Hello! Here again with the next chapter! Thank you all for your lovely comments of course as always they are much appreciated! Hope you enjoy this next chapter!
Hundan.
He's been awake three days now and he really doesn't know what to think about things, or about who, or what the fuck is going on. He's still confused, he still has no idea about anything important or anyone. He remembers a handful of things many years ago, and who he is, what his name is, but that is about it. To sum it up shorthand his name is Anthony D. DiNozzo Junior, he has a father who he doesn't speak to and he went to Ohio State and played football and basketball. His mother died when he was young, and that's about as much as he really remembers. He doesn't know why that is it, it just is. And apparently he does speak to his father sometimes these days, but that's just what he's been told, by the man himself.
He remembers his father of course, but his dad didn't like what he'd seen, and he was sure his dad was almost in tears when he was told by one of the old guys Tony works with that he'd lost his memory. That had been hard for his dad to hear, which had surprised Tony, because his dad never used to care much.
There are a whole group of people that have visited, and he cannot for the life of him remember any single one of them. Not the two old guys, not the guy that came in with the pretty goth, not the beautiful woman who'd been there when he'd woken. He wished he remembered them, but he doesn't.
Apparently he's a cop, and a bit more than a cop, a federal agent. That's how he'd ended up in this mess, the one that had him being shot in the head and somehow surviving and losing his memory. It all sounds crazy to him, but apparently it's the truth.
He has only seen the old man, Gibbs was his name, return more than once. It seems as though he had scared everyone else away with his ask to be left alone for a while. Because he needed time to gather things, hopefully his memories but it hasn't seemed to have worked yet. And maybe they needed a little time too. Gibbs told him that they all cared about him very much, and this was very hard for them, and if he wanted a little space they would give it to him. He had asked him please, because he needed a bit of space.
He had hoped he would have remembered something, anything more, but he hasn't in three days. Hasn't remembered one single goddamn thing more than what he already knows. He's a lost man, but at least he has a name he can remember. That's the positive in this, right? Well that's what one of his nurses says anyways, Paige. She was a character. She was taking his blood presser right now, and she was giving him a strange look.
"What?" he finally asked, because she was confusing him with that look.
"Nothing" she said, in a way that meant -it was more than nothing and he should not have to ask to know.
"Come on Paige, I've had a major head injury" he complained, because in all honesty, he had no idea why he was receiving that look. She took the blood pressure device off his arm and gave him a sigh.
"Why is no one visiting you?" she asked as she took a seat in the chair next to his bed. This was no longer nurse and patient, this was more personal. He shrugged, he didn't really want to admit it. She gave him a light slap to his arm, and he gave in.
"I needed to have some space" he stated. He watched as she nodded, understanding. But then she gave him a look, it meant she wasn't finished just yet.
"And how long will this continue?" she asked, again he shrugged. He really didn't know. "If you are waiting until you remember, you might be waiting a long time" she added, and that had him focusing on her, he was confused and a little upset at that comment. Because yes, that is what he was waiting for, and she knew of course.
"No doubt you will damage the friendships you don't know you have if you sit and wait for a day that might not come" she admitted. He was told he may never regain his memory, and that the percentage for him to actually remember was very low. But maybe he was relying too much on false hope.
"And you will no doubt lose her" Paige said, watching for his reaction to that comment. He looked up, curious. He knows who she means.
"The woman who was here when I woke up?" he asked. He didn't remember her name, he didn't hardly remember any of their names. And she happened to be the one he'd talked to least since waking up, because he scared her. He'd seen it in her eyes.
"Ziva, Ziva is her name" Paige reminded him quietly. He tries to commit that name to a memory but he doesn't see anything. Just a name that goes to a face. "And that very woman was here every single day that you were in a coma, she would be here after her work shift finished, sometimes she hadn't even stopped for dinner before coming and I would fix her something. On weekends she stayed, she refused to leave your side, she'd fall asleep in this very chair many nights, waiting for you to wake up" she began to explain. She wasn't his girlfriend was she? Surely someone would have told him that.
"Was she and I?" he asked, she knew what he meant. He was more confused when she shook her head.
"As far as I know, no. She was your partner and best friend, and she cared about you a lot" she explained. She had a feeling there was a little more to the two of them, it was just something she could tell, but she kept her thoughts to herself on that one. "And Joan told me she was quite hurt when you woke up and looked right at her and told her you didn't know her. And I know you couldn't help it but asking not to see anyone like you have, and making her stay away, would be the most crushing thing she would have to deal with right now" she said. Tony was starting to realize why he'd received such a look from Paige, and that it was very well deserved.
"After all those days she spent with you, the least you could do would be to talk to her, even if you don't remember who she is. Because this is probably breaking that girls heart right now, not being able to see her best friend after waiting day and night for you to wake up" Paige said, and that was her argument explained. He understood, and Paige was right. He felt a little bad but he couldn't help his actions. All he could do now was make things right.
