Chapter 20

Alex could see that Piper was getting tired. She had suggested a few times that she take Piper back to her room to rest but Piper told her no each time. Now, Alex was going to insist on it. Taking Liam from her, she cuddled him close to her and kissed him on the top of his head. Turning, she placed him back in his bassinet.

"No, Alex, what are you doing?" Piper asked

"Pipes, you are exhausted. You need to rest. You won't do him any good if you are too tired to even hold him. You have to take care of yourself too, you know. I'm taking you back to your room and you are going to sleep for a few hours then try to eat something. I promise I'll bring you back this afternoon and you can hold him the whole time. He will be just fine, I swear. Besides, I need to at least wash off and see if Polly has dropped off more clothes for me."

Sighing, Piper relented. Settling back in her wheelchair, she allowed Alex to take her back to her room. Putting her hand over Alex's on the handle of the wheelchair, Piper squeezed. "I'm sorry, Alex" she said quietly. Mistaking the meaning behind her apology, Alex said "Don't be sorry for wanting to stay with him. I understand. I had Polly sit with him last night so I could go be with you. She was fantastic. She stayed with Liam for a couple hours, then came and sat with you so I could go be with him some more. I think I finally sent her home around one this morning. That was when you woke up the first time."

Piper let it go for now. She was tired and didn't think she had the energy to say what she really meant. She would try again later. "I'm glad Polly was here for you Al. She's supposed to bring you clothes later? Think you could call and ask her to grab a couple of the gowns out of my dresser? I hate hospital gowns, they are so scratchy and revealing."

"I'm sure she will. I'll shoot her a text when we get back to the room. Are you hungry? Think you can try to eat? I'll ask her to bring you something as well, or I could ask the nurse to get you something from the cafeteria. Maybe some eggs and fruit?" Alex said.

"I think you were right, I need to sleep. I'm exhausted. Maybe after I wake up?" Piper replied, stifling a yawn.

Rolling Piper back into the room Alex positioned the chair next to the bed and helped Piper lie back down. Covering her up, she tucked the blanket and sheet around her and stroked her head. Looking into her eyes, she got lost for a minute or two. Opening her mouth to speak, Piper stopped her with a soft kiss. Placing her hand on Alex's cheek, she said "Thank you for watching him while I couldn't. I love you, Al."

Tears formed in Alex's eyes. Dropping another kiss on Piper's mouth, she leaned back and said, "I will always watch him when you can't. I've got you both right now. Trust me to catch us, let me be your place to land. I've loved you from the moment I saw you, but never in this way Piper. You have given new meaning to my life and I will fight to sustain that for the rest of my days with you. Thank YOU for making me whole, for giving me a family."

Piper continued to stroke Alex's cheek for a few moments. She loved this woman to the very core of her being. Sliding over in the bed a little, she patted the place beside her. "C'mere. Lay with me until I fall asleep. Let me hold you for a little bit."

"I don't want to hurt you, Kid. How 'bout I just sit in the chair and lay my head on the bed?" Alex said.

"No, you laid with me last night, you can lay with me now. Get in here Alex. If I can't hold Liam, I can at least hold you for a little while." Piper insisted.

Taking her glasses off and placing them on the tray at the end of the bed, Alex carefully slid in beside her. She tried to pull Piper's head onto her shoulder but Piper resisted. "No Alex, you're head on my chest." Pulling down her gown like she had done with Liam, she patted her chest, signaling where she wanted Alex. Alex smirked and laid her cheek against Piper's chest. The skin to skin contact instantly calmed her. Listening to Piper's heart beating strong, she closed her eyes and breathed in the moment. She could do this. She would be strong for Piper and she would be everything she needed to be for Liam. She would do whatever she had to do to protect and take care of them both.

Feeling Piper's breathing begin to even out, Alex started to relax herself. Piper twitched and brought her hand up to Alex's head, burying her fingers in her hair. Alex leaned in to her touch. She thought she heard piper whisper again "I'm sorry" but she was close to sleep herself and the thought was quickly lost.

