Chapter 18

My love, my love, my love, my love

She keeps me warm, she keeps me warm

Alex had her head laid over on the bed with Piper. She was still clutching her hand. Every now and then she would say something to her but mostly she just sat and listened to her breathe. She was all out of tears. She didn't know what else to do. The doctor was in earlier and said everything looked good, Piper just needed to rest. But Alex needed to see her open her eyes. Closing her eyes, she squeezed Piper's hand and willed her to wake up.

Alex felt her phone go off in her back pocket. Pulling it out, she saw she had a text from Polly:

Trade places for a bit? Liam wants his Mama

Smiling for the first time since she entered the room with Piper, Alex shot off a quick reply.

Yes. B there n a few

Leaning up, she kissed Piper softly and whispered to her "I'll be back babe. Polly is coming to sit with you. I'm going to check on Liam. I love you Pipes…"

Sliding her hand from Piper's she turned and left the room. She quickly went to the elevators and rode back down to NICU. Going in and washing up, she put on another gown and went back to see Liam. Polly was standing next to his bassinet, stroking his back. Looking over her shoulder when she heard Alex approaching, she smiled at her.

"Hey. He really is beautiful Alex. They turned him over onto his stomach to see how his numbers would do. Never missed a beat. He's strong just like his Mommy. And his Mama." Polly said.

"Thanks for sitting with him Polly. I know it's late and I know Finn is home waiting on you…"

Polly put a hand on Alex to stop her. "Stop right there. Piper is my best friend. Liam is my Godson. You are Piper's wife and you have somehow become very dear to me. There is nowhere else I would be than here with you. I won't let you do this alone Al"

Alex looked at her for a moment before bumping shoulders with her. "Yea…" was all she could manage. A nurse came up to them then. "You ready to hold him?" she asked Alex. Alex looked at Polly, who nodded her head.

"Yes. I don't know how though. I've never really held a baby before." She mumbled to the nurse.

The nurse smiled kindly at her. "That's ok dear, you'll catch on quick." The nurse lifted Liam from his bed, showing Alex how to support his head and cradle him. She told Alex to untie her gown and undo the buttons on her shirt. Alex cocked her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Excuse me?" she said.

Laughing, the nurse said "It's so he can lie against your skin. It helps him."

Alex quickly did as she was told. The nurse passed Liam to her and Alex cuddled him up close to her chest. Breathing the scent of him in, Alex nuzzled him. Polly pulled a rocker over for her. She told Alex she was leaving to go sit with Piper and to text her when she needed her. Alex barely nodded. She was transfixed on the sight of her son. He was even more perfect now, in her arms, than he was a few hours ago. Slowly rocking back and forth, she just stared at him. Quietly, she started telling him stories about Piper. Nothing too wild, mind you, but funny things she had said and done over the years. Laughing to herself, she told him about the ridiculous dance she made up to 'Milkshake'. She made Alex learn it and do it with her in the middle of a club in London.

He started squirming and letting out little mewling noises. Alex melted. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "Hey buddy" she said softly to him. Blinking up at her, he yawned and started squirming around again. His mewling turned to whimpers and soon he was letting out the cutest cry Alex had ever heard. "Shhh little man, shhh." Alex gently bounced him like she had seen Piper do with their neighbors baby once. It wasn't working. She stood up and started to walk around a bit, still gently bouncing him. His cries were getting louder. Panic started to set in. "I knew I was gonna fuck something up. I can't even make my own kid stop crying" she thought to herself. Looking up, she made eye contact with a nurse and nodded towards Liam.

The nurse came over and took him. "He just needs a diaper change is all. You want to do it?" she asked Alex.

"Um, I've never done that either. We were scheduled to take a class on all this stuff next week, but he came early. I should have done it a long time ago but I just thought we had time…"

"Hey honey, it's ok. You would be surprised how many parents don't know how to feed or change their baby. It's just so overwhelming at first. Especially when their first few days are spent back here." The nurse told her.

