Thanks to all the people that enjoyed the last chapter and sent me reviews, I love to hear your thoughts. I'll try reply to them as much as I can! Here is the next chapter for you all. Enjoy!
Hundan.
"How serious is his memory loss?" Gibbs asks Tony's doctor. When he got a frantic call from Ziva in the middle of the night, half of it he was unable to understand fully because she was trying to get her emotions under control, he was worried. Because he got the basics of it. Tony was awake, but he didn't know who she was, he didn't remember much of anything.
"It's hard to say, we need to do some more tests, but so far it seems as though he doesn't remember much of his life, he remembers small bits like his name and where he'd lived as a child, what he studied in college, a few other small things, but nothing about the past twenty years as far as we can tell" Gareth explained. Gibbs sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. It's not often he gets like this, loses his tough and strong outlook. It wasn't easy hearing this, and it didn't help that he could feel the strong emotional pain rolling off Ziva in wave's right next to him.
"Is it permanent?" Gibbs then asked, this time it was the doctor who sighed, but he hesitated too long for Gibbs' liking "Doc, is it permanent?" he asked, much more stern as he raised his voice.
"I'm not sure, but for this kind of injury, I wouldn't be hoping for too much, it's surprising that he's awake and talking" Gareth states, and Gibbs doesn't like that answer. Ziva beside him didn't like it either because she turned and walked away at that point, she couldn't hear anymore, she didn't want to.
Gibbs spent a little while longer talking to Gareth before he left to let the doctor do his work and then he had to go find where Ziva had got to.
It doesn't take him long to find her, because after all she's standing outside his room. She's watching through the open door as Gareth and the nurse ask him questions, scribble things on paper.
"I don't know what to do Gibbs" she states in all honesty. He hasn't seen her this shaken since Mike's death, and back then it was Tony who had got her back on her feet, this time that responsibility would fall on him.
"You just need to be strong for him Ziver" he said and he watched as she turned from looking at Tony to look up at him. Her eyes were wet and he would bet that she'd been crying, but not in front of anyone. She never let anyone see her cry if she could help it.
"He doesn't even remember me Gibbs, how am I even meant to do that?" she asked. All Gibbs could do to help was to be positive on this.
"The doctor said he didn't know how long it could last, it could only be a short temporary thing" he said. He didn't like the way she looked at him then.
"And what if it's not Gibbs? What if he never remembers?" she asked. He realised she couldn't help but think about all the things that could go wrong with this. It hurts him to see her do this to herself. He lets out a sigh, because this was hard. What was he meant to say to her?
"If that's the case then you will be there for him, help him with anything he needs" Gibbs explained. Because if Tony didn't get his memory back they will have to help him back on his feet, even if he needs to get to know them again. Ziva nodded slowly but Gibbs could tell she was still very upset, and tired. She hadn't slept well in a long time, because she spent so much time here at the hospital.
Gibbs places a hand gently on her shoulder.
"I think you should get some sleep" he says quietly. He's held back the past few weeks in telling her this, but he thinks that now's the time he needs to go right out there and tell her. She begins to shake her head, and then he gives her a look and she stops. "You haven't had a decent sleep in weeks, and Tony is awake now, and he will be here after you have rested" Gibbs tells her. She nods. Was she really giving in that easy? She must be a lot more tired than she looks. And that's saying something.
"Rest up, and think over some things" he said as he lent in and gave her a brief kiss to the temple. She leant in a stole a short hug, because she needed it.
"Thank you" she said quietly and she softly smiled at him before she turned to look at Tony one more time. He didn't see her, didn't feel her gaze from so far away. He used to be able to feel it, always. She doesn't think this was going to be easy, because she and Tony had been through so much. They were so close.
She doesn't go home that night, well at least not to her home. It was close enough, because it sort of was her home away from home. It always had been. Tony had always welcomed her in his abode. She has her own key even, because when he gave it to her he told her she was always welcome, she didn't have to ask permission to come into his home. That day, that moment, had meant a lot to her, and to them as friends. And he would probably never remember it.
She walks into his apartment and switches on the lights. She loves his place with its authentic movie posters on the walls, his furniture, his big TV and just the way it screams him. She loves it but she hates it. It's all him and it reminds her of him, gives her memories. Like of that time in his kitchen when she tried to teach him how to bake a cake for Tim's birthday, and he'd all but burnt the first cake and she would say that when he started a food fight after that she hadn't expected it, but it had been one of her favourite memories. That's the things she loves. The memories, the ones he won't remember and so she's left with them alone to herself.
Sometimes though remembering is almost like a burden, because it'll be hard knowing all these memories of the past with him, and not having him remember a single thing. That is the thing she hates, because she knows how much of a struggle it will be. She worked with a man in Mossad once who lost his memory from an accident, and he was only a co-worker. It was hard for her to work with him again when he was retrained because he was never quite the same, it was like he lived a different life. And he had a wife and kids, they took it the worst, it was such a struggle for them. It's hard for people closest to them, and she's very close to Tony.
She cannot take anymore thoughts like this, she needs to rest. She locks his door and makes her way down his hallway to the bedroom. She's left it unmade since the last night he slept in it, because when she got really upset on nights when he was in his coma she would come here and sleep in his bed. Because it reminds her of him, it smells so much like him and she loves being surrounded by that. It gives her more memories that she loves but are hard to handle right now. But she would rather remember than forget.
She gets into his room and she pulls open one of his draws, grabs herself one of his old t-shirts and swaps it for the one she's wearing. She slides off her jeans and walks over to his bed, climbing in and pulling the covers over her. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, almost hoping this is all a bad dream and he'll be right next to her, fine, same old Tony that he used to be. The one that remembers her. She opens her eyes and she's in no such luck. Because he's not there, he's still in the hospital, memory lost.
