I've been super busy at work lately, they've had me working a whole months without any days off but somehow I still managed to get this written. Thanks to everyone who is sharing their thoughts each chapter, it's really helping me with the progress! Enjoy!

Hundan.

He'd just finished signing all his papers when Gibbs appeared in the doorway. He didn't know where the older man had come from but he'd seen Ziva on the phone before so he has a feeling he knows why Gibbs is here.

He doesn't look angry though, he looks like he understands. Like he's not surprised.

Ziva who has been standing to the side of the room quietly for the past few minutes while he signed his papers looks up when she sees the older man. Her smile is small and soft but again it's a little sad. He wonders when she will finally smile fully happy, with not a trace of sadness on her face. He reckons it will be a while.

"Gibbs" she says quietly and she steps away from the wall and unfolds her arms. She approaches the older man and he looks down at her, his eyes saying a hundred things to her at once. Tony cannot understand what his eyes tell her, but it seems important.

"Ziver" he says back, greeting her but the single word was laced with much more. He kisses her forehead and she nods at him. Tony doesn't know what's happening exactly but he knows that she's having trouble with what's going on, because he can blatantly see it. He doesn't know if she means to show it, but she does. She steps aside and then Gibbs' eyes settle on him.

"I guess you're set on this decision?" Gibbs asks as he takes a step further into the room and grips onto the end of the bed that Tony sits on. Tony really gets the feeling that Gibbs was more than a boss to him because he gets a lot of paternal vibes from him. But McGee had said that Gibbs was like a father to most of them, he just hadn't really thought that it would be this true.

"Yes" was Tony's simple answer. Gibbs nodded slowly and he shot a quick look at Ziva. At that point Tony realized that Ziva had let some small bits slip to Gibbs about his and her conversation earlier.

"We are here with you Tony, every step of the way. You know that right?" Gibbs asked him. Tony couldn't help but have a quick glance towards Ziva when Gibbs said it. She looked a little guilty about sharing that information with Gibbs, maybe she normally didn't. Maybe she used to keep everything just between the two of them but this time she had to let Gibbs in. Because it wasn't like it used to be.

"I know" Tony said, dropping his head. He felt guilty for ever thinking that he could just leave them behind on this. That he could do this alone. Because he can't. And he's really coming to understand that.

Gibbs looked down at the man in front of him, he didn't like seeing him this upset. Tony was never a big person to show his emotions but they rolled off him in waves since the accident. It was something Gibbs wasn't used to, he wondered just how different Tony would be if he never remembered being a cop, because Gibbs knows very well that being a cop changes you in some ways.

"I know the doctor might say otherwise, but I think you are making the right decision" Gibbs said. Because much like Tony, he doesn't like being trapped in hospitals either. The younger man looked up at Gibbs. Did he hear right?

"Really?" Tony asked, because he didn't think anyone would think he was making the right choice.

"Staying in the hospital won't help you remember, the best thing you can do is be out there doing something. And you've never liked the hospital, it just shows me underneath it all you are still Tony. And that gives me hope" Gibbs explained. This time it was Ziva who didn't quite believe her ears, because that was quite a speech coming from Gibbs and quite a personal one. One that was hard to get out of their boss.

"I'm going to try do everything I can to remember" Tony admits. And he sounds sad when he says it, but strongly determined at the same time. It was a weird mix of emotions from him all rolled into one, but she was starting to get used to a weird mix of emotions from him.

He hasn't left the hospital since waking up and walking out the front doors felt strange. He follows behind Ziva as she leads the way, because she was going to take him home. It was the best person for the job because she knew pretty much everything about him and so he had a feeling she would be able to show him everything when he gets home. He's not too sure what to expect really, he has no idea what type of place he would live in.

Would it be tidy? Would it be messy because he doesn't get much free time? He always thought detectives didn't get much of a social life and considering all of his friends that have visited him in hospital work with him, he feels like that looks like the case.

She opens up a red mini and climbs in so he continues to follow, taking the front seat. She looks over at him before starting the car and he looks just -he looks so awkward. He is uncomfortable and she's the one feeling strange now too because he's meant to be comfortable in her car, with her. He used to put the passenger seat back all the way and put his feet up on her dash. Acting like he could get away with doing that, because well, he could. No one else got away with putting their feet up on her dash. And now he just sits there, straight up, uncomfortable.

