Hello everyone!

So I have been gone for a while but my operation has finished and I have returned safely to where I belong, writing on here. I hope you enjoy this one after the little bit of the wait, I tried to write it as soon as I could when I got my computer back.

Hundan.

Since their argument two days ago she hasn't really spoken much to Tony. And yeah this was meant to be for the better, but she wouldn't say it was easy. She knows he has probably needed her to console in about his meeting with Vance, but he hasn't because he's trying to get better at handling things without her. For the better of course.

Coming into work this morning she was nervous, and not because of the case they were working on, no, today was the day Tony had his meeting with the physiologist and Director Vance. And if she is this nervous for him, she wonders how bad he is right now.

He's changed his outfit three times already, redone his hair multiple times in the last twenty minutes and he's had far too much coffee to be considered healthy in one morning. To say the least he was very nervous about today. He was so close to going over and talking to Ziva last night but in the end he held back, because like she said he can do this without her, she doesn't need to hold his hand. And while he thinks maybe she is right, he still wouldn't mind her soft hand in his to help him.

He has an hour until he has to be at NCIS to see Director Vance, that hour is going to feel like forever at this point. Lucky for him his phone started to ring. He picked it up off his bed and looked at the caller ID. Sam.

"Hey Sam" he answered. He'd half expected the call was going to be from Ziva, but then again he should have known better.

"Hey Tony, how are you feeling this morning?" he asked, because he knew what today was for Tony. And the fact he was calling to check in on him meant a lot to Tony.

"Really nervous, but I think it's going to be okay" he replied honestly.

"That's good. I know you will be alright today, I mean you can pretty much gather what's going to happen" Sam explained, because he and Tony had already discussed this and Tony knew that Sam was right. The meeting won't tell him too much more than what they already know themselves and another meeting will just be set up at a later date to see if any more progress has been made.

"Yeah, I still cannot help but be nervous, I mean I've already changed three times" he explained with a nervous chuckle. And the fact he will most likely see Ziva there didn't make his nervousness calm down at all.

It's been only two days but he's already dying to see her. He feels like he is almost addicted to her, and it happened to be an addiction that he needs to let go of. At least to an extent. He doesn't think he would be able to ever fully let her go.

"You'll be fine. And you know I've always got my phone on me at work so just call if you need to anytime in the day" Sam explained. He knows Tony is in a little bit of a rough patch with Ziva at the moment, they talked about it the other night.

"Yeah I will, thanks Sam" Tony replied. He was really thankful for a friend like Sam, one that always was there for him if he needed him. Tony is lucky in that way, he's surrounded by a lot of people that are there for him. Even if he struggles to be there for all of them sometimes.

"You're always welcome Tony, anyways I got to head off but I will talk to you later, good luck" Sam replied before hanging up. Tony knows he better get going too, because it's almost time to face the music and go to work for the first time since his accident.

When he pulls up to the front gate of the Navy base his nerves are through the roof. He knows he shouldn't be nervous because this was going to be alright, but pulling up to the gates with marines on guard was a little unnerving. However when Tony got close the marine at the gate smiled at him as he walked up to his window.

"Hey there Agent DiNozzo, it's been a while since I've seen you around" the young marine smiled, like he knew him. This was weird for Tony because this was the first time someone had referred to him as Agent DiNozzo, and yeah it felt strange. It's going to take a while to get used to that. Tony just greeted him back like he knew him and the marine let him through. However Tony had no idea where he was meant to park his car because he didn't remember.

He went to the front door of the building once he found somewhere that looked okay for him to park his car and all around him were people dressed in suits, many with weapons attached to their hips. Most of them would be agents, just like he used to be. He had also adorned a suit today and he was clean shaven, because he knows that's the kind of agent he was. It's what Ziva had told him.

He walked into the front door of the building and there were security guards by metal detectors, on the entrance watching who comes and goes. They smiled and said hello to a lot of people, the agents they would see every single day. Tony walked through them and one of the guards said hello to him and smiled, but the smile was different, it was almost concerning.

Maybe this guard knew what happened to him. As he proceeds to the front desk he starts to realise that many of the people in this building were giving him that concerned look. He realises then that the word about him getting shot must have really got around.

