There was a complete and utter silence. I scanned my eyes from one person to the next, from Rosalie to Emmett to Esme to Carlisle. They all just seemed to be staring back at us. I waited for them to scream, or to explode, or do anything. Would they get mad? Would they no longer want me in their family? Would one of them attack? That was highly unlikely but it could happen. Anything could happen. That being said though, none of us expected how Emmett would react. He began busting out laughing. What about this did he find so funny? He was laughing so hard, he looked like he was about to pass out.
"Hahahaha!" he continued laughing "You guys are hilarious! April fools day was a few weeks ago though." So he thought we were joking? Couldn't he see the seriousness on our face? Why on earth would we joke about something like this? If he thought we were joking, it would make him realizing only that much harder to bare. Part of me wished I could throw up so that this gut-wrenching feeling would stop.
"I don't think they are joking Emmett," Esme replied nervously. I bit my lip. Her voice was so hurt, so fragile. I could see that she realized the truth and it was breaking her heart.
"What! No way!" he continued laughing. "Jasper and Alice are soul mates and no way would Edward give up Bella." I felt horrible. He really thought we were joking. Damn it I hated this nauseous feeling in my stomach. Even dry heaving would be nice right now. I just hated this feeling of my stomach twisting and contorting and nothing happening.
"I'm not joking Emmett." I said, not bothering to hide the disgust I was feeling. I was even considering eating human food, just so I could throw it up. Just so I had something to throw up. "While Edward and Alice were out shopping, Bella came over..." It was one thing having Edward read my thoughts. It was a whole other thing entirely explaining to my family how I had nearly had sex with Bella. I was tempted to go into the kitchen, get the minimal food we had, and eat as much as I could, just so that I had something to throw up.
"Enough Jasper..." Edward shook, his voice a sick sounding hiss. "I get it. You want to puke your guts out. Don't you think I want to as well? Just get on with it." I couldn't. I couldn't muster the strength to tell them.
"Explain what happened Jasper." Esme said softly. It pained me to see her like this, but I was afraid it would hurt her even more if I told her.
"I really don't want to explain it Jasper." Edward cringed, a slight hiss in his voice.
"Bella came over..." I repeated, looking at everyone. "And we were sitting next to each other... And we sort of... kissed." I paused to let it sink in for everyone. Nobody spoke. "One kiss lead to another kiss... we went upstairs to my room..."
"You had sex with Bella?" Emmett bluntly asked. I big my lip, as I knew the word made Edward mad.
"No..." I answered, embarrassment spreading through me. "The stage just before that..."
"So wait..." Emmett asked, shock in his face. "You went down on Bella? Or she went down on you?" Shame and disappointment quickly radiated off of Carlisle and Esme.
"I went to third on her." I quickly said, knowing if I were human my face would be bright red. His eyes went wide as he took it in. Curiosity rushed out of Emmett.
"Try and keep your thoughts to yourself Emmett." Edward hissed. "Its enough hearing from Jasper's thoughts what it was like." Was he wondering what Bella tasted like?
"Yes Jasper." Edward snarled.
"I somewhat understand now then why you asked me that favor Edward." Carlisle sighed, disappointment surrounding him.
"Okay..." Emmett interrupted. "So I get that you guys are upset Bella and Jasper cheated on you... But why aren't you guys trying to work this out between each other? Why are you just deciding 'they cheated on us, let them date.'"
"I want Bella to be happy." Edward cringed, obviously not enjoying explaining this. "Plus, Jasper has become 'addicted' to her."
"What the fuck Jasper." Rosalie plainly said.
"Rosalie! Language!" Esme gasped in shock.
"No mom. I think that this is perfect time to use such language." she replied, her body beginning to shake. "Are you shitting me Jasper! What the fuck do they mean you've become 'addicted' to her? It's bad enough that Edward has the hots for her! Now you? What the hell! You have Alice! You two are happy together!"
"Easy for you to say!" I shouted. "You and Emmett are having sex three times a week! Yes! I know that physical stuff isn't the entire relationship but Alice won't even kiss me! We hold hands at school and that is it! I enjoy pleasuring woman and I cracked! Come on! You can't deny that Bella is beautiful. Hell her name is Italian for beautiful! Yes! I kissed her first! But she said she wanted to do stuff with me. When I came to after I kissed her she told me she wanted more!"
