Hello! This took a little longer than expected but I have been really busy at work as of late, because instead of about 50 or more of us working there is only about 10 running the place.
Thank you all for your lovely reviews, they are really helping my muse getting better and better, because it just makes this story want to go further and further with the ideas I keep getting.
Anyways, I hope you like this chapter!
Hundan.
McGee notices there is something a little different about Ziva the next day. He's sat back and watched from his desk the whole day and hasn't been able to put his finger on what it was exactly. So in the end he gives up and asks when they end up alone in the bullpen.
"Did you do something with your hair?" he asks, because he doesn't know what it was about her that has his gut tingling. But something was different, something was going on with her. She looks up at him with a wrinkled forehead, confused. She lets out a small chuckle none the less.
"I haven't done anything different with my hair than usual Tim" she states and then he's the one that becomes further confused.
"Is there something different about you today?" he went on. Trying to figure out what exactly was different about her. Ziva was getting more confused, what was Tim up to?
She thought for a minute. For some reason Tim thought something was different about her and the only thing she could think of was her mood. She was happy today, because of last night.
"I just had a good night" she said and it brought a smile to her face. Tim saw this and he got very interested.
"Yeah?" he questioned. Right now for some reason he felt a little like Tony, asking about it. But when Tony was gone, someone had to bring his personality to the team, because even if it was annoying sometimes they couldn't let that part of the team slip away while he was gone. Because it took a whole chunk of their team away, it just wasn't the same.
"He wanted to see me" she explained. At that one comment he knew exactly who she was talking about and suddenly he just got it. He understood what his gut was telling him, that she was in a good mood. Last night must have gone well, for her to be smiling like that.
"Yeah?" he repeated, because he wasn't quite sure what to ask. He couldn't really ask what they talked about, because it might not be any of his business. And she realized that.
"It was good, we connected a little. He still doesn't remember anything but I think he is trying. He was trying to understand who I was to him" she said with a bigger smile. Yeah, last night had meant a lot to her. It made him smile. He nodded but then looked down at his work for a minute. Ziva knew what he was thinking right now.
"You know you should go see him" Ziva told him and he looked back up from his work. Ziva knows he wants to see Tony because Tony is like Tim's big brother. Ever since this had happened to Tony, Tim hasn't been the same. Much like her. And Ziva thinks that just like her, talking to Tony would be good for Tim, even if it can be a little hard.
"You really think so?" Tim asked, because he was unsure about going to see Tony. He'd seen him once since he woke up and it was a very emotional experience, because Tony didn't remember anything. He knows it will be hard to talk to him but if Ziva really thinks it'll be good for him, he'll go. Because he actually misses Tony and he never though he would admit that.
"Yes, I do" she began "It is hard to talk to him because he doesn't remember a thing and it's like you're talking to a stranger almost but it's good, because it's still him" she tells him and there is that smile on her face again. Sometimes he forgets just how close Tony and Ziva were, but then he remembers when she smiles like that just thinking about him. And really sometimes it pains him a little to think that they have been avoiding their feelings that are so blatantly obvious for eight years now. That's a long time.
"I think I'll go see him tonight" Tim suddenly decided. Just seeing Ziva this different from seeing him once made him want to see Tony. Because he really did miss him. Ziva smiled at him then, because she liked the idea of Tim going to see him. It would be good for Tim and also Tony's development.
Ziva had been having a good day and she couldn't think of one thing that could ruin her mood. Until something did. Someone.
At first she hadn't expected the tall man dressed sharply in a black suit with blue eyes and a buzz cut to ruin her day, but he surely had. She could tell he was a marine, once a marine always a marine as Gibbs would say, but he was now an Agent and he was Tony's replacement. That didn't go down too well with her, or McGee.
And as soon as the marine had walked into the bullpen and let out the secret of why he was here, she'd marched out and found Gibbs. As soon as he saw her, he knew. He didn't have to ask. As soon as she called his name out loud while she stormed towards him at the coffee stand outside the office, her mood was very clear to him. And people were staring but it didn't seem as though she cared.
"You know about this Agent?" she asks, she doesn't have to go into detail because if he does know, he will know exactly what she is talking about. And then she watches his face. He knows.
"Why was I not informed?" she snapped, because she couldn't help her mood. These days it could be all over the place when someone messed with her emotions and this situation wasn't helping anything.
"Ziver" he warned, because she needed to take a deep breath and calm down. He could see the fire in her eyes and her bite is worse than her bark, he didn't want to get past the bark stage. And some reason she knew he was right, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She opened them slowly and focused on Gibbs, as calm as she could right now.