He gets to the front desk and the older guy behind the counter stands up when he sees him and reaches over the counter to shake his hand. Tony went along with it.

"Anthony, it's good to see you, you look well" he greeted him. That's also the first time someone has addressed him by his full first name. And yeah, this guy definitely knew about his accident. Tony could read it on his face clear as day, no matter how good he was hiding it, Tony just seemed to read him easily.

Tony can tell this man knows him personally, and maybe it's because he's seen him every day for the many years that he's worked here at NCIS. Tony is not really sure, because he doesn't exactly remember. Maybe one day he will, but he's not keeping his hopes up at this point. And for some reason the man behind the counter looks at him and before he asks Tony the next question he answers it himself.

"I will call someone to come down and take you upstairs" because he doesn't remember how to find his way around here anymore, and the old guy in front of him just knew. Tony thanked him before looking around and watching all the people coming and going, many of whom looked at him. They know him. They probably know him better than he really knows himself, and that's a scary thought.

He watches a kid walk out of the elevator who came straight in his direction. It must be the agent that has come to show him the way. He didn't look like an agent though, he looked like one of those teenagers who live with their parents until they are thirty and just spend all day playing computer games. He didn't look very old either.

"Hey Tony" he said nervously, he seemed like he wasn't sure how to handle this situation. The kid obviously knows him. Tony said hello back hesitantly, because he didn't know who he was exactly. The young agent with the curly dark hair seemed to catch on.

"Oh, I'm um, I'm Dorneget" he said even more nervous than he was a second ago.

"Nice to see you" Tony said. This guy was getting more and more nervous the more they stood here. Tony had a feeling it had something to do with him.

"So you're the one taking me to the Directors office?" Tony asked. Because he wanted to move this along. He didn't want to be late for his first meeting with the Director, he wants this all to go as best as possible, because he's nervous enough. And Dorneget being all flustered and nervous doesn't help.

"Um yeah, follow me" he said and he led the way back to the elevator. Tony followed his lead. It was an almost awkward silence because Tony could tell Dorneget wanted to speak up about something and probably ask a million questions. But he didn't have it in him to really ask. So the entire trip on the elevator was silent. Tony wasn't quite sure what to think about this agent.

They stop at a floor and a couple more agents got on. Again they looked at him strangely, like there was something wrong with him or they knew some gossip about him that they are not sharing. He tried to ignore it the best he could. Had it always been like this coming into work? Or was this only since his accident?

The next time the elevator stopped he and Dorneget got off on that floor. The walls in this place were bright orange, something he did not expect from a federal agency building. He was now in some sort of office complex, and it was very busy. He and Dorneget walked along the edge of some offices and that was the point when he saw familiar faces.

At first he'd seen the grey hair of Gibbs as the older man instructed something to people. Then he'd seen Tim, and at last his eyes had settled on the back of Ziva's curls. Because he would know her curls if he saw them anywhere. So this is where he used to work. This was where he did some of the things he used to do best. Ziva hadn't seen him yet but Tim's eyes had fallen on him and Tony wasn't quite sure what to make of Tim's look because he smiled, but when he did he looked worried.

What that gaze meant Tony was not too sure. There was also another guy in the office that he didn't recognize, it must be the agent that Ziva had told him about. The one who had temporarily replaced him. There was a slight feeling in him that his territory had been trespassed on, and just looking at this agent brought this out in him. He's not exactly sure where it had come from, but it had come from somewhere.

It wasn't until he was walking past their office block did Ziva turn around and see him. A soft smile graced her face because she was confident in him, and maybe glad to see him here where he belongs after so long being gone. And then she was looking away so quickly again, because she was busy at work and she had a job to do. And today, so did he. Dorneget takes him upstairs and while Tony follows his eyes look out over the office and he watches Ziva and the team work. He wonders if she knows he's watching her right now. The way she fuses with her computer a little too much he thinks yeah, maybe she does.

He and Dorneget end up in a little office with a secretary who smiles at him and he knows that he's almost there. He's only seen and spoken to Director Vance a few times since his accident so he doesn't know him all that well, but he knows one thing, he needs to make this man see his improvement, otherwise his agent days may be over.

