Chapter-08:

[ - Lt. Marla McGivers, Personal Log—Stardate 2258. 63:If anyone had told me that you could be so sure of something and so confused, I would have argued the logic. It doesn't make sense. Well, maybe it just doesn't make sense when you try to break it down into words. I know what I want and why. What I don't know is what's right or what's wrong. I made a vow to Starfleet and all that it represents. But so did Admiral Marcus, and I no longer believe him to be the steadfast and virtuous leader he has always been depicted as. Is it right for me to go against the body just because the head is corrupt?

Now I've made another promise. To Khan.

It's not because I love him—I do, I can't deny that. It's not because he scares me—which he does. And it's not for any noble pretense of wanting to battle the system that I'm beginning to feel has lied to me. It's because he's given me something I could never find in my life. Something that I hoped Starfleet could give me and never did. He makes me feel alive. He is the fixed point in my life that we all search for and if I don't follow him I know I'll be lost again. I'll take the danger rather than purposeless limbo.-]

Such was the turn her thoughts had taken during Khan's absence. He left with Lassiter for the mysterious spacedock four days ago, and she found it increasingly difficult to continue in her busywork. There was little more information she could extract from the Botany Bay's databanks, if any at all, but she continually lied to Admiral Marcus that there was more. She reported fragments at a time to him in an attempt to prolong her stay at Starbase 12. She intended to wait until Khan came back, whenever that would be, and was afraid of being transferred back to the Academy once her usefulness had reached its end.

Part of her ruse to appear busy was hours spent in the hushed rooms of the starbase archives, scanning files and records under the pretense of research. All it gave her instead was more time to think as she stared at the information on the screen, the images meaning nothing to her as she could think only of the former warlord and her secret allegiance to him. What she wanted most of all was to feel the sure warmth of his touch again.

A tap on her shoulder made her whole body jolt.

"I'm so sorry!" a voice whispered to her.

It was a blonde woman, close in age to Marla, who leaned in privately. Marla pressed a hand to her now pounding heart, and gave a breathy laugh.

"It's fine," she whispered back, not wanting to draw any more attention than she already had in the quiet space of the archives.

"Are you Lieutenant Marla McGivers?"

"Yes…"

"I'm Dr. Carol Marcus," she smiled brightly, offering a hand. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything, but I really wanted to have a chance to chat with you some time."

Something told Marla this wasn't random socializing. Least of all with a young woman named Marcus who has a doctorate. If Marla had to guess, it was in applied physics—or advanced weaponry. Suspicions were raised and her curiosity piqued.

"I'm free now if you'd like to talk," she shut off the neglected computer.

"Coffee?" Carol suggested cheerfully.

"Sounds wonderful."

Marla gathered her PADD and the two women walked out of the silenced air of the archive and into the bustling corridor. Marla watched the blonde in the corner of her eye.

"You're probably wondering what I would want to chat about," Carol spoke at a normal volume now that they were free of the quieted setting of the archives. "It has to do with a man named Commander John Harrison. Don't worry, I'm not here on any official business or anything," she quickly added. "In fact, I probably shouldn't even be here…"

The look of confusion and alarm must have been obvious on Marla's face, because Carol answered the unspoken questions.

"I've been informed that Commander Harrison has been transferred and I understand you're associated with him. That is… You were. At one point." The blonde's brow furrowed a bit with uncertainty and she slowed, bringing them both to a halt. With a glance to the passersby, she leaned in with confidentiality. "Admiral Marcus is my father."

Marla was surprised by the admission.

"A few months ago he took a personal interest in something that was discovered in the Gamma 400 System. Some sort of derelict ship or something. I saw your name attached to the inquiries being made on it. There were no updates on the information and it seemed to be abandoned for brand new projects of weapon advancements led by a man named John Harrison. There was mention of you in only one of the files saying that you were to interview him. It was all so vague."

"Does your father know you're looking at these files?" Marla felt compelled to ask.