"Oh so just because Alice doesn't sleep with you and some girl comes at you that gives you the right to go sleep with any girl?" Rosalie screamed. "And Bella of all people! She is human Jasper! Just six months ago you nearly killed her when she got a paper cut!"
"You want to know something Rose?" I asked, my rage constantly increasing. "Of all the things I did with her, you want to know the one thing that I really loved? The one thing I loved the most was the fact that she trusted me so easily! She trusted me more than any of you! I told her it would be dangerous and she trusted me! You guys don't trust me to be near her yet she trusted me to do everything that I did to her! Honestly I think that was the one thing keeping me in control. I had the confidence that I could control myself. When you guys doubt me it makes me doubt myself!"
"So she trusts you?" Rosalie continued. "That gives you the right to say you're going to date her? Honestly I don't think anyone in this family should be dating her! She is a human! But Jasper, she is Edward's life! She means the world to him! Are you saying that, after nearly going and killing himself because he thought she was dead, that they shouldn't be together? That he should just give her up?"
"I don't agree with Rosalie on her first comment." Esme commented. "But she has a point. Bella is Edward's life. For once in over a hundred years he feels alive again. Plus you and Alice are so happy together." She was right. They were all right. So I wasn't attracted to Alice anymore. That didn't give me the right to steal the one thing that made Edward happy. What kind of horrible heartless person was I? Not only did I engage in sexual acts with his one love, but now I so easily agreed "alright me and her are dating." I know that Alice had some horrible vision but her visions weren't always spot on. I could easily control myself without Bella.
"Jasper." Alice ordered. "I told you what would happen if you didn't."
"I'm not going to date her Alice. I love you."
"I'm glad you're finally seeing logic." Rosalie exclaimed. But even now, deciding to be with Alice, I didn't feel good. It wasn't so much the stomach churning pain, so much as it was a throbbing one, right above my solar plexus. "So now everything goes back to normal."
"No..." Edward disagreed, pain in his voice. "I've seen Bella's decision through Alice. I hurt her too badly. She loves how Jasper can read and control emotions." The pain in the chest only seemed to burn more. I couldn't hurt Alice, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that Bella was hurt. Why did this have to happen to me? What did I ever do to deserve this pain?
Why the hell wasn't Alice saying anything? Fighting for us to stay together? I could control myself not to go and see Bella. I really could. If she was doing this to protect Bella than she should be trying to make me stay with her because according to everyone else here I was a threat to Bella. It felt like either my head or my heart would explode any second now. I was normally the one who calmed everyone down but right now I think everyone could feel the anger in the air. I needed to get out. I needed to get away from everyone.
"Don't leave Jasper." Alice asked.
"Well tell me one good reason why I should stay here?" I hissed, looking around at everyone. "I'm normally the person to calm everyone down. What good am I when I'm pissed off?"
"We aren't done talking about this." Edward included.
"What more is there to talk about Edward!" I yelled, wishing I could cry. Humans really had it lucky. They could cry, they could throw up, they could do so many emotional functions that we couldn't. They were so lucky and didn't even realize it.
"No one here is done choosing what should happen," he answered, scanning the room. "Myself included. You say that you shouldn't date her and that you shouldn't go out with her, but Alice's visions are saying otherwise. You are still tempted to go and see her. The only one here who has made up their mind on what should happen is Emmett and he thinks 'what the heck, let Jasper try it out.' He trusts you just as blindly as Bella does."
"Hey!" Emmett bellowed, standing up. "I trust him because he provedhe could control himself. Maybe not the best way to prove it... but he did. And you shouldn't say Bella blindly trusts him. We all know she realizes the dangers of being with us, especially Jasper. She saw what happened on her birthday, remember? She trusts him now though and you know what? It may just be me but it really seems like it hurts Jasper whenever he considers not being with her. I mean come on people, can you not see the pain on the dude's face right after he says 'I won't be with her.'"
Emmett was wrong. He had to be. I was in love with Alice. The only reason I longed to see Bella again was because of physical reasons and nothing more. This pain that I felt... It was simply misdirected... I... I was hurt at the idea of hurting others... Not hurt because I would hurt Bella specifically. I mean... I myself had said we shouldn't have her find out about us. Having her near us was dangerous. Yes to her, but also me, and this family. I wasn't worried about protecting her, I was worried about protecting myself. But why would this pain cease to stop?
