First Impressions (Last Forever)
Chapter 4
When Queen Valanice declared plans for a market, there was no sloppy last-minute work. From a distance alone, the eye-blinding-colored stalls drawing larger crowds especially paired with enthusiastic music and tempting sweet scents. This was the kind of scene one might expect after the end of a rough battle. Where the beaten and weary, but overall victorious kingdom was allowed to celebrate with old-fashioned consumerism to forget trauma.
It was decided that all the adults would take turns watching Gart, but too much power was briefly offered to him by the question of who he'd like to accompany first. To give children credit, if something could benefit them they could be sly enough to fix things in their favor. So, Gart's choice was surprising-
No.
"Jewelry isn't fun to sort through." Graham wasted breath to the best of his ability. "Everything is silver these days, and pendants- You know how small they are? You must be so close to examine every fine detail, and it's annoying. You need patience and too much free time to pick up and put down so much. You might even get hand cramps. I've never gotten used to hand cramps, and I don't want you to know such pain at a young age. Because of all that, I'm afraid I have to suggest-"
"But Grandma really wants it!" Gart cut in, beaming up at him walking alongside. And yes, holding his hand mercilessly.
Graham's eyes flickered away from him to the first jewelry stall they were almost moving to the front of the line. "I hope you don't think you need to work for her love. You had your grandmother wrapped around your finger when you were only days old." He didn't mean to sound like he was delivering grave news.
"Oh, I know." Gart responded fair weather. "I thought you would be happy if Grandma was happy."
Graham had never been surer he wanted to get hurled into an active volcano. His free hand landing on his face, rubbing exhausted eyes.
Because he couldn't deny it.
They reached the front of the line miraculously fast. The merchant was happy to show all the pendants which, as Graham predicted, were almost all silver and safely held within segments of one box. It would have been great if the odd gold was not between rows, but Graham refused to give up now that he was here.
Pick up. Examine. Despair. Ad nauseam.
"Gold!" Gart's voice snapped him out of what was probably just a moment long trance. When Graham looked to him, he was lifting a gold pendant with a lightning bolt design to the sky in awe. "Normal people can wear gold?!"
Graham felt a twitch in his eye, knew the building irritation was ridiculous but it did seem like he was going to snap at him if he commented on anything except finding a suitable match or failure.
Gart didn't have any explanation for the barely grasping his wrist between two fingers to move it instead, carefully setting his hand on a pendant he wasn't sure if he'd checked or not. Graham didn't dare breathe or blink searching the boy's face when he looked up.
Gart sheepishly apologized, tiny awkward smile and all. But it was fleeting; he turned to the wares with renewed purpose.
Pick up. Examine. Despair. But at least he had someone to share this experience with.
It wasn't... horrible.
"The sun getting to you already...?"
They ended up trying only two stalls before Graham remembered he was dealing with a child; Gart couldn't always stay focused on the task, slowing down and giving longing looks to irrelevant stalls to the point they got separated.
Graham could remember dragging his feet around that age on shopping trips for boring things like boards or nails for maintaining the house. Like, he was six years old, and he couldn't even pretend to care about the upcoming storm season when fresh pies were sitting there ready to be stolen- swiped- snitched- Ugh-
"Gart!"
The boy obediently returned to him without even a glance over his shoulder. He waited for a hint of where they were going next, which was horrible because Graham forgot every parental tactic he barely understood but used on Rosella when he and the boy locked eyes.
Graham didn't mean to find Alexander first, nearly missing him thanks to the shadows of the blue and purple fortune teller stall. But when he did, still attached to Gart's hand, he slapped the curtain and forced his way under just in time to see the woman running the place squeeze Alexander's offered hands with a gentle smile under the tiny lantern.
"...Congratulations, Your Highness. It's a-"
"Alexander!" Graham didn't mean to shout, regretting it seeing the fortune teller and Alexander break contact and look up at him either clutching heart or frantically grabbing the lantern that fell on the tablecloth.
