AN: So this took me a little longer to upload than expected, but here it is finally :) Enjoy!
Chapter Two
"Serah! What should I be wearing? I just can't decide!", Vanille desperately called out of her room. When another door down the hallway opened, it wasn't the person she expected coming out, though.
"You've got problems...", she heard Lightning's slightly amused voice when the woman came down the hallway wrapped into a towel and still wet from the shower she'd just taken. She stopped at Vanille's open door and leaned casually against the doorframe, a smirk coming to her face. And Vanille suddenly had the feeling Lightning knew something she herself did not know - yet.
"Light! Where's Serah? I need her advice", Vanille asked her best friend's sister who had grown to like Vanille over the years after the redhead and Serah had become close friends, and so Lightning had finally accepted her into the Farron family. Vanille, being an orphan, couldn't have been happier to have found a new family.
Lightning's smirk widened. "She's in her room, dressing for the concert as well.", the older Farron then said truthfully. Confident with the answer and ignoring Light's still present smirk, Vanille turned around to go through her wardrobe again.
"I ... heard that you like their guitarist... what was her name again?", Lightning finally spoke after seconds of silence. Vanille's eyes widened in surprise immediately as she turned around to face Lightning once more. How did she know?
"Y-yes... how did you learn that?", Vanille replied hesitantly. "And her name's Fang, by the way.", she added.
"It slipped Serah out when we were talking earlier today", Lightning explained, still smirking a little.
"Okay ... so why are you smirking, then?", Vanille asked confusedly.
"I just find it cute, you falling for such a ... womaniser.", Lightning explained. "I mean, wasn't she the one who beds groupies all the time?", Lightning asked, her smirk now absent and replaced by a much more serious thinking face. She seemed concerned.
"Yeah, she's known for it...", Vanille answered while she closed the wardrobe for now to give Lightning all her attention.
"Listen, Vanille. It's just that...", Lightning began but cut herself off, shaking her head in discontent with what she'd wanted to say. She stepped inside the room before she tried to phrase again what was concerning her.
"I'm concerned about that, Vanille. I know that Serah probably told you to just try and get Fang, but I don't think this is such a good idea ... I'm worried you might get hurt", Lightning verbalised her worries, her face reflecting the concerns she felt.
Vanille gulped. She knew what Lightning meant by "getting hurt" without her explaining it explicitly.
And sure, Vanille had had exactly the same fears and doubts: That in the end, she might end up as one on the endless list of women that got laid by Fang, and nothing else. And sure, she didn't want to only get used for sex, this would hurt her.
"I-", Vanille started, suddenly looking very unsure of what to do and directing her gaze on the floor in shame. Wasn't Lightning right? Vanille's doubts about what Serah had told her days before began to grow stronger, telling her to forget about Fang.
"Hey, it's ok. I'm sure you will do whatever you think is right for you", Lightning said with a soft smile on her lips. "I just wanted to make sure you know the risks and everything"
"Thanks, Light. It really means a lot to me", Vanille answered, still feeling a bit confused about her feelings, about Fang, about everything.
Lightning nodded to her and turned around to leave the room when Serah appeared behind her and shot her a confused look before entering the room while Lightning left.
"What was it with Lightning?", she asked Vanille who had once again opened her wardrobe to look through the masses of clothing in it.
"She wanted to warn me about Fang and everything", Vanille explained absentmindedly while going through the clothes again with her finger.
Serah smiled. That was so Lightning. "Oh, so she forbid you to try and get to know her?", she concluded.
That was at least what Lightning had done every time when she had 'warned' Serah about Snow and the other boyfriends before him. It had always resulted in Light's disapproval of them and a more or less strongly vocalised prohibition to continue seeing the man in question.
"No, actually not. I was surprised myself, considering how she always gets it across to you very clearly when she doesn't tolerate your relationship with someone", Vanille said while pulling a jeans skirt out of the wardrobe and placing it beside the other clothes that already lay sprawled on her bed.
"Basically, she just told me that she's concerned about this whole idea with Fang but that she's certain I will make the decision that's right for me.", Vanille explained further while taking more clothes out of the wardrobe.
