A/N: This is an episode of Batman: The Animated Series and was written as a screenwriting exercise. And as a gift for my nephews. And because I like Harley and Ivy.

Alas, I own neither setting nor characters. I just like telling stories with them.

ACT THREE:

EXT – FIELD – AFTERNOON

The RABBI, an older man, dressed in a suit, stands in front of the CONGREGATION.

RABBI
... and see His generosity in giving us this abundance of nature,

He gestures to the plants and trees they have brought with them.

RABBI (CON'T)
... these trees and these plants, to grow and be there for coming generations, and know that they are truly an example of His love for us.

Harley and Ivy, both smiling, are part of the Congregation and stand beside a wheelbarrow overflowing with three tree saplings and too many smaller plants to count.

The Rabbi opens the black book he is holding.

RABBI (CON'T)
If you would all open your prayer books to page 203.

The members of the Congregation open their books and look for the page.

PENGUIN (O.S.)
Nah, just skip to the end.
(beat)
Your ends!

The members of the Congregation look around, surprised and confused. The Rabbi spins around and his eyes widen at ...

Penguin and his Goons run out of the treeline. Penguin has his umbrella but none of the Goons are carrying weapons.

Harley and Ivy, their faces darkening with anger, move forward. Harley grabs a shovel from the wheelbarrow.

HARLEY
No! You're not going to ruin this for me!

Goons #1, #2 and #3 run across the field.

Harley lands in front of Goon #2 and hits him in the stomach with her shovel, knocking him back and on his butt. Goons #1 and #3 stop and look at her.

Ivy lands feet-first on Goon #1 and knocking him flat on the ground and then somersaults off of him and turns in mid-air. She lands on her feet, facing him.

He starts to get up. Ivy throws a handful of seeds on him and and ground around him. Almost immediately, long vines erupt out of them and wrap themselves around his arms and torso, holding him to the ground.

Harley notices this. Goon #3 crouches, watching her, waiting for the right moment to ...

HARLEY (CON'T)
Ivy! At me!

Goon #3 launches himself at Harley ... who dives to one side and isn't there anymore ... but another handful of Ivy's seeds are. These, too, erupt into vines that entangle and restrain him.

GOON #2 gets to his feet. Harley lands beside him ...

HARLEY (CON'T)
(yells)
Fore!

... and hits him in the head with the shovel, knocking him out.

GOON #4
Five!

Goon #4 holds a tree sapling like a baseball bat and swings it at Harley. He connects and she goes flying.

Harley crash-lands into a wheelbarrow and sends plants and garden tools flying everywhere. The close Congregation members jump back. Harley tries to get up but can't just yet.

Ivy and Goon #4 circle each other, like wrestlers. Goon #4 still holds his sapling and grins.

GOON #4
An' you're number six!

IVY
(shakes her head)
Trees wouldn't hurt me.

Ivy stares at the sapling for a moment and it grows, taller and thicker. Goon #4 is fine ... but then struggles under its increasing weight. He eventually collapses backwards, the now-tree on top of him, pinning him to the ground.

IVY (CON'T)
You, on the other hand ...

PENGUIN (O.S.)
Enough!

There is AUTOMATIC-WEAPON FIRE and Ivy flinches.

Penguin holds his smoking umbrella gun pointed into the air.

PENGUIN (CON'T)
Enough! Wah!
(beat)
Now ... I want what's rightfully mine and you -

Something WHIRRLS and a Batarang knocks the umbrella out of Penguin's hands.

BATMAN (O.S.)
Stealing something doesn't mean it's rightfully yours, Penguin!

Batman and Robin run across the field, toward the fight.

ROBIN
Unless it's your cell in Arkham!

Penguin dives to the ground and grabs his umbrella gun.

PENGUIN
It's the Bat! Wah! Get him!

Penguin opens fire with his umbrella.

Ivy jumps out of the way as bullets tear into the tree pinning Goon #4, breaking it into smaller pieces and sending splinters flying in all directions.

Goon #4 pushes the broken tree pieces off of himself and jumps to his feet.