Alexander hadn't been enthused about the interruption after, even giving Graham a glacial stare when the fortune teller seemed legit remorseful "sight" was gone thanks to the severed contact. You know what? He deserved that. He didn't have his self-loathing inner thoughts for nothing.
Gart clinging to Alexander's side next, beaming up at him while his hair was ruffled looked like the most natural thing in the world. Graham felt like still wasn't okay mentally, but this helped.
Just before Graham could turn away, he felt a soft touch on his shoulder. He didn't need to turn around, let alone speak at the risk of accidentally saying too much while he was getting emotional. Best keep quiet, aside from the previous somewhat rambling explanation he gave Alexander to take over.
Why did you really join us today, Father? The touch managed to express as intended. The fingers quickly retreated after that, perhaps not expecting a response.
Graham tried to take a calming breath, dry heaved on it and turned to let a now neutral Alexander see possible emotion escaping into his eyes. I can't be left alone! But we all know how it ends when I'm around people; nothing good can happen! And look at him- Doesn't he look like Rosella as a boy?! The moment you see it, you can't stop! You'd think I'd leave all this regret in the past! I can't! Regret is-
Two hands landed on the middle of his arms, and suddenly Alexander was much closer with concern rapidly appearing on his face. "Okay..." He let out a shaky breath, obviously unprepared for anything deep while shiny yellow and green ribbons were flying around, and upbeat lute tunes wouldn't stop for anyone's petty problems. "Find somewhere to rest, or search for Mother's pendant if you must. I'll watch Gart."
Graham slowly, somewhat recovered and caught himself from staggering. It just occurred to him how wide and horrified Alexander's eyes looked again, and just what emotions decided to slip out previously.
Alexander and Gart left without a look back, which was for the best. Graham took the opposite direction in a brisk pace at first, his speed rapidly declining until he was barely sliding feet against stone on his journey to another convenient jewelry stall as if they might melt into the ground. His mind carefully chose possible information he could have provided, making sure to draw out the words and echo.
"Alexander won't tell anyone what he picked up, you know? Imagine sharing important information we'd all be better off getting into the world. It might end your suffering. Oh! Not that we actually want that!"
Graham determinedly approached the next jewelry stall, mindlessly returning a hello to the cheery merchant before his search began. Examine. Pick up. Despair.
Did he come outside to prove a point to someone? Maybe Vee or himself. Or to spend time with his family.
Thirteen pendants later, Graham found a lot of almost matches. He rushed away without a goodbye, targeting the stall right across from this one where the merchant gave the other the smuggest wave as they had the largest crowd. And Graham didn't care how long it took to get to the front, because unknown minutes later he was at it again. Examine. Pick up. Despair.
Did he care about his family or not? Maybe he was just obsessed with the concept of people who would find it difficult to leave him. It's not like he was even fully convinced that he was allowed to be loved in any capacity. Examine. Pick Up Des- Oh, wait that was the merchant's own bangle still on their wrist.
"Do you remember-"
Just. Shut. Up.
"Hey, calm down. Step away from the stalls, close your eyes and concentrate on the atmosphere."
Graham couldn't imagine helping himself, but he realized his heart was pounding a rather unhealthy force. He and stress went way back but added to the list of what he never learned... Stress-removal would be at the top. Still, he tried to make as much of a regal exit as he could. That is, nope.
Farther down this shopping area, there were benches by pots or flower boxes. They would probably be tossed away once the event was over, but Graham assumed this was a better thing to smell than his own sweat. And, here, he could disappear and take his own horrible advice.
When he shut his eyes, he still heard the music and voices mixing. There was something satisfying about the sound of shoes on stone, so that helped distract from a wrong note or the occasional tantrum-throwing child. And while the flowers' scent was soothing, the food wafted this way as well.
"Now, do you remember..."
"'Take Rosella out for a change', your mother said." Graham murmured under his personal storm cloud. "'She is two years old, and though her father is there every day he won't bond with her alone'."
