Chapter Two
"Between the radiant white of a clear conscience and the coal black of a conscience sullied by sin lie many shades of gray-where most of us live our lives. Not perfect but not beyond redemption."
― Sherry L. Hoppe
Tommy refused the EMT's offer to ride in the ambulance with Penny to the hospital. He chose to run the six miles or so since he didn't think he would make it into the gym. If it had been some random chick he wouldn't have given her a second thought once the ambulance arrived. But this was Penny Denton, the literal girl next door from his childhood. She had been his constant companion up until eighth grade when his wrestling tournaments and training had taken over his life. She had been there to see the bruises, the bloody noses and the sprains. She'd been his first date to the drive in when they'd doubled with Brendan and Tess at the age of 14. She'd been his first partner, both of them desperate virgins who had made a pact to lose it together. She'd kept her promise the night before he'd fled the state with his Ma. In the back seat of that shitty Ford surrounded by the smell of cheap upholstery and a cherry scented air freshener he'd taken her innocence and surrendered his to her.
She'd known he was leaving and was saying goodbye to the boy whom she admitted that she'd always thought she'd marry one day. It was never that set in stone for Tommy but he knew that she would always be special to him and not just because he'd popped her cherry. She had been his comfort when things were at their worst with his dad. She knew the whole story because he had always escaped with her when the shit hit the fan. He would jump the fence dividing their yards and call out to her then they would run like their lives depended on it to Collazo Park. Together they would hide out under the trees while she tended his wounds, both physical and emotional. She would listen to him as he ranted about how much he hated Paddy, how he wished that something would happen to the old man down at the Mill so that he'd never come home. He had raged and screamed, swinging his fists at the air and into trees until his knuckles bled and she never once shied away from him. When he would finally calm down he would sob silently into her shoulder and she would just hold him; she always knew that no words were necessary, all he'd needed was her touch. He'd loved her for that, well as much as a shell shocked bastard like him could love someone. She was the only person who ever saw his tears because he knew she didn't judge him as weak for letting them out.
Penny Denton had been the blonde-haired, green-eyed savior of his youth, his island of sanity in a sea of turmoil and he'd left her behind the day he learned how to run away. He'd left her behind without so much as glance back, never called her, never wrote, never really thought about her a whole lot until today when he saw her lying in a pool of her own vomit.
There had been a few times that she'd popped into his mind in the years since he left. Maybe subconsciously she was the reason he had never messed with blondes. All the women he had been with since her (which, contrary to popular belief, didn't amount to more than he could count on one hand) had been dark haired, dark eyed. In a way it seemed that to fuck around with another blonde would have been an insult to her memory. He had placed her on the proverbial pedestal in his mind and wouldn't allow anything to sully it. He hadn't even been with another woman besides her until he joined the Marines. His second time had been right after graduating from boot camp. He'd picked up a Semper slut from Mickey Finns outside of Quantico. The resulting hurried fumble in the back seat of her Santa Fe had been less than satisfactory. He'd been suffering from a bad case of whisky dick and she'd started to lose interest pretty quickly. But that could sum up pretty much every sexual encounter he'd had since.
There hadn't been any female in his life, there wasn't room. He had a shit ton of baggage and no room for a passenger. The rage and anger inside of him would never allow him to feel love for anyone; that ability died with his mother. He wouldn't even begin to know what it would feel like to actually love someone since he didn't even love himself. Shit, he didn't even like himself. He was merely indifferent to the rest of the world but he couldn't bring himself to subject anyone else to the hell he lived with every day.
As he neared the hospital he slowed his pace and tried to calm his breathing. Thinking about the past had resulted in him pushing himself harder than normal so he was drenched in sweat and out of breath. Tommy wondered to himself what had happened in the years since that had led Penny into shooting smack and dating shitbags that would leave her to die alone in a greasy diner.
