A/N: Hey guys! Sorry that there was no update yesterday. I think I've been doing well with keeping this story at consistent pace. Sadly, the next update will have to be sometime late Monday night. Look forward to it! Thank you for your continued support.

Heaven's Grief

There's too many stars reaching over the horizon.
Let 'em burn out, let 'em burn. – "Burn" by Madi Diaz

Chapter Five: Demons

Plain red service attire, boorish wooden and brick wall interior; there was so much brown it almost made me feel sick. Fortunately the food was better here at Biggerson's, a food chain that had no shortage of wealth.

"I'll have a coffee."

I raised an eyebrow at the odd request, "I didn't know you were into caffeine."

"I sometimes even order something to eat."

Castiel was full of all sorts of surprises.

I ordered myself a chicken salad, handing back the menu to our waitress. "This is a really depressing first date." I wondered then, what that might actually be like, to have Castiel choose the location and activities for the evening. For someone who was so lacking in social skills, he always gave it an honest try. His favorites were probably complex and specific and that was fascinating to me.

He stared at me seriously, "Are we on a date?"

"I don't mean to turn this 'oh so' romantic moment into a dramatic one, but I feel like I have to ask you this." I busied myself with the napkin in my hand, twisting it tightly upon itself until it tore. He looked receptive, his resolve just as steady as his patience, even while we were in imminent danger. "How did you find out that I was dead?"

"Dean." He gave an exhausted sigh. I could tell that he didn't want to discuss it but he continued anyway, as it was something I asked directly and he didn't want to disappoint. "It was part of Dean's prayer. He said many things that should have, that did hurt me, but then he said you were dead. He said that he watched Crowley stab you with an Angel Blade."

I laughed sardonically, thinking of that bastard's joy from having killed me. The Winchesters wouldn't have grieved my death. I wasn't someone you would miss. "Come now, my being gone was probably…" My musings ended with one look from the angel, proving me otherwise. It wasn't like Castiel was completely repressed these days, but a part of me had a difficult time imagining an angel in mourning over a demon.

The waitress returned with my salad and a coffee. "If I can get you a refill for your cup or anything else just let me know." He quietly thanked her and took the mug into his hands as if he were holding it just for the warmth.

"Why do you look so strained?" I picked at the food with my fork, too unsettled to take a bite. My eyes flickered to his, watching him carefully. It was moments like these where I wished I had my powers back, so I could at least shoulder some of his burdens with any semblance of confidence. I wanted to be useful and I didn't want to feel like unnecessary weight.

He breathed out wearily, "They're closing in on me…"

"But you've been one step ahead of them this whole time."

"They're able to see wherever I go, Meg." I slowly shook my head at his words, as if that would get rid of the situation. I was scrambling to think of something resourceful. "And they will be here soon." He took a sip of his coffee, before calmly setting it back down on the table. "I thought that by teleporting from one public transport to another that they would be thrown from my trail. The buses, the trains, they look similar on the inside making it more difficult for them to pin an exact location. But it only saved us a few hours."

Repetitive…

A place that blends right into the next.

"I forgot this! I'm so, so sorry." I could hear our waitress stammering, as she placed down Biggerson's homemade dressing. The dark red and brown bottle had me mentally cringing. Who would find this appealing, and more importantly, why did I care so much about their consistently horrible color scheme? Maybe I hated it because everyone loved it.

Though, what else was new…

Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Still brown and red, brick and wood.

"You had the right idea." I could feel my face light up as I beamed a smile at him, savoring the way his blue eyes stared back curiously. "How many Biggerson's do you suppose there are in the states? What's more, how many in other countries, all with the very same hideous brown tapestry? Once you've seen one Biggerson's, you've seen them all."

He narrowed his eyes at me with realization and adoration that I wished would never end. "Yes. That's perfect."

Pleased by the fact that our usual roles were now reversed, I started with the line he said yesterday, "Admittedly, the idea was inspired by you." Leaning in across the table, my elbows settled at the sides of my plate. "Frankly, I think I deserve a sticker for all my good work."

"I might be able to acquire one of those." I gripped the sleeve of his coat before he could poof away to a twenty-five cent machine. He sat back in his chair, allowing me to hold him there. "Can you bring me somewhere?"

"Yes, as long as it is a place that still exists…" His fingers gently brushed the top of my hand, where it was still wound tightly around his sleeve. It was unnerving how the simplest of touches could affect me. "…you'll have to imagine it."

