Chapter 10:
The Darkness is Revealing

"What is it you wanted to discuss in private, Williams?" Anderson asked as she stood before him in his office on the Citadel.

A wave of composure coursed through Ashley's body before she swallowed the built-up anxiety over what happened a day or so ago. "Can you assure me that what I have to say won't go beyond this room?"

"Well, if it involves Shepard, I'll have to consider if the rest of the Council needs to know. They are being rather demanding with any further information regarding him or what happened with his last mission."

"Let me put it this way." She pauses once more to look at the ground, then back up at him. "What I have to say cannot reach their ears. If they knew, Shepard's life would be in far more danger."

"What more could threaten him?"

"The Reapers."

Anderson rubbed the scruff on his chin, fully taking in what she said. After a few moments, he gives her a knowing nod. "Anything involving the Reapers will stay between us. Even though the Council saw the data Shepard gave to you, they were reluctant to… put their faith in it. So tell me, what information do you have about Shepard's condition?"

She could feel the lingering tension in her muscles tighten once more. Simply recalling how imposing Shepard's figure was when he loomed over her in his cabin sent chills down her spine.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this. I want him safe and alive, not shot in the head like Saren," she thought to herself.

"He is… compromised," she said after being silent for almost a minute. "Cerberus used deactivated Reaper technology to bring him back. In his report to Hackett, he mentioned that a Reaper artifact had knocked him out. It was this artifact that had reactivated the tech Cerberus put in him."

"I see. It certainly explains quite a few things," Anderson said as he walked to his desk to take a seat. "Please, Ashley," he said as he gestured to the seat in front of his desk, "take a seat."

"I… I don't particularly feel like it, sir."

"Ashley, you look how I feel right now, a bundle of nerves. Just seeing you stand there puts me on edge."

Ashley said nothing for a few minutes as she built up the will to take the seat. Every fiber of her being wanted to run, wanted to find Shepard again and steal him away to help him. But she knew it was futile at this moment. She was on a fine edge with the Council, especially now with her failure to capture Shepard.

"How is he?" Anderson said when she finally sat down.

"He was… tense. His expectations of all of this are fairly negative. He believes his head is on a chopping block."

"He isn't wrong," he said before letting out a long sigh. "Is this a Saren situation?"

"I don't know." The memory of Shepard choking the life out of her flashes through her mind. The light that came from his cybernetics and the intensity of his rage reminded her very much of Saren.

"I suspect that if the worst were to happen, he would be far worse than Saren ever was."

Silence filled the room once more while Anderson rubbed his lower lip. Ashley carefully watched him stare into the nothingness of his porcelain white desk. The longer he stayed quiet, the more she doubted herself about giving out this information. After a few more minutes of silence, he broke his stare on his desk and met his gaze with Ashley's.

"What you've told me stays between us as well as what I'm about to tell you." Ashley just nodded as he straightened up in his seat. "Shepard needs as much help as he can get right now. I will tell the Council that you have a lead to where he's going next and plan to shadow him until an opportunity shows."

Ashley nodded again, though her strength at concealing her emotions was fading. "Your real objective," Anderson continued, "is to aid him. I know things are still raw for you, but we can't have Shepard become the enemy."

Because you care for him or that it would be bad for humanity? Ashley thought to herself.

"The Galaxy needs him, especially with the Reapers about to breach our borders."

"He's more than some tool to be used," Ashley said, softly whispering to herself.

"I'm sorry?"

"It's nothing. My apologies, Councilor."

"You don't have to call me that."

Instinctually, she lowered her head slightly. "Sorry."

"Actually," he said as he got up from his desk to move around the table and toward Ashley, "if things go the way I think they'll go, you won't be calling me a councilor anymore." Ashley just stared at him, her eyes slightly wide.

"Once all these dominoes fall, it won't be a secret who kept this information away from the Council and who helped support a 'terrorist', as they deemed Shepard to be."

