15. Guilt
By the time Sarah had sent Portia upstairs to freshen up and get changed into some comfier clothes, all four of them had double and triple texted David, even Charlie. While Portia had been gone, Nick and Charlie took turns scrolling through all the social media platforms they could think of, searching for any activity that might suggest where David was.
They found nothing more recent than an Instagram selfie of David posing in front of the bathroom mirror, bragging about his date, which had clearly been taken not long before he'd had the bright idea to go rifling through his brother's room.
When Portia returned, Sarah ushered her to snuggle up on the sofa and put the telly on.
"We'll eat dinner in here tonight, okay? Have a nice cosy evening." She rubbed Portia's arm sympathetically and Portia gave her a small smile.
"Thanks, Mrs Nelson. I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
"Don't worry about it, dear. And please call me Sarah, okay?"
Portia nodded sheepishly and Sarah left the room to dish up their dinner. Once they had collected their trays from the kitchen, Nick had to move over to the other armchair as it was no longer practical to sit in the same one as Charlie.
Although Charlie was too anxious to eat much, he tried to focus on the usual evening repeat of House of Games. At first, he wasn't sure if it would be okay to start yelling out the answers when he knew them. Oftentimes at home, that would only get an irritated huff from his mum and he'd have to keep the rest of the answers to himself.
But once Nick and Sarah started to join in, discussing the average number of cups of tea drank in the UK every day, Charlie was put at ease.
"You're too good at this, Charlie," Sarah chuckled. "You're making us look silly."
Before Charlie could apologise, Nick cut in. "I'm not surprised, really. Charlie's good at everything. I've gotten used to feeling silly."
"I'm not -"
"Oh, Charlie, dear, just let your boyfriend brag about you," said Sarah, making both of them blush. "It's his prerogative."
Portia had been quiet throughout the whole meal, but a few times Charlie caught her smiling or even laughing at the rest of them. Charlie wondered what her home life was like, wondered what she would be doing with her summer if she weren't here.
Charlie caught sight of Portia's almost empty plate, of Sarah's, of Nick's, then looked down at his own. His hands started to shake even before his brain could start it's spiral. He quickly pushed his tray away onto the side table and drew his legs up onto the chair.
Several minutes later, Sarah saw everyone had finished and stood up. "Anyone for dessert? I think there's some Häagen-Dazs in the freezer. Salted caramel."
"Yes, please," said Portia.
"Thanks, mum," said Nick.
"Charlie?"
The three of them looked around at Charlie's chair.
"Oh," said Sarah.
Charlie was fast asleep, his head pillowed on the arm of the chair. Then Sarah spied the picked over plate of cold food sitting on the table beside him. And Nick suddenly felt very ashamed of himself - how could he have forgotten to even try to match his boyfriend's eating speed? How could he forget something so simple but important? Had he really been so anxious he'd forgotten to think about how this might affect Charlie?
"I'll take the plates for you, Sarah," said Portia, getting to her feet. "I can get the ice cream, too. I know where the freezer is."
"Thank you, dear."
Portia left the room with the dishes, leaving Sarah free to sit back down and say, "He's seemed so tired lately. I know he says he's okay but is he really, Nicky?"
Nick swallowed and shook his head absently. "Not… not really. But I can't really…"
"No, that's alright, baby. You shouldn't tell me anything he told you in confidence. I just worry, that's all."
"Me too," Nick sighed.
"He has therapy tomorrow night, doesn't he?" Sarah remembered. "Maybe that'll help."
Nick wasn't sure if she was right, but of course, he couldn't tell her exactly why he thought that.
Sarah peered at her son more intently now, studying his undoubtedly tired features. "You're really worried about David, aren't you, Nicky?" Her tone had turned cautiously serious. "Do you honestly think something might have happened to him?"
"I don't know," Nick breathed. "But I can't help but think… after what happened to Tony and Helen, and then Ben and Sahar… well, maybe."
Sarah hadn't wanted to entertain the notion for even a second but now it seemed to strike her, Nick's words kindling it into a flicker of fear. For the sake of her son, who was looking paler by the minute, Sarah pushed her worry down and sighed.
