As a sophomore in high school Danny dated a girl named Colette Donovan. She had long chestnut hair that cascaded around her shoulders and deep brown eyes that drove Danny crazy when she looked up at him in a certain way. All through the school day he thought about her, wanting to touch her body and kiss those soft, full lips. More than once he had found himself getting hard in the middle of a chemistry or history lesson just because he was thinking about his beautiful Colette.
When they were alone in her parents' basement she would sit so close to him and look up at him with those eyes, and Danny was lost in her. It would start with a warm, tingly sensation in his stomach that spread through his body slowly like lava, his skin getting hot and sensitive to the touch. His breathing would become shallow and his fingers would start to shake slightly. They made out for hours, hands exploring, bodies rubbing together. It never went any farther because she wouldn't let him take off her shirt or jeans, but the rush he got from just kissing her was enough to keep Danny going for months.
It was the same feeling he had now kissing Don. It was fun, exhilarating and intoxicating; the teenager in him rejoicing. Any doubts that had been lingering in his mind were swiftly forgotten the moment Don's lips touched his. He let himself be consumed with kissing the other man.
Don, however, pulled away, resting his forehead against Danny's. 'Are you sure?' he asked softly.
Danny closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of Don's body so close to his own. He breathed him in, inhaling laundry detergent, cologne, sweat and the unmistakable smell of the city itself. The combination was masculine and powerful, and very Don. Danny made a sound in the back of his throat, somewhere between a growl and a moan. 'Yes,' he said, finally pulling himself together enough to form a word.
He found Don's lips again, kissing them eagerly. Don's arms snaked around his shoulders, pressing their bodies together, and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue over Danny's lips. Danny parted them willingly, his hands roaming over Don's back, feeling the strong lines of muscle through the white cotton dress shirt.
Taking awkward steps backwards, Danny edged towards the sofa, pulling Don with him as he went. His calves finally connected with it and he sat down, breaking their kiss. Don leaned down to push Danny back so he was lying on the sofa and then stretched out on top of him. 'Wait,' Danny murmured against Don's lips and Don pulled back, worry flashing in his eyes. Danny removed his glasses and set them on the coffee table. 'Sorry. They were pressing into my face,' he explained. Don chuckled and dropped a soft kiss on the bridge of Danny's nose.
It was fully dark outside when they came up for air. The streetlamps from outside providing just enough light for Danny to see Don's face, his eyes were closed and he was breathing hard. Danny watched him, his thoughts fuzzily racing through his brain. There was something incredibly sexy and exciting about Don lying on top of him and Danny was suddenly very aware of the erection trapped in his jeans. He arched up, pushing his hips against the weight of Don's body and felt Don's hips push down in response. They remained silent for a couple of minutes and then Don finally opened his eyes to look down at Danny. He brushed his thumb across Danny's temple and then said throatily, 'Come on.'
Danny allowed himself to be pulled off the couch and he stood on slightly unsteady legs. Don ran his hands down Danny's sides and began toying with the hem of his t-shirt, fingers darting underneath the fabric to tease the sensitive skin of Danny's stomach. Danny sucked in air shakily. This was the moment for things moved on from making out like high school kids and a knot of anxiety started forming in Danny's stomach. Either he pushed Don's hands away like Colette had done to his or he allowed things to go farther.
Don was lightly kissing Danny's face, timing each kiss with the movements of his hands. Danny stood, trying to think, to make a choice, but his thoughts kept getting muddled each time Don's fingers or lips came in contact with his skin. Then, after receiving a stream of kisses and caresses, he made a choice. He slowly began to raise his arms and soon they were overhead. Don lifted his t-shirt, pulling it off and quickly discarding it on the floor. Don's eyes raked over him, his hands ran over Danny's shoulders and down his arms, then he lifted Danny's hands and set them at the top button of his shirt, letting his own hands drop to his sides.