"He is not permanent" was how Gibbs began and it was the right thing to start with "He is only there until Tony gets back on his feet. We cannot keep working one man down" he continued.
"And you thought it best not to tell me?" she asked, as calmly as she could manage.
"I was not expecting him for a few days" he said. Funny thing was that was similar to what Jen had said to him when Ziva had arrived.
"You should have told me as soon as you knew, you would have known how I would react" she said. She'd calmed down a little, but a few people were still watching. Maybe it was because they knew about Gibbs and no one really challenges Gibbs like she is and gets away with it. Well not that many other people know, but she knows she can.
"He is not permanent" Gibbs repeated. He thought she would react, just not this much. Because he wasn't a replacement and it sounded like she was thinking that he was. Tony is irreplaceable. Ziva waved her hand in the air.
"That does not matter" she tried to say but Gibbs interrupted her.
"Then stop thinking it" Gibbs stated, because he knew she was. She went quiet, because she was trying to deny the fact it was all she could think about. Because if Tony was never to get back on his feet, this guy could become very permanent. And she is very right to think that.
"I cannot help it Gibbs" she admitted. He knows this and he can see it painfully obvious on her face.
"Tony will have an evaluation with Vance when he gets out of the hospital and we will go from there. Until then Agent Carter will be filling in" Gibbs explained. He was trying to make this easier for her to handle, but it was a hard thing to do. She takes another deep breath, because this is just another thing that will be hard. And right now she just wants to go see Tony, she just wants her Tony back. She wishes none of this had ever happened, it just crushes her heart to think about it all. Too much is going on.
Her eyes glazed over, she needed to get her thoughts under control.
"I'm going to get lunch" she told him and even if it was two in the afternoon, Gibbs understood. He nodded.
"I'll see you in an hour" he said, knowing that would be as long as she needed to get back into the right headspace, the right one to face the new Agent in the building. They weren't on a case so he was okay with this. Still, he was a little worried about her frame of mind, she was taking this hard. Harder than the rest of them. And he understands that.
She shows up announced and she doesn't really know what she is doing. All she knows is she needs to be here, because even if this situation makes her more upset, she still needs him. He lets her escape, even if she is left to deal with all these emotions that get thrown at her when she sees him. It's something she would rather deal with right now, she would rather deal with her partner.
Paige is there when she walks in and the woman smiles at her and says a cheery hello. She's glad to see her here. It was like before Tony had woken, this visit had been unannounced, however unlike before Paige hadn't expected her this time, she used to expect to see Ziva every day.
Paige finishes up the minor tests she was doing on Tony and smiled again, before leaving the two in peace. Tony looks up at her, because he is surely surprised to see her and he doesn't remember how she would always show up unannounced when it involved him. He used to do it to her a lot too, many a nights they would show up to the others home bringing entertainment for the night. Whether it be in the form of a movie, a few beers or just simply their company. It was just a thing between them, like the many other things they had.
But it will be like this for a long time, maybe it will always be like this. She will remember, he won't. And yeah it's hard but this was something she would rather deal with right now. He still smiled at her and to her that could make her day that little bit better.
"Hi" she says as she walks further into the room and yeah, he is smiling at her but she doesn't know exactly why that is. Maybe he had enjoyed talking to her last night as much as she had?
"Hi" he says shyly in return. Since when had Tony been shy? He had never once in all the life she'd known him, had he been shy. But maybe deep down Tony was shy at heart and he'd just never let anyone see that. Tony had grown a mask to cover many of the truths about him, she'd thought she'd seen every one but maybe he had something's that had been hidden for so long that they'd ended up buried and lost forever. She doesn't doubt that Tony had become an almost different person to whom he was when he was younger.
"I thought I might stop in and see how you were" she said, making up an excuse. Old him would have known she was lying about it and old him would have known without a second thought what the truth was. It was different, he wouldn't know the difference and if she told him the truth he would most likely not understand anyways.
"I am actually good this morning, you know besides the stitches in the side of my head being itchy and the memory loss" he said, smiling. She stopped and stared at him for a minute, because that sounded like such a comment from her Tony, she didn't really believe her ears for a minute. "What did I say?" he asked when he saw her face. She shook her head and sat down at the chair by his side.
"Nothing, it's just you sounded like you used to for a minute" she explained, shaking her head a little because she sounded somewhat crazy. He smiled a little more, something else she didn't really expect.
"No, I get it" he said. Then he chuckled a little. "I'm still me, my actions most likely won't be different, I just don't remember you" he explained, the last part of which his smile died off and he went quiet. She's realized that when they talk the mood can go from one end of the scale to the other just like that. "Or anything we've been through" he almost whispers, but she catches it. It sounds as though he's been doing some thinking since last night. So has she.
