A/N: This starts a short time before chapter 2 and after chapter 4. Ok... I can't do fluff, probably stay away from it, it's just so... awkward xD

Chapter 6

She couldn't remember how she got to her quarters. Everything was a blur. She felt numb, alone and helpless. Water was trickling down her body, soaking up her bloodied clothes. The spray of the shower was cold, but she didn't feel anything, her eyes staring at the tiles in front of her. It wasn't helping. Nails were digging in her forearms, scratching, drawing blood. Feel, she had to feel, she had to make sure this was just a dream, a nightmare, so she scratched. More blood was trickling out of her wound, but there was no pain. Just emptiness.

The sound of the gun shot echoed through her ears, over and over again. The splash of blood, the bursting of a skull, the hole in a beautiful face. A face robbed of life, by simple pull of a trigger. A trigger SHE pulled. A life SHE had taken and no one else. She took the mother of a poor small boy and a loving wife away from their happy family. A heart wrenching cry escaped her lips. White hot pain shot through her arm when she punched the wall, cracking a tile and probably her hand. Ignoring the pain she yanked at her clothes, literally ripping them of her body and started scrubbing. The soap burned, but she didn't care. She wanted to hurt, she wanted to feel the pain, she deserved worse. The guilt stuck to her, every try to wash it away was fruitless. Instead of making her feel better, the water seemed to flush her least bit of sanitity of reluctance, compassion and emotion away.

Dirty. Her mind, her body felt filthy and she was disgusted by herself. No matter how hard she tried, she didn't become clean. At least she didn't feel like it. As much as she wanted to blame Taft, she couldn't. It had been her finger that pulled the trigger and her reason was tainted with doubt and fear. There had been no indication that Ivy was in immediate danger, but she sacrificed a life.

The images were flashing in front of her closed eyes, nagging at the last part of emotion in her mind. She had seen many gunshot wounds in her life and some far worse than this, but she had never been the one who inflicted them, except... except the one time.

She didn't know how long she sat there like this, hugging her knees, rocking back and forth until she turned the water of. Her body was freezing, her skin turning blue in some places, but instead of putting on some clothes she stopped in front of the mirror. A shallow shell of human being stared at her. Broken and lost, physically and emotionally. She didn't know this person anymore. Every innocence left finally gone. The last bits of her moral code ripped away, her oath broken and her ideals wasted.

She was no one now, the person she was gone, died the moment she had pulled the trigger. By killing Annaya she killed Lauren. Free of emotional restrictions, she made the decision that she would do anything to stop Taft, even when she was going to lose the last thing that was holding her together. She was ready. Ready to sacrifice herself if she had to, as long as she could keep her safe, even if it meant going through hell and never to return again.

Reluctantly she put on her underwear not caring to dry her wet body. Painfully remembering her injuries she grabbed the first aid kit in the bath and sat down on her bed. Her hand was throbing and possibly broken. She carefully tried to move her fingers. It was painful, but nothing seemed broken. Her look lingered on her fore arms. Small cuts and one bigger gash were still bleeding slightly. The look was oddly... satisfying.

Grabbing some antibacterial swabs from the kit, she started cleaning the wounds. Bandaging them up was difficult, but she eventually managed. She probably had to get a cast for her hand, but not today.

Throwing a wide t shirt on she crawled under the blankets of her bed. She was greeted by stuffed penguin, innocently smiling at her, unaware that the person he once knew was someone different now.

„Mr Cuddles" she whispered and carefully hugged the plushed toy. For a tiny moment, a soft smile crept in to her face remembering the evening that brought her this plushy.

It was their 2 weeks anniversary (considering that it was Bo's first real relationship, the succubus wanted to celebrate this noteworthy date).

They were walking arm in arm along the different kind of stands. It was Bo's idea to visit the fun fair that was in town at the moment. The two had enjoyed their time up until now. Tasting the different delicacy, riding the rollercoaster, visiting the fun house (which was far from scary, dealing with deadly Fae and Underfae on a day to day basis makes you resistent to plastic bats and skeletons, even though that Lauren could swear she heard Bo scream when a plastic spider landed on her head) and entering „The tunnel of love" It was cheesy and a sugary sweet overkill, but bad maintenance can have it's advantages when you get stuck for half an hour with your insatiable sucubus girlfriend.

