After a bite to eat, a shower and a change of clothes Ben had left Lilly settling Connie down for the night and returned to the hospital.
He'd packed an overnight bag for his stay and had added a few books for Finn if he felt up to reading and the sound of his son's laughter coming from his room, told him that Finn must be feeling better.
"Hey," he smiled as he walked into the room. "I didn't think you'd be awake." He crossed over to Finn, kissed him on the top of his head and placed the bag on the end of his bed.
"I'm watching the, um...? What is that box called papi?" Finn pointed the controls towards the plasma screen on the wall.
Ben grinned as he turned his head. "Ah, you mean the television, Finny."
"Yes, the television," Finn nodded and then rested back against his pillows again. "It's amazing papi. Tim showed me what to do and there is so much to see," he continued to grin. "I am watching Harry Potter; you know the book that Mami read to me?"
"So I see," Ben nodded as he sat on the bed next to his son. "Amazing hey!"
"It really is. How does it work?"
"Ah, that's complicated," Ben patted Finns knee "and a discussion for another time. Why don't you just settle down and watch it, you still look tired, my love."
"I am," Finn admitted with a yawn and then rested his head on his Papi's strong shoulders. "Amazing," he stated again and then father and son let the boy wizard weave his tale, Ben being grateful that for a short while, Finn seemed to forget about being ill.
Xxx
The next week passed in relative calm. Lilly and Ben had quickly sorted out a routine where they took it in turns to stay at the apartment with Connie or at the hospital with Finn.
Daniel and Sam had been wonderful, cupboards had been stocked with food at the apartment and they had provided toys and games for the children. Lilly and Ben had been most grateful as it meant that they only had to concentrate on helping their son through the difficult treatment.
Finn had been fine for a day or so after the first Chemo but by the third day, he had become noticeably exhausted and slept alot. Jarred had confirmed it was perfectly normal and to be expected.
If he wasn't sleeping, he was enjoying the wonders of television. Daniel had provided a huge part of his DVD collection to occupy the long spells of boredom for the young boy. Finn had particularly loved the Star wars collection and Ben had been more than happy to kick back and watch them again with his son.
Constance had settled in well at the crèche and had made many friends and, although she tired quickly, she seemed happy enough.
So, overall, things were going well but today was Chemo day again and if anything, Ben felt more nervous about the second dose.
"Okay, you are all set again," Jarred smiled, ripping off his gloves. "You know the drill now Finn. Drink as much as you can. Suck on those mints and let us know if you feel unwell at all."
"I will," Finn sighed and inched down in bed.
"I'll leave you to it then," Jarred smiled, patted his patients blanket covered foot and left the family alone.
"Right. Do you want to play cards Finn?" Ben asked, reaching for the pack on the rollaway table.
"No," Finn sighed.
"Do you want to read your book?"
"No."
"Watch any television?"
"No, I'm tired. I just want to sleep."
Ben exchanged a worried look with Lilly who just shrugged in response. "Okay," he straightened Finn's covers. "Get some sleep then," he smiled tenderly and started to card his fingers through his son's hair, watching as his eyes began to close. His heart stopped for a moment though when he pulled his hand back and realised he held a good chunk of Finn's golden locks.
He glanced over at Lilly and was glad to see that she was engrossed in her book; she didn't need to know this little bit of information just yet. He turned and quickly deposited the hair in the trash before continuing to stroke Finn's face as the young boy quickly surrendered to his exhaustion.
Ben found that his heart was racing though as it suddenly hit him that his son had Cancer – the first major physical sign was there now and it shocked him more than he thought it would.
Xxx
It was now two in the morning and Lilly was sat with Finn in her arms. The side effects to the Chemo had hit him quicker this time, making him feel extremely nauseous. He hadn't actually vomited yet but he couldn't sleep because he felt so sick.
"Is papi coming back?" he asked for what seemed the tenth time in the last hour or so.
"No sweetie, he's going to stay with Connie at the apartment for the night," Lilly explained again.
"Oh," Finn sighed and tightened his hold round his mother's neck. "I feel so sick, mami."
"I know you do my love," Lilly commiserated as she gently rocked him. "Tim will be back soon with some medicine to help you feel better."
After Finn's last check, Tim Mathews had decided that he could have his next dose of Compazine a little earlier, hoping that Finn might sleep afterwards.
"Will it stop me feeling sick mami?" Finn groaned, nestled his head in Lilly's shoulder and started to suck his thumb.
"I hope so Finny, I truly hope so," Lilly soothed and then looked up at the sound of the door being opened.
"Okay, young Finster," Tim grinned as he wheeled a med trolley in. "How ya doing buddy?"
"He still feels sick," Lilly smiled sadly.
"Okay, we can do something about that buddy." Tim pulled on a pair of gloves on "I need to get to your chest," he told Finn as he drew up the medication. Finn sighed but turned onto his back.
Tim calibrated the dose and then injected it directly into his port. "There you go. Try and sleep, you'll feel better soon," he smiled and then turned to Lilly. "We should get his blood results back within the hour," he told her. "If he needs anything else we'll pop in."