"We'll get there in time Tony" she assured him, but maybe it was herself who she was talking to. Because she needs to be told that they will get there in time, because it's the only thing getting her through this. Thinking that one day he'll know more, whether because he's been told or he remembers, they are the two paths he may follow. However she hopes more for one than the other, but she'll take him either way, because it's him. And he's her best friend.
"I hope so" he says, because he may not know her, but he likes her. And there is just something about her that has him wanting to remember more than anything in the world, even if it's not just for him, but it's for her too. Because he sees her struggle every time she comes in here, she struggles just as much as him, like she's the one with the lost memory. It's that painful for her. He thinks it's because they were close. And really close. There's no other explanation.
"McGee is going to call in to see you later, if that's alright with you?" she asked. She thought she should clear it with him, just to make sure. Tony smiles. She likes to see that on his face when she's talking about people coming to see him, it means he wants to see them. It means he wants to attempt to remember.
"Yeah, I'd like that. He's the skinny one right?" Tony asked. This time it was Ziva who smiled.
"Yes, that is the one. However you used to call him chubby" she explained. This perked Tony's interest.
"I did?" he asked, not believing he said such things to that guy.
"He was not always as fit as he is now and I have been telling you for a couple years now that you could learn a few things from him" she said and she prodded him lightly in the gut. At the time they were both smiling as she told the tale, but she froze when she touched him. Because he might have used to feel comfortable with her touch, so intimate as it used to be sometimes but he doesn't remember that. How they were. He looks up at her because he's a little shocked all of a sudden at the contact.
He knows he knows her, but he doesn't remember so it gives him a shock right now.
"Sorry" she apologizes. Because she honestly didn't mean to, she's just used to being so comfortable with him. It's strange, not being so casual touchy feely with him. They've always been that way.
"It's okay" he replies. And again, he's feeling like this is harder for her than it is for him. She looks down at her watch and realizes what the time is.
"I have to get back to work soon" she said, she feels bad, like she's leaving things awkward between them.
"That's okay, I am starting to find it fun alone staring at the white walls" he said and that made her laugh again, because it was one of those comments that remind her of how he was. And she lives in those memories. He smiles when she laughs, because it takes away that awkward situation they had come into and he didn't want to leave it like that.
"You know, I have movies on my laptop if you're still obsessed with them like you used to be" she explains and she likes it when he smiles at her comment because she knows he's always been a movie buff, since he was very young, that will never change about him. "I can go get it, it's in the back of my car" she added.
"I don't want to cause a fuss" he said waving his hands, because he doesn't want to cause too much of a hassle. She clucks her tongue at him and smiles more.
"It is no fuss" she says as she stands "I will be right back" she announces. He wonders if she was always this good to him.
Probably.
When she returns she has the said item in her hands and she hands it to him. He places it on his lap and opens it up.
"You used to know the password, but I'll remind you" she smiles at him and he can't help but smile back for some reason. "It's berrygomadness" she admits and he chuckles.
"What does that even mean?" he asks while he types it in to unlock her laptop.
"It's my favourite drink" she admits, remembering who it was that introduced her to it. Him.
"I'll have to remember that" he smiles at her while the main screen comes on. It's a picture, it's of a beach as the sun sets and there's a shadow of a figure sitting in the sand in the middle of the sun as it goes down over the horizon. It sort of looks like her sitting there.
"Is that you?" he asks. She nods and he watches as something glows in her eyes suddenly and her smile goes soft.
"Yes, you took that picture" she says quietly. Even if he doesn't remember, just the way she says it and relives it to herself right in front of him has him feeling that that was an important photo to her, to them. And he's touched by it, even if he doesn't understand it. Maybe she'll tell him about it another day, because he won't ask today.
"The movies are in movies" she said pointing at the movie folder on the desktop, deciding to change to subject back to its original path. "And they were all put on there by you, so you should like them all" she smiles again. She just gets so many memories when she speaks to him about the simplest things.
"Thank you, for this" he said as he clicked on the folder.
"You are welcome" she said as she stood from the chair again "But I must get back to work" she said. Even if she didn't want to leave she had to. She'd rather just sit and watch movies with him for the rest of the day, just like they used to.
"I will take good care of this" he said, smiling. She smiled back.
"That will be appreciated, otherwise I'll have to trade for yours, and yours is much nicer than mine" she said. He chuckled at that comment. He really liked talking to her. He understands why he used to be so close to her, because she feels easy to be around. Like he could easily get close to her and become a very good friend to her.