Hey guiz~! Um. Sorry. It's been forever. I know. I so sorries! I didn't have interwebs for the longest time (except for my phone, and that doesn't count), and then when I finally did have internets again, I didn't have a good document creator. AND THEN I lost this story for a while. Seriously. AND THEN! I had to send my computer off to get fixed. It's now back and mostly healthy and I have Microsoft Word again. So. Here we are.

Hurrah for the second installment!

This was partly inspired by the song, and partly inspired by my inherent love for pirates. Seriously. Don't go into this thing looking for, like, a PLOT or anything. THERE ISN'T ONE. It's random and silly. Also, Fai talks like a pirate. He's a beginner, so give him a break (give me a break too, since I'm a beginner at speaking pirate ^^;;).

Warnings: KuroFai pairing running rampant, Kuro-potty-mouth, BAAAAAD innuendos, implied sex (though no actual sex scene, pervs), and Fai wears the pants. You'll get that last one later.

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kurogane or Fai. I wish I did though. Fai could go shopping with me and Kurogane….would keep Fai entertained while I watched like the shameless yaoi fangirl I am. –kekekekeke-

Song: I've Got A Jar of Dirt

Artist: CAPTAIN…Jack Sparrow

Kurogane knew it was going to be a Bad Day the second he was pulled out of a sound, Fai-less sleep by Mokona, who had taken to bouncing on his chest and singing nonsensical gibberish at the top of her lungs. He hadn't bothered to listen past the stage of identifying Mokona's ramblings for what they were: utter nonsense. Trying to make sense of them was a fruitless endeavor, what with the pork bun's annoying tendency to string words together, add a tone-deaf tune that changed keys every two words, and still have the audacity to call it a song.

Kurogane had done the only sane thing he could do: he'd tossed the little monster out in the hall and locked his door.

Of course, he should have known that merely locking the door would do nothing to deter a determined Mokona, more so when the damn thing got Fai involved. The way they worked together made Kurogane figure that they were eager to see what precious little remained of his sanity finally pack its few belongings and get the hell out. Kurogane wouldn't be able to blame it for saving itself.

Referring to his sanity as a sentient being (with belongings, no less) probably proved his point.

"Captain~! Kuro-sleepy won't get up! And he locked me out!" At Mokona's eardrum scarring whine, loud footsteps thundered up the stairs and down the hall. Odd. No one he knew actually walked like that.

"I'll just have to fix that then."

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

Actually, in Fai's case, it was more like 'think the barest stray thought about the devil and he shall appear to annoy the hell out of you because that's what he does because he's the devil and he likes to see you squirm and there's no point in running or hiding because he'll catch you or find you because he's an impossible, incorrigible, beautiful little bastard like that'. And naturally, this particular devil had singled Kurogane out as his target and torture victim.

A knock sounded on the door. "Get your lazy doubloons outta bed!"

Kurogane directed a confused and slightly incredulous look at the door – all the good that did him. He wanted to ask what the hell a doubloon was and how his, assuming he had any in the first place (which he doubted, thankyouverymuch) were lazy. What came out was an eloquent "Huh?!"

"Your lazy doubloons, Kuro-sleep-deprived. I want them outta bed and on the deck."

Seriously? Where the hell was the idiot getting this stuff? First with the lazy doubloons, whatever the hell those were – and now he was saying something about a deck? Well, Kurogane hoped that was what the brainless mage had said. If not, Kurogane's mind would spiral down the rabbit hole to imagined bits and pieces, flashes of Fai's bare skin, whispers of his name on the mage's soft lips, delicious heat spiraling through his veins as their mingling passions danced, intertwined, and rose, and finally –

Perish the thought. Moving on to new thoughts instead.

"Alright, Kuro-stubborn, have it your way. I'm coming in and getting you up~!"

Kurogane's first thought was 'I'm already up,' and his second was 'You couldn't possibly have worded that so it didn't sound like a come-on, could you?' Before Kurogane could think any new thoughts (probably a good thing; his record was embarrassing today) his bedroom door was flung open (never mind that he'd locked that door, and never mind that Fai certainly didn't have a key) and Fai strolled in with his hands on his slender hips.

"Get up, Kuro-bedhead~!"

Kurogane glared at Fai. That, of course, was the moment he saw what the moron was wearing. His glare gave way to a confused stare. Kurogane scanned the blond's clothing top to bottom in utter disbelief before coming to the unfortunate conclusion that yes, he was seeing this, whatever this was.

Fai was wearing skin tight leather pants that showed a rather generous strip of bare skin up each leg between tight laces. The sinful pants were tucked into a pair of boots absolutely smothered in buckles and chains; they were heavy, they were noisy, they were probably why Fai had thundered up the stairs, and they deeply offended Kurogane's ninja sensibilities.