"I have to leave and clear my head Edward." I replied, wanting everyone to hear. "You can hear in my thoughts how mixed I am about this whole thing. Let me go and think to myself."
"Alright..." he answered warily.
"I'm going out to cool off." I said to everyone. "I want some time to myself. Whatever my answer is when I come back... will all of you please just approve? Alice will probably be giving you the play by play of my decisions."
"No matter what you chose Jasper." Carlisle spoke, "We will approve of. We are a family." Giving a weak smile, I left the family room. Opening the front door, I ran in the opposite direction I had gone hunting. I had to get away from all of this. I had to go and answer this question. I ran, quickly jumping over the highway, no cars out. I bolted east, getting far away from Forks, breathing in the fresh air. To the east of Forks was virtually nothing. Just mountains. To the far east were just small towns I couldn't even remember the names of, all nestled in between mountains. I could go there and just be surrounded by nature and my own thoughts. No having to worry about Edward reading my thoughts. I could think whatever the hell I wanted to. I could scream at the top of my lungs and any human that possibly heard it would probably just think it was the wind, or their ears tricking them. As I got deeper into the forests, I relaxed more, the anger starting to slip out just a bit. Just as I was calming down though, I was nearly attacked by a giant wolf. Where the hell had that thing come from. Springing backwards, I stared at the creature that had tried to attack me. Shoot, I had gone past that territory line or whatever it was. The wolf, a rusty brown color, growled and barred it teeth at me. Instantly, I could tell that it was one of the La Push werewolves for three reasons reasons. One, it looked like a wolf on steroids, matching my height almost exactly, two, it radiated disgust and anger, something animals were incapable of, and three, when I sniffed the air, instead of smelling delicious like a typical carnivore, it had a stink that could only be compared to a mix of wet fur, rotting flesh, and cow patties. If I hadn't wanted to hurl earlier, this surely made me want to. Its deep feral growl snapped me out of my thoughts as I leaped back a bit more and it jumped at me, almost seeming to want to fight me.
"Sorry," I apologized, taking a couple leaps back, leaping over a river. It stopped and stared at me from its side of the river, growling still. What more did this mutt want from me? "I said 'sorry!'" I repeated, as a couple more wolves showed up. A darker one with silver streaks in it, a dark brown, almost chocolatey furred one, and a gray one, with what seemed to be dark spots in its fur, its face a slightly lighter color than its fur. Making sure to be as subtle as I could, I sniffed the air to remember their scents. It would be nice to have a face to these mongrels who were growling at me. They obviously now knew my face, but I didn't know theirs. The silver one paced back and forth, never breaking eye contact with me, a deep growl coming out of his throat. I couldn't help but think to myself how he looked like one of those annoying yappy little dogs that pace back and forth right by an electric fence, barking like their all tough. He, however, could jump the river and attack me if he wished. However, where I stood wasn't their land so if he fought me it would be his fault. I was just going to take a guess and say the silver one had anger management problems. The first wolf eyed him and with a growl, leaped over the river, however not attacking me now. He was actually taller than I was, towered over me by a few inches, something I didn't like. What the hell was this guys problem.
"I am saw-ree." I said, enunciating each syllable, like he was some child or mentally challenged person. He growled at me, digging his claws into the ground. "Awww..." I continued. "Did I anger the big bad wolf." With one quick snarl, he bumped me, knocking me to the ground, as he barred his teeth at me, but then jumped back over the river. Why that no good little pup.
"Real tough!" I yelled at him angrily. "You think you and your little mutt buddies scare me? Like I'm scared of some over grown puppies who hide behind their wolf appearance and some stupid territory line. Well you know what? I know your scent now!" Taking one last good whiff to get each wolves distinct funk, I sprang up, seeing them quickly run away. The putrid smell getting too much to bare, I turned around and headed away from where they had been. Damn. I had gone outside to calm down and they had only made me more pissed off. Bolting toward some tall mountains, I jumped as high as I could, getting to the tip, and, jumping high into the air, came crashing down, punching into the rock.
