All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy. - Scott Alexander
"Tommy? It's Pilar…" the womans familiar voice sobs into the phone.
"Pilar? What's wrong? What's happened? Is it the kids? What's…"
"Tommy, thank you," she's weeps so hard that the words come out in bursts, "I'll never be able to repay you, thank you, thank you…"
"Pilar, sweetie, I don't understand… slow down and breathe…"
"The money came today, just in time Tommy, the bank was ready to foreclose and I didn't know what I was going to do. I can't believe you did this for me, for the kids, I don't know how…"
"I'm still confused… what money?"
"Tommy, a certified cashier's check came UPS today for five hundred thousand dollars, it was addressed from you. Are you telling me you didn't send it?"
Tommy can't think of anything to say. He'd had no idea that Brendan even knew about Pilar but it makes sense that he would, her story was all over the news when they were fighting at Sparta. Tommy rests his head back onto the pillow and sighs deeply. He doesn't need to confuse the situation so he just ices over the truth a little.
"Pilar, honey, don't worry about it. I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up. And I'm not happy that you're just now telling me that the house was in foreclosure."
"You've had enough to worry about for yourself," she whispers, her voice calmer now.
"I made a promise to Manny, I will always be there for you and the kids, ya hear me? Always." Tommy's voice is filled with love and vehemence; he means what he's telling her with every part of his being.
"I know you will, Tommy. I know. Listen, I just had to call and thank you, I don't know how you did it but you made a miracle happen today. Oh, hold on, Libby wants to talk to you…"
"Unca Tommy!" the little girl squeals into the phone, her voice soft and high pitched. "When you gonna come and see us?"
"Soon baby, real soon. Uncle Tommy misses you guys."
"Tommy," Pilar is back now and she sounds near tears again, "I hate to run but I need to get to the bank before some horrible catastrophe destroys this check. You know my luck…"
"Yeah, P., go. We'll talk soon, okay?"
He hangs up the phone, tossing it to the side and finally gets a look at the clock. Brendan should be nearing town by now so Tommy gets up to get dressed for the run to Dale's, then changes his mind. He picks up his cell phone from off the bed beside him and dials Brendan's number.
"Yeah Bren, why don't ya meet me here at my apartment instead of Dale's."
After assuring his brother once again that he's okay he hangs up and looks around the place a bit, picking up dirty t-shirts and underwear then stuffing them into the mostly unused hamper. He did his laundry at Colt's with the gym towels a couple times a week so they usually lay where he tossed them until then. Grabbing a clean sheet from the hall closet he spreads it over the well-worn couch to make the living room look less pathetic.
Since he'd lived in that miserable unheated efficiency with his mother in Washington, it had never much mattered to him what his place looked like. In the Marines he'd always lived in the barracks. After he went AWOL he'd lived on the streets for a time until he'd bunked at Paddy's during training. Then it had been off to Pendleton where his cell had been big enough to stand up and turn around in. Nine months of that might have been madness inducing but Tommy has always been able to retreat inside of his own mind and block out the real world; it's something he perfected as a child when he couldn't take the sound of his father beating on his mother or brother anymore. He never did it when it was his turn to be on the receiving end of those fists, though. He'd always wanted to remember every punch, slap and kick because his plan was to repay Paddy someday for each and every one.
Taking a minute to wash and rinse the few dishes in the sink, he also swipes at the counters and then goes as far as to borrow a broom for his up until now unknown next door neighbor. The elderly woman had looked a little frightened of him as she passed it through the still chained doorway; no doubt with the way the apartments were set up she'd heard his nightmares regularly. The doorway remains chained when he returns it and he does his best to smile at her as he thanks her.
Before today Tommy would never have wanted his brother to know where he lived let alone have invited him there. Now he finds that he feels ashamed that he lives like a bum; that he's never taken any pride in the place or tried to make it look like a home. Even his Ma had gone to thrift shops and church sales to find pictures and knickknacks for the little place they'd shared. But those things hadn't made the place a home, she had.
Opening the blackout curtains for the first time since he'd hung them he lets sunshine into the living room as he heads to make his bed. Maybe someday Tess and the kids can visit with Brendan; maybe it's time he got to really know his little nieces. Silently he thanks whatever powers that be that they'd been sleeping when he and their father had traded blows. There is still time for him to be the uncle that they deserve. He feels horrible that he's been more of an uncle to Pilar and Manny's kids than his own flesh and blood.