"But what about our voice on the Council? We need you here."

"To be perfectly honest, I was thinking of resigning within the year. I'm no politician, and I rather not be one any further. I'm honored Shepard chose me for this, but this isn't my battleground."

"Who would take your place?"

"Oh, I think you know who it would be. At the very least, he'll give the Council more of a headache than I do."

"I suppose that's a good thing," she said, allowing herself to show a smile, which Anderson returned.

"Go, help Shepard the best you can."

"I will."

――――――

After the unusual bit of passion that had transpired between Cole and Tali, they focused on swapping her suit. Even for how expensive the suit was, it impressed them both with how well made it was.

"You're telling me this was in some sort of pawnshop?" Tali said as she mulled over the finer details of the suit.

"Yeah, the batarian there…"

"Batarian?" she said, her voice raised slightly.

"Yeah, that was a whole deal and part of the reason this was more expensive than it should have been. But we're good. She'll keep her mouth shut."

"You know this how?"

Cole just stared at her, not because of what she said, but that he was having a face-to-face conversation with her. He had only conversed with her like this once before. Though, their physical desire that night mostly took over that sensation. This was literally the first time he could take in how she expressed herself as they conversed.

"Cole?"

"Hmm… yeah?" He paused for a moment to shake off his daze before continuing. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just taking in the moment again." Tali just gives him a confused look.

"I'm sorry. It's just that this," he said as he gestured between the two of them, "is really nice. Just being able to see one another and talk."

"Oh… yeah, I suppose you are right," she said as she tilted her head down and slightly away from him. "It's nice not having a visor to obscure my vision, too."

"I'm sorry. I made it weird."

"No, no, it's okay. Just sad is all."

"Hey," he said as he cupped the side of her face and turned her gaze back up to him. "Soon enough, this won't be a rarity."

Tali just leaned into his hand, a well of sadness being built up within her chest. "I know," she softly choked out.

The only response Cole could think of was to lean in and kiss her once more, which she mournfully accepted. It helped to ease out the sadness that was being built up.

"So," she said after she reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, "let me slip out of this real quick. Could you lay out all the pieces of the suit for me?"

"Of course," he said with a smile.

One by one, he laid out the suit, helmet, armor pieces, and everything else that was included. Once he had placed all the pieces, Cole stepped back to admire how complicated his purchase was.

"I'm not going to lie, if I knew how many pieces this suit had, I probably would have gone with the simple yellow one. This might take a while."

Tali, fully out of her suit now, turned back to Cole. "It would surprise you with how quickly we can put on new suits, no matter how complex they are."

A simple smile crossed his face as he easily recalled their first night together. While the disrobement of her suit that night wasn't the quickest, he imagined her steely determination would speed that process up the next time they could be together.

"I'll set a timer next time we're able to have another go," Cole said as he shifted his smile into a knowing smirk.

"Maybe you should," she said, her eyes squinted at him. "You could also time how much longer I can last than you."

"Ooh, a challenge. I accept."

"I'll win."

"We'll see."

"Let me put it this way," Tali said as she leaned on the medical table. "You had the advantage our first time. And in the shower after that. Being able to feel you overwhelmed me, but I'm used to that now."

"Are you now?" Cole said as he too leaned on the table.

"Yep," she said with a smirk. "Now, stop staring at my breasts and help me get my new suit on."

"I don't know," he said as he shifted his gaze up. "I think I might enjoy watching you put it on yourself."

"I know you would, but wouldn't you rather have your hands all over me while we do this?" she said as she placed her hands on her hips.

"Well, when you put it that way."

Tali just stood there while her eyes followed her love make his way towards her. She was eager to get her hands on him again, and he knew it the moment their lips met again. It became more obvious when she pulled her body against his and locked her right leg with his left.

