Hello all! Edward's point of view is very difficult- seeing as I am not a man. But I did my best. Hope you enjoy. (Oh- Edward doesn't read minds in this world.)
EPOV
Drip. Drip. Drip. The sink in the first floor bathroom taunted me as I laid on my floor. It had been almost seven hours since I dropped Bella off at her house. Seven hours I have laid here. Seven hours I have replayed our day together. Seven hours I have told myself it's all wrong.
I had no right to befriend this girl. She was so innocent, yet so dynamic. She had her whole life and death in front of her- all I had was immortal hell. I was fighting what I wanted, and what I knew I could never have.
It had been nine years since my relationship with Tanya ended. Having a companion was what I wanted, and at the time Tanya seemed to be it. Not only did Tanya share eternal damnation like myself; but she was beautiful, kind, and had a great sense of humor. After fourteen years, all three qualities lost their luminosity- and I became bored. As harsh as that sounds, I was merely being honest. Tanya took it to heart, and swore I would regret ever leaving her; the truth was, I never felt complete with her. It wasn't love, like I had originally anticipated. She was a companion, a friend, and confidant- but not my love.
Love was more to me; more than just three acceptable traits. I wasn't sure what, but I knew that when I found it, I would know.
The moment Bella Swan invited me to eat lunch with her; I felt a quiet surge of emotion crawl through me. As if blood was being reactivated through my system. That's when I knew I found what I was aimlessly looking for. But just as fast as these emotions came- I was overwhelmed with guilt. She was human; I was a blood thirsty monster. We could never be normal because she could never know my secret.
My family had already warned be to behave; to know my part and where I stood. Disobeying their wishes was never my goal. I loved my family; it was the closest thing to a normal life I could live. But when I told them how I felt toward Bella, they were concerned. They knew I was lonely; but they knew the consequences. I felt as though they had no trust in me, but after several conversations, they gave in. The compromise: I got my one day with Bella to test my boundaries, to see if I could resist her scent. I was relieved to know that I had conquered my own, and everyone else's fear. Now I was faced with a fork in the road; I could risk everything and see where Bella and I lead, or I could push the whole thing away and act as if she never existed.
Choosing was easy, but the guilt that reigned over my head was not. The more I told myself I could have a relationship with Bella, the more strained I felt.
Knock. Knock. "Edward?" Esme's soft voice came over the silence.
"Yes? Come in." I sighed a quick breath preparing myself for whatever she had to say.
"I was checking on you. You came straight in and went up to your room. I'm guessing all went well this morning?"
"I just needed to think about some things, get everything figured out. I'm scared Esme. My urge to be with her completely prevails over my reason. I need an honest opinion. What do you think is the right option?"
"Edward, love is not an option to consider. It's one of the greatest finds of your life, and whomever you find it with should never be an issue. Love is completely blind; your struggle is overwhelming, I know, but do not let it come between something so significant."
I didn't say anything to her. I knew she was right one hundred times over. I had dealt with living in a society full of temptation and had never betrayed my self control. My feeling for Bella went beyond emotion though. My sexual attraction toward her was strong, and that was one thing I had never tried. Being surrounded by humans was one thing, being intimate with a human is another. Touching Bella was secure for me, but being in the realm where my urges take over my body seemed frightening.
Esme sat with me for a while. We were silent, each knowing what the other felt. She broke the silence first.
"I love you Edward, and will support your decision. I have a feeling it's already made."
With that, she left the room. I knew my decision was made as well.
The question was, did Bella feel the same? While in the forest, I sensed her arousal when I got closer to her. I wasn't being over confident, I was being real. I had a slight feeling she felt something for me; I hope I wasn't wrong.
Now that my verdict was made, and my family some what supported me, I had to confide in Bella. As confident as I seemed on the outside; I was dead scared on the inside…no pun intended.