Light rapping on the front door grabs Tommy's attention and he runs a hand over his face, feeling anxious like he's a dumb kid again. For fucks sake Tommy, it's just your brother. Jogging to the door he grabs the handle and opens to see his big brother ready to knock again, fist upraised and in position. Brendan looks every bit as anxious as Tommy feels.
"Tommy," Brendan sighs with relief as he takes inventory of his little brother. Tommy doesn't know what his brother had been expecting to find when he got here but he seems relieved as he looks at him from the other side of the doorframe.
"Come on in, Bren…" Tommy says, turning sideways to allow him room to enter. Brendan nods and walks through the doorway. Tommy can tell that he's trying not to be obvious about looking around.
"It ain't much but I guess you know, with it just being me here it don't hafta be." Tommy hates the sound of apology in his voice. It ain't like Brendan's so much better than he is now that he has all that money but Tommy's always struggled with feeling inferior.
"It's good Tommy; at least you don't have to worry about knocking little delicate figurines off of pointless decorative tables like I do. Tess has lost her mind with the decorating bullshit. But I can't say much, she lived with me in some pretty slummy places and never complained so now I put up with her fascination with buying dust collectors."
The brother's chuckle together as Brendan heads to the couch to sit. Tommy grabs the lone kitchen table chair and sits it across from the couch on the other side of the coffee table. He drops into it heavily; his heart feels like it weighs more than the rest of him. He doesn't even know where to start or what conversation to start with. His hands go to his face and he tries to rub away the tightness, he feels as if he might cry any second and that's just not going to be acceptable, ever.
"Tommy, bro, seriously… What's going on?" Brendan's voice is tight with concern, Tommy looks at him and sighs.
"Thanks for what you did for Pilar. You didn't have to but you did and you saved her from losing her house. I know you don't know her or the kids but Manny meant a lot to me and I promised him that I would take care of her. I promised him that while he bled out in my arms."
Tommy can't help it; he has to glaze over the emotions that he can feel rising to the surface. Thinking about watching Manny losing all that blood while he held him, making that promise to his best friend because he knew that he was losing him and wanted to give him comfort any way he knew how was all he could do. The emotions are still too raw and too strong so he shuts that part of him down and goes on autopilot.
"Don't do that, Tommy. I can see you, what you're doing. Maybe it's time you let yourself feel those things. Pushing them to the back of your mind doesn't help you heal; it only hurts you more in the long run."
How right Brendan is. All Tommy has ever done was to push those strong emotions into a tiny space where they breed and grow into mental monsters. The only time he lets them out to play is in the gym or in the ring against an opponent. Feeling them, really feeling them is a proposal that scares him more than anything in this world.
"And I have to tell you, I don't know what you're talking about Tommy. I didn't send Pilar anything. I wanted to but I was worried that if I did it without talking to you first it might upset you. It's something I was actually gonna bring up today."
Tommy's heart stops for a second, the blood flowing out of his face and into the empty cavity in his chest where his heart would be if he was a normal man. If Brendan didn't then who did?
"If she needs more, for anything… well you know I'll send it to her. But what can I do for you Tommy? What do you need?" Brendan is pleading as if he can feel Tommy slipping back into his anger, He is, but he's not angry at Brendan anymore. He knows now exactly who sent Pilar the money and if that son of a cock sucker thinks he can buy forgiveness then he's farther gone that Tommy had ever believed.
Tommy shakes his head to clear his thoughts. There's no need to drag Brendan into the war between him and Pops. Brendan made his peace with Paddy Conlon after Sparta and he won't ask his brother to choose sides. Besides, there are more important, pressing matters that he needs to talk to his brother about.
"Brendan, do you remember Penny Denton?"
"Penny from next door? Yeah, yeah I remember her. Sweet girl… always hanging around mooning over you."
"Well, let me ask you this then. Do you know what happened to her after I left? Did Pops ever tell you any of it?"
"No, I don't remember even seeing her again after you left now that I think about it," Brendan says, his brows furrowing. "Whatever did become of her?"
