If A Song Could Get Me You

Disclaimer:
As usual, I own nothing.

Rating:
T

Genre:
Romance/Hurt/Comfort

Pairing:
Jesse/Steve

Lyrics Used:
Shania Twain "Don't"

Don't

Don't pretend that it's okay | Things won't get better that way | And, don't do somethin' you might regret someday | Don't!

The next evening found Steve Sloan standing on the deck of his father's beach house, staring out the ocean-eyes seeing, but, not registering-as he processed everything that had happened the night before. He had never imagined himself walking out on Jesse the way he had. Part of him regretted it-or at least, regretted not really hearing Jesse out. Though, part of him stood by his decision; deciding it was really all for the best.

But, he just couldn't get the young blonde's face from earlier, that day, out of his head. He had never seen the younger man's eyes so...dull, and lifeless; never heard the man's voice sound so defeated. Deep down, Steve hated knowing that he was the reason for the sudden change in the man he once called his best friend and lover. Hurting Jesse was never his intention. Steve would never intentionally hurt the young doctor. But, he couldn't help feeling a little hurt, himself, at the younger man's unwillingness to open up to their friends and family about their relationship.

"You wanna talk about it?" Steve was snapped out of his inner monologue by the sound of his father's voice next to him. Turning to glance at his father, Steve contemplated opening up to him. After all...we're not together, anymore...What would it really matter? But, in the end, he just didn't feel like re-opening any wounds, right then.

"It's nothing, dad." Steve replied, flatly. He knew his father would see right through him-he always did. He just hoped that, for once, the man would just let this one go. But, then again...When has Steve Sloan ever been so lucky?

"You and Jesse haven't had a falling out, have you?" He asked. When Steve turned to look at his father, he soon realized that his voice and the look in his eyes gave away the fact that he knew more than he was letting on. "Amanda and I couldn't help noticing the way you two tip-toed around each other, like you were walking on egg shells, all day. Is something wrong between the two of you?"

Still trying to actively avoid discussing Jesse at all, Steve tried to shrug it off. "It's fine, dad. Nothing to worry about." But, one look in his father's eyes told the detective he wasn't buying any of it.

"Steve, look..." He began, placing a supportive hand on his son's shoulder. "We're not idiots. We've known you both for years. We know when something's wrong. You guys didn't break up, did you?"

Steve didn't need a mirror to know that the shocked expression on his face gave away everything. "What are you talking about?!" He asked, shock still evident in his voice.

"Oh, Steve...Amanda and I have known about you and Jesse's relationship for a while, now." Mark explained, that ever-persistent knowing twinkle in his eyes. Truth be told, he had known his son was in love with Jesse ever since the two had first met years ago. "We just never said anything because we wanted to give you two time to open up to us on your own terms."

That was the precise moment when Mark knew he had struck a nerve-if the visible slump in his son's shoulders was anything to go by. With a heavy sigh, Steve soon turned back to his father as he finally caved and told his father everything. "That's just it, dad...I wanted to open up...tell you and Amanda everything..."

"But, Jesse didn't...Did he?" Mark asked, filling in the blanks in his son's statement.

Nodding numbly, Steve just muttered "Yeah..."

"What happened, Steve?" Mark asked gently. Honestly, Jesse was every bit as much a son to him as Steve was. He hated seeing them both suffer the way they were.

"We've been fighting about this for a while, now..." Steve began, as he turned around, leaning back against the railing on the deck-his arms crossed over his chest. "Last night...I just couldn't take it, anymore. I couldn't escape this nagging fear that Jesse was ashamed of the relationship-of me." Mark watched helplessly as Steve's chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh. "So, I left." Steve finished in a small, broken whisper.

"Oh, Steve..." Mark began, sullenly. "Jesse would never be ashamed of you. He was crazy about you-everyone could see that." He reasoned, hoping to help his son salvage his relationship. Anyone with a functioning pair of eyes could see that the two men belonged together.