"If we haven't heard from him by tomorrow morning we'll go to the station and report it." She got up from the sofa again, suddenly exhausted. "I think you'd better eat my portion of ice cream for me, sweetheart. I'm going to turn in early, I think. Goodnight, Nicky."
She kissed Nick's cheek briefly, then left the room.
Nick watched her go, wanting to curl up and cry for letting this happen to her. How could he have just hand-waved David leaving the house like that? After what his brother had seen? He looked at Charlie, asleep on the chair across from him. He could have sat there, looking at him forever if Portia hadn't arrived with the tub of ice cream, four bowls and four spoons.
"Oh, where's Sarah?"
"She went to bed early," Nick told her. "Charlie and I are gonna do the same, I think."
He went to crouch at Charlie's side and shook his shoulder gently. Charlie mumbled vaguely before opening his eyes.
"Hey, Char, let's go upstairs, okay? You can't sleep too much just yet or you won't be able to later."
As Nick led Charlie out into the hall, Portia settled back down on the sofa in front of the telly with the massive tub of ice cream all to herself.
The bedroom door shut with a snap behind them, and Charlie turned to look at Nick. He was standing in the middle of his room, tense and pale, looking more hopeless and lost than Charlie had rarely seen. The walk up the stairs had woken Charlie up considerably, but now he never wanted to go downstairs ever again, never leave this room.
He closed the small distance between them and wrapped Nick into his embrace. Nick clung to him, and Charlie rubbed his back in soothing circles.
"I'm so sorry, Nick," Charlie murmured. "And don't tell me no s-words. I'm sorry this has happened to David. Has happened to you and your mum. Even Portia."
Nick couldn't bring himself to say anything, but he knew didn't need to. He only buried his face deeper into the crook of Charlie's neck and breathed him in. It had hit him all at once that his brother, his big brother, had most likely been kidnapped. And there was nothing he could do about it.
They stood there for a long while, holding each other up and recharging. When Nick finally drew his head up again, his eyes were red and puffy, but his cheeks were dry.
"Char, we still need to be careful but…" He trailed off, looking around his room for the notebook. He found it again and Charlie quickly found him a pen.
They sat on the floor, their backs resting against the bed, and Nick began to write.
We should try and find out how the device works so we can turn it off.
Charlie nodded enthusiastically and reached to pull open the drawer. He rummaged around for a second before he found it - it truly was tiny. He sat back down beside Nick and studied the small metallic rectangle.
"Huh," he breathed. "This is it?"
Nick grimaced. "Yeah. Doesn't seem like much. Do you think you can figure out how it works?"
"I dunno," said Charlie with a frown. He turned it over in his palm but found no light telling him whether the thing was even on or not.
"We could try and Google it," Nick suggested.
"That would be easily trackable," said Charlie. "Wait, hang on. There's a -"
"What? What is it?"
Charlie found a tiny little switch on the side of the device and flicked it. The smallest of beeps and Charlie exhaled. "I assume that means it's off now but I dunno…"
He handed it over to Nick so he could take a look at the switch. "Wow. Well done, Char."
"It feels too easy though. How can that be the source of everything that's currently ruining my life?"
"Well, this one is off now at least, which means this room is safe. As far as we know." Nick got to his feet and reached for his laptop. "Which means it's probably fine to look this thing up in incognito mode."
He settled down on his beanbag chair and quickly took a photo of the device with his phone.
"Nick, I don't know if that's a good idea. I know Google is like your best friend but…"
Charlie got up to join him anyway. Nick shuffled over and Charlie snuggled against his shoulder while he searched Google with the photo he'd just taken. Charlie watched intently as Nick scrolled through the results.
"Huh, they're only £40 on eBay," said Charlie.
"Look, it has a GPS tracker and everything… Jesus - fuck - this has everything he would have needed…"
From only a minute of scrolling, Nick had seen enough. He slammed the laptop shut and flung it back into the corner. Suddenly very nauseous, he sprang to his feet and strode to the window. He yanked it open and stuck his head out into the cool evening air.
"Nick?" Charlie joined him by the window. "You okay?"
"No, I'm not fucking okay! None of this is okay, Charlie! It - it - fuck - it all makes me fucking sick. It's enough that people are missing but for Mr H to push the blame onto you -" Nick's breath hitched, and he was suddenly crying, shoulders shaking, face red.