It seemed simple enough, so I did as he instructed. The place I was thinking of changed throughout the ages; a modest countryside that had since turned to ash. The memories were buried beneath the land's soil. However I could vividly see every house. I could tell where every tree once stood, the river and how it felt between my toes, and the wild flowers and fruits with autumn's harvest on its way.

There really was no place like home.

The air shifted beneath me, our hands remaining still. The smell was intoxicating, as I breathed in enough to fill my lungs. I slowly opened my eyes as if I were removing a blindfold and this was to be my present. The land was just as magnificent as I remembered. I took him with me, leading him through the wheat covered field we arrived in.

He appeared to be just as amazed by the scenery as I was. He reached a hand out and felt each strand as we passed by, "It's very beautiful."

"You should see it in the spring." He stood motionless then, refusing to take another step, even with my vain attempts to tug him along. "Come on, Clarence. You don't see a field like this and just leave it alone. Besides, the river is this way."

"Meg," He looked at me seriously, as he gently pulled me to him by our hands that were still held together. "I like you human." I was unsure of how to properly accept the compliment, if it was even one. I briefly wondered if he had taken a trip into my mind earlier. "I like you this way, because I can see everything."

Why was he saying this? I found myself staring at the pattern on his tie, trying to distract myself from getting more upset. "Where is this coming from?"

"Teleporting is taking its toll on you and I'll have to do it often-"

I shoved that fact aside, "No."

"…and I have to move quickly. It'll become more dangerous."

"Please." I didn't want to hear it.

He raised his voice, "I'll be back before nightfall. I won't give them the opportunity to use you against me." I stared up at him, incredulous and hurt overall. I tried to pull free from his grip, when he suddenly closed the space between us, brushing his warm mouth against mine.

I leaned into the kiss, as my arms circled around his waist beneath his coat, pressing my fingers into his skin at the feeling of his tongue teasing across my lips. This distraction wasn't enough to settle my anger, not even slightly. He moved his fingers through my hair, tilting my head back to better angle his mouth. My jaw lowered in rhythm with his own.

His fingertips skimmed across the side of my neck in feather-light touches, as the next kiss was tender, and soft. It felt like he was testing me, as the next moment was graceless on his part, forcing me backwards onto the hard ground. His body settled on top of mine, the weight was heavy and comfortable. My lips parted over his tongue as it swept over mine in expert strokes. I sighed softly against him.

My mind was a scattered mess as he continued to pick me apart like a puzzle he had solved a thousand times before. He caught my hand and pinned it above my head, and started pressing kisses along the underside of my arm. It was a slow torture, leaving my skin feeling flushed and heated. It took every bit of restraint I had left to turn my face away from his when his mouth fell to the column of my neck, teasing with the tip of his tongue in strong circles, before nipping gently.

"Castiel…" He pressed his hips into mine, drawing another sound from me. My stomach grew tight under his ministrations, completely gone by the time he made it back up to consume my lips leaving me breathless as a result. He pulled away long enough to look at me and see what he had done. His eyes were nearly black when he stared at me then, and there was nothing gentle about the way he roughly dragged his thumb over my bottom lip.

"I need to leave. Now." I didn't have the chance to continue my losing argument, not like that would ever happen while he kissed me into oblivion. He already flashed away, leaving me to think about what had just occurred. Maybe I could write it off as something that was long overdue, but it was something more intricate than that.

Back to my own devices. Right. Every moment of that kiss was now burned at the front of my mind, demanding my attention. From the way he looked right through me to how right his mouth felt against mine. Several times it stopped me in my tracks to the river. His words replayed in my head, along with the actions that led me to the ground, and the loss I felt when my arms and legs closed around air. It would haunt me all day; that and the fact that I wasn't with him right now.

Sadly, he made a good point against my going with him and he would be able to make a dozen more. I couldn't stop worrying, even if he was confident about coming back. The less I could do as a human, the more useless I felt.

The carriage came to a halt halfway up the road with the coachman unwilling to go any further. He was quick to unload my belongings and left the near abandoned village. I did not care to take my things with me, as I walked with heavy steps along the familiar muddy path to my home. The foreign smell that permeated was from a very distinct source and I felt as though I was walking through a graveyard.

Outside I could see a priest with his book in one hand and his rosary trembling in the other. I felt disgusted and ashamed as I stormed over to him, "If you cannot so much as hold their hands whilst you recite their last rites, then you do not belong here." He was saying his apologies, but no words could ever be good enough. "Father, if you value your life, then you will leave me be."