"Do you think you could call her and ask her to drop by?" Tony asked, something which made Paige smile.
"Of course I can" she said as she stood from her chair.
Tony might not remember this woman, but she remembered him. And she was his best friend, so maybe he should work on getting to know her again. Otherwise he's going to damage that relationship along with the others he needs to try and work on. He's been in a traumatic accident, but if he can't go back to how he was he's going to have to move forward. And he can easily just start now, with his best friend.
She was sitting on his couch watching one of his movies when she got the call. She didn't expect it, to be honest. When Gibbs told her Tony wanted some space and didn't want to see anyone, she'd been more heartbroken than she already was. And so she'd spent three days at his, in his clothes, watching his sad movies. She couldn't help herself, she had to surround herself in him because she felt as though she was losing him.
Gibbs turned up on the second night, finding out from Tim where she would most likely be held up. He didn't voice his concern but it was as clear as day on his face. He'd brought her dinner too and he'd even watched one of Tony's old classic movies with her. He didn't say too much, just that they would get through this together, all of them. She felt as though everyone was saying the same thing to her lately, because maybe it looked as though it was needed to be said.
When Paige had told her Tony would like to see her, her heart fluttered with a little more life. Because it was something, it was more than nothing. And her partner, her best friend wants to see her. She didn't think that thinking those words would ever mean as much as they do right in this moment.
She didn't have much of her own clothes at his house, and yeah some people might call it a little weird that she's been stealing his shirts and wearing his sweatpants along with her favourite hoddie of his. But for some reason for them it wasn't. She would only ever use anything of his that he would offer her to borrow, and she's borrowed his clothes before. It was a normal thing between them, like everything else that isn't normal between normal partners, is all normal between them.
They are different, they were different.
She puts on her on jeans and boots but leaves his hoddie and shirt on. He may recognise it, he may not. She guesses she will find out. But she wasn't going to go out of her way to be someone she's not, just because he doesn't remember and this is all new to him. She'll just give him the Ziva she has always been with him. The comfortable and open one. Well in saying that, it wasn't always like that, but they've come a long way over the years.
When she walks into the hospital and sees Paige she gives her an encouraging smile. Ziva wasn't too sure what she was meant to expect right now when she walks in his door, but that smile she was given made her a little hesitant. However she wasn't going to come all this way to see the one man she wants to see more than anyone in the world, and not walk in the door to talk to him.
She opens it slowly, and he looks up. Because he is expecting her, and the last two times when he looked up and saw Paige he was a little disappointed, even if she was one of the nicest nurses he's ever met. Not that he could probably remember.
There is something in his eyes when he sees her but she doesn't know what it is, she can't quite tell. And she can always tell with him. Well she used to be able to tell, and that breaks her heart a little. He smiles, but it seems a little forced to her. Because it's like meeting a stranger, but this stranger knows you better than anyone and you know pretty much nothing about them.
She walks in the door quietly and sends him a smile, because he always used to love her smile. He'd told her many times before. Will he still love it?
"Hey" she says quietly, and everything she is doing is hesitant and quiet. What happened to bringing in her normal self? It was just hard right now. She couldn't help it because he wasn't his normal self, he's quiet.
"Hey" he's replies softly. God, it was so good to hear his voice, it seems like it's been forever since she heard it. She walks in further because she needs to stop acting like this, she needs to be who she is. She takes the seat next to his bed and they stare at each other, and it doesn't feel like it used to. She used to stare at him and it was like they didn't have to say anything, his eyes would tell her everything he wanted them to. She knew what he was thinking half of the time when she stared into his eyes. Now, she couldn't tell.
It's like not only was his memory stripped from him, but also part of him was gone. The bond they'd spent all those years building was gone and they were worse off than they were on their first meeting. She looks away suddenly and he feels something change in the room.
"You okay?" he suddenly finds himself asking. She feels like everyone is just constantly asking her that. Maybe she's really not okay. Because this was very hard and all they have said to each other is hey. She nods her head but he isn't that satisfied. Even if he doesn't know her like he would have used to, he knows there is something upsetting her. But he has a good idea what that is.
"This is just really hard" she admits and she's so honest with him about it. And he realizes now that even if he's the one with the lost memory, this would probably be harder for her right now. Because she knows him and he doesn't even know himself let alone her. They've most likely had a past and he cannot account for the memory of a second of it.
She turns back and faces him and he does see that tear roll down her cheek. This is emotional and seeing her cry doesn't make him feel any better. Because she's meant to be his best friend. And apart from that and her name, that's about as much as he knows about her.
"Just so you know, I don't normally do this" she states, letting off a sad smile. He doesn't know what she is referring to exactly, because he doesn't really know much. She sees his confusion. "I don't normally cry" she explains. And now he gets what she was referring to. So his best friend is Ziva and she doesn't normally cry. This was going to take a long time before he gets anywhere near close to knowing her a little better.