"Oh, Nick," said Charlie softly. "Come here. Give me that. Come and lie down with me, will you?"
Nick handed the device over and did as he was told. Charlie stashed it back under the socks and climbed up onto the bed beside Nick. He curled himself around his back and kissed his hair.
"Let it out, darling," Charlie murmured.
And Nick did, letting himself cry steadily until they both fell asleep.
Nick and Charlie set off with Sarah and Portia after breakfast the next morning. Their short meal had been brief and unsuccessful on all accounts, none of them feeling much like eating.
Sarah found a parking space a street away from the police station. Nick could tell his mum had hardly slept, her cheeks were paler than usual, and her hair was a lot less tidy. None of them had more than a few words to each other all morning, and Charlie had woken up practically silent.
After sitting in the car in silence for much too long, Nick managed to pull himself together enough to finally open the door.
"Let's go," he sighed. "This'll all be over the sooner we do this."
Nick went round to the other side and opened Charlie's door for him, but he made no move to get out.
"Aren't you coming with us?"
Charlie shook his head, barely lifting his eyes to look at him. "Unless you really want me to go…"
"It's up to you, Char."
"I'll just… I'll just stay here then, if that's okay?"
Before Nick could voice any of his many concerns, Sarah appeared beside him. "That's okay, Charlie. I'll leave the car unlocked for you, okay?"
"Thanks."
As Nick followed his mum and Portia down the road, away from the car, he knew for certain he'd been counting on Charlie's presence at the station. But that would be selfish, wouldn't it? If he had demanded Charlie tag along, despite his clear objections…
They approached the doors of the station and Nick took his mum's hand. He gave it an as reassuring squeeze as possible before they stepped into the foyer. Nick hated how familiar he was becoming with this place.
Sarah walked confidently up to the reception desk and rang the little bell, a steely determination in her eye.
The receptionist arrived promptly. "Yes?"
"We're here to report a missing person."
"Another one?"
"Unfortunately, yes. It's my son. David Nelson."
The receptionist's eyes slid from Sarah, over Portia, to Nick where they widened in recognition. "Nelson?"
Sarah nodded, confused but Nick thought he might know what was happening.
"Wait here a moment, please." The receptionist got up and walked back into the office.
A minute later, she returned with Officer Carter in tow. "Hello. If you'll follow me through, please. We can talk in my office."
Sarah nodded for Nick to follow her and then they were stepping into the same large room where all the detectives were working at their desks. Carter was just leading them toward the corridor when Chief Constable Hazeldine appeared from the break room, coffee in hand.
"Carter? Please tell me there hasn't -"
"There has," she said with a grimace. "And apparently the Nelsons are involved… again."
"We're not -" Nick started to protest. Sarah gave him a sharp look.
"Don't worry," said Carter. "I only meant involved as in affected, forgive me."
"Although," said Hazeldine. "It is certainly strange that these same names keep cropping up, and the same faces. Nick, isn't it?"
Nick nodded, suddenly much more anxious.
"Would you mind stepping into my office to have a little chat? You don't mind, do you, Mrs Nelson?"
"Oh, um… no, I suppose not."
She looked rattled though and Nick avoided her gaze. Shit. This was going to be awful.
"In the meantime, we can get this report sorted." Carter led Sarah and Portia off down the corridor, leaving Nick to fend for himself with the slightly intimidating Hazeldine.
Nick followed him across to the opposite end of the large room to a big shiny door that he supposed used to be Helen's office. It even still had her name on the plaque. Hazeldine was a temporary replacement after all. Temporary.
"It has come to my attention that each time something happens in this town lately, your name always finds a way to crop up. Yours and Mr Spring's. Would you perhaps be able to enlighten me as to why?"
Nick sat down in the chair opposite the desk and took a deep breath. "Not… not really."
"But the people around you keep going missing," said Hazeldine. "Surely you've thought about why that might be?"
"Of course I have. And we told you, didn't we? Charlie saw something he wasn't meant to see and now someone's threatening him into silence by kidnapping people. The only logical reason would be that it's something to do with the Kane case but if you don't know any more, how am I supposed to?"