The thing is: Vee didn't actually say that. It's just that Graham couldn't exist without drama. The much simpler truth was that Vee just transferred Rosella to his arms, slid some money into a pocket and told him to get out of the castle.
If she hadn't given him Rosella, he would have legit thought she was kicking him out.
"Do you want to go anywhere in particular?" Graham asked Rosella, requiring guidance in these difficult times.
Rosella, still lying her head on his shoulder with a possessive arm around the back of his neck made some thoughtful noises. She wasn't even looking around at the shops he brought her to, eyes dimmer than usual. Graham was panicking and assuming the worst until she admitted she was hungry.
Graham went through the motions, picking out more than one large sample of different flavored pies one stall had because one: they still had an hour before dinner. Two: self-control... In this day and age? Three-
There was an empty bench a little farther away, and Graham stared at the variety of flavors hoping to find that sugar rush to get him out of misery. The fact that the berries used were ones he wouldn't normally be most eager to consume didn't matter, he just indiscriminately ate.
Sometimes he'd look in the corner of his eye and see Rosella gladly consume everything. She'd get her hands right in the purple filling, with crushed remains of berries still dripping off both from fingers to mouth. She was like an animal, out of control.
And Graham did nothing to correct that behavior, just make this foreign sound kind of like a laugh. It began strangled but came out naturally. It's just too bad that this happened the same moment he shoved a much smaller, delicately cut slice in his mouth.
A person standing nearby whipped their head their way, gawking at the unsightly remains of dessert on the ground before the little princess with mouth and hands dripping with berries mortified king.
His eyes slowly opened, vision blurry with small but no less burning tears. Returning to the present was always disorienting when he really made the effort to "get out" of it. And, unfortunately, old emotions he barely and did not want to understand latched on for old time's sake.
Graham had not forgotten he was in public, but what energy he had was gone. He would have been content to pathetically curl up behind the bench; he didn't believe there were any shops or residences behind the surrounding walls.
He couldn't help the air hissing through his nose when he breathed as one should, lifting his head and turning around to the left where Rosella sat twiddling her fingers watching and waiting for him to notice her.
"Dad-"
Graham slid to the farthest edge of the bench, unable to make more than frail choking noises pointing at her like she'd phased from the ground like you do.
Ultimately, he bristled and forced himself to look to the right trying to subtly wipe his sleeve over his eyes. Because those weren't tears with enough denial.
Rosella leaned over, radiating sunshine as she squeezed his shoulder. "I'm glad you've learned how to take a moment for yourself after all this time, Dad. That's good self-improvement." It was like being in a nonsense dream just stringing together people, places and dialogue.
Graham forced himself to look over his shoulder and her hand, meet her sincere smile. Mistake. A stray tear instantly gushed out his eye, making him duck his head.
"Rosella- When did you- I mean-" Graham was shocked he could speak properly, though crafting a coherent sentence was delayed. "I was actually waiting for the lines to move, and let Gart go with Alexander to see more-"
"I get it." Rosella's tone never changed, matching the warmth her presence created. "I saw Alexander and Gart looking at toys, up until then I've never seen a grown man revert to his childhood so fast. Didn't want to get in the way... You know?"
"I can't relate." Graham didn't mind if he sounded more than slightly defensive, mentally attacked by flashbacks of shopping for Rosella's birthday presents and having the inexplicable urge to pull anything with a string or throw every ball. That said more about humanity than himself.
Graham was pretty much slumping in ultimate hopelessness, hands firmly locked on his knees while his shoulders were beyond crying to be let out of this position. But he couldn't look up; he didn't trust himself not to be emotional when looking at her face.
There was a whoosh noise before Graham heard clatters and felt cloth accidentally slap his head alongside Rosella's explanation. "Well, so far, I'd say the shopping trip was productive in that I found some decorative shields that will look great in Castle Daventry if you just ignore the pink winking face the famous blacksmith seems to put on all their work. Also, I found one of those double-edged swords for the symbolism. Edgar still has insecurity about showing his face in public, so I found this amazingly soft green cloak so we can coordinate. Oh! And wait for it..."