"This is a hard situation, even for people that don't normally cry" he said, smiling a little. Even if he couldn't remember her, trying to cheer up his best friend would probably be part of his job. And it helped a little tiny bit because a faint smile ghosted her face. It was better than nothing. She goes a little quiet after that and just looks at him. He doesn't know why she does this but she doesn't tell her to stop staring. Maybe it was a thing they used to do.
He looks at her for a minute and then he realizes she's wearing a buckeye hoddie.
"How long have I known you for?" he suddenly asks and her face is somewhat surprised at the question, but then again, he doesn't remember so it's not really such an out there question for him to ask. She's just so used to him knowing all the small simple things like this.
"Almost eight years" she said and he watched her smile a slight bit more when she said that. Maybe those eight years had been good for her, maybe she enjoyed them. And maybe she had enjoyed them with him, but he really doesn't know. He hates not knowing, it seems like all he does right now is not know anything.
"So we didn't go to the same college?" he asks, because she's wearing a hoddie from his college, something of the little he does know. She laughs quietly at that comment, he realises that what he is suggesting must be humorous in some way, one he won't understand. This was starting to prove to be as hard as he thought it would be, talking to her.
"No, I moved here from Israel eight years ago" she explained. She understands that talking to him was going to be very explanatory on her part for a long time. She watches as he looks down at his hoddie she wore, did he recognise it? It explains why he's asking if they went to college together. How was she going to explain that she's wearing his clothes? Old him didn't mind but what will the new him think?
"This isn't mine" she says as she pulls on the fabric to show him what she's talking about. How she understood what he was thinking, he didn't know. "It's yours, you gave it to me" she tells a little bit of a lie. Because he didn't really give it to her but he has before. And she felt this was the best way to go about this. He looks at her for a minute and process the information. It's not really a normal thing for you to just give your clothes away to someone else and he's starting to get the feeling that they had been very close best friends. Especially if she's wearing his clothes casually.
He still didn't quite know what to expect with this information.
"Are we..?" he asked, he'd went there, he had to ask it. She'd been at his bedside every day since he was in the coma and she was wearing his clothes. Not to mention the way she stares at him like she does. He's only seen it briefly so far but there's just something about it.
Her eyes widen a little because she honestly hadn't expected that question to come from him.
"No, no we're not" she replied with a slight laugh. Something was off about her laugh though. Like it was an incredulous thing for him to say, but then again maybe it wasn't and she was just not admitting something. But he wasn't going to push it. Not right now. He didn't know enough about their friendship yet to know when to dig.
"We are just friends, very good friends" she added, setting the facts straight for him. Even if their relationship was a little bit more than that, but whatever it was it was unexplainable. There was really no label for it. And she wonders if they will ever have that thing back.
"And partners at work, right?" he asked. She nodded. This really was going to take a while for them to get back to how they were, if he was to never get his memory back. It hurts her to think about that but she was going to try get through this as best she can. Work through it, help him, help them.
"Yes, that is correct" she replied and he could tell she was getting a little more happy. He doesn't know what it was, maybe just talking to him had her feeling better. But then again, he wouldn't really know because he doesn't quite know what makes her happy.
He suddenly smiled at her, she didn't know where it had come from, what she had done or said but he was. And it reminded her of her old Tony because he used to smile at her like that.
She didn't know where her next statement came from either.
"You know you should be mad" she said. That had confused him.
"Why?" he asked, he had no idea what she was taking about again. And it was frustrating because he feels like he's meant to know, like if this was before his accident she wouldn't have to explain because he would just get it.
"Because your hair is gone" she smiles. He doesn't quite know why he would be mad if his hair was gone. He lifted his hand and ran it over the short buzz cut he had, avoiding his stitches while he did so.
"Was there something special about my hair before?" he asked, intrigued because her smile was getting lighter and lighter. From the sad mood earlier, it was a nice change.
"Well it depends, some would say no, you used to say yes" she said, there was something in her eye that told him she was thinking back to something, a memory. Something which he couldn't. "You used to spend hours fussing with your hair sometimes" she said shaking her head and smiling at the memory she is thinking of. It made him smile, even if he couldn't remember the memory she was.
She looks at him then, a little more personal. The look scares him a little because it was intense and he still doesn't know her as well as he should. It just gets to him.
"And it's been a long time since I've seen you with a little facial hair" she continued to smile. He runs his fingers over his stubble, which should be longer than it is right now if he's been in a coma for as long as he had.
"It's not too bad, if it was a full on beard then I would have a problem with it" he said. She realised that he remembers the things he likes and prefers because he's never liked beards but a little stubble he'd never minded. That was a good thing, that he still thought the same about things.
She smiles and then he smiles. He feels like he knows her, just because she is at such an ease when she speaks to him, when she looks at him. It's just the vibe and feeling he gets from her. However he doesn't remember her and he doesn't really know her either.
She makes him want to remember more than anything, however it makes him afraid that he never will remember and he knows they might be smiling right now, but this wasn't going to be easy for them or for him and anyone of the people closest to him.