Danny's heart was racing and his mouth felt dry. He could feel Don's eyes watching him, making him nervous, and he clumsily unbuttoned the top button. Focusing his attention on the task at hand, he slowly made his way through the rest of the buttons, pausing at Don's waist to pull the shirt out his trousers. Finally the shirt hung open, Don's skin dark in contrast to the white material. Danny stared at that strip of skin, entranced and paralyzed. He hoped that Don would pull the shirt off his shoulders himself because Danny wasn't certain he would be able to do it. But Don just stood there waiting for Danny's next move.
Finally he worked up the nerve to raise his hands and he grasped Don's shirt near the collar and pushed it backwards to expose Don's shoulders. The shirt fell gracefully down Don's back and he twisted his wrists free of the cuffs. They stood motionless for a couple minutes, Danny taking in the sight of the shirtless Don in front of him. He had seen Don without a shirt on many times, in the locker room at work or on the basketball court, but he had never truly looked at him before. He was well-built and strong, broad shoulders tapering into a narrow waist, the muscles of his chest and stomach well-defined even in the darkness. He was beautiful and Danny understood why women constantly threw themselves at the detective. But Don wasn't with any of them; he was standing in front of Danny, radiating desire.
Don was rubbing his fingers against the palms of his hands at his sides, again waiting for Danny to decide what happened next. Danny took a deep breath and reached out to touch Don's stomach with his right hand. His fingers lightly ran along the skin towards Don's belly button. The muscles of Don's stomach contracted, but otherwise the other man remained still. Danny continued his exploration, enjoying the sensation of Don's warm skin under his fingertips. His left hand joined his right and he pressed his hands more firmly against Don's abdomen, fingers gripping hungrily into his sides. Needing to taste him, Danny placed a sloppy kiss on Don's mouth. Don responded by wrapping his arms tightly around Danny's shoulders, crushing their bodies together.
They stumbled across the living room, Don trying to steer the way to the hallway and into his bedroom. Hands travelled around exploring newly exposed skin, hips ground together creating glorious friction against aching erections. Don was kissing his way along Danny's collarbone making Danny gasp in delight when they knocked into the bed frame.
Don tipped Danny back to ease him onto the bed and an alarm went off in Danny's head. He instantly sobered up, resisting. Climbing into bed with Don was different than making out with him on the sofa. Something he wasn't sure he was ready for yet. The kissing, the touching, the stripping off of clothing – it had all been building to this point he knew, but he couldn't do it. He turned his head away, embarrassed.
There was an awkward pause before Don took Danny's chin in his hand and lifted his head so Danny was forced to look at him. 'I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, Danny. You know that, right?' Don asked. 'You say "stop", we stop.'
Danny moved his head; it was something between a nod and a shake. 'I know,' he whispered. 'It's just that I don't know what I want exactly, but I know the idea of laying down on the bed scared the shit out of me just now.' He swallowed and added, 'Sorry.'
Don shook his head and took a small step backwards. 'Don't be sorry, Danny. The first time for anything is always scary, I get that. Don't be sorry.'
'I just killed the mood, didn't I?' Danny asked, the cold air of the apartment surrounding him after the heat from Don's body dissipated. He may not have been ready to climb into bed with Don, but he also didn't like the distance between them. He closed the gap, wrapped his arms around Don's waist again and set his chin on Don's shoulder.
Don pulled him close. 'It's okay.'
Danny was quiet for awhile, chewing on his bottom lip. Don's hands were tracing soft patterns along his spine, the movement making the tiny hairs on his back stand on end. Whenever Don's hands or lips were on him, Danny seemed to lose all reason and control. It just felt too good.
He realized that he was still hard. 'Hey, Don?'
'Yeah?'
'I can't get in that bed,' he began breathily, 'but I also don't want to stop. Is there another option, you know, one that'd fall in between the two?'
Don leaned back to look at him. 'You're not messing with me, right?' Danny shook his head and Don peered at him as if he was trying to analyze the thoughts in Danny's head. Don let out a slow exhale. 'And you'll tell me if you want to stop?' Danny nodded.