Graham's eyes lazily followed the aforementioned shield, sword and cloak falling from Rosella's shaken out of the seemingly decorative-only thin cloak in an impressively neat pile. But the last thing was carefully held out in front of him on a plate.
Three large slices of what looked and smelled like berry-flavored pies.
Graham didn't know how he didn't bawl his eyes out on the spot. He slowly, shakily accepted the plate and looked up at Rosella's soft expression he did not deserve in the slightest. The only way this could end well was by poison-
"Mom would probably prefer I give this to you at the end of the day, but when she revealed she arranged the big market... I already knew one stall I had to check out first. Because the baker found enough success worldwide; me and Edgar take Gart to our local shop, and it's given me a chance get all nostalgic and share quick stories about Daventry."
"And the worst of me." Graham murmured before he could stop himself.
Rosella's expression turned sour in an instant, and she didn't hesitate to grab the plate and balance it on her lap before sliding away.
Graham practically collapsed across the empty middle, reaching out uselessly in anguish.
"It's difficult to eat while conjuring storm clouds every breath." Rosella said tonelessly, stabbing one of the forks in the middle of the plumpest slice leaking strawberry juice. "There's too much pain in the world, and I'm sorry I have to contribute... I'm going to eat as much of this pie as I can by myself, and you're going to have to watch if you keep doing that."
Protests and begging wanted to burst out of his mouth, but Graham forced it shut and attempted to just sit there like a normal person staring straight ahead at the market scenery.
Sometimes he did sneak glances at Rosella, noting that even as old as eighteen she had no problem picking desserts right off trays before they reached the table or inhaling any remaining crumb on her plate as long as it was a family-only dinner.
No one was looking their way, so it wouldn't have mattered if she tossed manners aside... She never had been overly concerned about them like he had become overtime.
A miserable growl erupted somewhere. Unimportant.
Eyes were boring into the side of his face, but Graham forced his own forward. It was actually a good thing; he saw Alexander sprint to them alone and abnormally pale.
"Alexander!" Rosella called out just a little too bubbly, smiling only for him as she stabbed a random slice with the second fork. "Keeping up with Gart was tiring, I know, why don't you try some of this-"
Alexander's gasping for breath cut her off, and it had Rosella and Graham both exchanging looks hoping the other could explain why he was so troubled. Clearly, Alexander had just given Gart to Vee and was so tired from all the abnormal bustling that he had to restore energy.
It was so obvious.
And yet, when Alexander let go of his knees and stood tall to make sure both of them could read the unnecessary distress in his eyes he insisted on telling a different tale.
"I lost Gart!"
Graham swore the world just quaked at his words. But, at the same time, he jumped when the perfectly good pie fell out of Rosella's limp hands entirely missing her haul to mostly smash across his shoes.
They weren't going to accomplish anything kicking Alexander while he was down after claiming he messed up by letting himself get distracted by books. It wasn't fair to say no child would care about dusty old history books enough to not look for something more interesting, not after Alexander passionately declared he almost entirely taught himself to read around that age.
"We should check the stalls Gart said he wanted to visit." Alexander told them, only slightly cringing under Rosella's heated gaze. "As far as I know, there's only one stall selling toys but one of us can make a lap around there."
"Gart also wanted to look at weapon and food stalls." Graham cut in. "Rosella and-"
"You were listening this morning?" Rosella talked right over him; fiery eyes instantly cooled when meeting his like she didn't recognize this anomaly.
"Fair. She doesn't know-"
"Rosella, you'll be able to navigate the weapon stalls easier. Unfortunately, I can navigate the food and... Alexander..." Graham swiveled to Alexander, feeling his chest ache with empathy as the subject of one's personal agony. But, at the same time, he had a surge of confidence his presence as the boy's amazing uncle with all his flashy magic ability could bring him back with zero effort. "You'll have to make laps around the entire market for us. But I'm sure you've mentally mapped out the whole-"
"That's assuming a lot-"
"You know this area like the back of your hand." Graham finished, not caring if it was delusion or getting older making him like this.
