Chapter 12

They lay together on the floor, listening to the silence that surrounded them in the apartment. Piper was still clinging to Alex. Every few minutes she would reposition herself, trying to get closer; hold her tighter. Alex was lazily stroking her back. She didn't know what to say. Proud, confident Alex was rendered speechless by all that happened in the last 12 hours.

"Alex, please let me explain. What you saw today, it was nothing more than me talking with a man I was with for six years. I had the cab drop me off at the baby store a few blocks up. I was walking home after and heard my name called and there he was. He asked how I was doing, about my family and Polly and Pete. I guess he and Pete don't have anything to do with each other anymore. I told him you and I had gotten married. He said he saw my soaps from time to time and was happy for me. I told him about your art gallery. Then he told me he had taken a job out of state and would be moving by the end of the year. That's when I sat down with him. We talked about his job a bit more, I told him we were expecting a baby and that's it Alex. I left shortly after that." Piper's voice trailed off.

"It took you an hour and 17 minutes to get here after I came home Piper. Do you have any idea all the different things I imagined you two doing together? I was ready to call in old favors and have him killed. Then whisk you away to some island so no one but me could ever look at you again. Piper, I can't handle you being around him. Ever. I just can't. I'm sorry, I know it's childish and obsessive and a bunch of other fucking shit, but I just can't. I lost you to him once. Seeing the two of you, it brought back every emotion I felt in the library that day. Anger; hurt; devastation; sadness; confusion. Piper." Alex swallowed hard. "Please don't see him again. Please, for me."

"Alex, I went for a walk. That's it. I would never go back to him. I couldn't. You are my wife. The one I swore to love and cherish and protect. It's always been you Alex. I never really chose Larry. Not in my heart. There has never been any room in my heart for anyone but you. It took my time in SHU for me to accept that. If Cambodia was how I had to have you, then Cambodia was where I was going. I decided that on my third or fourth night in there. Alex, look at me" Piper said, pulling Alex's face over to hers. When Alex's eyes connected with hers, Piper stated clearly "I love you. Only you."

Alex looked at her for the longest time. Finally, sighing, she put her forehead against Piper's and said "I know. I love you too."

Pulling back, Piper said "You cannot walk out Alex. No matter how mad you get or how hurt you are, you cannot just leave like that. I was terrified. I called you over and over and when your phone was finally answered, it was Nicky's voice I heard. Not yours. Nicky! I almost lost my shit right then and there. Again. I know she's your friend, and I consider her one of mine too. And I love her. But dammit, you fucked her! You cannot walk out on me and run to her!"

"No, I fingered her. There is a difference. I didn't run to her first. I went to your old apartment hoping he still lived there. I was going to tell him to stay the hell away from my wife and baby; that you were mine and I wasn't the hurt and pissed off inmate he saw at Litchfield anymore, I was going to fight and do whatever it took to keep you. But he doesn't live there anymore. When there was nowhere for me to put my anger, the hurt set in and I went to Nicky and Lorna's. I didn't know where else to go. Piper, it was a onetime thing with me and Nichols. You know that. You beat that shit out back in prison. There is nothing there, never has been. She's a friend that was there when you broke my heart again." Alex answered.

"You still can't walk out on me and run to her Alex. Run to her after we've worked through whatever it is, but not before then. She was my friend. She knew how much I loved you. She knew how much I struggled. Yet she still…" Piper's voice faded at the memories assaulting her.

"Pipes…come here." Sitting up, Alex pulled Piper into her lap and cradled her head against her shoulder. She stroked her hair. Kissed her temple. Pulled her as close she could get her. "It was a shit thing for both of us to do. I accused you of not dealing with emotional chaos but I think we both know I'm no better. I mask my feelings with sex. I won't run to her again. I promise." Alex soothed. "Let's get you in the bath and go to bed Kid. You've gotta be tired." Alex said, sliding out from underneath Piper.

Together they took a bath and fell into bed. Alex held on tight to Piper as she fell asleep. After only a few hours of sleep, Piper woke up screaming Alex's name. Alex jerked awake and sat up, reaching for Piper.

"Piper, shhh. It was a dream. Shhhh , it's alright. You're alright. I'm right here." Alex murmured to her.

Piper was trembling and latched onto Alex. "Al. God it was horrible." Piper whispered.

Alex lay them both back down, pulling the comforter up over them both and tucking it around Piper. Pulling Piper over on top of her, she rubbed her back and waited. She remembered Piper writing to her about her nightmares after she got out. Alex had a few but they thankfully never seemed to be as bad as Piper's. It had been a long and stressful day, from the ultimate high to the lowest of lows for them both. Guilt ate away at Alex. She shouldn't have reacted that way. She should have just talked to Piper. She should have went up to that table and sat down with them, but fuck if she ever thought with a clear head when it came to Piper.

"…and you were just gone. I couldn't feel you anymore." Alex heard Piper say in a muffled voice.

"What babe? I couldn't understand you." Alex said.

"I was in the SHU again. You were standing at the door, looking in through the window. I was screaming for you, begging you not to leave me there. Then you turned away and you were just gone. I couldn't feel you anymore."Piper cried.

"Oh Pipes…I'm here. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry kid. I'm so sorry. Shhh. It's ok now." Alex crooned to her. Pressing her body up into Piper's, she said "Feel me now. I'm right here with you." Piper lay listening to Alex's heartbeat. She felt the rise and fall of her chest. She heard Alex's voice rumbling in her chest as she continued to reassure her. Piper asked Alex to just keep talking, about anything. So Alex did. Eventually, with Piper still laying on top of Alex, their legs intertwined, Piper clinging to Alex and Alex holding her close, Piper fell asleep. As the sun broke the horizon, Alex drifted off to sleep still tightly holding on to the only person she had ever truly loved; loved beyond reason.