She's upset about this, and she knows she will be for a long time. Because she doesn't know if he will ever regain his memory, and she cannot start to think how she and Tony will be, will he still get along with her? Be the same as before? She doubts.
When Gibbs called Tim and told him that Tony was awake he was so happy, and then the news was broken to him about the fact Tony had no real memory of his life before, except for a handful of things years ago. He hadn't taken it well, Abby hadn't taken it well.
And when Tim asked where Ziva was Gibbs had told him he'd sent her home to rest late last night. Then Gibbs had asked him if he'd go check on her, because Gibbs was stuck reassuring Abby and trying to get her to settle down. And so Tim went off in search of his good friend, who he knows will be heartbroken.
He doesn't find her at her place, and he knows exactly where to look. Because he's not as stupid as he acts sometimes, he's knows about them, how close they were. Well, he knew a lot more than most people, but he still didn't know everything. No one but the two of them would know that. He has been around them long enough to see it, feel it even. He acts like he doesn't know, and that he doesn't pay attention, but he does. And he knows just how bad this was going to be for her, because she was the closest person to Tony. Tim knows they are more than just partners, more than friends. It runs deeper than that. But he keeps their secret to himself.
Some would say they were soul mates, but that's just the novelist in him talking.
He uses his key to get into the apartment, because no one answers the door. He knows she's in there though, because her mini is parked outside. He closes the door behind him and calls out her name. No answer. He looks around the place and it's empty and quiet. Just because he knows them more than he should, he knows where she will be.
He makes his way down to the bedroom and knocks on the door. No answer. He opens it slowly and says her name. He watches the sheets in the bed move, and then he sees her sit up.
"Tim?" she questions. He smiles a little because she must have been having a major sleep in because her ninja senses took a while to kick in. Which she deserved, she hasn't been sleeping that well as of late.
"Gibbs sent me to check up on you" he admits honestly. Because he never really could lie to Ziva that well. She switches on the light next to the bed, and Tim can see a faint smile on her face. As good as a smile you would be able to get out of her in this situation.
"Well you can assure him I am fine" she states along with that smile. Trust Gibbs. However Tim is always the loyal errand boy, and it makes her smile a little that Gibbs had sent him to check up on her.
"You say that" was all Tim said. He knows she's not really okay, but he won't ask any further if she doesn't want to tell.
"I guess you know then?" she then asks him. He nods and walks into the room more, sitting on the other side of the bed and leaning against the headboard. Tony would probably kick his ass for sitting on his bed with shoes like this right now, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him. Then he realizes that Tony doesn't even remember him, and he frowns.
"Abby hasn't taken it well, but I guess none of us will" he replies and she understands where he is coming from. Abby doesn't take bad news very well, that's because she's very out there with her feelings. And no, none of them were going to take this well, because Tony was their friend, and what has happened to him was life changing. And not just for Tony, for all of them.
He watches as Ziva's face saddens, because she hates how much this is upsetting everyone. What had Tony done that had him deserving to be shot? And having to lose his memory? Nothing. Tony was a good man who did everything in his power to help everyone but himself. He didn't deserve this.
"It's going to be okay Ziva" Tim said, because he knew what she was thinking. She was one of his closest friends, he wasn't going to let her suffer if he could help it. She shrugged, he knew she was going to deny that it will be okay.
"You don't know that Tim" she replied. She is going with the negative thoughts, but could he really blame her? The statistics were against him. It didn't really look good. And Ziva always believed in what was the most likely outcome.
First Gibbs, now Tim. Everyone was trying to convince her it was going to be okay, but they don't know that. However it does mean something to her that they are trying to make her feel better.
"I know that even if he doesn't remember, we will all help each other, and Tony, get through this" Tim explained. Ziva turned in the sheets to face him, and he suddenly realized the shirt she was wearing, it was Tony's. It surprised him but it's not like he wouldn't expect it. He's seen her in his clothes before. Sometimes Tim wonders if they ever went further than friends in a more intimate way. Some days he really thinks they might have.
"He doesn't remember us, what makes you think he'll want our help?" she asks, because she cannot help it. He knows she's only seeing the negative.
"Just let him come around for a few days. He might not remember us, but anyone in his situation will see that we were close to him before his accident, and he will come to trust us. Trust me on this Ziva" he tells her. He knows Tony is always the one to help her, be the one to help her get her mind thinking the positive and have her back on her feet. But that wasn't the case this time, and he was stepping up to help. Even if the shoes he was trying to fill were big.
He'll never be Tony though, he doesn't think he will ever be that close to Ziva. He couldn't picture her being more than a sister to him, because he knows Tony thought more of her, a drunken night with him blabbering about how much more Ziva meant to him was a night Tim will never forget, and one he will never tell another soul. Tony never brought it up again, but he does remember what he admitted that night, Tim could tell the next morning at work.
"I guess you are right" Ziva said quietly. Tim could tell he was helping somewhat, by slightly convincing her. However she won't believe this until she actually sees it happen, he knows that.
She looks a little more upset suddenly, more than she already was.
"Hey" he whispers as he gives her a little nudge to look up. He's smiling at her, trying to cheer her up. She cannot help but smile at his innocent face. Tim was always a good person to cheer you up, he was such a kind heart. He was a good friend.
"We'll get through this" he assures her, she nods slightly, as long as she has Tim trying to cheer her up, she might be okay. Well maybe until she sees Tony and his lost memory again. But for now, this moment, she would be a little happier.
He doesn't quite expect it when she reaches out with her hand and gathers his in hers. It's a contact thing she needs, he knows. She's more of a contact person than she always led him to believe. He gives her hand a small squeeze back, to let her know that he's here for her. A small smile, even if it was a little sad still, on her face was enough to have hope in him that she was going to be okay. And that he'd helped.