Rosella already bolted across the market in the moment it took for Graham to notice Alexander didn't look as confident as he hoped.
"This happened because YOU made him watch Gart-"
Graham literally shook the thought from his head, before giving a drained Alexander as much of a smile as he could manage. "Gart's attention probably wandered, but I bet he's looking for you right now. You'll find him before we can, safe and sound." If it sounded like he was saying all of that to make it true... Yes.
Alexander's face cycled through unease and low spirit, ultimately he settled on just removing any emotion without another word. Rosella will actually kill me in my sleep if we don't find him. Graham swore he could still read that on his face but didn't pay much attention otherwise before patting his shoulder encouragingly and making a clumsy run toward the food stalls.
As they moved into afternoon, the lute player performed bursts of shorter tunes before taking breaks. This allowed Graham, Rosella and Alexander to make unholy screeching from one stall to the next. Graham only had seconds to cringe at his own volume, or what the total strangers visiting Daventry thought about the royal family running around bumping into people or themselves.
What about Vee? In the laps Graham was making, he hadn't spotted her at all and it almost gave him hope that she found the boy and escorted him back to the castle because fate would pull something like that.
There's only so much hope one can hold in a day.
There were still some sore spots from yesterday's spar preventing him from being as speedy as he needed, and Graham hated it when he nearly collapsed if not for clinging to a sign or managing to sit on a random bench or trunk. It was these small moments of exhaustion that he was alone with his thoughts, and his thoughts were displeased with being ignored for who knows how long.
"Lose a son, lose a grandson... You just keep outdoing yourself."
"Rosella won't show how she really feels; she must be devastated right now! It's your fault."
"Everything that goes wrong ever, is all your fault. Just give up on life, before it gets worse."
"What did you hope to accomplish going out today? You heard and saw for yourself: the family can exist in harmony without you around... You know it, and here you are bringing the chaos that you breathe around them and ruining an actually successful family reunion. When you left the castle, did you think you would have the chance to bond? Test Gart's reactions to the magical items Alexander was looking for? Maybe you crave logic because you can't make sense. That's poetic in a way – a nonsensical person on the endless search for a place in the world when good. Luck. There is none."
Graham watched Rosella and Alexander, again, crash into each other by the same toy stall. He hated his own limits, but he also couldn't look at the two acting uncertainly around each other before dusting off and carrying on with the search. Alexander wasn't at fault; Graham would believe even without evidence. But... He did relate to Rosella becoming flustered and no longer taking the most efficient paths around people or objects. She just wanted to know her son was safe, because the best sanctuary was supposed to be a parent wasn't it?
Then a thought struck him unlike the normal: the jewelry stalls. It almost made him chuckle less like amused, more like torture-induced scrambled reactions. Add to the hate list: the feeling he was actually right sneaking up on him. Bones snapped, meh, he'd deal with that later because he was back on his feet and running.
His thoughts kept interrupting, when he nearly fell onto the stalls and gave a description of Gart. By the time he reached four shrugs and lack of sightings, they were loud and asking him to let his own inner voice come in and admit his own failure. But he didn't listen, couldn't because the fifth merchant let him know there was a boy matching that same description leaving with a specific twelve or thirteen-year-old girl they assumed was a relative of his. All he could do was point where they disappeared to – the market's only entrance/exit.
Graham had no time to gather the family, just bolted for the exit. Unlike the normal, hopefully graceful exit attempts at the random social event.
At the entrance/exit, the background noise was minimal. Graham didn't expect results immediately; he honestly clung to the fear that he'd contributed to a lost child trying to navigate an unfamiliar kingdom alone as his speed lowered to that of caught up in a trance. Because what was he doing? What could he expect anymore?
Gart would have been safe from the world if any other family member happened to find him... It didn't seem fair that Graham might be the one, which he was well aware was negative no matter how applied.