"I didn't say that."
Nick looked up. What exactly had Hazeldine and his team done with the information he and Charlie had and hadn't provided all this time?
"I just wanted to ask you, Mr Nelson, whether there was anything else you might want to tell me. Anything at all."
For a long moment, Nick found himself unable to look away from the man's deep, dark brown eyes. They were like two dark tunnels and Nick felt like they were looking right through his skull into his brain.
"No, sir. There's nothing."
With all his might, Nick tried to convey that this was a lie through his eyes alone. And Hazeldine seemed to understand perfectly. He had been there when Charlie had had his breakdown after all, and he knew very well how scared they both were.
That didn't stop Hazeldine from looking a little disappointed. "Very well," he sighed. "You may go."
Nick scurried back out into the main office as quickly as he could. There was no sign of his mum or Portia so he stood there awkwardly for a moment, wondering what he should do.
"Hello there," came a voice from somewhere near his elbow. "Can I help you, sir?"
The woman was very short, and looked barely old enough to have graduated university, let alone work in a police station. Nick opened his mouth to reply when Officer Carter appeared with Sarah and Portia following behind her.
"Felicity!" Carter cried as she approached. "Leave that poor boy alone."
"I wasn't -"
"I know that look in your eye, young lady. How many times do I have to tell you?"
"But look at him, Maggie," Felicity whined. "It's not fair. Those arms, jesus, I want to strangle myself with those arms. Or he could do it and I would thank him."
"Again, not available."
"You're not gay too, are you?" Felicity huffed. "Why are all the cute ones gay?"
"Um…" Nick was aware his face was bright red, and he was still a little confused about what was actually happening right now. "No, but my boyfriend is."
"Eh?" Felicity's eyes widened. "Oh, for fuck's sake. You're that other cabin boy, aren't you? Wow. You two are gonna make some beautiful babies. If you ever need a surrogate, call me."
She patted Nick's arm, squeezed a little unnecessarily hard and disappeared into the break room.
Stunned, Nick glanced at his mum and saw that she was equally as baffled. Officer Carter ran a hand across her face and exhaled.
"I'm so sorry about her. I had to fight her off Charlie too. Come on, I'll walk you out."
They turned the corner onto the road where they'd parked the car and Nick's heart momentarily dropped into his feet. The car appeared entirely empty, Charlie nowhere to be seen. Mouth dry, Nick hurried over - "Charlie?"
But Charlie was still there, curled up on the back seat, apparently asleep, head ducked down below the windows. When Nick opened the door, he looked up sleepily.
"Nick? Are you okay?"
Nick gave himself a little mental shake. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry I woke you." He climbed in beside Charlie and was surprised at just how relieved he was to find Charlie still there.
The drive home was much the same as the one there. All of them were quiet. All of them were worried. But the tension had eased slightly. At least the tension coming from Sarah and Portia. Charlie on the other hand couldn't shake the guilt that was slowly but surely overtaking him.
"Sarah?" he asked, very quietly when they were nearly home.
"Yes, dear?"
"Please could you drop me off at home?"
Nick looked around, alarmed. Sarah was confused too.
"Are you sure, sweetheart? You can stay with us for as long as you like."
"I know. Thank you. It's just… I think I should go home."
"Char…" Nick wanted to yell at him, 'no, don't go! Don't you understand how much I need you right now?' But he kept quiet. His mum needed him right now too.
Even as he kissed Charlie goodbye and watched him walk off toward his front door, it felt like the tether connecting them both was being pulled to its limit.
On the other end, Charlie felt the same tightness, even though most of his other emotions were horribly blurred.
He stepped into the hall quietly and removed his shoes. He held them in his hands, considering how much they had been through with him - then chucked them into the pile, possibly never to be worn again.
He could hear his parents talking in the living room and considered going to greet them before thinking better of it. He didn't want to risk any kind of argument right now. He needed to keep them safe. The less he spoke, the better.
Instead, Charlie hurried swiftly up the stairs, ignored the happy sounds of Tori and Oliver playing behind his sister's bedroom door and shut himself behind his own.
It was still late morning, but Charlie changed into some pyjamas, grabbed the blue hoodie from his floor and pulled that on too. Once he was wrapped up in his bed, curtains closed surely, he could be of no harm to anyone.