"Then, what other reason could he possibly have?" Steve snapped, his voice desperate and thick with the tears shining in his eyes which he fought to hold back. "I gave him numerous chances to just talk to me! I begged him to just tell me why he didn't want to tell anyone about us. If he would have just told me what his reasons were, I wouldn't have left. We could have worked on them, together..." Steve reasoned, his eyes still glistening with unshed tears. "I love him, dad. I really do. I would have done anything to make things work with him. But, I can't do that when he won't talk to me. If he won't tell me anything, what else am I supposed to think?!"

Mark could see how much this break-up with Jesse was tearing his son apart. It pained him to see Steve suffering so. Finally, unable to take anymore of his son's pain, Mark reached out and pulled his son into his arms. Just when he thought his heart couldn't possibly break any more, he was proven wrong as Steve's emotional dam burst as all the tears that he had fought so hard to hold back came flowing freely as violent sobs wracked his body as he finally allowed himself to have the emotional breakdown he had denied himself since he walked out on Jesse, the night before. Mark knew, in that moment, there was nothing else to say. So, he merely opted to hold his son until he had calmed down. All the while, his mind was going into overdrive, trying to think of a way to repair the relationship between Jesse and Steve.

It was sunset and Jesse Travis was just clearing away the remains of his dinner when he heard a soft knock at his door. Curious as to who would be visiting him at this time in the evening, he crossed his living room to open the door. Upon revealing his dear friend and colleague, Amanda Bentley-Livingston, Jesse wasn't sure whether he should feel relieved or anxious. "Amanda?" He greeted, surprise evident in his voice. "What are you doing?"

"I had something I wanted to talk to you about." She explained, somewhat cryptically. "May I come in?" She asked, meekly.

"Uh, yeah. Sure." He replied, stepping aside to allow Amanda inside. Watching as Amanda made her way over to sit on the couch, he simply shut the door and took a seat in the armchair opposite her. "So...What's on your mind?" He asked, trying to force his voice to remain casual while silently praying she wouldn't bring up Steve.

"I wanted to talk to you about you and Steve." Well, so much for that idea. "Jess...Mark and I know something's going on between you two." Not anymore, it's not. "We could tell you were both acting...strangely...around each other, today. So, I have to ask...Did you guys have a fight or something?" Or something... Jesse thought to himself as he debated telling Amanda the truth. He still wasn't sure Steve would be totally safe even if they weren't together, anymore. But, he knew Amanda and-deep down-he knew he could trust her. Sighing heavily, he dropped his face into his hand, rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back up at Amanda.

"It's...It's complicated, Amanda." Jesse began. Truthfully, he didn't even know where to begin when it came to himself and Steve.

"You guys didn't break up, did you?" What the-?! How'd she know that?! Jesse wondered, silently, trying to figure out how Amanda could have figured out that he and Steve had even been together, in the first place. Apparently, his confusion showed on his face as Amanda smiled slightly as she chuckled lightly as she replied "Oh, Jesse...Mark and I have known about you and Steve for a while...We just didn't want to say anything until you guys were ready to open up to us on your own..."

Suddenly feeling incredibly stupid and about an inch tall, Jesse just hung his head, defeatedly as he replied, brokenly "That's just it..." When he raised his head back up to look at Amanda, she could see the tears he was trying desperately not to let fall. "Steve wanted to tell you guys..." He admitted, his voice watery and shaking.

"But, you didn't." Amanda surmised, filling in the blanks. The shake of Jesse's head was all the confirmation she needed. "But, Jess...Why didn't you want to tell us?" She wondered, hoping to get to the bottom of things and, hopefully, help her dear friends work out their issues and save their relationship.

"Because I was scared." Jesse whispered, shakily. Amanda felt her chest clench painfully at the sight of her friend's broken and slumped posture-the tears still threatening to fall.

"Jesse, what were you so afraid of?" She knew it must have been bad if it scared Jesse into keeping his relationship with Steve a secret, thus, jeopardizing said relationship.