As their tongues re-familiarized with one another, Cole ran his hands all over her body. Which earned him a growl of appreciation from her. Their bodies yearned for one another. Yet, they both held their personal beasts at bay. Time wasn't on their side, and as much as they were enjoying their reconnection, it had to end.

With one last delve into his mouth, she drifted back, but kept her lips a breath away from his. "As much as I hate to say it, I have to put on the suit."

"I know," he said as he cupped the side of her face once more.

Silence filled the room as they pushed themselves to take on the task at hand. The suit itself was the simplest thing to put on, and the first. The only difference between her last suit and this one was the seam was along the back instead of the side. It only took Tali a minute to install the suit's tech into her omni-tool and seal the suit.

Next up were the boots, gloves, and decorative bands that would latch on either of her arms. There were no difficulties with putting any of these on. However, when it was time to put on the gloves, she paused.

"Are you okay?" he said as he grabbed hold of her hand.

"No."

She pulled her hand away from his slowly and put on the gloves and sealed them. The decorative neckpiece was next, and Cole took charge of putting it on. He wanted to gauge how she was doing, especially after her pause at putting on the gloves. Unfortunately, her stoic expression with her dead stare on his chest revealed little more than what he already knew.

The last necessary piece was the helmet, and neither of them was eager to put it on. However, knowing how much longer she had left before she risked a serious infection, she reached out for the helmet and grabbed it.

"Wait," Cole said as he reached out to stop her. "Let me do that."

"I can do it myself," she said sternly.

"That's not the point. Try as you may to hide your feelings with this, but I know you have to at least be feeling what I'm feeling." He paused for a moment and searched for some connection with what he was saying. "You're not alone," he said as he pulled the helmet away from her.

The façade she had set cracked as her expression contorted between anger and grief. "But I am alone when I'm in here," she said as she raised up her gloved hands.

"I am numb to everything I touch. Everything." She closed her eyes and covered her face to conceal the tears she was holding back.

"Tali… I…," he muttered out. There was nothing he knew he could say that would combat the glaring monster in the room.

As loving and explosive as their relationship was, it was always going to be a temporary thing because of her immune system. A few hours max was all they could afford before she had to lock herself away. It didn't hit them as hard the first time because they didn't know they were going to survive the collector base. With them gone, the only thing that remained was the silent monster hidden in their relationship, patiently waiting to strike.

"Tali," he said once again as he reached out for her arm.

"No. Don't," she said as she pulled away from him when she felt the subtle pressure from his hand.

Cole took a moment to push down the rejection and guilt he felt. Unfortunately, the guilt didn't go away, and as it remained, something else crawled its way in. Something he was now becoming more familiar with.

See… all you do is cause pain, the haunting whispers said. Their voices fiercely pressing against his mind. Swarming him and forcing him to close his eyes. For her… for the galaxy. Let go… go… go… and let us in.

With the whispers came pain. The burning pulse came from his heart and shot through his body, leaving a tingling sensation in his mind and fingertips. However, another sensation shot through him. One of anger and disgust that normally would have been a heated pulse. However, this time it was ice cold.

Fuck. Off.

Suddenly, as quickly as the whispers came, he felt them recede. He would be damned if he was going to have another incident, especially now. This wasn't about him, and oddly enough, the Reapers reminded him of that.

As he reopened his eyes, he saw Tali leaning over the medical table, her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face. She hadn't seen his moment of weakness, which gave him a small amount of relief.

"Tali," he said as he laid his hand on her back.

"Damn it," she said as she slammed her fist into the table. "I know we're working to fix this, but the thought of it doesn't ease the pain in my heart."

"I know," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "And it will always be this way until we get there." The pained expression she exhibited when she turned to face him tore him apart, but he swallowed his despair so he could pull Tali out of hers.

"That's why we have to support one another in times like this." He reached out with his right hand to her tearful cheek and wiped away the stream running down it. "It's going to be incredibly difficult to deal with; to be apart from each other, but I will endure any pain that may come just so I can be with you in the end, Tali."