After a quick lunch, Nick accompanied his mum and Nellie on a long walk. Portia had shut herself in David's room as soon as they'd gotten home, and claimed she still wasn't hungry when offered food. Neither Nick nor Sarah knew exactly what to do to help her, or really, to help each other.
But fresh air was always good, and Nellie seemed to understand that her humans were going through something. Their walk did help clear their heads a little, but Nick could tell his mum was constantly on the lookout for any sign of David, especially as they walked through town. Nick hated that he knew almost for certain that they would not find him just wandering the streets but couldn't just tell his mum so. He supposed this had been how Charlie had been feeling all this time… Charlie…
Back home after their walk, Sarah busied herself with scrubbing every inch of the house clean. Nick tried to help her, to at least feel like he was doing something, but she only chivvied him away. It was understandable, Nick thought, for his mum to want some space but Nick found that was the last thing he himself wanted.
Even when Portia appeared and offered to help with the laundry, Sarah just shook her head. Portia then left the house entirely, mumbling something about going for a drive.
And so, Nick slothed back up this room alone and flopped down on his bed. He pulled out his phone and, for the umpteenth time that day, scrolled absently through his Instagram feed. He had held off on texting Charlie for a good few hours but even when he eventually caved, there was, unsurprisingly, no reply.
By mid-afternoon, he was seriously considering texting Tori for answers. But instead, he merely sent what he promised himself would be the final text to Charlie today and wished him luck with his therapy session that evening. 'Tell me how it goes? xx love you.'
Several hours later, Nick was just wondering whether he could convince his mum to order a takeaway when the front doorbell rang. He leapt up from his bed, discarded his laptop aside and ran downstairs. His mum was just exiting the kitchen when Nick made it into the hall.
"I'll get it," he said.
"Okay, then, dear."
Nick had not been expecting to find Tara and Darcy standing there on the doorstep, bags slung over their shoulders, a massive sleeping bag carried between them.
"Hi!" They chorused. But then their faces dropped as they saw Nick's alarmed expression.
"You forgot, didn't you?" said Tara.
Nick winced and ran a hand through his hair. "Um… yeah. What have I forgotten?"
"You said you'd host the next film night sleepover," said Darcy. "With baked goods, and something about a dog. I didn't even bring tequila, even though I still think it would have been -"
"Not a good idea, Darce," said Tara fondly. "We need to make a good first impression with Mrs Nelson."
Nick stepped aside with a sigh. "Look, come in. I'm really sorry I forgot. There's been a lot going on. I'm not sure if…"
"Oh, hello, girls," said Sarah, entering again, having heard their voices from the other room. "Did I hear something about a sleepover, Nicky?"
Nick tried to ignore Darcy as she mouthed the word 'Nicky' and shared a giggle with Tara.
"Um, yeah, I did kind of say I would host this evening… I forgot to even ask, sorry."
"We can go if it's too much trouble for you, Mrs Nelson," said Tara politely. "I could probably convince my parents to -"
"No, no, it's fine," said Sarah. "I don't want to mess up your plans. We're just having a bit of a crisis here today, but guests are always a welcome distraction. You can set up in the living room if you'd like."
"Are you sure it's okay, mum?" Nick asked with a specific look, which his mum seemed to understand because she nodded and then chivvied them all into the living room.
"It's so cute that your mum calls you Nicky," said Tara when Sarah had left them in search of the blow-up mattress.
"Oh, shut up," Nick groaned. "It's so embarrassing."
"It is pretty embarrassing," said Darcy.
And suddenly, Nick found himself sitting on the sofa, the living room filled with not just Tara and Darcy but also, Tao, Elle and Aled, too.
Hearing the noise and sensing the possibility of new friends, Nellie had appeared and was delighted to have made five new ones. She was rolling about on the freshly blown-up mattress, getting the fuss of her life. Even Tao, who fervently insisted he was a cat person, couldn't help but turn into goo over her.
"Hey, Nick," said Aled. "Where's Charlie?"
The question drew everyone else's attention from Nellie to Nick, who had been sitting there, trying not to look as miserable as he felt. But they all saw it now.