The blond had a white button-down shirt at least three times his size and decorated with a truly ludicrous amount of lace and ruffles tucked into a long, deep blue scarf tied around his hips. All of this was under a bright blue overcoat with an obnoxiously huge collar (though the color of the thing really did compliment Fai's eyes) and a thick belt was looped over one shoulder and the other end sat at his waist. The literal cherry on top was the hat, which was roughly the size of an umbrella, the exact same shade as his overcoat, lined in white lace, and had a bouquet of feathers blooming out of one side.

Kurogane had to admit that Fai somehow managed to pull it off (and not in the pull-it-off-and-throw-it-away way). Of course, Fai looked good in almost everything he wore, so maybe that wasn't saying much. The other thing Kurogane had to admit (if only to himself) was that he didn't understand Fai's outfit – the why, the where'd-he-get -it, the how'd-he-get-suckered-into-buying-it, and the why'd-I-have-to-see-it – no matter how good it looked.

Circumstances being what they were, the first thing out of Kurogane's mouth was "What the fuck are you wearing?"

Fai grinned and spun around with his arms outstretched, which gave Kurogane a sufficient view of a rather generous strip of bare skin up the back of each leg between tight laces. (Damn those sin-pants.) "Do you like it?" Fai leaned forward so his face was inches away from Kurogane's and balanced himself with one hand on the ninja's hip. "I don't think I need to ask, though." Fai's smirk practically radiated evil. "You were undressing me with your eyes, Kuro-obvious."

Kurogane went bright red. "Like hell I was, you moron! Get off!" Usually, Kurogane would have had no trouble shoving the blond away, but the gentle pressure of the warm hand on his hip was sending tingles through the rest of him and Fai's blue eyes so close to his own were managing to make him breathless in a way that wasn't at all uncomfortable.

"Shiver my timbers, have I made you mad~?"

"What the hell are you saying, mage? Did the pork bun finally break? Why's your hat so big and why is it sprouting feathers?" Fai erupted into a fit of helpless giggles and his eyes sparkled with mirth.

Of course Mokona isn't broken, Kuro-silly. This world is currently celebrating a holiday called 'Talk Like a Pirate Day'."

Kurogane stared at Fai. "Talk Like A—' What the hell is a pirate?" Fai hummed to himself softly with a finger on his bottom lip (the tease). If Kurogane didn't know better, he'd believe that the blond was thinking of a way to answer his question. Thankfully, Kurogane knew better, and therefore knew the mage was concocting an evil scheme.

"Say, Kuro-min. You're a ninja, right?"

"Yeah, but what does –"

"And right now, I'm a pirate, right?"

"What the hell is a p—"

"I'll tell you later. For now, I think it's time to earn points, Kuro-ninja."

"Points? Points for what?"

Instead of hearing an answer, Kurogane felt Fai's lips meet his own. In response, he buried a hand in wild blond hair to pull Fai closer. Maybe he didn't care so much about pirates and points anymore. The hat fell to the floor forgotten in all its lacy, obnoxious glory.

~!~!~!~!~

An hour later, they were both dressed again, and Kurogane was running his fingers through Fai's sex-mussed hair and listening to him explain what pirates were ("Sailors, Kuro-grumpy."), what they did ("They take what they want and give nothing back, as the movies have led me to believe. One of them even said so!"), what they drank ("They like rum, and lots of it, though they do seem to wonder why it's gone quite a bit."), how they spoke ("Aaaarrrr! And 'Hoist the colors!', and 'Shiver me timbers', and 'Parlay'~!"), and what points were ("It's a point system for sex. Pirates are supposed to count up points for sex, and the less likely that pirate is to get laid in that situation, the more points he gets. And if it's with a ninja, a pirate gets double points!" 'So you only wanted points?!" "Of course not, Kuro-cutie. Did I want points last night? Or last week? Or in the last worlds?" "…..fine.")

Soon after Fai was done explaining the idea of pirates and Kurogane was done saying just how stupid the whole idea was, a timid knock sounded on the door.

"Kurogane-san? Captain Fai?" Both men sat up a little at Syaoran's voice.

Fai smiled. "We'll be down in a little while, Syaoran-kun~!"

Meanwhile, Kurogane had his own question. "Wait, why the hell are you the captain?"

Fai turned to face the ninja with the second cousin of a smirk in place. "It's because between the two of us, I obviously wear the pants in this relationship."

Kurogane went red. "You little –!" Fai bolted out of the room, pulling his hat on as he went with the ninja in hot pursuit.

Though Kurogane didn't want to admit it, he had to. Fai did wear those sin-pants quite well.

Ta da~! So. So. Am I forgiven for the long wait? Maybe? At least a little bit? Please?

Seriously, though, this was WAAAYYY too much fun. Drop me a line. Tell me what you thought of it.

Random: I was laughing the whole time I wrote this and my mom walked into my room and looked at me like I was crazy. Well, golly, maybe I am. But I was actually in my imagine spot watching this fic happen. I couldn't help myself.

Peace, feet, and chicken grease~!