Like a stranger in her car.

Even if they have had a few small moments these last few days, they still felt a little strange with each other because he still doesn't know her, no matter how much she tells him. Because this is another new step that he's not used to and so it's all the same. It's strange. Hard for the both of them to get through.

She starts to drive and he's silent. God, it's so hard him being different and it's a whole new thing out of the hospital. Because when someone leaves the hospital they are meant to be well and back to normal. But Tony is far from fixed, if he ever will be she's not sure.

Sometimes she used to wish he would just stop talking and now she is making more wishes because she wished she had never thought of such things. She loves it when he talks to her. Right now she would give anything for it to be the way it used to be.

And he doesn't say a word on the ride to the apartment, he just stares out the window and looks at all the things out on the street. He's avoiding talking to her but she doesn't blame him, because this is a struggle. She lets him stay quiet because she'll do whatever it is that makes it easier for him, even if all she wants to do is talk to him. God she misses his persistent babbling.

She gets to his apartment and she pulls into the park next to his mustang. She'd returned it to its home a few days after his accident. When he gets out of the car he's slow and he's looking all around him, taking in his surroundings. He looks at the mustang and he stops for a minute and she really thinks he remembers it for a second. But then he looks away and continues. Nothing but a man admiring a nice car.

"It's yours" she says and he turns and looks at her, question in his eyes. "The mustang, it's yours" she repeats. He turns back and looks at it again, this time he brought his hand out and ran it along the hood.

"It's beautiful" he said quietly. His reaction was strange and she didn't really understand it, because this wasn't how she had expected him to act. He was so quiet and gentle, about a car. "My mom used to have a mustang exactly like this when I was little" he admitted, he remembered some things about his childhood and she knew that, but this was still a shock. Because she didn't realise he remembered this much. And he had never told her this before.

"She did?" Ziva asked. There was softness to his face and it was so open, he wasn't closed off like he used to always be. Sure he would be open with her but it took a bit more to get him to that point.

He nodded slowly.

"Yeah, same colour too" he said as he looked up at her. He's remembering things that he'd otherwise forgotten, because now that all he can remember were small things from his childhood he cannot help but think about them. And she's starting to get the feeling it will make him a little different than the old Tony, because the old Tony closed the door on a lot of things from when he was younger.

She smiled at him softly, because even if he doesn't realise it him admitting this meant a lot to her. Because he was sharing something of what he remembers with her and that means so much. That even if she's almost like a stranger to him, he's letting her in. Even if it is only a little bit. Small steps first.

He looks up at the building behind him.

"So this is where I live?" he asks, looking up at the apartment building.

"Yes, for the past twelve years anyways" she explains as she walks towards the building, he slowly follows in behind her.

"That's a long time" he points out. And yeah she agrees, but she knows exactly why he had never moved.

"You're not big on change" she replies softly, because it's one of the truest things she could tell him. It's the reason why he never moved where he lived, where he worked, it stopped him from making any serious attachments to women –if he could help it.

He takes in what she says but he doesn't comment, he just quietly follows her. Quiet Tony is really starting to confuse her. It's just so not what she is used to coming from him. Will it always be like this? She hopes not.

They get to his floor and stop outside his door. He stares at the little 17 on the door, she doesn't ask what he's doing because she knows he is just trying to remember, but nothing was helping. She fiddles with her keys until she finds the one she wants, the one she uses most besides her own. All the time he watches her, silently. His silence kills her inside.

She turns the key in the lock and opens his door, stepping to the side. He stares into the apartment and for a small moment he just stands there and looks. She wonders what exactly he is thinking, because this is hard for her just watching him look at his home with such an unfamiliar gaze. He takes a small step inside and looks to each side, taking in his home, where he belongs.

There are a few vintage movie posters on the walls and he doesn't miss the large movie collection he can see in his lounge even from this far away. His apartment feels lived in, homey in a way he cannot describe. The brown leather couch in his lounge looks worn and really old, loved. And he's sure by the size of his television that he could open a mini cinema in his lounge. But he knows he loved movies when he was little, so he guesses not much has changed.