The nurse showed Alex how to clean him and change his diaper. Then she showed her how to clean around his belly button. Alex asked about feeding and told them Piper really wanted to breast feed. The nurse told her that for now, they were bottle feeding him but once Piper felt up to it, she could try to breast feed him. She told her to warn Piper that he may not take the breast and not to be too discouraged if that happened. Alex was taking tons of mental notes. She wondered if the nurse would be offended if she just started recording everything she said or did. Surely she wouldn't remember all this.

Taking Liam again and placing him against her chest, she sat and started rocking him. Humming lightly, she closed her eyes and let her mind wonder. She wanted to see Piper doing this. She wanted Piper to feel the contentment that came with having Liam in her arms. Eventually, she placed him back in his bassinet. She sent Polly a text telling her she was going by the waiting room to update whoever was left, then she would be heading back to Piper's room. Polly said ok and would see her soon.

Walking into the waiting room, she was amazed to see Nicky, Lorna, Cal, Neri, Piper's dad and Poussey all still there. Nicky and Lorna were sleeping propped up on each other. Neri had her head in Cal's lap. Piper's dad was asleep in a chair by the window and Poussey was watching TV. Alex walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Jumping, Poussey turned to her. "Hey!" she said, jumping up and hugging her.

"You didn't have to stay P. You could have gone home, I would have called you. Or Nicky would have." Alex told her.

"Taystee still has to be home by 9 and she said if I didn't stay and call her with an update as soon as I got one, she gone go back to jail for kickin my ass all over this place. She for real too, Taystee don't play when it come to Piper. Not since the Pennsatucky bullshit" Poussey told her.

Smiling, Alex filled her in on everything she knew. Hugging her again, she told her to call Taystee and to let the others know as they woke up.

Going back to Piper's room, she detoured into the lounge area for coffee. She was exhausted. Every inch of her body and soul ached. Coffee in hand, she walked into Piper's room. Polly told her she hadn't fully woken up but she had been whimpering some in the last 20 minutes or so. Alex thought that was a good sign.

Hugging Polly, she told her to go home and rest. She said she was staying with Piper the rest of the night, then going back to Liam when she could in the morning. She had basically been kicked out of the NICU for the night. Polly said she would be back by 8 and would bring her clothes and something to eat.

Alex sat down next to the bed again. Taking Piper's hand, she started filling her in on Liam and how it felt to hold him. She was laughing at all the stories she told him when she felt Piper squeeze her hand. "Pipes…babe. Piper, hey, c'mon kid. Open those pretty blues up for me."

"Keep….talk…ing" Piper rasped out. "Al…"

"Oh Piper! Piper! Hey, hey Kid." dropping her coffee to the ground, she cupped Piper's face in her hands and kissed her long and deep. Pulling back, she looked at Piper. Piper was blinking rapidly, trying to bring Alex into focus.

"Liam?" she croaked

"Pipes, he's perfect. Completely perfect. I've been with him off and on all night. And so has Polly. I just sent her home. I took a picture for you, here." Pulling her phone from her pocket, she brought up the picture of Liam and showed it to Piper. Piper's eyes welled with tears. "I want him" she said to Alex.

Alex told her maybe tomorrow she could take her to see him but for now she needed to rest. Stroking her head and cheek, Alex stared into Piper's eyes, hoping Piper could see how much she loved and needed her reflected back to her.

"Hold me Alex. I need you." Piper said.

Sliding into bed with Piper as gently as she could, she lay on her side, putting one arm under Piper's head and the other across her chest. She asked if that was ok and if it hurt. Piper shook her head no and tried to get her head under Alex's chin. Alex scooted closer and wrapped her arm around her chest tighter. "Sleep now Pipes. I got you." She whispered

Alex drifted to sleep sometime later still holding Piper. The last thought that floated through her mind was how complete she felt now that Liam was here. And how she couldn't wait for him to be lying between them….