Silence filled their space once more as his words hung in the air. The truth he spoke was his answer to the question left unspoken between the two of them. Is your love for them worth the pain? For Cole, it was obvious she was and if their relationship was going to move forward; he had to be by her side and reinforce her in her lowest moment. Just like he knew she would with him.

"In all the people in the galaxy," Tali said in between sniffles, "you chose me. Why?"

"Tali," he said with a simple smile, "it's the same reason you acknowledged when we first talked about us being together. As much as I see you for who and what you are, you see me. The real me."

"I always have," she said as a soft smile broke through her sadness. "I just wish I expressed my feelings to you sooner."

"Hey," he said as put her helmet back onto the table and pulled her into his embrace, "it wasn't exactly a good time back then."

"Especially with Ashley's claws in you," she said as she welcomed his embrace.

He sighs, "Remind me to tell you a story about the shore leave we had after we defeated Saren when we finish up here."

Her memories instantly flash back to that day. She had no clue what story he could give that involved what she just said, but she made the mental note to remind him.

"Okay… yeah."

She pulled back from him and turned her attention back to the last piece to put on. The last piece to her prison, and that same bitterness bubbled up in her chest. But before she could grab the helmet, Cole reached out and pulled it from her.

"Everything we do from now on, we do together. You're not alone anymore, and you never will be again." He nodded before giving her a reassuring smile.

The sorrow in her expression broke his heart all over again, and all he could do to prove that this wasn't their final time together was to pull her in for one last kiss. He poured everything he had into this. His joy, his happiness, but also his own pain and sorrow. This wasn't an end, just a new beginning.

She, too, poured herself into the kiss as she gripped the back of his neck to lock them in place for as long as she could hold him. Her need for him quickly sent her mind spiraling out of control. As their tongues intertwined one last time, she seared this moment into her mind. To never forget the taste of his lips, the feeling of his lips on hers, and his skin pressed against her own. Once she was satisfied, she pulled back, allowing them to breathe again.

Pain gripped at his heart as he pulled her helmet between them. "We'll see each other again, Tali. This I promise you."

He leaned his forehead against hers before he pulled back and raised the helmet above her head. She reached her hands up to his, and in unison, brought the helmet onto her head and, with a firm twist, locked it into place. The squeaking sound emitted by her suit sealing and pressurizing itself filled her ears, which immediately caused her to cry out in pain.

The moment she cried out, he was there to pull her in and support her. He slowly rocked her back and forth, hoping to soothe her back to a new sense of normalcy. She just gripped him tightly and buried her head into him. Her helmet pressed so deep into him the result of it gave him a sting of pain in his ribs. He wholeheartedly welcomed it, though. She needed to know he'd go through anything to support her.

After a few minutes, he felt she was calm enough to have Chakwas and Mordin stroll through without having her feel embarrassed or ashamed. "Mordin, Doctor Chakwas," he said after he activated his omni-tool, "we're done. Though, we may need some time alone still if that's alright."

"No worries, Shepard," Chakwas said, "we understand. We'll leave you two the room for however long you need." Instantly, both Chakwas and Mordin open the door and quickly pass by them without a word being said.

Several more minutes passed by as Tali continued to come down from the massive amount of grief that bursted out of her. Once she felt composed enough, she pulled her head back to look into Cole's eyes. Then, gliding her hands up to either side of his face, she stood up straighter and pulled his head to her visor.

"I need you to promise me something, Cole."

"If it's within my power to do so, I will."

"No matter what happens, with the Reapers, with Ashley, anyone or anything, nothing will come between us. I need your love to keep me going through all of this."

"Tali…" he pressed his forehead deeper on her visor while he pulled his hands up to clutch either side of her helmet. "I don't even need to promise that, because nothing is ever going to come between us. We'll have our ups and downs, and there will be things that will try to tear us apart, but none of it will ever destroy what we have. And, if anything, I, too, need your love to keep me going."