"It was more like ... some friendly advice to be cautious about this, nothing like her normal strict tone whenever you want to do something she isn't fond of"
"Well, I guess that's because you're not her sister, like me. Definitely an advantage you got there, if you ask me!", Serah said, winking before turning to the pile of clothes on Vanille's bed.
"So, I guess you need some help with choosing your clothes for tonight?", she then asked with an excited smile.
Vanille nodded contentedly. Finally, some distraction from her growing confusion and nervousness about Fang. Lightning certainly hadn't helped her to feel more at ease and less nervous, much on the contrary. But for now, she wiped the doubts away and focused on the task at hand. There would be more time to think about that later.
It wasn't much later when Vanille and Serah had decided on something the redhead could wear for the concert.
She wore her favourite jeans skirt now, which had about knee-length and therefore was neither too revealing nor too long for the hot weather. Additionally, she had decided on a red shirt with a neckline that showed a little but - same as the skirt - not too much, and some comfortable sandals.
Serah, on the other side, had gone for some black shorts, sneakers and a white top.
"So, you guys already excited?", Snow said while driving the girls to the concert in his car. Lightning had agreed to drive them there, but she had to do an additional shift at work on short notice so they had to ask Snow instead.
"Sure we are!", Serah replied with obvious excitement. "I can't wait to see them there, live!", she said while fidgeting in her seat.
Vanille stayed quiet. She was too excited to say anything anyway, and besides that most of her thoughts were with her crush now. She certainly didn't feel like talking about that at the moment, especially not with Snow who did not yet know about her feelings for Fang. She didn't feel like explaining everything to him right now. Another time, maybe.
"Give me a call when I should pick you up again, alright?", Snow asked with a wink when they arrived at the concert hall and the car came to a standstill on the public parking area.
Serah gave him a quick peck on the lips before they got out.
"Sure, we'll call you! And thanks", she said sweetly before the girls began to wander off towards the hall where they could already see a crowd of people standing outside, obviously waiting to be finally let in. But they were all a bit early and so they would have to be patient for some while longer.
After what felt like hours but were actually merely minutes of waiting, the crowd was finally allowed into the hall and everyone practically stormed in to get a place in the front row.
Luckily, Serah and Vanille were among the faster people and found themselves in the very first row, directly before the stage. This was especially fortunate for them as they were both not exactly tall. In the first row, there would be no one standing in front of them blocking their line of sight.
The fans had to wait another few minutes, which again felt like an eternity, before the supporting act, "Forever Fugitives", walked onto the stage to greet them. Their style was quite similar to the kind of music Fighting Fate used to play, which was basically hard rock music, and they put on quite a good show and tried their best to entertain the crowd.
But still, it was clear that everyone was waiting for Fighting Fate so even though the act did a good job, the crowd was almost relieved when they finally thanked everybody and left the stage.
The excitement among the crowd was growing so strong you could feel it in the air, and Vanille was certain her heart was beating so fast that it might just explode at any second now. Serah seemed to feel similar as she held Vanille's hand nervously in her own while they stared onto the still dark stage, waiting for Fighting Fate to come and play for them.
"Okay, everyone ready?", Fang heard Sazh's voice beside her and turned around.
She nodded. "Sure, let's do this, the people are waitin'!", she said with a confident smirk coming to her face.
She was nervous, but she knew that just like every time it would pass away the moment she would enter the stage and see all those fans in front of her, screaming in excitement for the band they had all waited and longed for.
But before she walked onto the stage - Fang was normally always the first to go onto the stage, followed by the others a few seconds after - she turned to the completely nervous looking Hope again and patted him on the shoulder.
"You can do it, kid", she then told him reassuringly before turning towards the stage again and giving her okay by raising her hand while starting to walk.
She grabbed her purple-black guitar while walking on the part of the stage where all the instruments and equipment stood and that was still hidden from the crowd.
She secured the guitar with its leather belt and then started playing the guitar intro to the first song while she continued to walk until she was in the part of the stage where the fans could see her. She was immediately greeted with excited applause and screams and she couldn't help but smirk broadly. Etro, she loved this.
Vanille couldn't contain herself any longer and started screaming in pure excitement when finally, they heard the well-known guitar intro to the song "Blinded By Light" and saw Fang walking nonchalantly into their line of sight while playing it, a relaxed smirk adorning her beautiful face. She came to a stand right in front of the two girls.