"At home," Nick murmured.
"Oh no," said Tao. "Did you two have a fight?"
"No way!" Darcy exclaimed.
"Yeah," said Elle. "I can't even imagine it, to be honest."
Nick was shaking his head. "No…"
He exhaled deeply and sank back onto the sofa cushions. His friends settled down around him and he realised he had their full attention. It was odd, sitting here with them all without Charlie. But here they were, looking to him to give him love and support.
"Didn't you say before that Charlie had therapy today? Like, an hour ago?" Tara prompted.
"He did. But he's been really struggling… with things… He went home earlier this morning. He didn't say why exactly, and I can't help but worry…"
Tao was nodding sympathetically. "Yeah, sounds like Charlie. Bottling everything up to protect the rest of us as always."
Tao didn't know how right he was, Nick thought. He suspected Charlie was feeling overwhelmingly guilty about the David situation. Charlie always blamed himself for things that weren't his fault - and now someone was using that trait against him to the nth degree.
"He seemed fine when we went skating," said Darcy. "Happy, even."
"Yeah, well, he's good at pretending to be happy," Tao huffed.
"Your mum said you were having a crisis today," Darcy continued. "What's going on, then?"
"Darcy!" Tara hissed.
"What? He doesn't have to tell us - only he can if he wants -"
"No, no, it's fine," said Nick. He looked up at them and could tell his friends saw the sudden seriousness of the situation. "My brother David went missing yesterday. We reported it this morning at the station."
Tara got up from the floor at once and sat down beside Nick on the sofa. She hugged him and then the rest of them moved in to huddle closer, and then he was being hugged on all sides. He patted what he could of each of them all and chuckled dryly.
"I'm okay, really. It's just been… stressful."
"Wait, I thought your brother was a dick," said Darcy as the group hug broke.
"Oh my god…" Tara muttered.
Nick laughed properly this time. "He is. But he's still my brother."
He bit his lip then, wanting nothing more than to spill everything about Mr H and exactly why all these people had been going missing.
Tao perched on the arm of the sofa and frowned at Nick. "Is something going on? Something else… like, with the cabin thing?"
The others fell silent at that, watching and waiting with bated breath. Nick swallowed, mind racing with all the possible lies and half-truths he could think of.
"There is, isn't there?" said Tao. "Is it something to do with all the missing people? Do you know something?"
Nick grimaced and nodded minutely.
"I knew it," said Tao.
"You can't tell anyone," said Nick. "Honestly. This is like, the most important thing I could ever ask of any of you. Not a word to anyone, okay? Not your parents, not your other friends, not even to each other. If you do… well, this is life and death, alright? I know it sounds dramatic and like a stupid prank or something, but I promise you it's not. Think about what happened to Sahar and to David. These people are dangerous."
All five faces were wide eyed and fearful, but they all nodded.
"We promise, Nick. Of course we do," said Elle.
"But what even is going on?" asked Tao. "How did this even -?"
"I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I really want to but it's just not possible to say exactly what's happening. The fact that you even know that something is happening is bad enough…"
Nick scrubbed at his face with his hands, willing himself not to get too emotional no matter how shaken he was. But it felt good to talk to someone else about it, even if he wished Charlie had been sitting beside him all this time.
Intuitive as ever, Elle got to her feet and clapped her hands together. "Right. A distraction is in order, don't we think? Wasn't there a promise of baking?"
"Yes!" Darcy cried in excitement. "Feed us, Nelson!"
"Oh, um… I haven't made anything. I forgot, remember… But we probably have ingredients for something simple - if you all want to help me?"
Elle and Darcy led the way into the kitchen, the others following along, debating what they could possibly make. Nick hung back for a second and pulled out his phone.
NICK (18:17): Hi, my love. How was therapy? I hope it helped you feel better ️❤️
NICK: (18:17): Did you remember the sleepover we planned for at mine today? Because I didn't haha! Everyone's here right now but I miss you :( I can get my mum to come and pick you up if you want?
NICK (18:18): But if not, that's fine too.