Clenching my teeth, I jumped down the mountain a bit and did the same thing, feeling the ground crush easily. I wanted to fight something. I wanted to grab something and rip it apart, be it one of those annoying werewolves or another of our kind. I wanted to find a rogue non-vegetarian vampire just so I could fight with them. Breaking rocks wasn't doing anything. I know I couldn't go back and kill one of the werewolves. That would not only make the treaty null and void, but it would put the rest of my family in danger. Maybe I could track that unknown vampire I had smelled. Pick a fight with them. I could easily manipulate their emotions and make them pissed at me. Have them come and attack me. Say I was doing it in self defense. I could also very easily do that to one of those wolves, but that definitely wouldn't end well. I thought I heard somewhere that they all shared minds. If I controlled one of their emotions, they would probably be able to tell. Although from each wolf there I sensed pure anger. They probably would just account it as an uncontrollable urge for one of them to sink their teeth into a vampire. But again, even if they attacked me, if I killed any of their own, it wouldn't end well. The whole Cullen family would most likely have to leave if I did. But, to be completely honest, me and Alice never actually signed the treaty, so technically the treaty didn't apply to us.
Calming down slightly, I sat down, remembering why I had come out here. To clear my head. I breathed in and was glad that there wasn't a trace of mutt in the air. Why the heck did I care more about Bella than Alice? Why wasn't I fighting to get Alice back? I saw that I wasn't physically attracted to her but that's no reason to end a relationship... was it? I could go and talk to Bella.
What time was it now? No. I wouldn't go see her. Thinking of not going to see her though made me angry. Why did it make me angry not being able to see her? What was different between Bella and Alice. Alice was incredibly social. Bella wasn't. Perhaps I was happy to find someone more like me? What did Alice have that Bella didn't? She was a vampire... She had been with me much longer. Somehow though that didn't seem to convince me. No. I wasn't going to be with Bella. I was meant to be with Alice and Edward was meant to be with Bella. But what if I was all wrong. Maybe I was suppose to be with Bella. And perhaps Edward and Alice were a better pair for one another. I mean, they had devised a way to communicate with one another without even speaking.
Honestly I felt Alice was closer to Edward than she was to me... Perhaps that's why she seemed to be taking this so well. Could she have planned this and was just hiding it from Edward so that he wouldn't get mad? Perhaps she had feelings for Edward and still cared enough about me to not want me to be alone. Perhaps that was why I wasn't fighting to get her back. I stopped for a moment to think. Why had me and Alice been together? We traveled together. But any two people can travel together. I was attracted to her? Could I become attracted to her again? Why had I let Bella into our house, with me alone, so easily. No. I didn't let her in, I was the one who suggested she come in.
Why had I suggested? There was no doubt I liked the smell of her blood, but could that have been hiding deeper feelings I had for her? I was with Alice because I had traveled with her and because she was a vampire. I hadn't been with a human for slightly obvious reasons. Maybe Edward was meant to have a blood addiction to her. So that I would meet her. If me and Alice hadn't been together prior to it, true him and Alice might have gotten together, but I would've been all by myself. And when Edward met Bella, he would've either killed her, or simply ignored her, as he wouldn't want to be with her as he was happy with Alice.
What was I thinking? That it was fate that me and Bella should be together? If she had never come over what would've happened? I would've read about animals, maybe go hunting, and then Alice and Edward would've gotten back and I would have studied with Alice. I couldn't help but pause for a moment. Why had she suggested we study? Hadn't we already taken these tests at least 40 times in the past however many years we've been re-doing school? Why had she said "No sex until after graduation" if we'd had sex multiple other times at other schools, our senior year? Perhaps my thinking wasn't so faulty after all. I'm sure she hadn't planned it to go just as it happened, but she probably planned this incident somehow. She normally tells Bella whenever she goes off shopping with Edward, or she would take her with them.
Maybe by the end of the school year, she had planned on ending it with me. Maybe she had a vision and saw me and Bella together. Happy and together. I was curious to ask Edward but even if she had seen a vision of me and Bella together she probably didn't want Edward to see it just yet. What visions of Bella had Alice seen? She had seen a vision of Edward killing her and she had seen a vision of her becoming a vampire. She had never said anything about Edward and Bella being mated with one another. Edward wanted to protect her. But subsequently our whole family now tried to protect her. Could he be confusing his feelings of protection with love?