Tommy leans his elbows onto his knees, his eyes cast down to the dusty apartment floor. He's sick at the thought of relaying Penny's trauma again but he knows that if he's going to hit his brother up for seven grand he deserves to know why. Tommy clears his throat and begins the tale of abuse worse than anything he or Brendan ever endured. When he's finished he sees the look of utter shock and disgust on his brother's face that must mirror his own.
"Oh my god, Tommy. Oh my god… Jeff did that to his own niece." The shock is turning to outrage; Tommy can only assume that in his mind Brendan is piecing together that Penny was only a mere three years older than Rosie is now when she was first raped by her own kin.
"The worst is that it's still killing her, Bren. She's so fucked up on smack that she's almost dead to this world. There ain't much of the girl that we knew back then left in there and I want to help save what is."
"What can I do, Tommy?" Brendan asks, his words echoing the same thing he'd said to Heather in the cafeteria.
"I need to borrow some money to get her into a treatment program here in Pittsburgh. It's going to cost a lot and I know it'll take me a while but I'll pay you back every dime…"
Brendan holds his hands up and closes his eyes, sighing loudly.
"Tommy, it doesn't matter how much, it doesn't matter. Let me do this for you. It's obviously something that's important to you and I want to help. Just tell me what I need to do."
"But I ain't even told you how much it is…"
"It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter."
88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88**88 **88**88**88**88**88**
Thirty minutes later and after a call to Heather they're headed to the ER so that Brendan can meet her and she can better fill him in on the plan to save Penny Denton. The inside of Brendan's minivan smells like baby powder and fruit juice, the backseat is covered with dolls and books.
"A minivan? Really bro? I figured with five mill in the bank you'd be driving some sort of car that tells the world just how small your wiener really is," Tommy laughs as Brendan punches him lightly in the shoulder. It feels good, almost normal to rib his brother about something as silly as what he drives.
"Ain't nothing wrong with the size of my baby maker. And this is actually Tess's vehicle. I brought it in case I needed more room to haul you back home with me for a while," Brendan admits softly. Tommy lets it pass, choosing instead to focus on what Brendan was driving these days.
"So what are you hauling that tiny penis around in now?"
"I bought a Nissan Titan truck, fully loaded, leather interior. It's electric blue, black on the inside. Growls like a mama bear when it's running…" Brendan looks ashamed suddenly and clams up.
"Bro, you got all the reason in the world to brag. You won, you earned it and you deserve it. Tess and the girls deserve it."
"I'll never feel good about it."
"Whatchu mean, Bren?"
"It hurt me to fight you in there. It hurt me to see how much anger you had towards me. I feel like I lost a part of myself that night that I'll never get back. Sometimes I think I would sleep better at night if I'd lost, even if it meant Tess and I losing the house, losing everything. Tommy, I'll never forget what I felt like seeing you in that corner all alone, hurting, crying. It was our childhood all over again, only it was me beating on you, leaving those marks, popping your arm out of place. It just kills me."
"Don't you feel sorry for me. If I'm hurting and alone it's my own doing, not your fault." Tommy looks out the window as rain starts to fall on the passing scenery. The dreary weather seems to mirror how he's feeling on the inside. There's still such a wall up between him and his brother; he doesn't want it there but he also doesn't know how to take it down. He honestly just doesn't know how to feel anything anymore except like shit.
"Do you think there could be something between you and Penny if she can get well?"
"Nah," Tommy dismisses it right away.
"Why?" Tommy can feel Brendan looking at him across the van as he asks for clarification.
"Because two broken people don't add up to a whole one. I have my own set of problems and they'd only complicate hers. She needs someone good, someone solid if she's going to stay on track and away from the shit that's gotten her to the point of trading sex for drugs. I ain't that man."
"You're a good man Tommy. Everyone but you knows it."
After another ten minutes of silence between them, they're at the hospital and meeting Heather down in the cafeteria. She stands and greets them with a smile and a cup of Café Cubano for each of them.
"Brendan this is Heather, Heather this is my brother Brendan. Good news, he's agreed to loan me the money to get Penny into River's Bend." Tommy emphasizes the word loan and looks Brendan hard in the eyes. Brendan gives him an almost imperceptible head shake no.
"They've moved her to a regular room upstairs on the third floor so she's out of my care now and I'll be free to petition the court on her behalf. No more conflict of interest." Heather smiles at the brothers, seemingly comparing how dissimilar they are in appearance. Tommy feels her eyes on him and he can't seem to meet her gaze.