He sees that as a bad thing, even if he may not remember exactly what it was like to be an agent. All he knows is all the people close to him are there and want him back. Because it's where he belongs. The secretary tells him he can go in now and Dorneget goes off and leaves him to his fate alone. Because this was now something he had to do on his own esteem.

He knocked on the door and the Director called him to come in. Taking one last deep breath to try and calm his nerves a little before opening the door and walking in. Director Vance stood up from behind his desk and smiled at Tony. Ziva's told him Vance can be very nice, but also he can have a hard arse streak. Today it seems as though his nice side is the one taking point. Vance held out his hand and much like the man at reception downstairs Tony shook it in return.

"You're looking good DiNozzo" he said, and again being addressed by that name felt so unfamiliar.

"Last time you saw me I probably wasn't at my best Sir" Tony said with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood of the room more. When Vance smiled in return it settled his nerves a little. What Tony won't know is Vance was smiling because he could hear the old Tony still deep in him with that comment. And that was important.

"That is true. Please, take a seat" Vance said as he pointed at the large table behind Tony. Tony did so and took a seat, where Vance came and sat next to him.

"How has everything been? Have you had much development?" Vance asked. This was the beginning to Tony's first re-evaluation.

"I have been not too bad, I've gotten a lot stronger than I was a month ago" he explained, Vance nodded at him and wrote something down on the file in front of him.

"How has your wound been?" he asked, looking towards the scar on the side of his head. Tony knows you can still see it, his hair wasn't long enough to cover it yet. Tony turned his head and let Vance have a better look.

"It has actually been the least of my worries, the doctor said it's healed very well" Tony said. Vance leant forward and had a closer look at the scar now permanently with Tony. As Director of a federal agency Tony thinks this man has probably seen his fair share of battle wounds.

"It does look quite good actually" Vance agreed "You are lucky" he added. Tony doesn't really think he is that lucky considering but he guesses he could have ended up a lot worse than he is. He's walking around and talking perfectly fine, so Vance is pretty right about him being lucky in the end. Vance leant back.

"And how is everything else?" he continued. Vance didn't outright say it but Tony knows he is now asking about his memory. Tony paused for a moment and Vance did notice that he did.

"In simple terms, I still don't remember anything more" Tony said, and yeah his tone was a little negative about it but could you really blame him? He watched Vance note that down.

"I've spoken to your doctor and I will speak to Dr Wolf when he is finished with you later, your doctor said there is still a very small chance that you will remember, but it is slim. Don't think however that just because you don't remember that we are just going to drop you and forget about you, we surely won't. You've been a very important agent here for a very long time. However how we go about this is tricky" he began to explain. And so far this conversation seemed to be heading in a direction Tony liked the sound of. The type of one that gave him an endgame to set his sights on.

"If you don't regain memory or you regain a little bit of your memory, it's your decision but we can retrain you as an agent. If that is something you don't feel like you want to continue with we can support you with trying to find your feet some more on a different path. If you do remember at some point we can put you through the necessary tests and hopefully have you back in your team" he explained, and really that was a lot of different things for him to decide on. And really now that he has those options laid out in front of him he's not really sure what he wants to do. Would he go back to his old job? He knows everyone would like him back but could he really? After what has happened? He's really not too sure anymore.

"It's all your decision in the end" Vance added and Tony knows that, he just thinks that it will be a really difficult decision to make.

After talking to Dr Wolf Tony was starting to understand just how different he is. Sure Ziva has said he's different but only by how shocked the doctor was Tony could tell he was quite different when it came to some aspects of who he was. Sure he was the same man and liked the same things, but the way he shared personal things, the way he was so open to anyone, it was more different than what Dr Wolf had truly expected.

Being faced with all this information today Tony had a lot to think about. Vance pretty much explained he had his job back if he was willing to retrain and continue, but he also left him with the option that he didn't have to if he didn't want to. And right now Tony honestly doesn't know what to do.

He knows what everyone else wants but not exactly what he wants. He's never really thought about what he wants for his future, he's mainly been thinking about trying to get his memory back. Which isn't working right now how he would like it to. Or is that really how he would like it to be? What's it going to be like if he gets his memory back? Will it make him even more confused?

