A/N - Spoilers for Ep 02x05 "Reunion". I'm doing NaNoWriMo, which means writing 50,000 words of a novel within the month of November, so I should be working on that and not fanfic, but this little ficlet just demanded to be written. I didn't have anything that I needed to add to "Hothead" but this one could have used a little extra, so here's my version. :)
Gratitude
by ChiefPam
After leaving Catherine at her ruined reunion, I head for JT's place. He says its my place, too, but that doesn't feel real, yet. It was fun watching the game with him, though. My job – my mission – doesn't allow for having fun, for relaxing. At least not according to my mysterious boss. It's all training, tracking, and killing. Focused. But lately… that's not enough.
It's like what I said to Zac, earlier – Muirfield made us into these beasts, but we're still men. Aren't we? At least I am. Which ought to mean something.
I reach the entrance of the gentleman's club and knock on the door. There's a brief scurry of movements inside. Moments later, I heard JT's voice. "Who is it?"
"It's me. You know, for all the vid screens you've got going in there, you ought to put a camera out here."
He opens the door, smiling at me. He's still a little nervous around me, and I can't blame him for that. I did kind of threaten to break his neck once. He's getting used to me again, I think.
"Yeah, we talked about it, but never got around to it. C'mon in. What's up? Is Cat okay?"
I walk inside. "Yeah, she's good. Zac went after her, but I stopped him."
He looks at me. "Stopped?" he asks, "as in … *stopped*, stopped?"
"I killed him," I admit. "I didn't want to, but he wouldn't listen, and it was the only way to protect Catherine."
He sort of drifts to a stop by the bar. "I'm sorry, man. I know you liked the idea of having a friend."
"Yeah, I guess so. We had a lot in common. But hey, you're my friend, too, right?"
JT smiles widely. "Yeah, I am."
"I may not remember you, exactly, but I'm pretty sure I can trust you. And you were right, earlier. I thought I could talk to Zac, but I couldn't – you can't reason with a beast."
"I didn't mean that the way it came out," JT says.
"It made me think, though. Why am I different? These other beasts that I've been hunting – they needed to be stopped, because they were killing people. But are they on the list because of that? Or are they there just because Muirfield victimized them? I mean, I've killed people, JT. What makes me different?"
"Vincent, you have a conscience. You know right from wrong, and you actually care. You always try to do the right thing. It's just sometimes the right thing is pretty hard to figure out. You use your strength and abilities to protect people. Over and over. You'd sacrifice yourself to protect people you care about."
"I would?"
"I've seen you do it," JT affirms. His earlier nervousness is gone; he absolutely believes what he's telling me. Wow. "You tried turning yourself in to Muirfield once, to get them to leave Cat alone. We found you and stopped you, but you tried. And remember when we first brought you here? And I was trying to stop you from leaving?"
Yeah, I remember. "Sorry about that."
"Don't be. You could have killed me, bro. I was kind of terrified that you would, 'cause you were this intense super soldier who didn't know me from a hole in the ground. But you didn't hurt me."
"JT, I tranked you."
"And that wasn't fun. But you didn't rip me limb from limb, or break my neck, or cause any permanent damage. You just neutralized me for a little while. What do you think Zac would have done in those circumstances?"
He's right. Zac had been willing to kill Catherine, just to find me. I'd tried to ignore that earlier, because he was my friend, and she wasn't actually hurt, but that should have bothered me more. I guess I hadn't wanted to believe that he was serious about his threat, but considering what happened tonight... "I think he'd have killed anyone holding a gun on him."
"But you didn't. So that's how you're different."
I consider that. "Yeah, you know, I was thinking earlier, that I could have ended up like Zac, if I hadn't had Catherine. But it was you, too, wasn't it?"
"How do you mean?"
"Zac spent ten years off the grid, alone. He didn't have anyone to talk to, anyone to help him out or keep him sane. I was a lot luckier. I had you."
I think that embarrasses him. "Well, I tried, anyway. And I'm sure my life would have been a lot lonelier without a roommate. But you knew Cat long before she knew you; I think checking in on her helped you, too."
"Yeah, she told me." I don't think it would have been so easy to keep tabs on her if I hadn't had a safe hideout, but JT's uncomfortable enough about this conversation already, so I'll let it go for now.
"So, earlier, you mentioned a list," JT says, tentatively. "Am I allowed to ask about that?"
"You can ask." I shrug. "I'm not allowed to answer. Not unless you need to know. But what the heck, I need to talk to somebody about it, and I trust you. So that means you need to know. The guy that gives me these missions?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't know exactly who he is. He's got this voice distortion effect on the phone and I never see him in person."
"He was working with Tucker, though, right? Tucker was FBI."
"Yeah. When I was investigating Tucker's death, the beast that killed him said something about he was going to strike my name off the list before I could strike out his. And my boss confirmed it, later. There's a list of Muirfield experiments, beasts. He said my name's not on it."
"But you're not so sure."
"Not really, no. He says once I'm done cleaning up the mess, working my way down the list, I can go back to my life, but…"
"I can see where you'd be worried. If he's exterminating beasts, why leave you running around loose?"
"You said I was different."
"Oh, you are, buddy. Anybody who wants to kill you is going to have to go through me. Which will probably not slow them down much at all, but still."
I smile at him. "Thanks."
"But your mysterious boss might not understand that."
"I guess that's what I'm worried about, yeah. And maybe he's got a point… I'm dangerous."
"Damn straight you are."
I cock an eyebrow at him. "That's not what I expected you to say."
He laughs. "So you're dangerous. Doesn't mean the city would be better off without you. Vincent, you're dangerous to the bad guys. So is Cat, and Tess. I personally feel very safe when I'm around you guys." He looks sideways for a second. "Okay, maybe not Tess."
"Yeah, she kind of makes me nervous sometimes, too. I don't think she likes me that much."
JT shrugs. "She's protective of Cat. Can't blame her for that. I didn't used to like Cat very much, when I thought she was gonna get you in trouble."
"She did mention that." A phrase pops into my head. "President of the stay away from Catherine club?"
He grins. "That was me. Hey, wait, did you just remember that?"
"Yeah, I guess so." I smile at him, feeling like another piece of my past is settling into place. "My memories are there, JT. I'm getting them back. I'm starting to remember Catherine, and I'm starting to remember you, too."
"That'd be good. I've missed you, man."
I think of how fun it was to watch the game with him, how he's been supporting me. I've been busy trying to figure out how to find my way back to Catherine, but now I realize that she's not the only essential piece of my past. "Me too, JT. Me, too."
He grins. "So, let's see if you remember anything on the X-Box. Maybe if you don't, I can actually beat you for once."
I laugh. "Think so, huh? Challenge accepted." My life is starting to come back together – I'm starting to find myself. It feels great. Tonight, I can't lose.
The End
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