A request from BibbieSparks

Chapter 9: Broken Dreams

How can that be?

"I thought men can't…aren't suppose get pregnant…?" Confused and almost hysterical, Fuji was about to slap himself or run into a wall to see if he was dreaming but instead pinched himself in the forearm hard and found out that everything here is a reality. It wasn't his imagination anymore.

The old doctor was peculiar about his emotions and the surprise about it; Fuji guessing he must have something about it in mind when he asked if he had sexual intercourse but it never occurred to him that he could be…

"It is rare, but mostly it can happen if men are transgender. If they are, they might be able to produce ovaries and the function of keeping the baby inside. Or rather the fetus. But you." He pointed at him without accusation or a sense of disgust in his voice was calm and soft. "You are a special sort. I think…that some men like you are possible to deliver—"

"Excuse me, but somehow I don't believe that I am having a… Do you mind showing some proof?" He didn't mean to sound snarky or to interrupt the doctor but he was already frightened when men can be able to give birth to children. It was uncalled for.

"I do have something to show you proof. Though I think the symptoms you have had when you came to the hospital was very much shown that you are pregnant, though it was very much disguised or mistaken as food poisoning, we wouldn't know for sure unless we did some tests. If you don't mind…" Yamato led him to the examining table that Fuji was growing tired of but sat and lied down on the clean delicate paper anyway. He took the edge of his shirt and lifted it up to his neck. There was a machine next to him that Fuji suddenly identified as a ultrasound for the visual of the fetus inside a woman's body by waves, where the doctor turned it on with some clicking of the buttons. A woman's body…

God damnit, I'm not a woman… Grimacing to the fact that doctor Yamato spread some clear watery gel on his stomach, making Fuji shiver at the cold touch of the hand and gel that was spread on the skin. It was out of the blue and without any warning but he guessed that the doctor was just doing his job.

"Here. You can be able to have a look here at the machine's screen when I'm moving this around." Already holding out a small part of the machine that looked like an object that represented as a small defibrillator, it was flat and round, placing it on the gel slicked stomach. He started moving it around slowly as Fuji watched the fuzzy black and white screen that was a few inches away from his head, where Yamato have directed.

It was fuzzy ant first but then Fuji saw a wide oval like shape in view. Thinking that must be where his stomach and pelvic area is, he stared at the black wiggly and curvy lines shown at eh screen.

"What does it show?" Not knowing how the sonogram works as he was too busy with his own life, he knew that his mother have been using it though he couldn't ask her himself now. If his mother found out…hell might as well break out.

"This is a standard sonogram; it shows the little one here. You can see it almost clearly, just right…here." Pointing with his finger at the monitor, he pointed at the left side of the screen where the small curve of the body was seen. It had a dark spot on the screen which Fuji have no idea what that was but didn't think much of it. And he couldn't see much of it so he just went along and nodded like he sees what the doctor was seeing.

"This here is the head; the body is being covered form the other side since I didn't put much gel on it but…" Letting Fuji's eyes widen at the sight of the child born inside of him, Yamato let him observe the proof of the child's existence. To Fuji, it felt like he was responsible for the…thing inside of him and he certainly didn't know what to do with it.

"What do I do?" The soft voice whispered out to the room, making Fuji almost overwhelmed at the thoughts that were stuffing that mind of the tensai. Inui, the talk of Oishi of mostly everything that happen, Eiji, his classes, his dream. Now a baby. What would happen to his family if his family find out? What would he tell Eiji or Oishi?

"Well there are at least two choices you can make." Fuji's head snapped up at the voice, reminding him that there was someone else in the room with him. The doctor was turning off the machine and was wiping the substance off of Fuji's stomach, relieving the slick and sticky feel.

Sitting up and sliding the shirt down, Fuji could feel the burden and thoughts on his shoulders, wondering if there will be a time when he would be 'normal'. Facing to the doctor wearily, Fuji nodded to the man to continue with the choices he was going to have. After he hears them, Fuji could panic on the choices.

"Firstly, you can keep the child after it is born, meaning that you will have to deliver him or her. But you're not really as delivering, since we'll be doing a cesarean section when you don't have a vagina to give the baby birth. It's an operation that we'll be performing to let you give birth for. Then you can keep it or give it up for an adoption for a pair of parents who would want a child. The other option is to have an abortion." When the doctor said the last sentence, he made it dramatic and scary that Fuji suddenly considered the second option after Yamato listed the options.

Thinking about the way that the doctors would take the child right out from his stomach; it gave Fuji a painful imagination. He wouldn't even know how they'll get the small blob out. Though if he keeps the child, he would have to give up everything in his life for a child that he might not even want. The baby lives or the baby dies. That was the only thing in his mind that Fuji could comprehend and understand what he has to do.

"What happens if I do get an abortion?" A few minutes later Fuji asked, Yamato was looking at him, knowingly that he was going for that question and the fact that Fuji didn't want to be pregnant in the first place or that he just didn't want anything in his way of how he's living right now.

"If you do want to have an abortion, you will need to act fast. You are already almost in two months time with this child, meaning that's about nine to ten weeks. The limit to having the abortion before the fetus grows larger is at twenty four weeks. After that, you will have to deliver it. There will be no other way to get the child out after twenty four weeks unless you have an accident or some sort of labor. But even labor will help you give birth to the fetus faster or it might die." Staring at him intently for a moment, Yamato leaned back to his chair that he had been sitting on and took a look up at the ceiling. Fuji was seriously considering about an 'accident' but then thought about the hospital bills that will be piling up on him and sighed.