Ziva follows him as he walks deeper into the apartment, silently taking it all in. He walks into the kitchen and she watches his gaze stare at his alcohol cabinet. Because in all honesty it was an impressive one, but if you didn't know Tony you'd think he looked like a bit of an alcoholic with that stash. His eyes then move and fall onto his fridge. There is a collection of things on there, from OSU stickers to magnets of his favourite beer. The one thing that did stick out was the random note in the middle of it all and she watched his hand reach out and touch it.

"Did I write this?" he asks, holding the note in his hand. She shakes her head.

"No" she replies and he looks at her, there's something her eyes are telling him. It's hard to read but he thinks he gets it, especially when her gaze breaks his and she looks away. She wrote it. And it is obviously important to him if he leaves it on the fridge like that, most likely so he would see it every day.

He places the note back where he found it and he just looks at it.

You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

He feels like there is something a little, or even a lot personal about this note. It's about who he used to be and he has a feeling it's her reminding him who he truly is and he leaves it there as a reminder. A reminder that he's cared about. He looks up at her and she turns back to look at him. Yeah, it was something personal but he knows he will never understand exactly what it meant unless he remembered again.

"This is so strange" he begins, he leans back against the counter in his kitchen and he looks up at her. "I mean I feel like such a stranger in this place and it's meant to be my home" he continues. He sighs and runs a hand over his short hair in frustration. She could see his pain so clearly.

"Maybe you should have stayed in the hospital a little longer" she said quietly. Honestly she is glad he is out, but then again she sees the pain he is facing right now with all these new things and she thinks that maybe some more time closed off would have been better. Because she doesn't like seeing him struggle.

He shakes his head.

"No, I would have to face this at some stage and I'd rather not wait. Doing it sooner doesn't make any difference" he replies, on a bit of the defensive. It's been a while since he's talked to her like this, like he's someone she doesn't know and he's talking to her like she doesn't understand. But she does understand, she's just worried about him.

"I know, I understand Tony" she said. He looks up at her again and furrows his brow. He looks a little frustrated at her for some reason.

"Why would you say it then, if you understood already?" he asked. Yeah, it sounded a little snappy but she didn't blame him, he was upset and she would be too if she was him.

"Because" she said quietly, she didn't want to tell him necessarily. He might not understand. He might not get it.

"Because why?" he asked, pushing away from the counter and staring at her. She thinks this may be argument number two between them since he's woken up.

"Because I'm worried about you" she snapped. She couldn't help but raise her voice a little because her emotions are about as unstable as his right now.

He stares at her and he doesn't know what to say. He has a feeling they were very close before he had his accident but he hasn't out right asked her, he doesn't know if he has the guts to. They connected a little at the hospital but he still doesn't understand her fully. Right now she's angry at him because he got angry at her, he has a feeling she doesn't stand down easily when it comes to him.

"I know this is hard but it's not just you that it's hard for Tony. I don't know if you're starting to realise but you mean a lot to me and before this accident we were close, you are my best friend" she explains to him, stepping closer to him. Invading his space because she's getting her point across and he's listening. Maybe he won't have to ask how close they were after all, because she's letting it all out right now.

"I'm not going to tell you to trust me because you don't remember me, all I am asking is that you understand that sometimes your friends are just trying to help even if you don't understand why they are doing it" she continued to explain. She stopped talking after that and just looked at him.

"Okay" he replies.

"Okay?" she asked, did he really just take that all in and accept it that easily? Yes he did, because this was him trying.

"Okay" he nods his head as he repeats himself. She smiles softly at him at that and he doesn't know what it is but again there's just something about it. It seems as though there was something about a lot of things that involved her.

He finds himself asking something so personal and he cannot help himself but ask.

"Were we sleeping together?" he asked, because he had to. Things would make so much more sense if they were. Her smile fades and her face goes blank before she furrows her brow. Then she stares at him and it makes him a little uncomfortable.