This was truly better than Vanille could've ever imagined and she believed her heart had skipped a beat the moment she had first laid eyes upon the woman her heart craved.
She squeezed Serah's hand which she still held tightly in her own and her best friend gave her a sweet smile which managed to get so many thoughts across without Serah saying only one word.
And right then, in this moment, she felt like all the doubts were blown away again. Maybe Serah was right.
She heard her best friend scream beside her when after mere seconds the other band members entered the stage and their singer, Cid, immediately started singing and playing the white bass he held tightly in his hands while Sazh sat down behind the drums and Hope walked over to the other side of the stage and started playing on his golden guitar as well.
It was a great atmosphere, the Bodhum fans really knew how to enjoy themselves. They had just finished their second song for the evening and Fang knew that now it was time for their first ballad. She could already hear Hope playing the intro to the song while Cid began singing.
She smiled more to herself when she began playing her part as well. The song, "Focus", had some quite emotional lyrics about love and how two people find each other and feel like it's been what they've been waiting for all their lives.
Quite soppy, she thought while she concentrated on her guitar once again.
When the song reached its climax and Fang played one of her famous solos, she finally took some time to let her gaze wander a bit more and watch the crowd directly in front of her to see their reactions, their emotions.
It was then that she noticed one girl in particular. A cute little redhead stood there right before her, and she watched Fang in total awe, her green eyes having an intense spark to them that immediately almost magically seemed to draw Fang's gaze to them.
When their eyes met for a brief moment, it was as if time had come to a standstill. It was as if everything around them had stopped existing for this very moment before Fang had to force herself to look away again. She had to concentrate on the song, after all.
She noticed, however, that from that moment on, she felt the urge to look into these emerald eyes once more for the rest of the concert.
But she tried her best to avoid looking there again. It was somewhat pleasant, yes, but it also distracted her from playing and it made her feel so strangely good in her stomach area - and that frightened her because she didn't recognise the feeling.
But then again, it were probably just her hormones talking because she found the girl hot, because she wanted to spend a night with her. Or that was what she was trying to convince herself of.
"Maaan, wasn't this a great concert?", Serah loudly asked her best friend as they walked away from the stage after the concert.
Vanille nodded in agreement. Yes, it had been a great concert indeed and the band had been phenomenal, but there was something else on her mind that was even more important to her right now.
"Hey, you ok? You seem a bit ... distracted", Serah said when they stopped in the entrance hall.
"Yeah. Have you seen the look she gave me? I mean, while they played the first ballad", Vanille said with a broad smile on her face. Serah couldn't help but grin. Of course she had seen.
"You mean that moment when the two of you stared into each other's eyes like ... I don't know ... some love-struck teenagers or something?", Serah replied and her grin widened.
"Thank Etro! I was afraid I've only been imagining things", Vanille sighed in relief. She had really had her doubts if only she had interpreted Fang's gaze the way she did, but obviously Serah agreed with her.
"No I think it was quite the look she shot over to you!", Serah encouraged her further and took her hands in hers.
"Hey, why don't we go to the autograph session after? It starts in I think fifteen minutes", she suggested happily.
Vanille nodded quickly. Another chance to see Fang again and to even get an autograph from her? Oh yes, she could never say no to such an opportunity.
When they arrived in the room where the autograph session took place, there was already a queue in front of a long table.
The band sat on chairs behind the table and one after one, starting on the right with Hope and finishing left with Fang, the fans could walk from one to the other to get their autographs.
Serah and Vanille lined up at the end of the queue, with Serah behind Vanille. Vanille, obviously, became more and more nervous the closer they came to the table, which didn't take long at all.
When they were only a few people away from it, Vanille's nervousness reached the point at which she felt like it was all too much and all of this suddenly seemed like a very bad idea. Hesitantly, she turned around to Serah.
"S-Serah?", she stammered. "Maybe ... I don't know- It's quite late, you see, maybe we should just call Snow and leave...", she almost whispered to her best friend.
"What?", Serah replied in surprise, but it only took her a second to understand why Vanille would ask something like that. She was afraid. Afraid to stand right before her crush, to look into her eyes again and to speak to her directly.
"Oh, I get it now", Serah then said kindly and Vanille blushed.