Carol's lips pursed with obvious guilt and she confirmed it by shaking her head. "He allowed me access into some of the records, and sometimes I can't help the ones I come across. You see, I specialize in advanced weaponry and I couldn't help noticing the developments of new phaser arrays, and now the proposal of new torpedoes…" A small smile appeared on her face and she prompted Marla to walk again. "It's absolutely fascinating the types of advancements being made by Mr. Harrison. His is the only name on the records. I've never seen anything like it."

The mess hall wasn't far from the archives and they made directly for one of the replicators. Marla was the first to manufacture a cup of hot java, the steaming container held delicately as she stepped aside to allow Carol to do the same.

"But why come to me?" Marla asked. "Couldn't you just ask your father for a meeting with Commander Harrison?" Even as she suggested it, she loathed the idea.

Carol gave a nervous chuckle and punched in the code for her own particular drink. "I already tried. My father made it quite clear I'm not to take an interest in this program or the people in it."

Marla laughed in disbelief. "Aren't you afraid of what he'll do?"

"My father's bark is worse than his bite." She took her cup and smiled. "He'll yell at me and relocate me at the worst."

Marla took the lead this time and selected an empty table where they could sit more comfortably with their drinks, their PADDs set aside as they favored their drinks.

"I only just arrived here yesterday," Carol explained. "Apparently I've missed Harrison by three days. It doesn't seem as though he'll be returning any time soon, and I don't know how long I have before my father finds out I'm here. So, I thought you could enlighten me."

"I don't know how, I've hardly had any official interviews with Harrison." Marla offered a half lie.

"You had to have spent enough time with him to tell me if he's as clever as his designs imply. I can't find any information on his personal file. Is he cybernetically augmented or part Vulcan or something?"

"Would you believe me if I told you he's human?"

"Really?" Carol was right to be skeptical. And Marla wasn't about to share his secrets. "So he really is that talented?"

Marla couldn't help the smile that splayed on her face and she nodded. "He's every bit as intelligent and talented as you might think. Maybe even more so. He has a magnetism about him that's almost electric… No, it is electric. You can feel it. And he knows so much more than just weapons and starships. He knows literature, poetry, history…" It was on the tip of her tongue to add that he was history, but she caught herself in the middle of her spouting and distracted herself by sipping at her hot coffee.

But Carol was grinning at her brightly, and knowingly. "You love him."

She didn't even know this woman and had every right to deny it and tell the self-entitled admiral's daughter to mind her own business. But Carol wasn't threatening.

"I do…" the words trembled as they escaped her, a painful clenching in her chest at the confession.

"Oh…" Carol's grin quickly vanished. "He doesn't feel the same?"

"I can't be sure… It's more complicated than that…" she didn't know why she was opening up to this stranger. But it was cathartic—she needed to tell someone. "I love who he makes me become when I'm around him. He's not like other men and… he frightens me."

"I once dated a man who was afraid of me," Carol said with a small smile. "He never gave me the chance to prove to him that I'm actually quite harmless."

Marla was thankful for the subject change. "Why was he scared of you?"

"I was studying applied physics, he was in combat training. He said he didn't like the science," she laughed. "Which is unfortunate, because I do love a man with muscle and the guts to use them."

Marla laughed too. It felt good to laugh.

Marcus had more use for Khan than just designing his secret starship. Once at the covert spacedock, which was hidden surprisingly well behind one of Jupiter's moons, Khan was made privy to ongoing spy missions on the Klingon Empire. They needed people to intercept information, to gather intelligence on the current Klingon weaponry in use. Marcus wanted to use someone accustomed to the battlefield and war strategies.

More than once, he sent Khan to the edge of the neutral zone with other agents of Section 31. They never crossed the neutral zone, lest they sparked a war, but on one occasion, Khan was ordered to lead a small group of agents onto a Klingon outpost in the guise of pirates, so that Starfleet would not be implicated. Every Klingon stationed on that planetoid was killed without a fight, and from Khan was learning of their race, such a death was the ultimate dishonor. But he was indifferent to their plights. He was indifferent to them all: Marcus and the Klingons alike.

His crew was always at the forefront of his mind, but there were moments—surprising, overwhelming moments—that every thought turned to Marla. No matter if he was covered in Klingon blood, or engrossed for days on end in the schematics of the starship's weapons or bridge control systems, her face would permeate his concentration.

He burned to go back to her.