Stopping for a moment, I closed my eyes, as I tried picturing two different futures. One, everything stays the way it is, I stay with Alice, Edward stays with Bella. Edward had said Bella wanted to be with me. Edward leaving her had hurt her too badly and she wanted to be with me. If the two of them stayed together, would they each truly be happy? Edward knowing that Bella really wanted to be with me? Similarly, if Alice did have feelings for Edward, what would happen after graduation? Would she go back to trying to be with me? Me who no longer was physically attracted to her? It would feel awkward and uncomfortable for both of us.
Shaking my head I decided to look at what I knew for a fact. I knew for a fact that me and Bella did physical things together. I knew for a fact that I was no longer sexually attracted to Alice. I knew for a fact that Bella wanted to be with me. I knew for a fact that I was physically attracted to Bella. The thing's I wasn't certain of were one, if Alice was still attracted to me, two, if Alice had planned for something like this to happen, three, if Alice was attracted to Edward, four, if my feelings for Bella were more than physical. If I stayed with Alice and Bella stayed with Edward though, it would be uncomfortable for both of us. Sighing, I closed my eyes and made my decision. Just a few seconds later, I felt my phone vibrate as I answered it before the first ring had ended.
"Are you sure about this Jasper?" Edward's voice asked, a tiny bit of pain in it. I was doing this for his own good. It would be difficult being with Bella after knowing she didn't want him anymore. "Well Jasper?" Ah yes, forgot he couldn't read my mind over the phone.
"Yes." I answered, doing my best to hide my happiness. It would only hurt him more to hear that I was happy right now. He would come to thank me though. Perhaps him and Alice would get together. Who knew. Looking at my phone though, I became elated when I saw the time. It was now close to 11.
"You can go over." I suddenly heard Alice say, obviously taking the phone from Edward. "Just be careful not to wake up Charlie. It would be hard explaining not only why but how you were in Bella's room." The place in my chest, which previously had felt like it would explode in pain, now felt like it would burst with excitement. I hung up the phone, judged which direction Forks was in, and began running, no, sprinting, to get to Forks. Thankfully, it was all relatively downhill, with only a few hills I had to leap over. Taking a deep breath in, I started smelling familiar scents. Scents of kids from school. I tried to narrow down on Bella's. Plugging her address into my phone's GPS, I saw I was only about three miles from her house. Slowing down to a human pace, I softly jogged the rest of the way. When I reached her house, I stopped for a moment to listen. No television on. No lights on either. As I walked to the front yard, I softly jumped up onto the ledge above the porch, where her open window was. Stealthily sneaking in, I was surprised to see she was fast asleep. She looked even more fragile when asleep. Her breathing saw soft and slow, her heart beating to the same tempo. Should I leave? Should I wake her? I felt like I was being some sort of creeper simply watching her while she slept. Moving over to her bed, I gently lifted one corner of her covers, as I crawled in facing her, gently wrapping my arms around her. She was unbelievably warm. Wanting to feel more, I slipped my hand under her pajama shirt. Her body instantly shivered as I quickly pulled my hand out. Her heart began beating just a bit faster as I bit my lip and curse at myself. As her eyes fluttered open though, I couldn't help but smile at the dazed and confused look on her face. Suddenly her eyes went wide open, as she fumbled backward.
"Sorry..." I apologized. "I just figured since Edward did stuff like that with you..."
"No no no..." she insisted, sleep clinging to her voice. "It's fine. Just wasn't expecting that, that's all."
"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, looking into her soft brown eyes.
"No." she said, quick but sternly. "You want to continue where we left off?" Although I could tell she wanted to have more fun, I was a bit worn out myself.
"Actually..." I said disappointment in my voice, "I was sort of hoping we could talk."
"I want this Jasper alright." she quickly said. "I want to be with you. So don't be going all noble and say 'I'm too dangerous to be near you.' I don't see you as a threat. Honestly I think everyone else being so cautious with you would make you have poor confidence in yourself. You have amazing..." I quickly shut her up with my lips, pressing them lightly against hers. Whatever she was going to say, she seemed to instantly forget, as I pulled away and saw the dazed look on her face.