Her home life had always seemed idyllic. She had parents who loved her and each other; she was a spoiled ass only child whose father bought her anything she batted her eyes at. He'd always looked at her life with envy but there had always been this look in her eyes that he couldn't place until he was at war in Iraq. She had the same look that so many soldiers who had been through things that they couldn't talk about wore. The hundred yard stare they'd called it; more like lights on but no one is home he'd called it. But he'd been the one with all the trauma, surely if something had been going on she would have told him; surely she knew that she could have told Tommy anything.
The night that he'd screwed her in the backseat of his getaway car she had cried afterwards. She'd known all along that he was leaving but had been the one who decided for them both that it was the right thing to do. It hadn't lasted long; they'd ended up embracing each other afterwards for longer than the actual act took. She hadn't said anything to him until he had crawled out of the backseat and buttoned up his pants.
"I wish I could run away with you, Tommy Conlon," she had whispered as tears streamed down her face.
"Whatchu need to run away for, you have everything here," he'd snorted. It wasn't the first time he'd tried to make her feel bad for having such a good life.
"You think you know about what I live with but you don't. No one does."
She'd climbed out of the car and kissed him before quietly bidding him goodbye. That had been the last time he looked at her as he watched her walk through her front door. She hadn't come to watch him leave the next day even though she'd known that his mom planned on leaving before Paddy came home from work. The shock of finding out that Brendan was staying behind had been enough to occupy his thoughts so he hadn't knocked on her door before leaving.
Walking into the front of the hospital was a shock to his senses. The smell of sickness slathered with an unnatural dose of antiseptic was offensive and reminded him of too many incidents of coming here for stitches and other medical care. His mother had lied to the doctors about his and Brendan's injuries, warning the boys on the way to the ER that they wouldn't just be taken away from their father if the truth was told; they would be taken away from her too.
Walking up to the front desk he realized that he didn't know if her last name was still Denton or not. Luckily the face behind the desk was a familiar one.
"Tommy fucking Conlon, how the hell are you, you sonofabitch?"
"Teddy? Teddy Quinton is that you, you dumb motherfucker?" The smile on Tommy's face is genuine as he smacks hands with the giant of a man who unfolds himself out of the impossibly small desk space.
"When the hell didja get back in the 'burgh?" Teddy laughs, coming around the desk and slapping Tommy on the back hard enough to make him wince.
"Been here a few months now, working down at what used to be Fitzys's place. Training and sparring, you know, same old shit. What's the word with you bro?"
"Well my wrestling days are over for sure. Both knee's been replaced, herniated discs in my back, yada, yada, yada, but you don't wanna hear that shit. So here I am doing bitch work. Pay's okay but I can't say I don't miss competition."
"True. You were a hell of a competitor for sure," Tommy laughs, the memories of his last wrestling match in high school still fresh in his mind. It had been against this mother fucker, a senior to his freshman, a giant wall of muscle to his slight build. Tommy's only advantage had been speed; he'd used it well and won against this Goliath.
"Well obviously not THAT good since your weenie little ass beat me," Teddy snarls but he's laughing too. "So what brings you in man? You ready to get some shit replaced too? I saw the whole Sparta thing. It was cool but I have to say I really enjoyed the beat down you put on Grimes."
"Oh yeah? The first one or the second one?" Tommy asks, wariness creeping into his voice. He is in no frame of mind to rehash this shit, even with someone as cool as Teddy "Rugnuts" Quinton.
"Yes," Teddy booms, drawing the attention of the majority of the waiting room.
"Yeah, so anyhow, I came here to check up on Penny. You remember her right? Penny Denton?"
"Do I ever. She's been a big customer of the good old La Vida ER for several years now. They bring her in again?"
"Yeah, she was passed out in a booth at Dale's, choking on her own puke. I found her there."
"Tommy," Teddy says, lowering his voice greatly and looking around the room before continuing, "I know she used to be something to you but that was a long time ago. My advice? Steer clear, she'd mucho damaged."
"I'll take that under consideration bro. For now I just wanna touch base, find out if she's even gonna make it. Can you get me back there?"
