?"
Trina eagerly nodded. "Yes. I love it there. There's just something about that house that draws you in. I remember when Aunt Gia told me that she believes that houses have memories and you can sense them sometimes. I think I sensed something about that house. Spencer's grandmother said that she had the same experience. That it's a house for a family to live in."
"And you and Spencer are planning a family?"
Trina sighed and nodded her head, not sure how much she should share with her mother. She hated this, she really did. There was a time when she would open up to her mother, no questions asked. But now...there was a wall there that she was trying to take down, but it was more difficult than she thought it would be.
"I guess you can say we are. We're going for custody of his brother Ace...or Nikolai if you're talking to Spencer. He can't stand the name, Ace…"
"It is a rather unusual name," Portia chuckled.
Trina shrugged. "It'd be a cute name if Esme hadn't come up with it. Even though I told Spencer that she had a right to name the baby, I still feel sorry for him."
"So it will be just you and Spencer and possibly his baby brother?"
Trina simply nodded. "For now. Who knows, maybe there will be a baby of our own in the future, once all the custody stuff is figured out. I wouldn't mind that. We'll have the kind of family we've always wanted. We'll be the kind of parents that won't manipulate and lie and put our kids first."
Trina didn't even feel bad when she saw Portia's wince. Her mother had to know just how much she had hurt her with her twenty-year lie.
"Believe it or not, Trina...I was putting you first. From the moment you were born, you were just crazy about Taggert and he was crazy about you. You were a big daddy's girl. I couldn't take him away from you. Just like I couldn't bear to take you away from him. He may not have been a good husband but he was a wonderful father, the kind of father that you deserved. I didn't even know if Curtis would have been interested in that…"
"He was a good father to TJ. I think that you didn't want to know. Maybe you were mad that he had left you when he found out that you were married. Maybe this was your punishment…"
"No! No, that wasn't it at all! I just...I didn't know what to do or how to do it! I knew that I should have come clean a long time ago, but I didn't know how, and when we came here and I saw Curtis again...and he asked me if you were his...I could only think of how much you loved Taggert and how much it'd hurt you if you knew that he might not be your real father…"
"I don't get that, Mom! He point-blank asked you if he was my father and you just sat there and lied!"
"As I said, it was for you! I didn't want to take Taggert away from you! Even though I saw how Curtis loved you from the start...god, I should have known that it would come out. I'm surprised that Curtis wasn't even more suspicious, because of how quickly you two grew close. Let's face it, that's not really normal for the stepfather to quickly became a father figure as Curtis had. I am so sorry. I know I can't change it...I can't go back and just tell the truth. All I can do is say that I'm sorry."
"I don't know what to say. I don't even know what I want you to say."
"Trina...why did you come here? I mean, I'm glad that you did...but why?"
Trina sighed and began to tear at her bagel, not really hungry, but needing to do something with her hands. "Last night...I had that nightmare again. The one I had since I was a child. Last night, it was Spencer who comforted me, but I remember how you were usually the one to come and tell me everything was alright and stay with me until I fell back to sleep."
"Oh, Trina…"
"I talked to Spencer and he believes that maybe it's my subconscious wanting me to talk things over and makeup with you. Perhaps he's right."
"So this was Spencer's idea?"
Trina nodded. "He sees how much this distance is hurting me and he doesn't want me to go through what he's going through with his father right now. He wants to make up, but since his father is not here, and he doesn't know where he is, he can't. But you are here and I can make up with you at any time. He thinks that it'd be a good idea to work on this rift between us. Perhaps he's right."
Portia had to say, she was surprised that Spencer Cassadine would want her and her daughter to make up. Perhaps the boy really did love her daughter, even though she still didn't think that he was good enough for her.
"Mom...I don't know what I want you to say or do to make this right, I really don't. I just feel so hurt that you had this big secret about me and my life and it made me doubt who I am. It's made me really explore my identity and who I want to be. What I want out of life. I'm not the same Trina I was before I found out the truth, that is for sure. I don't think that I'll ever be her again."
"Trina…"
"But I am finding that I like the person that I am becoming. I have a husband now and I love him so much. He's making me see myself in ways that I thought would be impossible. I'm learning what kind of people that I want in my life and what I will and won't accept. And what I will not accept is lies. No more lies, Mom! If there's anything else I should know, I mean ANYTHING! Tell me now so I can work on it and not be blindsided again!"
"There's nothing else, Trina. I swear! You know everything now!"
Trina met her mother's eyes head-on, looking for any sign of deception, but found none. "Ok. You know...I don't enjoy this. I don't enjoy being so angry with you!"
"I know, baby. I know…"
"I don't like not being able to trust you like I used to. It's going to take time and work to even form a new relationship because the old one…it's just too broken. The old one had a trust that I just don't feel anymore. But I am willing to build a new relationship. One built on an even ground of respect and maybe later...trust as well. Once you've earned it back."
Portia felt tears of joy and relief in her eyes. "I am willing to do that. I'll do anything you want."
"Ok. Has Curtis talked to you about Tuscany again? I told him that he should take you after all. That a honeymoon may help fix things between you."
"That was your suggestion?" Portia blinked in surprise.
"Yes. On my honeymoon with Spencer, I learned so much about him and why he was the way he was. I understood why some of the things he did, he did and I was able to fully accept and even forgive. I just figured that it might be the same for you and Curtis if you two get away from it all and it just be the two of you."
"Baby, that's a really good idea and it was nice of you to suggest it. We're thinking about going."
"You really should. It may be just the thing to save your marriage."
"Would you like that?"
Trina nodded, not hiding anything. "To be honest, yes I would. Curtis is a good man and you both deserve to be happy."
Portia smiled, wiping away her happy tears with a napkin. "I am so happy that we've had this conversation. I feel that maybe there's a chance to fix all of this."
Trina had to admit, she felt the same way as well. As long as Portia was aware that things weren't exactly going to go back to what they were, Trina was sure that they could salvage something even better in the long run.