Serah figured it must be an enormous pressure for Vanille, after all it was not only her crush she would be talking to for the first time, it was also the guitarist of the band they adored so much.
Serah smiled, remembering what she had told Vanille when she had learnt about her crush. "Hey, no worries, Vanille! I know you can do it. Remember, just be yourself! You never know what life has in store for you, that's what I told you the other day, right? Maybe something happens between you two!"
"Are you sure? I mean...", Vanille started, still unsure although Serah's words had certainly made it better.
"Of course I'm sure! What do you have to lose? And besides ... I think you don't quite have much choice, it's your turn!", Serah said with a grin and pointed at the table behind Vanille who was now first in queue.
Vanille turned around in utter shock and stood now directly in front of Hope, who was smiling a bit nervously himself.
They talked a little and she got his autograph on a poster of the band before she said her thanks and went on to Cid and after him Sazh to get their autographs as well.
Serah was right behind her all the time, and it helped a lot when she finally moved to the left once more and stood right in front of Fang. She put her poster on the table for Fang to sign and smiled, but she didn't know what to say. Her nervousness had sealed her lips.
But it was Fang who took that burden from her quickly. "Hey", she started with a smirk.
"You stood in the first row, right? I remember you", Fang said, her eyes not leaving Vanille's for one second. Vanille felt like she would faint any second when she opened her mouth to give some sort of reply.
"Y-Yes... that's right", she managed to get out, her voice a total mess and she believed there was a faint blush on her face as well.
Fang chuckled. "You're cute. Really, you are. What's your name, sweetie?", Fang asked her.
At that point, Vanille was absolutely not in the condition to think clearly anymore, but she could've sworn she saw that same spark in Fang's eyes again that she'd already seen when their gazes met during the concert as the brunette now told her she found her cute and asked her name. And the way her usual smirk became something more, something more like a ... happy smile.
"Vanille", she said shyly. "The name's Vanille", she added and folded her hands, stroking over the knuckles nervously.
"Vanille ... what a nice name you got there", Fang said before averting her gaze from Vanille's for the first time when she took a pen from the table to write on the poster.
When she was done, she hesitated for a moment before she reached out her hand to shake hands with her. -Wait, was her hand trembling?- "Nice meeting you, Vanille", she said, her smile still present.
Vanille took her hand and shook it and Etro, this had to be the most electrifying handshake she had ever received. "Thank you and nice meeting you too, Fang", she managed to get out before taking her poster and wandering off a bit to wait for Serah.
While waiting, she tried to contain her disappointment. She knew she'd blown her chance.
Moments later, Serah came to her with a big smile all over her face. Vanille obviously didn't need to tell Serah how it went with Fang, she had been right behind her and had witnessed everything herself. But how could she smile so broadly, then?
"Well, I guess it was nice and everything, but I didn't manage to flirt with her...", Vanille started, the disappointment with herself evident in her voice as she lowered her gaze onto the floor.
Serah shook her head vehemently and took Vanille's chin in her hand to make her look up again. "Are you serious, Vanille?", she burst out almost angrily at her friend. But it took her only a moment to relax again.
"I mean, seriously, I've seen the looks both of you shot each other, and that was totally flirting!", Serah exclaimed followed by a giggle.
She swiftly took her phone from her purse to send Snow a text message to let him know that they wanted to be picked up while they walked out of the building into the night to wait for him.
"So, you mean she was also ... flirting with me?", Vanille hopefully asked Serah once she had stored her phone in her purse again.
Serah nodded happily. "Sure, even a blind person would've seen that! And besides, you can't tell me you didn't hear her calling you cute".
Serah winked suggestively and arched an eyebrow at Vanille which made the redhead blush again, but only for a short moment before she managed to calm herself down again.
"Oh come on Serah, she probably says that to every girl", Vanille brushed it aside. Sure, she hoped that Fang had really meant this in a more personal way, but her mind forbade her to get too excited over all of this. After all, nothing really happened between them, right?
"Might be, but that still doesn't explain all those gazes", Serah insisted.
"I mean come on, I've been given an autograph by her as well, and I swear I didn't see her giving me those looks! She totally liked you, I know it", Serah added. She was completely sure of what she'd seen and she was determined to not let Vanille's pessimism get in her way.