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Polly found them that way. Alex lying on Piper's chest, her arm loosely wrapped around her. Piper had her head leaning on Alex, her fingers tangled and holding onto Alex's hair. Smiling to herself, she looked for a while. How far these two have come, she thought. It didn't seem like too long ago that she was picking up the pieces of a broken Piper and trying to put them back together. She thought she had done it too until Piper found Alex in prison again. Then she realized that the only person that could put Piper together and hold her was Alex. She and Alex had their issues in the beginning of their second attempt at love. Polly didn't trust her not to hurt Piper again and Alex was jealous of her relationship with Piper. The first year with Alex out of prison was a rocky one for them all. Slowly though, Polly began to see changes in Alex. She saw how much she loved her best friend and how much Piper loved and needed her. Somewhere along the way in that first year, Polly came to care for, maybe even love Alex in her own way. Now, three years later, she couldn't imagine Alex not being the one to stand beside Piper. They were made for one another. Anyone that knew them could plainly see that.

Walking over to the bed, she gently shook Alex. "Hey" she said when Alex turned her head towards her. "Shhh, don't get up. I brought you some clothes and toiletries. Your phone charger is in the bag too. I tried to call before I left your apartment but it went straight to voicemail. I figured it was dead. I didn't know what you wanted food wise, so there's bagels, fresh fruit, peanut butter and juice. You two rest, I'll just go run some errands. I'll be back in a few hours."

Alex mumbled her thanks and turned back into Piper, falling back asleep instantly. Some hours later, she felt Piper rubbing her back. Sighing deeply, she adjusted her head so she could look up at her. Piper had her head turned towards the window and she could see tear tracks on her face. Taking her face in her hand, Alex turned Piper to face her. "Hey, what is it?" Alex whispered.

Taking a moment to process, Piper looked at Alex; this woman she's loved for so long. Finally Piper began to tell her…."I feel as if my body has betrayed me. You talked about having another baby. And I wanted another one too. I had even made calls about maybe carrying your baby next. I wanted it so much. It felt right, like it would be the perfect circle for me to carry your baby. Now I can't. I'm sorry Alex. I'm sorry I can't give you what you want anymore. I should have known something was happening. I should have told you sooner I wanted to leave the shower. I should have listened and taken it easier in the last couple weeks. I'm sorry…" Piper was crying in earnest now.

Alex was shocked. Did she really think this was her fault? Not give her what she wanted? She had everything she wanted right here in this hospital. Surely Piper knew that. Sitting up and adjusting their positions, Alex carefully pulled Piper over to her, tucking her head under her chin and wrapping her arms around her. "Piper, shh. Listen to me. You did nothing wrong. The doctor said these things happen sometimes and there is no way to predict it. There is nothing you or I or anyone else could have done. What I want, Piper? What I want is a lifetime to show you how much I love you. A life time to teach Liam and learn from him; to watch you love him. I want a life with you and Liam and I have that. You've already given me things I never knew I needed, much less wanted. It's ok Piper. I promise. Please don't think you and Liam aren't enough."

It hit Alex what else Piper said. She wanted to carry Alex's baby; she wanted a part of Alex too. Holding Piper a little tighter, she felt the lump in her throat grow bigger. "Pipes…we can have another baby someday. If having my baby is that important to you, we can do it."

"Alex, I can't have any more babies, remember? We can't…." Piper started

"Yes, we can. We can look into a surrogate if you want. But let's get through getting you better and back on your feet and bringing Liam home and all that's going to come with that, first. I promise we will talk about another baby again. We have time." Alex told her.

"Let's eat something, ok? Then I want a shower. If you're feeling up to it, I'll go down and get your dad and Cal and Neri. I think they are still here. They can visit with you while I shower and make some calls. I'll run home and get your gowns and some other things for you while they are here if you want. When I get back, we can go see Liam." Alex told her. Piper thought that sounded like a good idea.

While Alex was gone, Piper thought about the things Alex told her. While she loved her for saying them, she couldn't understand. Her body HAD betrayed her. She would never feel a part of Alex growing inside of her now. Alex couldn't possibly understand the intimate connection between you and the child growing in your womb. She had desperately wanted to feel that connection with a part of Alex. There was no chance for that now and she hated herself for it.