I kept walking off down the street. I heard a few people call my name in concern. I'm sure my face was showing a lot more than I'd like. But suddenly a form stepped out from behind a tree. I looked up, straight into the blue eyes that I knew so well. The eyes that I had lost myself in so many times. But this time I was drowning in them and my throat was closing. I stepped back, still struggling to breathe.
"Just hear me out." Ezra pleaded in a near whisper. I shook my head, my eyes on the ground. He took a few cautious steps towards me, reaching out to place a hand lightly on my arm. I flinched and his hold faltered for a moment before he finally resolved to maintain contact. Looking up slowly, I finally found words, though I spoke them so quietly that they were likely unintelligible, "Please... j-just leave me alone."
Ezra sighed dejectedly, "Aria, please just let me explain."
I shook my head again my voice growing stronger, "Haven't you done enough?" I shot back accusingly, the hurt must have been evident in my eyes. He stepped closer, moving his hand from my arm to my cheek. I stepped back, straight into a tree. I was trapped. He advanced again, replacing his hand on my cheek, "Aria, this isn't what you think."
"You have no idea what I'm thinking Ezra, and don't pretend that you do." I growled through clenched teeth.
He moved closer to me, putting his lips next to my ear, his breath tickled as he whispered, "Aria, I love you and you love me. Can't it just be that simple?"
"You don't get to decide how I feel." I whispered back, echoing an argument we had had ages ago. But I knew he was right, I did still love him, as much as I wanted to pretend that I didn't.
Ezra pulled back, looking into my eyes, searching for something.
And then his mouth was on mine.
I responded instantly, my mouth moving in sync with his. His tongue exploring every inch of my mouth urgently. I realized how wrong this was, but it felt so right. His hand slid between me and the tree, pulling me flush against his chest. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, as a tear slid down my cheek. As the kiss deepened my tears began to flow more freely. I knew this couldn't last. I also knew that we couldn't last. Ezra and I had overcome a lot of adversity, but I couldn't handle him being A.
My tongue met his in an urgent dance, breaking away to run over his top teeth.
He bit my lip lightly and, moaning softly, I pulled away. I placed a final kiss gently on his lips, my eyes still closed.
I relinquished my hold on him. Emitting a dejected sigh, I looked up and ran my thumb over his beautifully sculpted cheekbones. My lips turned down in a brief frown. And then I walked away without a backwards glance.
"Aria!" He shouted after me, "Can you please just listen for one minute?"
My heart was breaking all over again. I wanted to listen, I wanted to listen to him so badly. I missed him already and I had only taken a few steps away. But I knew if I turned around I would forgive him, forgive him for everything. And I couldn't do that to my friends or myself. I was also positive that if he kissed me again I would melt into a puddle at his feet. I heard his footfalls as he raced to catch up.
Again he blocked my path, this time I made an effort to keep my eyes averted.
"Nothing you say is going to change my mind Ezra," I mumbled, "It won't change how I feel about any of this."
His frustration was palpable, "You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything when we kissed," he nearly shouted, "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me!"
I laughed humorlessly, shaking my head, "I never said that I didn't feel anything. And if I looked you in the eye and told you that I don't love you , I'd be lying. We both know that."
"Then what's wrong?" He whispered desperately.
I looked up reluctantly, "The problem is that I can't trust you anymore. You've lied to me for years. How can I believe that you love me when you're the one that's been torturing me and my friends?"
He looked away thoughtfully, when he looked back his eyes were brimming with tears, "I didn't have a choice," he replied brokenly, "but how can you say that you're unsure of my feelings?"
I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. That was a good question, but I had no idea how to answer it. My heart was screaming in anguish. It craved his touch. But my head screamed back, telling me that no one would torture someone they love.
"How could you do this to me, to us?" I asked simply.
"I told you, I didn't have-"
"There's always a choice." I spit, cutting him off.
"Please Aria, you have to believe me." He insisted, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me closer.
I put my palms flat on his chest in an effort to push him away.
"Leave her alone!" I heard a familiar voice shout. I turned around to see my three best friends rounding the corner and running towards me.
Next thing I knew, Spencer's hand was closing around my arm and pulling me away from Ezra. His hands dropped to his side in defeat.
"You've done enough," Hanna growled menacingly, echoing my earlier outburst. She stepped between Ezra and I, effectively blocking my line of sight. "Aria isn't your toy. You can't just play with her emotions."
"I never meant to-" I heard Ezra begin. But Hanna cleanly cut him off, "Just stop. We don't want to hear it. Come on." She said, turning around and putting her hand on my back to guide me away. The three of them formed a wall around me, coaxing me forward.
I looked back to find Ezra staring straight at me, his eyes still red. But I could see the pure unconcealed love pouring out of them, along with a few stray tears.
Then I realized that I had just made a horrible mistake. That he had been telling the truth. And all I did was freeze him out.