"Okay," Lilly nodded.
"Are you alright with him like that?" Tim adjusted Finn's covers slightly, noting that the boy's eyes were now a half-mast. "Do you want a hand before I go?" He offered.
"We are fine, thank you," Lilly assured as she tightened her arms around her son.
"Okay," Tim nodded, cleared his things away, untangled the emergency button's cord and placed it at Lilly's side. "If you need anything just press that. Hopefully he should sleep now."
"Thank you."
"Try and get some sleep yourself."
"I will."
Lilly watched as Tim then wheeled his trolley out of the room and then rested her head back. Finn shifted slightly in her arms. "Shh, shh," she soothed. "Go to sleep poppet, Mami has you."
Finn smacked his lips a couple of times before turning his head into Lilly's shoulder and sighing, hopefully in what Lilly hoped was relief that the medication was finally kicking in.
Thankfully, he was soon sleeping peacefully and Lilly quickly followed him into the land of slumber.
Xxx
"I'm not hungry."
"You have to eat Finny."
It was Ben's time to stay with Finn while Lilly got some rest and father and son were doing battle over breakfast.
Although Finn hadn't been physically sick, he was still nauseous and refusing to eat.
"Come on Finn," Ben persevered. "Don't make me bring the train out like I did when you were little," he waggled his eyes and grinned as he held the spoonful of porridge up again.
"Please papi, don't make me. I feel sick," Finn complained, turning his head and closing his eyes.
Ben sighed, placed the spoon back into the bowl away, pushed the rollaway trolley to one side and sat on the edge of the bed. "It's okay Finn," he reached and brushed Finn's bangs out of his eyes and paused when another handful of hair came away.
He then sat with his head hanging between his shoulders, holding Finn's hand as he fell asleep once more.
He felt so helpless.
His poor boy was sick, tired and his hair was falling out in clumps. Yes, Chemo was a bitch and he wished, more than anything that he could trade places.
xxx
There was nothing more helpless than sitting and watching your child as he became sicker and sicker.
No parent should go through that.
Ben stood, stretched out his kinks and then walked over to the window. The day was well and truly underway, people were going about their business, oblivious to what was going on in the hospital and Ben envied them. All he wanted to do was bury his head in the sand until it was all over but knew that wasn't an option. He had face everything full on and when the door clicked open and Jarred walked into the room, followed by what was obviously a team of med students, he knew that he had to pull himself together.
"Good morning," Jarred greeted. "I hear young Finn had a tough night," he said, reaching to pick up Finn's chart.
"He felt very sick," Ben confirmed as he crossed back to his son's bed.
"It is to be expected," Jarred glanced up and smiled.
"I know," Ben nodded and then stood to one side and watched as Jarred started to examine Finn who remained oblivious to his actions as he continued to sleep.
"Temp is up slightly but nothing to be worried about," Jarred noted. "Bloods weren't too bad so I'm happy to let things continue like they are for now but I want a retake done in an hour."
"Yes Mr Freeman," one of the students looked up from their frantic note taking and nodded.
Jarred turned to Ben. "Did he manage to eat anything?" He asked.
"Not really," Ben shrugged in reply.
"Okay," Jarred addressed the students again. "Let's add in some protein shakes and see how he goes."
"Yes Mr Freeman."
"I want bloods done hourly and I will review him this afternoon."
"Yes Mr Freeman."
Jarred then replaced Finn's chart and smiled at Ben. "He is doing as well as can be expected," he informed him. "Let him sleep, he needs it."
"Okay," Ben nodded.
"Right. Next patient." Jarred turned and walked out, with his students following him and Ben was left alone with his son again.
"Just you and me then Finny," he sighed, lowered himself onto the sofa under the window and picked up his book.
With one eye on his son at all times, he settled back to try to lose himself in the adventures of James Bond.
Xxx
"Hey Finn," Daniel smiled and pulled up a chair at Finn's bedside. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Finn smiled back and placed the book he'd been reading face down on the bed.
"Good, I'm glad," Daniel continued to smile. He had stepped into visit Finn so Ben and Lilly could spend some time tighter. Carolyn and Sam had taken Connie to the local zoo and Daniel was happy to spend some quality time with the young boy. Actually, he was here because Ben had requested some help with Finn because he was getting upset about losing his hair and Ben knew that he would listen to Daniel.
"So," Daniel sat forward and reached for the bag of treats he bought with him. "I've got a few presents from the base for you."
"Really!" Finn's eyes shone excitably as he sat upright in bed.
"Let's see what we've got in here," Daniel continued to fumble in the bag until he pulled out some travel games. "Okay, we've got Battleships," he stated placing the games on the bed. "Scrabble, Connect four..."
Finn picked up one of the boxes. "This looks cool. Thank you."
"No problem," Daniel smiled. "I thought they'd while away the time a bit when you're undergoing your treatments."
"I am getting bored of playing cards," Finn admitted. "Don't tell papi."
"Your secret is safe with me," Daniel crossed his heart before picking up his bag again. "Actually, Colonel Mitchell has given me something very special to give you."