He grabbed me by my arm. "I beg of you, do not stay. There is only death for you here." In my mind, I had died once already. It was the very moment I received word about my family fallen ill. The future that was assured to us and the dreams that belonged to me were broken one by one. I felt the tears in my eyes pour over, just when I thought I wouldn't be able to cry anymore.

"To be with them, death means living long and happy. Now go see to those less fortunate." My arms shook, using all of my effort to push him away from me. It was enough to set him off balance and straight into a pool the mud. I touched my fingers to the handle, when a loud bark of laughter ripped through the silence on the other end.

The door opened, to reveal the priest standing there with a smug grin on his face. "Luckily for you, bravery is a sure way to get you killed." His eyes were luminous as they glowed yellow. "But why just die, Meg? You seem like an ambitious girl."

That voice, the mannerisms, the quick movement. This was not the same man, if he had been a man at all. Maybe this was a trauma induced hallucination? I was hesitant to ask, but fear was something that no longer daunted me, "Who are you?"

"That is always the first question." He rolled his eyes at me, as he turned to walk further inside my home, making himself comfortable. "Now give me the second question, come on. What am I?"

I shrugged my shoulders, unsure and lacking the motivation to think, "Are you an angel?"

"Better, my dear," He practically cooed, as he sat at the edge of the table and followed my every move with those unnatural pair of eyes, like a feline might stalk its prey. "I could kill you for free or we can make a deal."

I laughed once, the choice too easy. "Kill me."

"Hear my offer first." He was suddenly behind me, sliding his hands up over my back. "Let us not get ahead of ourselves. We both know how ready you are to die. You are practically starving for it, are you not? Without your family, why should you exist anymore? That loyalty, Meg, is a quality that is so rare to find."

"What is your offer?"

"There we go." He clapped his hands together in excitement. "I will raise one from your flock for you, Meg. That infernal plague will no longer be able to touch them. In exchange, I will have to ask you for something..."

"All of them or no deal."

Within a blink of an eye, he appeared in the shadows of the hallway, laughing darkly as he teased, "Oh, Meg. Mass resurrection for the whole lot? Little Jane and Sarah, even your mother, all were sick and dying today, but suddenly by some miracle tomorrow they are not. How would the people react?"

He nodded to himself, coming to the conclusion that my terms were final. His golden eyes were unable to conceal his satisfaction. "You would know best." My lashes fell against the cold gust of wind that breezed past my face, startled to find him standing right in front of me. "Now to seal the deal," he whispered, as he pressed his lips to mine in a kiss. "We will be back together shortly."

He vanished as though he were never there to begin with. If he was all he claimed to be, then my family would be alive.

My legs carried me through each room, until the last one, which belonged to my mother. I eased the door opened and felt the last piece of me snap. The breath was stolen from me, as I saw them lifeless on the bed. Jane's small arm hung off the side of the mattress, her stuffed rabbit on the floor. I pretended for a moment that they were asleep, tucking her hand back under the blankets for the warmth she did not need. Sarah's dark lips were parted, her eyes half lidded in an empty stare. My mother laid between them with each arm around their shoulders, as if she had been holding them to her.

The moment seemed to last for as long as an eternity, when they finally started gasping for air, the lights shining in their eyes, and color returning to their faces once again. For all I knew, I had made a deal with Satan himself, but at least he kept his promises, whereas God did not lift a finger to my cries.

I woke up drenched in a cold sweat, my chest heaving as fresh tears slid down the sides of my face. Jarring myself awake from sheer force of will worked for me this time or perhaps the dream had simply run its course. I didn't want to remember and thanks to Hell, I was able to keep the memories down until recently. The events that happened after I signed my soul away to Azazel were far worse than anything I had ever experienced or done since. And it was all my fault.

That's when I noticed that it was dark, probably even late into the evening. I had no idea when I had fallen asleep, but the more concerning part was why I was never woken up. Castiel should have been back hours ago. The angel wouldn't go against his word. Something must've happened, and I had no way of knowing what it could have been.

I grabbed the messenger bag I had been using as a pillow and slung it over my shoulder. I didn't know where to start first. Contact Dean and Sam, without having any way of doing so, as their numbers change constantly. Fly my way back to the states, without money or any form of identification. I couldn't even summon a demon.

The safest option, the only option was to stay put and hope that Castiel was alive, and that he would return as he said he would. But I needed to do something. I couldn't just stay here while something was happening to him. I collapsed to the ground in defeat, feeling dejected and hopeless. I realized then that this would be a continuous cycle.

I wouldn't be able to save him. Ever.

TBC