"Honestly, I think it's an interesting opportunity to have this child born since we don't have many men giving birth to one and it can help out with our research to this sort of phenomenon. But it's your decision. I can't push a patient for our kind of selfish reasons. You need to remember that this child's life is in your hands, so you can make the right decision for you." Fuji was thinking even without hearing the old doctor's rambles.

What was he going to do with the child, not that anyone would take a child like his who wouldn't have a mother but a father instead, and that made him have an insight into the future. If he didn't take the child, he could continue on with his life as normally as he does, even when there would be a dark void that won't heal anytime soon from killing an unborn child by his own reasons. Sure, that's no problem.

On the other hand, if he did keep the baby, it'll have to live with him and then he'll have to tell everyone he know that he has a child, probably lie and say he adopt it because he thought he needed some sort of change or something. Then he has to pay the care for the baby and everything in the house needed to be clean and sanitized. He wouldn't be able to go to school full time anymore. The scholarship he'd have would be gone and he have to pay from the pockets. Everything in his life would be over… At least that was going on in his head.

What would Inui think of this? The thought just suddenly occurred to him when his mind started wandering to who he would have to tell and who he wouldn't. He was even considering going to him and asking him what would he do but that would be absurd. It wasn't like Inui to have bright ideas about having a child from him.

"If you like, you can probably go home right now and think about it. Well, you should get some sleep as well, you don't look like you have enough. Come back in a week or two and have your answer to me directly. Only a few of the staff here knows your condition and we don't wish to go out to public with this kind of news. If it goes out, you might be targeted and we wouldn't want that…at least if you will keep the child we can be able to give you support while we can." Feeling a little strange that he was being almost treated as a specimen though he might be if he accepted the child as his own. The doctor was printing out something from the machine and handed him the paper that showed him the sonogram. Fuji didn't know what he should do. Who would in his case, he thought. The paper in his hand showed everything.

"Go home." The doctor said softly to him, judging from his face, Fuji thought that it was sincere even though he had a hunch that he had a bunch of patients to look after him. And truthfully, Fuji wanted to go home and think about it.

"…Alright. Thank you for telling me…" Leaving the doctor with relief and the thoughts in his mind that were revolving around, Fuji bowed to him and took his leave out to where the dark skies have descended due to the passing time. The nurses and attendants who said goodbye to him seemed friendly and didn't look repulsive or with an avoiding gaze. Instantly Fuji knew that those people working don't know anything about him. The ones that would probably have a weird look on their faces or not even take a look at him unless he would be walking in front of them just to take a peek.

Breathing out a deep sigh when Fuji exited the sliding doors of the hospital, he started making his way toward the bus home, folding the paper into fourths pushing it deep into his pocket. Wondering what he should do first, even though the only thing on his mind was something he couldn't perfectly put into his system yet. He, a male of twenty years old, is pregnant.

I'm pregnant…I'm pregnant…I'm pregnant…Oh god what did I do? So far, Fuji hadn't shown any sort of panic until he was on the bus on the way home and that was when he suddenly had the thought sinking in with the evidence of the bump on his stomach and the sonogram Yamato showed him. Suddenly thinking that everyone was staring at him from all sides, especially at his stomach which Fuji constantly kept his hand on top of his jacket that hid the bulge.

Recalling to the night where Inui was pushing himself to him, he never saw a condom or anything that helped him to prevent everything from it. It made his blood boil from the thoughts and the never ending scene that Fuji couldn't get over with, adding to the thoughts that Fuji realized how foolish they both were. His fault was added to it since he thought that he couldn't stop it. Feeling frustrated, he almost missed his stop and had to walk backward to the stop where he was suppose to be that was near the school. Though it gave him a hard time from having to smell the things that were irritating his senses.

Cursing out loud on the street, a couple stared at him with disbelief and scared looks, staying at least three feet away from him as he walked off to the direction of his house. Having no notice of the others around him, he continued to stalk off to his house where a warm bath and bed awaits him.

Finally at the doorway after a long walk from the bus stop, Fuji was suddenly panting and sweating a bit when he was at his front door. Just before he was at his front door, he saw faint lights inside and was startled to find them on until he remembered that one of the duo couple was going to be with him today. When were they going to stop coming over? It's not like I really need them that much to come by everyday… Though the two haven't been coming much as lately. Fuji noticed from the dates that it was usually about 9 to 13 days before one of them would come over.

"I'm home?" Not knowing why he questioned the fact that he came home when it's his house, but it was to make sure that someone will come up and greet him. But somehow he saw two pairs of shoes in front of his doorway, wondering who it was that came in with the other. And somehow there was a stench of lavender, a hint of honey, some sort of cleaning smell that was used for the bathroom and the smell of leftover garbage that was probably from the kitchen when Fuji forgot to threw away only yesterday that came to his nose, almost making him gag over the smell of his apartment. All Fuji wanted right now was the peace and quiet he had obtained before all the ruckus happened.

A mass of hair appeared before him after Fuji plucked off his shoes at the doorway, carefully not bending down as much. He was surprised to see Eiji and his…

"Fuji! It's been a long time! You should call us more often, how are you? Are you feeling more nauseous as before?" She looked just the same as she was before with the long brown hair flowing from her head and the cheeky voice of hers.

"I'm fine…nee san."