Don still looked skeptical, but he turned them so Danny was facing away from the bed and began to lay soft kisses all over Danny's face, neck and chest. Danny closed his eyes and tilted his head back, allowing Don to take control of the situation.
Don moved behind him then, placing his left arm over Danny's shoulder and pulling him tightly against his chest, his right hand resting against Danny's hip. He kissed the sensitive skin behind Danny's right ear, making Danny shiver. A ragged breath escaped him as Don continued to nuzzle and kiss along his hairline. 'You'll tell me to stop?' Don asked again between kisses. Danny, already lost in the sensation of Don's touch, absently nodded and leaned his head back against Don.
Continuing to kiss Danny's neck and shoulder, Don's right hand inched across Danny's stomach and his fingertips slid under the waistband of Danny's underwear. Little spasms shot through Danny's stomach and made his breath catch in his throat. Don alternated between caressing Danny's sides and stomach and then dipping lower to tease along his underwear. Eventually Don's explorations grew bolder and his hand dropped lower to play across the front of Danny's jeans, gently rubbing the bulge he found there. Danny groaned.
Tightening his grip across Danny's chest, Don began to undo Danny's belt, deftly maneuvering the leather and metal apart with one hand. He pushed it aside and fingered the button of the jeans, popping it through the hole and then pulling the zipper slowly downwards. He pushed the denim down past Danny's hips and the jeans fell to the floor. Danny's head was buzzing and he couldn't think clearly. He bucked his hips, wanting to be free of his underwear, but Don was playing a slow and cautious game, running his hand along Danny's thighs and avoiding his erection.
Once again Don slid his fingers under the waistband of the boxers, venturing lower but still avoiding the contact that Danny craved. 'Please,' Danny whispered, his lips parted and his breathing shallow. Don laughed throatily and stalled the movement his hand. He lowered his lips to the point where Danny's neck met his shoulder, sucking, licking and nipping at the delicate skin there. Danny shuddered, the sensation shooting through his body to the tip of his cock.
Don moved to start pushing down the boxers and Danny, impatient, grabbed the waistband and roughly pushed them down out of the way. 'Please,' he said again, this time with a commanding edge to his voice. When Don's hand closed around his erection, Danny inhaled sharply and locked his hands on the arm across his chest. Don moved his hand steadily over the silky skin at first, building a slow rhythm. Then he began to toy with Danny, trailing a finger along the underside of his cock, rubbing a thumb across the tip, playing with his balls, caressing the sensitive skin behind them. Danny was overwhelmed with pleasure.
Everything had ceased to exist except for Don's hand on his cock. That hand moved so perfectly on him that Danny knew he wouldn't last long. It was too much, too unexpected and too amazing. All of his muscles were quivering and he knew he was making ridiculous noises but he couldn't control himself. Drops of sweat were dripping down his neck and he could feel Don's chest sliding against his back. He tightened his grip on Don's arm as the fingers around his cock increased their pressure and speed.
In the seconds before he came, Danny suddenly wished he could see Don's face, but he didn't have the strength or wherewithal to turn around. Instead he shut his eyes tightly and pictured Don's face, he was wearing the same expression he'd had earlier in the evening, eyes half-lidded and lustful, mouth slightly open. And Danny thought he was beautiful. With that image in his head, he surrendered, coming hard, semen shooting across the floor and covering Don's hand.
Feeling his legs go to jelly, Danny leaned back against Don's chest. He didn't have the strength to move or think, even his eyelids felt heavy. Allowing himself to be supported by the arms around him, he slowly became aware of his surrounding once more and his breathing started to return to normal.
'Fuck. That was . . . That was . . .' Danny couldn't find a word to finish that sentence.
'Boom?' Don suggested, a smirk on his face.
Danny snorted. 'Yeah, boom!'
Danny woke up confused. A cell phone was ringing, but it was not his ringtone and the lighting in his room was strange. It wasn't the blue glow from his alarm clock, instead an orange light filtered through the blinds from the streetlamps outside. And then the bed moved. He heard a scrabbling noise and the unmistakable sound of a cell phone being flipped open.