The nearby bushes rustled from the afternoon breeze, but they couldn't muffle one sound... Sobbing. Specifically, the sobbing of a child.
Graham wasn't thinking period when he followed the sound, ignoring the very clear sign to stay off the path of the plants. Whether it was whoever he approved to own this specific piece of land, or a nature spirit finished with humanity's abuse he had two hands empty of concern for a sign's protests.
He was officially out of his mind for shoving his way through bushes, putting up with getting scratched and slapped as well as gaining a few insects clinging to his clothes probably terrified for their lives after he stormed through. But Graham emerged- Tripped- Same difference. The crack of his spine when he caught himself from crashing his face into the ground on hands and knees, if he hadn't accepted his age by now that would have been the indicator for sure.
The sound even startled the two figures standing above countless fragments glinting off the sun. Gart's eyes and face were badly flushed with tears trailing down, but other than once having his arm bent in the grasp of a lanky girl whose braids and freckles matched the merchant's description to a T... Graham could actually breathe.
The girl released Gart's arm instantly, eyes going wide with terror to match her rigid position.
Gart didn't hesitate to fling himself right over what almost looked like broken glass. Graham barely managed to pick himself back up, never mind the boy charging with all his strength into his stomach.
It kind of felt like a scene from a book Graham read ages ago. But he was just as lost as the girl over there, frozen entirely with hands hovering away from Gart while he'd gladly thrown his arms around him with fingers clawing into his back like they'd tear away skin if anyone dared to separate them.
Compared to when he had a baby Gart hastily placed into his arms the moment he stepped in the doorway, this made Graham remember when the boy's mother was somewhere around that age and needed just the slightest inconvenience to jump into his arms when Vee wasn't available. Like he could actually protect her as a parent should. And, for seconds, his face lowered into the fluffy head of hair, and he allowed to believe that delusion.
But he was pulled back to reality by the sound of Gart blowing his nose into his shirt.
The boy lifted his head frantically blinking back tears and struggling to speak beyond hiccups. Graham had a problem with his back getting shredded, so he nodded toward it. Gart got the message, releasing his steel grip... Just so he could move behind him, jump on his back and securely hold on.
"That's not what I had in mind." Graham murmured lighter tone than he felt.
But he stole a glance. Just one glance to see the boy's eyes dim to match his mournful expression. There was no defense for his heart breaking over it, never mind a justification for him standing with the boy still on his back like the most ordinary thing.
The sound of the girl crumpling to the ground reminded Graham she existed. She cringed when their eyes met, anxiously ripping hairs out of one braid. It made him wonder if it was being in being in trouble or having adults commoner or royalty angry at her was the cause. And he couldn't lie, he was upset at the thought she'd tried to mislead or hurt Gart.
But Graham had no experience talking to a misbehaving teenager as the adult, out of touch. He could either put on a parental or kingly persona, because if he was just himself he didn't want another family member seeing how truly pathetic he was.
"H-Hey! I didn't know the kid was really your grandson!" The girl blurted after he stared too long, pausing to recklessly gather a large fragment and hold it out. "He said he lived in another kingdom, that he was visiting you and- Like, how I was supposed to know?! I just needed a dumb enough kid to steal for me; they're never suspected-"
Graham turned to Gart suddenly for the question he decided was highest priority. "Did she hurt you?"
Gart was too low energy, eyes refusing to look from the fragment. But he gave a mumbled answer from Graham's shoulder. "She pulled my arm a few times, but it didn't hurt."
"But what made you cry?" Graham thought it was a harmless question at that point, so his suspicion jumped when a muffled whimper got caught in Gart's throat and he hid his face.
"Your Majesty?" The girl interrupted, now shakily lifting to her feet when Graham turned to her. "Don't be offended, but the kid's a crybaby. My little sister is four, and doesn't shoot waterfalls out her eyes for dropping breakables."
Graham stole another glance at Gart, annoyed with himself he also didn't know him enough to believe her. He remembered the boy was crying last night but didn't seem to be hiding it. And not knowing... He needed to stop letting the little things attack him with guilt. This was not the time or place.