"No" she pauses and the pause is something that holds his attention "We weren't" she continued. She didn't like the way he was looking at her, she felt like he could tell, that he just got what she wasn't telling him.

"But we have?" he asks, because he saw it on her face. He didn't know how, he just had. And the way she looks away from him he knows that the answer to his question was yes.

"It's complicated" she said rather quietly, like it was something that was to never be brought back up again. He watches her lean against the counter, much like he had earlier.

"Well I'm here listening" he said, watching her.

"We said we would never bring it up again" she said waving her hands in dismissal. He realizes that it's a touchy subject between them.

"That's a little unfair" he said and she looked up and him, question in her eyes "Because I don't exactly remember" he continued. And yeah, he'd played that card. Maybe it was a little unfair to be using that as an excuse because it's not a nice thing to think about, but he'd done it. Because she intrigues him and he must find out.

She looks guilty now and maybe he shouldn't have said what he did. But he did and it's in the past now, so the question still hangs in the balance. She lets out a sigh and tucks her curls behind her ear.

"It didn't mean anything" she begins, hesitantly. And even in the way she said it he has a feeling it did mean more than nothing, because she averted her eyes again. "We'd had a couple beers one night and it was nothing more than the usual for us and one thing lead to the next and it happened. Not much to say about it" she continued. He may not know her but something about this conversation was off. Like she wasn't telling him something.

"I think sleeping with your best friend would mean more than that" he explains. Because he's not stupid, memory or no memory. Again she sighs.

"Tony I don't really want to go through this" she explains and he hears the pain in her voice. This definitely was more than nothing, otherwise she wouldn't be avoiding it so much. It wouldn't hurt this much.

"Please, just let me in" he says and at his quiet, soft tone she looks up. She can't do this to him, she cannot just not tell him. That's unfair of her.

"You and I are close and we have always been flirty with each other, since the day we met. Some things might not make sense to you but we have been through a lot. I need you to understand that the things we have been through should break people, it should tear apart their relationship and with us it did, but somehow we held on" she explained and he couldn't believe she was actually telling him right now. Maybe he wasn't ready to hear this, because it seemed like a lot to take in.

"After a few years of working together and maybe spending a little too much time out of work together we slept together. And as I said we'd had a couple of beers and you were babbling on to me about this movie as we watched it and I don't know how exactly it happened but the movie was forgotten that night and yes, we had slept together that night" she say's going into detail because he'd pushed her this far, she was going to tell him it all. She looked up at him again from where her eyes had been averted and he saw pain there and he didn't like seeing it in her eyes. Because somehow he'd been the cause to that pain.

"And no it wasn't just some sloppy drunken sex, it was damn good and I am not afraid to admit that because you used to know that it was the truth. But we don't speak about it because maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn't, it's just easier to think like it didn't happen. But in all seriousness things changed then, after that night and they were never the same to tell you the truth. It's the reason why we would both get so jealous when we dated someone else, why it hurt, why you risked your life to save me, and it's no doubt why we are such close friends" she said. And yeah, it was too much for him to all take in and he won't be surprised if he gets a headache soon. Saved her? From what?

There was a certain look in her eye right now as she looked at him, but he wasn't going to go there, because it was so much more personal than he really understands. Fuck. Did he have feelings for her before his accident? Because he thinks he might of, it's plainly obvious that she does, even if that was something she will not admit to him.

"But we never did it again, it was only the one time. You are my best friend and I would not risk that for anything" she says, the last part he hardly heard it was that quiet.

"Thank you" he says and yeah, it's out of the blue a little but he feels the need to say it. She looks up at him, question puzzling her face.

"What for?" she asks.

"For being my best friend and being there for me. I might not remember you, but I don't know what I would do if I had to do this alone because I know it's just going to get harder from here on" he admits. Softness comes to her eyes and he knows he's said the right thing.

"I will always be here" she says. Right now, if this was before his accident this would be the moment where she would walk over there and hug him. But it's not, and it's not that easy. She just hopes it will one day be how it used to be, because she misses it. It's easier when she doesn't have to break their promise by bringing things buried deep back up again, because she might feel okay right now but she knows she won't sleep well tonight.

So, I wonder if anyone saw that coming…