Don's voice, scratchy and low, broke the silence of the early morning. 'Flack.'
Danny's eyes snapped open. That one word, spoken in the dark, had gone off like a gunshot and the past twenty-four hours came rushing back to him. He was in Don's bed – he, Danny Messer, was in Don Flack's bed! How had he ended up here after his little panic attack last night? Danny was a little fuzzy about what happened after he came. He was pretty sure he'd willingly lain down, so clearly the bed wasn't so scary post-orgasm. And he thought Don had tried to reassure him about it, saying something like 'Just sleep. Nothing else has to happen.' Danny must have believed him because he had slept really well. But now, in the stark reality of the morning, Danny awake was a little more uncertain than Danny asleep had been.
The bedside light turned on and Don pushed himself up to sitting, leaning his head back against the headboard. Danny considered pretending to still be asleep, but instead he steeled himself and rolled over onto his left side to peer blearily at Don. While listening quietly to the person on the other end of the line, Don reached out and hooked his index finger around Danny's pinkie. Danny looked down at the point where their hands connected and, in a place that seemed detached from himself, wondered what it would be like to walk down the street holding Don's hand. After a long pause Don spoke again, 'Okay. Yeah. I'll be there as soon as I can.'
'I gotta go,' Don said quietly, giving Danny's hand a playful little tug and then flinging his legs over the side of the bed. Danny watched as he stood up and stretched, his long arms raised overhead and the lean muscles in his back flexing with the movement. 'Apparently it's been a busy night and they need someone to take a case in the West Village. Multiple DBs. Sounds messy.'
With the mention of work, Danny became more alert and sat up. 'I'll come with you.'
'That's probably not such a good idea.'
Danny ran a hand over his hair, trying to stop it from sticking out in all directions. 'What, if it's crazy at the lab they'll probably need more help –'
'Danny, wait until you get a call from Mac.' Don spoke in a clipped manner, fixing Danny with a look.
'What? Why?' he demanded, irritated that Don thought he could give him orders.
Don sighed and his posture softened. 'Listen, Danny, you've gone gay for what, all of 24 hours? I've been gay my entire life – and in all that time I've picked up a few things. You arriving at work before being contacted about the case and us showing up together at 6am might lead to some questions, and questions lead to rumors. Best not give 'em any reason to suspect anything, that's all.'
'Oh.' Up to this point, Danny hadn't fully considered how this thing, whatever it was, might impact his life, how he'd now have to hide and pretend. Thinking about what had happened last night was confusing enough, but having to deal with it with the rest of the world watching made Danny feel a little queasy. He suddenly felt the need to move, to think, to run or maybe to hide.
He started to climb out of the bed. 'Well, I'll just –' he paused, remembering that he was completely naked. A flush crept over his cheeks and he glanced up at Don, who was now standing comfortably in his boxer briefs, casually selecting a shirt and tie for the day. Being naked in front of Don in the morning was very different from being naked with him last night. Danny looked around for his own underwear and cursed softly when he realized they were on the floor on the opposite side of the room.
'Huh?' Don asked, turning around. Danny instinctively grabbed at the sheet around his waist and pulled it up a bit more. Don's eyes followed the movement and he laughed.
'Danny, get dressed, go home and get some breakfast, and wait for Mac's call,' he said. Grabbing his trousers, shirt and tie he headed toward the bedroom door, pausing to look back at Danny before he left the room. 'But don't leave without saying goodbye,' he said with a grin.
Danny remained sitting in the bed for a couple minutes, making sure that Don was definitely in the bathroom before he darted across the room to his boxers and quickly pulled them on. Then he began the familiar 'morning after' hunt for his clothes. His jeans had ended up in a heap pushed slightly under the bed. He fished them out and thrust his legs into the well-worn denim, fixing the leather belt around his waist. One sock had been trapped under his jeans and the other was ten feet away by the sturdy oak dresser.