Maybe this was just his chance to start fresh, begin with something new in his life and give up being a cop and a federal agent. It's not exactly like he's so young anymore and he knows at this point he's not close to having a wife and kids, even though deep within him he knows it's something he wants. Maybe it's time to start changing his priorities in life.

Not that he wasn't happy before his accident (as far as what he has gathered) he thinks just maybe he spent too much time focused on his job more than anything else. And maybe it's time now to change that. He doesn't know how yet but he thinks the best he can do is at least try.

"Sorry I'm late buddy" Sam says as he sunk into the seat opposite him at the table. He'd come to join Tony for dinner and it was while Tony waited for his friend that he'd gone off in his though process about his future.

"It's alright, I haven't been here long" Tony smiled at his friend. Sam had been good for him since his accident and they had become really close friends since that day Sam had helped him out.

"So, tell me, how was your interview and everything? Did it go alright?" Sam asked. He'd worried about his friend all day today.

"It was pretty much just what you said it would be. I was a little nervous going in but once I starting talking to my boss it wasn't as bad" Tony explained.

"What did they say? Anything helpful?" Sam continued to ask.

"Pretty much I can still work there and they will just retrain me" Tony said. He watched his friends smile grow.

"That's great news, right?" Sam asked, excited. However when he saw Tony look down at the table he grew concerned. He thought Tony wanted his job back, it's all he could speak about before the interview.

"I'm not sure if I want my job back" Tony stated.

"What brought on the change of heart?" Sam asked. He wondered what it could have been that had changed Tony's mind but he didn't have much of a clue to what it could have been. It wasn't Ziva, was it? He knows Tony hasn't been seeing her for a little bit.

"I just think that maybe this is my chance to change my priorities in life, you know? Focus more on myself instead of my job so much" Tony explained. And yeah, Sam could understand. He's been in the same profession all his life and sometimes he feels like a change would be good, but he's too addicted to his job at the same time so it never happens.

"What would you do for your job if you weren't going to work at NCIS anymore?" Sam asked. Because if his friend was serious about this he had to be practical.

"See, that's where it gets me. I've only ever been a cop and it's not like I remember that stuff anyways" Tony said. This was hard and it was confusing. But since his accident nothing in Tony's life had been easy. Sam let out a breath and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to think this over.

"I guess you could do something that didn't need too much pre-training for it, you're a smart guy you could do a lot of things, we just need to find what" Sam explained.

"Are you really serious about this?" Sam went on. Because if he was he would have to start looking for this job sooner rather than later. He's not going to last on his savings as money forever. It was Tony's turn this time to run a hand through his hair and sigh. This was frustrating.

"That's it, I don't know what to do" Tony admitted. Sam knows what Tony needs to do, because there is one person that knows him better than anyone else. And she's the one person who will know exactly what will be best for him. It's just Tony hasn't spoken to her in a short while because he was trying to do this without her and on his own. So Sam doesn't know if he will like his plan.

"You need to ask her, she'll know exactly what is best for you" Sam said quietly. And he didn't need to say her name for Tony to understand who he was talking about right now.

"I can't Sam, I have to do this without her you know that" he shook his head. He wasn't going to. He can't bring her in now when he has already decided to do this on his own. He cannot keep falling back to her.

"Tony for this you have to, she knows you better than anyone" Sam argued. Sam knew Tony yeah, but not like Ziva. No one knew him like Ziva did. And Tony knows his friend is right but he doesn't know if he can do this.

"I can't Sam" Tony repeated. This was the point where Sam gave him a certain look and went quiet, stared at Tony until he really looked at him. When he did he spoke up.

"As your friend I am telling you, if you cannot decide this on your own you need to go see her" Sam lectured. Tony stared at his friend. He was right, even if going back to her was against the decision he made. It's going to be difficult Tony knows that, especially after telling her he needs to do this sort of thing on his own. But simply right now he didn't know what to do with himself and he knows she will. She always knows when it comes to him.

"Okay" Tony agreed. He had no other option, because he really didn't know where to go from here without her. He doesn't think he ever truly knows what to do with himself without her.

I hope you liked it!

I was meant to be sent on operation for another three months but considering I need possible knee surgery I am no longer allowed to be sent with my unit. The one good thing about that is I will be around to continue writing! I will update as soon as it is written as always!

Hundan.