The girl twisted the fragment that showed a blade design. "So, believe me or not, I didn't hurt him... Just needed him to swipe some new inventory for my own 'shop', if you want to call it that. He was thrilled to get this particular pendant, and by the time we reached my stash it slipped out of his hand-"
"I broke the pendant Grandma wanted!" Graham flinched at the sobbing confession in his ear. But when he turned to look, Gart's face was back in his shirt gasping and crying all over again.
"Kid, life is full of disappointment-" The girl tried to cut in, awkwardly reaching out before correcting herself.
"You." Graham rushed to address the girl, hoping he still managed to hide his emotions. He felt sick, guilty and sympathetic and he wanted to soak his feet and crash headfirst in the mattress to end this day. But he did his best not to coat the rest of his words with venom to top it off. "Bring your 'shop' inventory back to the market. I don't know if you're here alone, but I also don't have time to track down your parents or guardians like I wish I could... I'll trust you to return those other items, just go home."
The girl released a loud, shaky breath immediately. "Should've stuck with playing the lyre for tips on the beach, huh? Mistakes were made."
"And we never learn anything." Graham added, mostly to himself although he noted the girl's lips giving a creaky quirk before she turned into some tall grass to retrieve a fishing net containing a disturbing number of items.
Graham moved his arms to better support Gart, unable to soothe him. At best, following the girl and 'inventory' back to the market path, he could rub his back and try to whisper generic soothing words he never believed himself.
Their eyes met as Gart actually made an effort not to wipe his puffier ones with strands of Graham's hair seeing the extent of tears on his shirt. Graham, honestly trying his best to be comforting, spoke gently. "Your grandmother wants a pendant with a dagger design, not a knife like that broken one."
Gart's surprised gasp was the best reaction he could have gotten, he supposed. It led him to go on, after quickly mentally tossing words. If the world didn't mind success.
"There's still a chance to find what she's looking for. I didn't think I needed any help to find it myself, but I could have been wrong. I- I sometimes get carried away, want to give your grandmother the world because-"
"It makes you happy."
Graham could not look at him suddenly, tongue attempting to twist.
"Maybe I'm happy when I'm useful." Graham didn't mean to direct his words to the trees or sky, anywhere except the child he needed to comfort. But he realized he hadn't heard sniffs or felt tears rain on him, so he went on with zero strategy and about as much awareness of success or failure. "If I admit that... What if I was too hasty giving you to your uncle? What if we could have found that pendant together? 'What if'- I hate that question."
"You know the market's still open?" The girl finally cut in, with a huff as she lifted a large footstool as her first return. "It'll be open for, I think these big ones usually are for three days, search to your heart's content!"
Graham risked a glance at Gart for his opinion, because dread's claws were sinking into his heart at the idea he'd tried opening up for absolutely nothing. He didn't think he'd see a positive reaction, but he didn't see anything because the weight suddenly leaped off his back and the boy moved in an unnatural flash headbutting his fallen arm to get under it and stick to his side.
"I need to be useful, too!" Gart chirped, eyes and face glowing with eagerness. "I get it! It's like- Like when Mommy or Daddy are too busy, I have to do things for them!"
"Something you can't explain just burns in your heart." Graham said in a slight trance, daring him to confirm he wasn't alone in that feeling.
Gart nodded enthusiastically, probably slinging remains of sadness to the sky with it. "They don't ask me! But I have to help because that's what heroes in Mommy's stories do; and they get sent to the front of war or win a kingdom!"
"It's all about reward, not the journey." Graham said as more of a test, cringing to see Gart nod with a softness to his eyes to have him barely knew him... But understand easily. Like reading other people was his greatest ability.
But there was no time for correcting morals or life goals because Gart's energy was bursting, and his hand found its way to twist around Graham's and drag him along.
"Right back where you started, where you hate to be."
Graham sighed quietly when those thoughts slithered back into his mind, disagreeing... At least for now.
TBC