„You know... you shouldn't be eating this. It's really unhealthy" the blond doctor pointed at the cotton candy in Bo's hand, smirking a little.

„Hmm... but my lips need something sweet and sugary to taste... When you really want me to drop this delicious, fluffy cloud of sugar, then you have to give me an alternative first, but I warn you, it will be difficult to find a substitute to this..." the brunette sensually bit a little bit of the cotton candy, which was instantly melting in her hot mouth.

„Oh.. Maybe I have... an idea..." Laurens sexy smile alone was making Bo's knees go weak. The blond had stopped in her tracks standing in front of the brunette, her hands on her lower back, pulling her lover tighter against her. „Let's see..." she leisurely put a strand of os hair behind her ear. Her finger slowly trailing down her face only just touching. Bo closed her eyes, enjoying the touch of her girlfriend as simple as it may was. She may be the succubus but a simple touch of Lauren could provoke what a pulsed one of her couldn't manage.

„I'm.. I'm open for suggestions" Bo breathed leaning into Laurens hand.

„How about..." Lauren gently brushed her thumb across Bo's lips. The brunette immediately opened her lips slightly taking a small nip at her thumb.

„This..." Lauren cupped Bos head and pulled her in for a fiery kiss, a moan escaping the brunettes lips the moment their lips met. The cotton candy was long forgotten when she savoured the taste of her girlfriends tongue in her mouth. Their breathing was heavy when their mouths parted.

„So?" Lauren asked.

„I... I think I need a another.. another sample..." Bo grinned.

„Oh, do you?" Lauren smirked leaning in, but stopping just millimetres before Bos lips and breathed: „Then you have to earn it first..." and let go of Bo running of to one of the stands. The brunette stood there dumbfounded for a moment until she followed her lover to a shooting range.

Bo arced an eyebrow. „You want me to shot you something?" the blond nodded smiling.

„Those rifles are manipulated... they are cheating... Besides I'm more a knife person..." Bo grumbled after 25 missed shots. It was a damper for her mood. She stood sulking next to the stand when she felt her girlfriends arms wrapping around her from behind. Loving kisses were planted on her neck while Lauren tried to comfort her. „You are the champion of the light, you defeated the garuda, don't let you self feel defeated by such a stupid game..."

She wasn't sure how the other woman did it, she felt like the frustration was being washed from her, but still... she wanted to win her girl at least something.

„You are right... It's just a stupid... game. Ever seen anyone win? Not possible, probably..."

„There is always a solution..."

„But that is not some science experiment... You are awesome, but I don't think you can solve this by... Lauren?"

Before Bo could finish, the blond was paying and holding the rifle in her hands, looking awfully familiar with a gun...and sexy... don't forget smoking hot and sexy. Laurens look was full off determination and concentration. She drawed a bead on, steadying her hold and pulled the trigger. Every bullet was hitting its target head on.

When Lauren put down the gun, she grinned at a flabbergasted Bo.

„Actually...Shooting is a science..." Bo got lost on Laurens explanation of how someone can calculate the trajectory, considering the manipulation of the gun etc. She couldn't really follow her words, but was mesmerized and incredibly turned on by Laurens geek speak. They needed to go home soon.

„Well here you go lady. You have some fucking awesome skills" The man behind the counter grinned and handed her a stuffed penguin.

„I'll call him Mr. Cuddles" Lauren beamed.

„I didn't know that you could be so silly"

„Oh there is so much you don't know..." The blond murmured, her features darkening.

She didn't know how long she was cowering in her bed. She'd thrown up, every time a fresh lapse of the gruesome death of Annaya haunted her. It was late in the night when sleep finally found her exhausted body and mind. Nightmares were haunting her, waking her in cold sweat, screaming. She wished to be able to sleep in Bos arms, but knew that she didn't deserve any comforting from the brunette.

Her body was shaking from her last nightmare, tears streaming out of her eyes when there was a knock on her door. She slowly got up pulling on some pants before she opened the door. A guard was standing there.

„I am sorry to disturb your well needed rest Dr. Beattie but Dr. Taft asked for you. He wants you to treat a newcomer. It seems urgent. Please follow me"