Teddy shakes his head slowly and claps Tommy on the back again. "Sure thing man. You're her cousin right?" Teddy winks dramatically to make sure Tommy gets the implication.
"Yeah, sure."
"Lemme call back there to the nurses desk then I'll buzz you in," Teddy says while typing slowly on the keyboard of his computer, "She's in room 107a. Best of luck to you man, maybe we can grab a beer sometime?"
"Sure thing Teddy, write down your number and I'll give ya a call sometime."
After scribbling down his info Teddy hands Tommy a scrap of paper and makes the call to the ER. Tommy holds his hand on the cold door knob, waiting for the familiar buzzing sound. Stepping into the ER area brings a new wave of sensory assault. Smells that he can't recognize and some that he, sadly, can are like a punch in the face as he looks for room 107a. Of course it would be the very last room which means he has to walk the hallway and see the some of the saddest examples of human suffering along the way.
Entering Penny's room the first thing he notices is the whiteness of her skin. She's not just pale; she looks like she's been bleached. The second thing that catches his eye is that her hands are strapped to the side rails of the bed. As he takes a seat a young nurse comes in with a chart in her hands, she doesn't immediately take notice of him so he clears his throat to get her attention.
"Oh shi… I mean crap! You scared me!" she laughs nervously, putting a hand to her chest to emphasize her shock.
"I'm sorry… Nora. I'm Tommy Conlon, Penny's cousin. I just got here and I'm wondering how she's doing."
The nurse, Nora, eyes him suspiciously; since Penny is a frequent flyer she must be familiar with her and know better.
"I just moved back to Pittsburgh. I know she's in here a lot but now that I'm back I'm going to try and make sure she gets off this shit."
Nora softens at his tone, he's really playing up the lost puppy eyes and she's buying it, eating it up actually.
"I sure hope you do Mr. Conlon. If Penny has nine lives she's used up eight of them." Nora flips through the chart in her hand and tsks at whatever she's reading. "Well she's tested positive for heroin, a given with her history, but this time there's also Rohypnol and methamphetamine. We've given her some activated charcoal and other medications to slow down her heart rate. So far so good… oh and we also gave her a laxative to help coax some of that poison out of her body. You might not want to stick around for that."
"Thanks for the heads up, Nora," he laughs as the nurse takes Penny's vitals and makes some notations in her chart. "I take it she's been combative in the past?" he asks, nodding towards the restraints.
"That's the understatement of the year. I'd tell you that it's the drugs that make her that way but it'd be a lie. She's just mean most of the time. Listen, I'll be down at the nurses' station. Hit the call button if you need anything. I don't think she'll be coherent for another hour or two but stay as long as you like… or as long as you can stand it," Nora throws him a suggestive look over her shoulder as she too-obviously sashays out the door. It's a typical response that he gets from females but it's never done a damned thing for him. And to be honest she's not as cute as she apparently thinks she is.
Tommy knows he won't last long in this small room. The whirring and beeping of machinery gets louder with every second, the smell more overpowering. He doesn't particularly want to be present when that laxative starts working either. He's sure Penny wouldn't be happy to find out he'd been in the room when she'd opened the rear gate. He stands up to leave and he hears a small groan from the bed. He turns to see Penny laying with her eyes open, looking right at him.
"Fuck you Satan," she moans, "You back to looking like Tommy again? That doesn't even hurt anymore…"
Her eyes close and he knows she's beyond comprehension again. He shakes his head and makes his way out into the hallway, pausing at the nurses' desk where Nora smiles at him like a shark.
"Say, would you put my number down as a contact for when she wakes up?"
Nora looks put out that his number is for Penny's chart and not for her own personal use but she takes it down anyway.
"Thanks doll," Tommy halfheartedly mutters as he heads back towards the front entrance. He waves at Teddy on his way out and heads to the curb to stretch his leg muscles. It's almost a ten mile run back to the gym but he decides that's a better place to be than his apartment.