"I can't thank you enough for helping Penny as much as you already have, we basically grew up together, her family lived next door to ours for as far as I can remember back," Brendan says, sipping his coffee. The look on his face tells Tommy that he's not a big fan of the strong brew. When Heather turns to look at someone coming into the door he switches his empty cup with Brendan's practically full one and gives him a conspiratorial wink. Brendan smiles and nods his head at his baby brother.
"You know, it's perfectly okay to say if you don't like something," Heather says, smiling sweetly at the brothers as she finishes her own cup. "I wasn't going to smack you with a ruler and make you drink it anyway."
"Busted," Tommy singsongs as Brendan laughs. Heathers sweet voice and southern drawl make it impossible to keep a straight face as she chastises them.
"Listen guys, I have the literature and all the paperwork for the program at home, I didn't think to bring it in with me today. I get off around nine tonight, fingers crossed, so if you wanna meet up somewhere, grab a bite to eat or a beer we can start on the intake paperwork and the petition for the judge." Heather darts glances at Tommy and it doesn't go unnoticed by either brother. Tommy isn't looking forward to the ribbing that's sure to be headed his way when they leave.
"You know Dale's Diner on Kirkland? We can meet you there if you want," Brendan volunteers, "What time, you think?" He asks when she nods affirmatively.
" I should be able to make it there by no later than ten, I live in a walk-up right around the corner on Brentwood."
"No shit? Tommy does too," Brendan laughs, eyeballing his brother in a most exaggerated way.
"Yeah, I live in the red brick on the south side of the street," Tommy says, shooting daggers at his brother.
"I'm right across from you in the tan brick apartment building. Small world, huh?"
"Yeah," is all Tommy can think to say in response. "Say I wanna run up to the third floor and look in on Penny before I go. Brendan you comin'?"
"I'll ride up with you but I'll stay outside. I don't think she needs any more people intruding right now."
"Okay, well Heather, whaddya say we meet up outside your building at ten and ride together?"
"Sounds like a solid plan. My breaks over so I'd best get back upstairs. The belligerent drunk in Penny's old room who likes to fling poop is surely missing me by now. Later guys." Both men stand as she does, Tommy grasps his toboggan hat in both hands, daring a look at her as she leaves.
"Wow, I think Nurse has a thing for you Tommy."
"Aww, I knew you were gonna start this shit…"
Brendan holds his hands up and laughs. "You gave me shit about having tiny junk and driving a minivan! Ya get what ya give!"
Tommy growls and heads out of the cafeteria, saving his smile until Brendan is behind him. Tommy waits a good amount of time to avoid having to share an elevator with Heather, afraid she'll pick up on how flustered he is. He doesn't believe for one second that she's interested in him, she's far too smart for that shit. He can't say though that she hasn't been on his mind since he met her.
Stepping out onto the third floor Tommy looks around for the wall sign telling him which way to 321, Penny's room. Brendan follows him down the hallway, intending to wait outside the room until Tommy's ready to go. As Tommy nears the doorway he hears someone talking in a low voice, it's a man's voice, and then he hears the sound of Penny crying.
"… know what you need to feel better. But then I always did."
"Please give me the call button and just go Jeff. Just fucking go… pleaaaase."
Tommy looks behind him at Brendan and motions for him to come closer to the door, moving his finger to his lips to warn him to be quiet.
"I can get it easy, I can smuggle you out of here, take you somewhere and make you feel reaaaall good baby doll. Just like the old days."
Penny only weeps louder, the sound heartbreaking in its desperation.
"I'll come back tomorrow, you can let me know then what you decide. Might be your last chance to get high before they cart your skanky ass off to jail. Might be my last chance to fuck the shit out of you, whore. Hell, maybe I can call up Glen and Rick, you remember them don't you?"
Jeff's tone has turned menacing now. Tommy and Brendan hear the shuffling of shoes in the room and the brothers turn towards each other and back a good distance away from the door. They lower their faces to make sure that Jeff doesn't see them clearly as he passes by them, they pretend to be deep in conversation and the asshole doesn't even spare them a glance.
As Jeff makes his way down the hallway Tommy looks at Brendan, fury is etched on both of their faces.
Brendan nods at his baby brother and smiles. It's not a friendly looking grin. Then he simply says, "Let's go get that mother fucker."