"Maybe she was just so nice because she wanted to bed me. You know she does that often enough with groupies", Vanille tried to explain Serah's arguments away once again.
"But why didn't she go as far as that, then? Why didn't she ask you, then?", Serah countered quickly. "Explain that away, Vanille!"
"She might've simply changed her mind, Serah, you don't know that! Maybe she saw another girl she liked more so she didn't want to ask me anymore!", Vanille answered swiftly. But she knew as well as Serah that this discussion would get them nowhere, as neither of them were able to read Fang's mind.
But before any of them could've brought up another argument, they saw Snow's car driving onto the parking area and walked over to where he parked.
Once Serah had told Snow about everything they had experienced - well, everything except for the sensitive parts with Fang Vanille didn't want him to know about yet - their ride home was quite silent. Neither knew what to say and fatigue overcame them which made it hard to think of any topics for conversation.
Needless to say, they immediately went to bed when they arrived home. There would be enough time for talking the next day.
She could hear the loud music coming from Sazh's room beside her, accompanied by the muffled sounds of talking getting through the wall of her hotel room.
Fang sat on her bed with her back against the headboard. The others were obviously having quite a party over there, and normally, she would be with them. They often did that after a good concert when they knew that there was no work the next day, and it was always an awful lot of fun for everyone.
But today, Fang had left the party with a bad excuse after only a short time. She just didn't feel like partying. She couldn't recall that this had ever happened before.
Fang not being in the mood for a party, that was a paradox as far as she had been concerned before tonight, anyway.
She sighed and stared at the ceiling. Okay, let's get this sorted out, she thought. She knew very well what the problem was. She was aware of the fact that she had only left the party because she had not been able to forget about her, to keep her out of her mind for just some fucking ten minutes at least.
Vanille, she repeated the name in her mind. It was truly a beautiful name. She smiled. Yes, she had really meant what she had told the girl for once. That she was cute, that she had a nice name.
Normally, Fang just casually dropped such phrases when she 'convinced' girls to spend the night with her. But they were just hollow lines, things she only said to score with girls. They didn't mean anything.
But tonight, it had been so different. She had actually meant what she'd said. Every single word of it. But why, she asked herself, Why didn't I take the chance to bed her, just as always? I could've had her, she thought.
She was interrupted, however, when there was a series of knocks on her door. She had an idea who that could be and she found she was right when she opened the door. It was Sazh.
"Hey Sazh, what're you doin' here? The party gettin' boring?", she asked casually and chuckled to hide her true emotions from him. But there was no use and she knew that.
"I thought I might check on ya, you left early ... not exactly normal for someone like you", he explained himself while Fang let him into her room and sat on the bed again. He quickly sat down beside her, smiling.
"So, you want to talk about it?", he asked in his usual friendly manner. He had always been some kind of father for all of them, and it was no different with Fang, even though she had a habit of ignoring his advice more often than not.
"Mh... I don't know, it is something I'm not really sure about myself", she said thoughtfully while leaning against the headboard again.
"Maybe you understand it once you talk about it", Sazh suggested. "I'm not pushin' ya, though. If it's too personal, that's also fine", he added, putting up his hands in defence.
Fang still wasn't sure whether or not she really wanted to share these feelings with him. He was a friend, yes, but she had always kept a certain distance to everyone in her life, ever since she had grown up in the orphanage after her parents had died when she'd been a small kid.
She didn't know if this wasn't too personal indeed, if it wouldn't allow him access to parts of herself that she normally kept hidden from everyone. But then again, she had this awful feeling that she wouldn't get much sleep tonight if she didn't find an explanation for all of this, and obviously she hadn't been very successful at it so far on her own.
"Well," she started and scratched her head. "There was somethin' at the concert tonight that I can't quite explain that was odd", she started vaguely and looked over to him.
And suddenly, she found him smiling broadly in front of her. What has gotten into his mind now?, she suspiciously wondered.
"Let me guess. Is it about this red-haired girl with the pigtails you met at the autograph session? You've been acting strangely ever since", his grin widened.
Fang opened her mouth in surprise. How did he always know? This really wasn't the first time he had found out what was bothering her before she even had a chance to explain it herself.
As if to answer her unvoiced question, he shrugged his shoulders. "Guess I have a talent to read people's minds or somethin'", he explained, laughing.