"I don't mean talk about that." I snickered, kissing her cheek. "I mean talk about stuff I should know. What we should do about school tomorrow. When we plan on telling your dad about the two of us." Climbing back into bed with her, I hugged her, wrapping my arms around her small body. "You couldn't convince me not to be with you even if you wanted to." I joked, getting an evil smile.
"Well what do you want to talk about?" she asked, yawning just slightly. Shoot, as much as we both wanted to talk to each other she was still human and needed to sleep. Then curiosity set in.
"What is it like to dream?" I asked, looking intently into her eyes. "Before I came and woke you, were you having a dream?"
"Most of the time we don't remember dreams." she softly chuckled. "But yes, I was having a dream, a weird one though."
"Would you mind telling me what happened it in," I beamed, staring intently at her.
"Sure..." she smiled. "But can I ask you something first?"
"Ask away." I answered politely. What question could she have for me?
"Why are staring at me?" he asked, blushing slightly. Man, it was cute hearing her blush. Closing my eyes, I kissed the bridge of her nose, as I felt her blush even more.
"Why am I staring?" I began, "I guess because I've never been this close to you... Or any human for that matter. I'm studying you." Continuing to look into her eyes, I saw her iris was quite dilated. Probably from the dark. Staring even closer at them, they ever so subtly expanded and shrunk. Her body was constantly changing, constantly readjusting. I lifted my hand to softly stroke her cheek. Her heart beat increased just the slightest. I enjoyed hearing her pulse. It tempted me so much, but I liked pushing my limits, testing my strength.
"So what did you want to ask?" Bella asked curiously.
"What were you dreaming of before I woke you?" I repeated, wrapping my arms around her.
"I was in the woods," she said, seeming to try and recall all of it. "I was walking and I saw some of the wolves... werewolves. I started running towards them though, it was weird. The sun had come out and they were sparkling like you guys did. Their fur was like... your skin..." She scrunched her face and seemed to look far off, probably trying to recall other small things that had happened in the dream but unable to.
"It's alright..." I softly replied with a smile. "That's quite interesting. Are they all strange like that?"
"Not all in the same type of way," he elaborated. "But yeah... they have a 'weirdness' to them."
"When can I formally meet your dad." I asked. "I mean, as your boyfriend."
"I think he already suspected that it was over between me and Edward." she sighed, glancing to the side. "So Friday is probably good." Wow... this Friday. Only five days from now. I'd probably need to hunt a lot this week if I was going to be in close proximity to Bella and her father, not to mention my training at the hospital with Carlisle. Should I tell her about me going and training? Would she want to know something like this? Would she ask me why? And then I slightly remembered why. Once a month she bled. Would she be embarrassed if I asked her when it was starting? Could Alice see when it would start? Would it be awkward asking either her or Alice when it would start.
"Is that all?" she wondered, breaking me from my thoughts. Should I tell her?
"I'm going to be training with Carlisle at the hospital." I decided to say. "So that I can get used to being this close to you all the time... And get used to the smell of human blood." God... Just thinking about blood was making me thirsty. Even with the meal I had just had only hours ago, I felt the stinging desire to sink my teeth into her soft warm welcoming... Damn, some good that hunt did. I reluctantly got out of bed with her, as she frowned at me.
"Do you mind just staying until I fall asleep?" she asked with a mock-sad voice. Mustering all the strength I could, I crawled back into bed with her, softly wrapping my arms around her. I held my breath, keeping her body close to mine. Within a minute, her heartbeat was soft, her breathing was calm. Sneaking out as quietly as I could, I ran back to the house, walking in and automatically looked for Carlisle. Sniffing the air, I followed his scent to the study, where he was sitting reading a medical book.
"Did Edward tell everyone my decision?" I asked, figuring he was the calmest person in our family.
"Yes, he did." he replied putting down the book. "I'm guessing you are here to tell me your decision on my proposal."
"Yes," I firmly answered. "My answer is yes, I am willing to learn from you."
A/N: Well I hope that this chapter was as good as you all were hoping. I know I didn't leave you on that much of a cliffhanger but I was getting a little tired of leaving you guys in suspense. Don't worry, there will be plenty of other suspenseful chapters. But this chapters question: If Jacob could've imprinted on another girl, who do you think it should've been?