Instinctually, he pressed his lips against her visor, and as cold and hollow as it felt, it was the only response he could make in that moment. Tali shuddered at his response as the lack of touch through his kiss struck her in the heart. All she could do was watch his physical expression of his love for her through the wall that was her visor. Once he pulled back to go through whatever next step they had to go through with her suit, he noticed the smudge his lips left when he kissed her.

"Sorry," he said with a sad smile, "didn't mean to smudge up your visor." He grabbed the lower half of his shirt and brought it up to her visor to wipe away the smudge.

"No wait," she said abruptly, which forced him to stop. "Not just yet. I would rather have it there for now. At least until I feel comfortable enough to leave."

"Okay," he said before he turned his gaze to the remaining pieces left of her suit. All that remained was the decorative garb and the armored chest pieces. "Before we put on the last pieces here, how's the suit? No issues with how it fits, I hope."

"Well," she said as she pulled back to activate her omni-tool, "it's better than my last. It's made from more durable materials without sacrificing weight. Though I imagine once we put on those armor pieces, it might get top-heavy."

"Well, if you're ready, I can start attaching them to you," he said as he picked up one of the armor plates.

"Yeah, I guess so."

After taking a quick look at the instructions for setting the armor plates, he searches her suit for raised pins that the armor would connect to. Once he found them, it was only a matter of connecting the top half first before molding it to fit her body. Starting with her left side, he affixes the plate and molds it to her body shape. As he did, he maintained eye contact with her. He knew there was little to no intimacy with this, but he couldn't help but make sure that he always locked his gaze with hers whenever he touched her body.

The moment he connected the bottom half of the plate to the second set of pins, he felt the metal heat up slightly before adhering to the suit. Kind of like a non-Newtonian fluid, it remained flexible, but when anything impacted with it, it would harden to deflect.

"How does that feel?" he said as he kept his hands around her stomach and hips.

She twisted and turned a little to feel it out before he placed her hands on it to feel it out. "Surprisingly light and flexible. The quarian who owned this must have had some rich parents or had access to some groundbreaking technology."

"Well, I'm glad it's in your hands now. I want only the best for my future wife."

"Hmm, future wife. I like the sound of that," she said with a smile. "Come on, let's get this last one on."

"As you wish, love."

Going through the same motion, he affixed the second plate onto her chest and formed it to her body. This time, however, Tali laid her hands on his chest, which brought a smile to his face. This told him she was, at the very least, well on the mend from the immense amount of pain she felt when they finished sealing up her suit.

"After this," she said as he smoothed out her second armor piece and latched the bottom half of it to her suit, "I want to spend the rest of the day in your arms."

"I can't imagine anything better."

"I can," she said as she pulled in close and looked up into his eyes.

He smiled sadly and grabbed both of her hands. "Yeah, I suppose I can too. Tell you what," he said as he grabbed the decorative garb, "let's head up to our cabin now and we'll put this on after we finished cuddling."

"Okay."

Gripping his hand tightly, she led the way out of the med-lab and toward the elevator. There were a few looks from the crew, but all of them just smiled at the sight of the two of them holding hands. Not only was the sight of them proof that one of their crew members was okay, but their commander was good, too.

As they rounded the corner of the elevator, Tali pulled Cole's arms around her as she pressed the button for the elevator. "I'm currently installing the latest Nerve Stim Pro software. It still can't match the real thing, but… I need whatever sensations I can get from you right now."

"Sounds like you want to do more than cuddle," he said with a smile as he pulled himself closer to her.

"What can I say? I have some pretty big needs right now, and I'll take what I can get."

Once the elevator doors opened, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into the elevator. Then he smoothly picked her up and wrapped her legs around him, which earned him a knowing chuckle from her as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You know, you still have that smudge on your visor."

"I know," she said before the elevator doors closed.