NICK (18:18): Get some rest ❤️ I love you a lot xxxxxx
Chocolate chip cookies were made, pizza delivered and consumed before Nick's phone buzzed from beside him on the arm of the sofa. He'd just taken a bite of his cookie when the sudden noise disrupted the chatter of the film on the telly - a comedy, as promised, and Tao had only grumbled for a moment until Elle reminded him it was better than Avengers or something.
Nick picked up his phone and almost dropped his cookie. Charlie had replied! He cast the cookie aside and clicked hurriedly through to the text.
CHARLIE (19:45): oh no i forgot about the sleepover too! but maybe it's for the best, i don't think i'd be much fun right now… therapy did help a bit but you know :X
NICK (19:46): Just give me the word and I'll ditch the others and come right over to cuddle you!
CHARLIE (19:46): nick i love you so much ❤️❤️ i think i'm just gonna go to bed and have an early night! have a nice evening with everyone xx
Nick glanced at the time. It wasn't even eight o'clock yet - and Charlie had been napping a lot today and yesterday.
Then, a sudden horrible thought occurred to Nick, and his heart quickened with dread. His hand became sweaty around his phone as he managed to tap out a coherent question…
NICK (19:48): I'm really sorry if this is over dramatic but please could you send me proof?
CHARLIE (19:48): of what?
NICK (19:48): That it's really you I'm talking to right now?
NICK (19:49): I'm so sorry to even ask but please?
As he waited for a reply, Nick could feel his heart in his throat. It leapt when the ellipses told him that Charlie was typing. And then a photo popped up in his text thread. And Nick wanted to cry with relief but also… Charlie looked pale and so exhausted and just bone-weary.
CHARLIE (19:51): i'm so sorry you had to ask me that
CHARLIE (19:51): i wish i could come and hug you but i don't think i can right now :( i'll see you in the morning?
NICK (19:52): Goodnight xxxxxx
Cookie forgotten, Nick lay with his head against the sofa arm. He pulled his blanket up over him almost entirely and gazed down miserably at the photo Charlie had sent. Soon, everything around him blurred and nothing existed at all in the world except for this photo on the screen.
And then, even that didn't exist because the screen had turned itself off and Nick was no longer there…
When Nick came back to his body, back to the room, the film had finished and the living room was fully dark.
Someone had drawn the big curtains. Tao and Elle were curled up together, fast asleep on the blow-up mattress. Tara and Darcy were similarly cuddled up in their shared sleeping bag.
Nick blinked and rubbed at his eyes. He knew he hadn't been sleeping. Knew well enough now what it felt like to dissociate. The tears came before he could register they were coming. With a massive inhale, he tried to regulate his breathing but not much happened.
"Are you okay?"
Nick jumped.
Aled was sitting in the armchair in the corner, blanket over him, using his phone torch to read by, book open in his lap. He set the book aside now and studied Nick calmly.
"Silly question. Of course you're not. The others told me about the cabin. I'm sorry I wasn't there to see and hear it from you and Charlie before."
"Oh," Nick brushed at his cheeks. "That's good. We - we wouldn't have wanted t-to tell it again I d-don't think."
Aled nodded in understanding. "Charlie texted you back, didn't he?"
"Yeah." Nick bit his lip and willed himself not to break down completely. "I'm just so scared all the time. I thought it would go away but it's just getting worse."
"Because of whatever it is you can't tell us?"
Nick nodded, tears streaming with fresh abandon.
"Are you in danger because of it? Is Charlie?"
Nick nodded again very fast this time and could not hold back the massive sob which ripped itself from his throat.
"What about right now? Is Charlie safe where he is? In his house?"
"I don't know…"
"But he wants some space, right?" Aled's voice was quiet and calming. "He wanted to sleep. And that's what he's doing. You can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped. In the morning we can all go over there, all of us. We can bring the cookies and maybe we can help cheer him up."
Nick wasn't sure that would work, or if Charlie would even want that, especially the cookies but the idea was kind of comforting. He sniffled and wiped at his eyes.
"Thanks, Aled."
"Charlie has until tomorrow to wallow and then there's going to be an intervention."
They shared a small smile and Nick was suddenly in awe at this usually quiet boy's wisdom. Aled calmly went back to his book, as if they'd merely been discussing the weather. Nick rolled over so he was facing the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.
But without Charlie beside him, the nausea had well and truly taken hold.