The Rabbi helps Harley up. She sees something and dives back to the ground, drags him down with her and flips the wheelbarrow up on its side just as bullets slam into it.

Goon #1 pulls himself free of the entangling vines and runs over to help Goon #3 free.

Ivy runs over and helps Harley and the Rabbi up. Goon #4 leaps at her from behind but Robin tackles him sideways before he reaches her.

Goon #5 swings at Batman but doesn't connect. He swings again, another miss, and Batman side-kicks him in the stomach. As Goon #5 goes down, Goon #1 jumps on Batman from behind and punches him in the head. Batman drops to one knee.

Harley grabs a shovel from a different wheelbarrow. A few Congregants crouch behind it.

HARLEY
May I?

One Congregant nods.

Robin and Goon #4 circle each other. Goon #4 jumps at Robin ... who drops onto his back and kicks Goon #4 up and back with both feet.

Goon #4 lands on his back. Hard. Beside a pair of feet in green hiking boots.

IVY (O.S.)
This is for my tree!

Goon #4's POV, looking up at Ivy, as she lifts one booted foot and stomps it down, right into POV.

Robin winces and looks around.

Batman is on his knees and Goons #1 and #5 pound on him.

ROBIN (O.S.)
Hey!

Both Goons turn and look and Harley swings her shovel at Goon #1 from behind and - CLANG! - knocks him out. Goon #5 jumps up and away from her and Batman.

HARLEY
Nice distraction, Bird Boy!

Harley gives Batman a hand up. He pushes her behind him and punches Goon #5, who was coming at them, in the face. Harley leap-frogs up and over Batman's shoulders, at Goon #5, swinging her shovel.

Penguin looks around and is not happy with what he sees ...

PENGUIN
Waaah!

... and he takes off back towards the trees.

Goon #3 punches Ivy in the stomach.

IVY
Ow! You ... you weed!

Ivy punches him back, in the face, and spinning him around ... to Robin. Robin punches him, spinning him back around to Ivy, who blows a puff of yellow powder into his face. His eyes roll up in his head and he collapses.

Robin and Ivy smile and nod at each other.

Batman looks around and sees ...

... Penguin, almost to the tree line.

BATMAN (O.S.)
Harley!

Batman crouches and lifts both arms up.

Harley grins, throws her shovel to the side, sprints and then leaps onto Batman's shoulders. He springs up, using his arms to help throw Harley into the air.

Penguin looks back over his shoulder and his eyes widen.

PENGUIN
Noooo!

Harley lands, both feet first, on top of him and they both sprawl out on the ground.

Harley flips Penguin over, onto his back, and straddles him. A pomegranite is in her hand. She breaks it open on his forehead and smears purple seeds and juice all over his face.

HARLEY
That's for tryin' to ruin my holiday!

OWL (O.S.)
Hoo! Hoo!

HARLEY
(grinding the pomegranate into Penguin's face for emphasis)
This fat, fish-eatin' tuxedo-bird wanna-be, that's ...

Harley looks around for the speaker.

HARLEY (CON'T)
... who ...

The Owl glides into view, above Harley and the Penguin. It carries the valise and drops it. It lands near Harley and breaks open, spilling money and jewelry on the ground. Penguin sees this and MOANS.

Harley stands and looks down at it.

BATMAN
Harley ...

She takes a step back and sighs.

HARLEY
OK, Bats, let's get this over with.

Batman walks up to her.

HARLEY (CON'T)
I tried this time, Batman. I really did. And I was doin' it, or I thought I was, but I couldn't do this without Ivy, even though it meant ...

Harley looks at the ground and puts both arms out in front of her, wrists together.

HARLEY (CON'T)
(sighs)
Just take me back to Arkham.

Batman reaches under his cape and brings out a small, maybe 12-inch tall, sapling. He offers it to her.

BATMAN
Happy Too Bish-vaht, Harley.

Harley blushes and grins sheepishly as we ...

FADE OUT

END ACT THREE

END OF SHOW