"Oh?" Finn frowned, pushing the games to one side.
"Now, where is it," Daniel searched in the bag and then plucked out a baseball cap. "He thought you'd might like to wear this," he held up the green standard air force issue cap. "It bought him luck while he recovered from a nasty accident a few years ago." He waited for Finn's reaction to the cap but when the young boy nodded and started to smile, he placed it on his balding head.
"It looks great on you," Daniel grinned.
"Really?" Finn pulled the peak down further.
"Oh, yes. You look very handsome."
"Thank Colonel Mitchell for me. Tell him I will always wear it," Finn stated with tears brimming in his eyes.
Daniel read between the lines of Finn's statement and knew just how the boy really felt. He knew himself that if he lost his own hair how devastated he would feel. Reaching over he grabbed Finn's hand.
"It will grow back you know," he smiled reassuringly.
"I know," Finn sniffed and managed to return the smile, all be it a shaky version.
"Okay," Daniel quickly cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject by reaching for a game. "How about a game of battleships..."
Xxx
Another week passed full of tests, procedures, scans and x-rays. Finn had been prodded, poked and thoroughly pulled around.
Unfortunately round three of Chemo was now waiting for him.
The Ashton's felt as if they had been here forever, that Finn's room was their second home now.
His walls were full of pictures Connie had painted at the crèche and balloons floated around the room – presents from Carolyn and her team. There was now a stack of DVD's under the plasma screen, a box full of gadgets, gismos and games and cards with special messages in from Stargate Command surrounded Finn's bed.
Ben and Lilly were so grateful for their continued support it helped no end.
Although the room was bright and cheerful, Finn was not. He was fighting the doctors and nurses all the way this time.
Ben couldn't blame him. Finn knew exactly what was happening, he knew exactly how sick he was going to feel and was digging his heels in.
"I'm sorry buddy but it's gonna happen." Ben stood at the end of Finns bed with his arms crossed.
"Please, Papi. Don't m-make m-me," Finn begged, tears pouring down his face. "I d-don't wanna d-do it a-anymore."
"Finster, buddy, ya have to calm down," Tim urged as he took some blood. "Mr Freeman is on his way with your treatment and he aint gonna be pleased to see you so upset, bud."
"I d-don't want a-any treatment," Finn sobbed.
"I know you don't bud but you have to have it so you can get better. You know that."
"P-please p-papi," Finn held his arms out to his father. "I w-wanna g-go h-home. I w-want g-grandpi," he cried.
"Oh, Finny," Ben crossed to his side and took the hiccupping boy in his arms. "I know you do, I know you do," he soothed "but we can't go home, not yet. You need to carry on with your treatment so you get better. Then we can go home."
"I m-miss e-everyone."
"I know you do and so do I," Ben admitted. "But the sooner you get better the sooner we can go home. You need to relax my love," he urged and then glanced up and smiled at Jarred when he strolled into the room. "Deep breath, Finny. You can do this," he removed Finn's cap and kissed his forehead. "I'll be right here with you," he told him and made way for Jarred to do his job.
Finn lay, staring up at the ceiling still silently crying as the doctor quickly started the Chemo again.
Ben then grabbed Finn's hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Right here buddy," he repeated, feeling extremely relived that he had been the one with Finn today as his son's reaction would have truly devastated his mami.
"Right here, all the way, Finny Ashton."
xxx
A tap at the door woke Ben from his light doze and he stood, stretched and made his way to the door.
"Hey, you," he grinned when Connie bowled into his legs. "You ready to go Connie boo?" He picked his daughter up and took a step away from the doorway, reaching to close the door with his free hand as he did.
"I wanna see Finny," Connie stretched to look for her brother.
"Not today," Lilly told her, handing Ben Connie's bag. "He needs to rest."
"Oh," Connie sulked, resting her head on her Papi's shoulder.
"She's tired," Lilly sighed, reaching to tuck a curl behind Connie's ear. "She's had a long day," she stated and then stared at the closed door. "How's Finn?" she asked softly.
Ben jiggled Connie slightly before replying. "He was upset before the treatment but has been sleeping most of the afternoon."
"No nausea?"
"Not yet but Tim is making sure he has regular anti emetics so, fingers crossed he should be better this time."
"I hope so," Lilly turned and flashed Ben a quick smile. "You look tired," she then observed when Ben failed to hide a yawn.
"I am," he admitted. "More out of boredom though," he admitted with a shrug. "Did you manage to get any sleep?"
"I must admit I dropped Connie off and then went back to bed for a few hours. I feel much more refreshed now."
"Good," Ben smiled. "Hopefully Finn will sleep on and you can rest some more."
"We'll see." Lilly stood on tiptoe and kissed her daughters cheek. "Be good for your Papi, Connie boo."
"I will mami," Connie sighed.
"She hasn't eaten yet and needs a bath."
"Okay," Ben nodded. "We'd best get going then." After giving Lilly a tender kiss he placed Connie on the floor, took her hand and they made their way to the elevator, pausing to wave goodbye before the doors opened.
Routine was good.