It always intrigued Danny to discover where clothes ended up when they had been discarded during nights of passion and lust. Things always ended up in strange locations and he never remembered exactly how his shirt, for example, landed on a framed painting on a wall or why his boxers had to be fished out from behind a sofa. This search for clothing always made him question the reliability of his memory; how was it possible that anything had happened that would make clothing disperse in such a seemingly random manner around a room? Danny shrugged. It was just one of the interesting results of being swept up in the moment.
Now fully dressed from the waist down, Danny looked around for his t-shirt. He vaguely remembered it being pulled off and discarded, but he couldn't pin down where it had happened. When his search of Don's bedroom yielded nothing, he walked out into the hallway. The door to the bathroom was open a few inches, steam curling around it from the shower. Danny took a step towards it, hesitated and then moved into the living room instead.
His glasses were still on the coffee table, lying next to the TV remote. He pushed them onto his nose and the apartment came into clearer focus. Danny had been to Don's apartment many times before, usually to watch a game or play poker with the boys. From those visits, Danny really only remembered the sofa, the large flat-screen TV and beer. Now, looking around him, he noticed elements of the space that clearly evoked Don. There was a coffee table book about the lost architecture of New York – of course, Don would own a coffee table book – lying on a handsomely made iron, wood and glass coffee table. A framed black and white photograph of Shea Stadium hung above the brown leather sofa. The bookshelf contained A Catcher in the Rye, The Thin Red Line and A Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, among other titles, and framed photos of the Flack family dotted the shelves. There was a very real feel to Don's apartment, it felt comfortable, lived in and accepting.
He located his t-shirt and shoes, pulled them on and then shrugged into his leather jacket. The water had stopped running in the bathroom and he walked quietly towards the hallway again, stopping by the doorway to examine a gouge on the wall and pick up a book that was lying on the floor. He set it and one of Flack's ties on the table.
Danny knocked lightly on the bathroom door and pushed it open. Don was standing by the sink brushing his teeth. His white dress shirt was still unbuttoned and a green tie hung loosely around his neck. Seeing that strip of exposed skin in the mirror sent a shiver down Danny's spine and the memory of unbuttoning Don's shirt last night came rushing back to him. He openly stared at Don's body, appreciating it and remembering what it felt like under his hands.
Don ducked his head to spit and rinsed off his toothbrush, breaking Danny's daze. 'I don't know that I've ever had such an appreciative audience while brushing my teeth before,' Don said, turning and smiling at Danny. Danny's ears turned red in response to being caught.
'Sorry,' Danny croaked, 'I'm, um . . . I'm going to take off.' Saying goodbye the morning after hooking up with someone was always awkward, and this was no exception. Since waking up, Danny had been oscillating between embarrassment and panic on the one hand and curiosity and attraction on the other. Now, at the point of saying goodbye and leaving Don's apartment, it was the embarrassment and panic that were winning out. To step outside into the real world again meant accepting and dealing with what he and Don had done, it meant they now had a secret to keep from the other people. Don's apartment was a stronghold and while they were both still inside their secret was safe, to leave meant bursting that bubble of security. Danny could feel his breath starting to catch in his chest.
'Hey, now,' Don said, closing the distance between them in two smooth strides. He reached out, fingers settling on the back of Danny's neck, and pulled Danny into a hug. 'It's gonna be all right,' Don whispered, his lips close to Danny's ear.
Danny wrapped his arms around Don's waist and melted into the hug. Don's hair was still damp and he smelled of soap – clean, refreshing and oddly comforting. They stood there in the doorway of the bathroom, holding onto each other tightly until Danny finally nodded and pulled away, giving Don what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he stepped back.
Danny walked back toward the front door of the apartment, Don following a few steps behind him.
'I'll see you later, Danny,' Don said when they had reached the entryway. He tugged on the lapel of Danny's jacket and gave him a quick kiss on the corner of the mouth.
'Yeah, see ya,' Danny replied, a bashful smile playing on his lips. Then he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.