"I was afraid that...if the other cops Steve works with found out about us..." Jesse paused for a moment, to regain some of his composure. "They might...hurt him...I've seen the news-reports. I know what happens to gay cops in the field-I just...I just wanted to protect him..." Jesse finished brokenly.

"Oh, Jesse..." Her heart went out to the man before her. She understood where he was coming from. He just wanted to protect the man he loves...

"Now, because I couldn't man up and just tell him that...He thinks I'm ashamed of him." Amanda was out of her seat and by her friend's side in the instant that she saw the tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

"Look, Jess...I understand where you were coming from." Amanda began, gently, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, rubbing them gently and soothingly. "But, I also get where Steve was coming from." Pausing for a moment, Amanda went on to say "Look, Jesse...I know most of the cops that Steve works with...And, they've known that Steve's gay since the day he joined the unit...They're good people, Jess...They would never let anything happen to Steve for any reason." Jesse's head snapped around to look at her, eyes wide in shock.

"Really?" He asked, his voice caught somewhere between hopeful and completely broken. When Amanda simply nodded her reply, Jesse buried his face in his hands as he gave his muffled reply. "Oh God..." He muttered, brokenly. "God..." Jesse looked back up at his friend with a tear-stained face as he added "I hurt him, didn't I?"

Stepping around the armchair to crouch down in front of her friend, Amanda simply replied, keeping her voice soft and warm "Yes, you did." But, before Jesse could bury his face in his hands, again, she swiftly reached out and took his hands in hers as she looked him square in the eyes before speaking again. "But, it's nothing you can't fix."

"How?" Jesse whispered, his voice watery and thick with emotion. "How do I fix this, Amanda?" He all but pleaded with her to help him clean up the mess that he had made.

Smiling ever so slightly, she simply squeezed his hands gently as she replied "Talk to him. Just...tell him everything you just told me. Tell him you were never ashamed of him-only afraid for his safety. He'll understand, Jesse, I promise you." Stroking a stray lock of hair out of his face as she gently wiped a few tears from his eyes, Amanda added "Jesse...Steve loves you more than anything in the world-anyone can see that...And, knowing Steve the way that I do, there is nothing that he won't forgive you if you just open up and talk to him. Just let him in, Jess. That's all he wants."

Finally feeling like there could, possibly, be some small hope for him to fix his mistake, Jesse smiled ever so slightly before replying "Thanks, Amanda...I just hope you're right." He replied, running a hand through his hair, nervously.

"Of course I'm right." Amanda replied, a gentle smug joking tone to her voice. "When am I ever not?" She asked, smirking slightly. Rising from her crouching position, she checked her watch. "Well, it's getting late and I've got the early shift, tomorrow. So, I should probably get going."

Checking his own watch, Jesse knew she was right. Standing with her, he made his way across the room to open the door for her before speaking again. "Thank you, again, Amanda. I don't know how I could get through this without friends like you."

"Hey..." Amanda began, gently, stopping at the threshold of the apartment. "What are friends for?"

Author's Note:
Okay, so, this chapter is for those of you that wanted me to continue this story! I was so happy to see that you all enjoyed my story as much I love writing it. I'm just so sorry it took so long to get the chapter up. I promise to try to do better. However, I'm currently in the process of dealing with a bone deformity in my left foot and I go back to the podiatrist in a couple of weeks to find out whether it will require surgery or not. But, on the plus side...If I do have to have surgery, I'll probably have a lot more time for writing. Lol. Anywho, I just hope y'all like this chapter. OH! By the way, for all of you hoping for a happy ending for Steve & Jesse, don't worry...We're getting to that. ;) Likely in the next chapter which will also likely be the final chapter. Depending on the response I get to this story as a whole, I may or may not do another DM fic. We'll see if my muse strikes me again. Or, if any of you have any ideas for DM (Jesse/Steve, only, please) stories that you'd like to see me do, feel free to PM me. :D