"So, what's the matter with her?", he inquired more seriously again.
"I flirted with her but I didn't screw her", Fang explained shortly and in such an awkward way that it earned another laugh from Sazh.
"Oookay ... so where's the problem? You suddenly didn't find her attractive enough anymore or what?", he asked.
"No, I just couldn't go further. I was ... nervous, and on top of that I really meant the things I said to her.", she knew that what she was saying must sound awfully hilarious to someone who didn't know her and obviously even to somebody who did know her, like Sazh. But she hoped he would understand her problem.
"I think I catch your meaning, even though it does all sound a bit funny the way you explain it", Sazh admitted as he came down from his laughter.
"So, let me sum this up so far: you say you were nervous and you just couldn't bring yourself to go further and offer her sex, plus you made compliments to her that you actually meant, right?", he asked.
Fang nodded, but quickly added the little moment they had shared during the concert to let Sazh know everything there was, and the man scratched his head in thought while staring at the bed before he locked eyes with her once again. He had an idea why Fang behaved so strangely but he wanted to know more before he would tell her what he had in mind.
"Do you know why you couldn't take it further, as usual?", he asked her curiously and clasped his hands in his lap.
She hadn't quite been able yet to name the feeling herself. What was it that had made it impossible for her to offer Vanille sex without getting a bad conscience?
"It didn't feel right.", she started, when suddenly, the word plopped up in her mind. Guilt.
"I felt guilty for even thinking about the option to-", she went on but couldn't find the right words to finish her sentence.
"-to use her like this?", Sazh tried to help her out and she could only nod. That was exactly what it felt like.
"I've never thought about it this way, I mean it isn't really using people, is it? They want it, I want it, so I've never seen a problem there.", she reasoned.
"But that has changed now with her, hasn't it? The way you see it, I mean", Sazh wanted to know with a friendly smile on his face.
"I guess so", Fang said with confusion written all over her face.
"Fang?", he asked with a strange tone to his voice. She looked at him with a questioning face.
"Do me a favour, will ya? Think of her right now and tell me how you feel"
Fang did as he asked her to, and it brought a smile to her face. A smile she couldn't hide in time.
"It feels nice, like ... a mix of excitement and happiness, similar to the feeling when we're playing on stage, but yet different, it's not exactly the same", she tried to explain while staring into the darkness of the dimly lit room to concentrate, her smile widening.
Sazh grinned widely. "It's ok. I think I know what ya 'problem' is"
She turned her head to the left to look him straight in his brown eyes again. He definitely had her undivided attention.
"You've got a crush on her, and it seems to be quite a strong one, if I may say so", he said with an almost goofy grin plastering his face.
Fang gulped. A crush? Like when you really, really like someone and want to be together with them? When it's not just about sex, and sex only?
She didn't notice that she had actually spoken her thoughts out loud until Sazh reacted to them.
"Exactly that. You've really never been in love with someone or anything even close to that, right?", he asked kindly.
"No, it has always crept the fuck outta me, I guess", she answered with a dry laugh.
But there was so much truth to her statement, and it showed Sazh how much fear there lay underneath Fang's solid facade. Fear to be close to someone, and even more so the fear to love someone and let them in her heart.
It didn't really surprise him to see all this so clearly before him in the way she acted and unknowingly revealed so much right now. Somehow, he had always known since the day he met her. After all, he had quite some life experience with his forty years.
"I guess so", he simply answered absentmindedly before stretching his arms a little.
"So what am I supposed to do now? This is all a little strange, to be honest", she said and wiped some hair from her face.
"That's up to you, Fang. As always.", he said while climbing from the bed and walking towards the door with Fang following closely behind him.
He turned around once more when he stood in the doorway.
"But let me suggest one thing: Listen to your heart, it's the right way to go. It's a lesson I had to learn as well, and it took me almost forty years to do so.", he said with a kind smile adorning his features.
"Maybe you're faster, Fang". He winked before walking off towards his room again where the party was still happening. Fang found herself smiling as well as she closed the door behind him and decided to call it a night.
AN: As always, I hope you enjoyed this part and if you have any thoughts, suggestions or criticism, feel free to leave a review :)
The next chapter will probably take about a week or a little longer to upload but hopefully I'm faster.